We’ve captured an Affini, they said. This will turn the tide of the war, they said. She is every storybook monster you’ve ever wished would steal you away and you have never known anything as surely as you know that this will not end well.

Woman goes to doctor. She says, “I love a good Pagliacci meme, but I feel the dearth of unnervingly hypnohorny Pagliacci memes like an ache in my heart.” Doctor tugs twenty tangled pocketwatches from her bag before tossing the whole mess aside with a smile. “Treatment is simple!”

We love a PROBLEMATIC GIRLBOSS, even when the Ritual’s made a heart-eyed horror of her. Maybe we love her even more. Marvel as she gaslights and gatekeeps her way into the heart of a reluctant…mistress? Question mark?? A Ritual of the Familiar story.