The Love and Trances of Madison and Belladonna

Bell Doesn't Trust Herself

by Cammie Dawn

Tags: #consensual_kink #dom:female #f/f #romantic #sub:female #asexual_characters #multiple_partners #plurality #polyamory #realistic #transgender_characters
See spoiler tags : #sub:male

Madison and Donna test the potential of a kinesthetic trigger and Bell learns a little about her limits.

At last she reached the tyrant lizard and his kin, the meat eaters. Originally she’d thought they would be little help, since their arms were so weak-looking, but she had reconsidered. Something about those great skulls, with their forward-pointed eyes and saw-edged teeth, told her they would make excellent hunters. Their cousins the wounding lizards had stronger arms, with large claws.

Once they and the eight mammoths were awake, she went to the front of the hall. Now she heard booming sounds at the doors; evidently someone had raised an alarm, and humans were trying to come in. Even if they had a mage to speak the opening spell, it would still take them awhile to enter. The bull three-horn leaned against the inward-opening doors, holding them shut.

“Friends,” the girl said, voice echoing, “the master of this palace killed my friend, stole a dragon, and tried to cage me. He is a thief and a murderer. He needs a lesson. You can’t be hurt as my mortal friends can. You are ancient and powerful. Will you help me get revenge? I would like to rip this palace apart, stone by stone. I want to topple the columns, break the walls, crush the fountains. Will you do it?”

From tyrant lizards to horn-faceds, the skulls of her allies pointed to the ceiling as one. She couldn’t hear their roar of agreement, but she felt it in the quiver of the ground under her feet.

A four-toothed elephant wrapped his trunk around her waist, and placed her gently on the back of a shaggy mammoth, out of harm’s way. “Thank you,” she told him. To the others she said, “I’d druther not kill any two-leggers, but I know if you’re attacked, you’ll fight back. Just, please, look where you step, and don’t hurt anyone who’s smart enough to run.”

The bull three-horn backed away from the doors. Both leaves slammed open, to reveal a very young mage and a squad of men from the Red Legion. The Hall of Bones was still unlit: the mage clapped to waken the light-globes. When they blazed into life, they revealed nearly seventy long-dead creatures who had left their pedestals and were walking toward the intruders.

The mage screamed and ran. The guardsmen followed, dropping their spears.


Bell lay down on her bed staring at the ceiling, the words from the audiobook relayed the adventures of the wild mage who had just discovered that the mage who had been her teacher and closest ally had been executed.

A mixture of resolve, anger and grief burned her for reasons she couldn’t quite place. The idea of raising an undead army to seek retribution seemed the tiniest bit of an overreaction and yet she empathized and understood completely.

Bell was not much of a reader but Madison loved this series of fantasy novels enough that it themed the branding of her online presence. Bell understood how much trust was required to invite someone to share in a formative piece of one’s very soul.

Somewhere in her youth there had been her own set of formative fantasy novels, but she was worlds away from being the young person who read during the 6am commute to 12 hour office days. In those days fantasy was what made the days tolerable. A comfortable escape in unfair circumstances.

These days she would read one or two books a year, but since starting her relationship with Madison that number had jumped up significantly. She found great comfort in taking the final slice of her day and looking away from screens and listening to the next chapter or two of an audiobook.

The protagonist of this particular book, a wild mage raised by wolves, had a spark of anger within her. Bell respected that. Bell knew that. The fictional mage’s anger was seeded young when her village was sacked by villains, leaving her without a family to support her. The circumstance of Bell’s lack of family and the accompanying anger was, regretfully, far more personal.

It wasn’t something she enjoyed being reminded of, but intrusive memories always found a way to seep through the cracks of her days. Smashed glass. The scent of alcohol breath. The fearful tension that allowed audible breathing or a lingering gaze to become a punishable offense. The race of a heart. The darkness within a cupboard.

Bell tensed and shut it all down, as if squeezing her eyes tightly could keep the emotions inside their cage. Much like Belladonna’s internal communication system there were no words within these emotional snippets. They were built from bursts of understanding. A collection of thoughts and sensations that carried more than could be unpacked or observed, leaving in their wake a hollow emptiness and a core of directionless anger aimed at the phantom of caregivers who refused to give care.

Deciding to call it a night, Bell opened the app on her tablet to hit the pause button for an evening, as she did she lingered on the cover graphic. She wondered if the author had done research or had experience with the themes raised by this protagonist.


The next day, IMs shot back and forth.

BellC: I think she’s an allegory for BPD.
KeladryMindle: Oh, how far are you?
BellC: She just raised the bone museum to turn it into an army. I was pretty convinced she was a trauma allegory from her hiding the truth of her past and all that talk of ‘the madness’ in the other books, but this reaction to her teacher’s death is upgrading my theory.

On her side of the screen Madison erupted into giddy excitement, clasping her hands together. She knew exactly where in the book that was. Moreover, she had been waiting for this moment for a while now.

KeladryMindle: I look forward to your reactions as to what I know is coming up!

After rapidly typing a reply she leaned back to watch the screen, impatiently waiting for the BellC is typing… text to pay off.

BellC: Oh? Am I getting close to an exciting thing?
KeladryMindle: Spoilers, sweetie ;)

There was no typing… message this time. An animated image of Elijah Wood telling her to keep her secrets appeared instead, though it was soon followed by “I’d better dive back in, then.”

“Enjoy!” Madison’s fingers chimed.

There was nothing for it. She needed to pull out her own copy now.

Madison had been driven to reread the series along with Belladonna’s reactions. She loved to read and was faster than the audiobook by magnitudes. Partially from familiarity with the texts, but she was an avid reader from a young age. It was not uncommon for her to finish an entire book in a single sitting.

This was another of the many gifts this new relationship had added to her life. A reason to dive deep into her favorite series, to re-engage with fan groups and to see things from a new light.

She had already done a reading of this book viewing the main character as suffering from PTSD. The added concept of BPD specifically was something she would need to keep an eye out for.

The series had offered her escape and solace in troubled times, too. She had found the series at the right age and they provided views of morality, on selecting family, on being genuine and kind. In one book she recalled, fondly, how a character was hurting from an emotional moment and her love interest was going to intrude upon her pain and offer unsolicited comfort as a means to serve their growing love, as most books tended to do.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” the protagonist had growled.

“And so you shan’t.” was the unexpected reply.

Boundaries. Healthy and respected boundaries. She couldn’t identify, at a young age, why that interaction had seemed so important, but now she taught classes on submissive agency in kink spaces and had received more than enough education on red flags in her time.

Fiction had been a good teacher with important lessons that she internalized young.


Bell did not go straight back to the book as she had intended. The impulse, vaguely Bella shaped, was present, however there were internal promises. Carrots and sticks, Bell liked to think of them as.

‘Okay, so we have committed to listening and now Madison has us excited for the next segment of the story. So let’s finish our journaling, do dishes, fold laundry and pick stuff up from the store. Then we can settle down and listen to the next segment of the book.’ she told herself, firmly.

Only the present facet could think in clear monologue, replies were never sentences, they were sentiments. When Bella wanted to communicate it couldn’t be ignored. Petulant thrashing within the soul made it very clear that many of those tasks could be enjoyed while listening to the book, allowing for more book time and better enjoyment of boring tasks.

‘Maybe so, but once we hit the exciting thing you’ll drop everything and want to talk to Madison about it. We do the tasks first and then we can focus on the book, with no distractions.’

There was no internal objection to that.

The tasks took much longer than expected. Living in a poly-household added minor interactions, distractions and side-quests to the day. It was something Bell really should have learned to calculate, particularly as their concentration was often thrashed about on the tides of chaos.

By the evening they had not even attempted to listen to more of the book.

“Did you get any further in the book?” Madison asked, once the pair had hooked up their videos for a date call.

“Sorry. I meant to, but I just got distracted.” Bell admitted, pushing aside any guilt that may have emitted from Madison’s expectations.

“It’s okay, I just wanted to see your reaction.”

“I promise that you’ll get it, once I get that far.” Bell stated firmly.

“Anyway… Notice me kiss your cheek.” Madison sang, utilizing their newly established trigger.

Bell closed her eyes. The memory of Madison’s warm embrace mingled with her experience of the moment and she could feel it. The gentle and soothing embrace of the woman she was so powerfully smitten with.

“Notice me return the gesture and stroke your hair.” Bell shot back, watching the screen as Madison closed her eyes and savored the gesture.

The trigger worked perfectly on both ends. It made the distance melt away, if only for a moment.

“Notice me take your hand in mine and just hold it.” Madison insisted, raising her hand to the camera.

It was a sense of togetherness, unity and safety. All held within a single moment. The emotional flare erupted through her system and caused a spark to ignite and spread deep into untapped wells of inspiration.

“Notice me adore you.” Bell finally said, watching intently to see how it landed.

Oh…” was the swooning reply. Madison’s exuberance melted away into unguarded bliss as she felt her heart being stirred, aided by the hypnotic compulsion.

The burning inspiration on the other side of the camera only grew brighter from there, the inner flame pulled the corners of her lips into a grin, raised her eyebrows, drew her shoulders back and flared out until it embodied her entirely.

“You liked that one, didn’t you…” Donna mused, her low voice playfully mocking in tone.

Madison opened her eyes and recognized that playful energy instantly, “Oh, hi there.”

Donna shook her head affectionately, “You really don’t miss a beat, do you?”

Madison playfully shook her head in reply, “I don’t know how you expect me to when it’s so obvious. Notice me place my hand on your heart, Donna. Notice me See you.”

It was Donna’s turn to experience how the Notice me trigger worked. The physical sensation of Madison’s hand on her heart was gentle, warm and grounding but the emotional sensation of being Seen and appreciated was something far more intimate and indescribable. It was all she could do to prevent bursting into tears or melting away into an emotional sweetling there and then.

With a gentle sigh, Donna’s shoulders sagged and her devious expression melted as she regarded the image of her partner on the monitor.

“Madison…” she exhaled, “Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t be me if I did anything differently.” was the matter of fact reply.

Donna looked down, humbled a moment, her mind reeling on just how she could even begin to match the level of affection and kindness that she had just received. A muted chorus within chimed ideas but they all hid behind the acknowledgement of the raw potential for the Notice me trigger.

“Madison, my dear?” Donna chirped, her smirking energy slowly returning to her, “I have an idea or two. May I experiment a little?”

Madison’s head tilted back from the camera, intrigued but acknowledging that comforts were still being navigated between the pair— between them all.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking of using the notice trigger to mesmerize you. You are fond of kinesthetic inductions and I can also use it to cause you to feel emotional sensations as well as physical ones. I want to know how much we can toy with that.”

Madison took a moment to think. She wanted to be certain before giving her consent. “I am okay with the idea, but not if it’s directly stimulating my emotions though. I know you have that thing for induced infatuation, but I don’t like the idea of toying with affections while we’re still working all of this out.”

“That’s fair.” Donna plainly conceded.

“And the same limits as if we were touching in person.”

“I agree. If we share a kiss I would prefer it to be in person.”

Madison grinned and nodded, “Then I think we’ll be okay from there. You can trust me to advocate for myself if I think you’re going too far. But will you be okay? Do we need to check in with Bell?”

Donna exhaled, feeling a slight puncture in her increasing confidence “She’ll make her opinion known, I’ve no doubt.”

“I trust you.” Madison assured, earnestly, “I just know that she’s made it clear she worries about you going too far.”

“You’ll stop me if I even approach that and that’s why we have these little negotiations, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Madison said, “And that’s why it’s important for you all to know that these conversations are about all of you.”

Donna paused and listened to her heart, listened for any sudden burst of understanding or objection. She was met with silence.

“Then I think we’re good.” Madison smiled.

“That we are…” Donna grinned back, her eyebrows rising as she settled into her performance, “Notice me draw your attention.”

As Donna spoke she gestured her fingers at her eyes and Madison was caught, with a shuddering breath she leaned in closer to her monitor to stare at those intense steely eyes.

“That’s right…” Donna growled, gaining momentum, “Eyes. On. Me! Notice me bespell you with every line I speak. Notice me weave a web of words over your heart and soul leaving you completely transfixed upon me and my will.”

Madison let out a gentle murmur as every word did exactly as commanded. Her mind was already becoming encased in a thick fog.

“And while we’re at it you can Notice me tracing my words across you. Every syllable dancing along your skin and gifting you the most sensitive shivers of pure— and utter— delight.”

Madison’s eyes closed. She could feel it. Every word like a feather touch up and down her body.

“Goooood girl…” Donna husked, her voice low, vibrating through Madison’s headphones and into her nerves, “Just like that… You’re doing so very well for me. Now breathe in deep and just let yourself succumb.” she paused briefly to enjoy the sight of her partner’s eyelids flutter and her chin dip down, “Oh, darling, Notice me tilt your chin upwards. I want to watch that delicious expression on your face as you Notice me drain your will.”

And Madison did feel it. The gentle graze of her long distance partner’s finger pushing up against her chin and holding the entire weight of her drifting form, ensuring it could continue staring blankly at the camera.

“Good girl.” Donna grinned, “Now repeat ‘Helplessly entranced.’”

“Helplessly entranced.” came the inevitable echo, hollow and softly spoken.

“That’s right, now repeat ‘Succumbing to the inevitable’”

“Succumbing to the inevitable…”

Donna chuckled, feeling a swell of power and inspiration. “Every word just drawing you more powerfully under my spell and every word still tracing against your form and lulling you deeper and deeper. Go ahead and repeat. Deeper and deeper.”

“Deeper and deeper.”

Madison looked completely open, placid and peaceful. Her voice was delicate and enticed Donna’s eagerness to play with her new toys. Both the trigger and the one it was used on.

“Notice me slide my palm up the back of your neck and brush your hair through the back of my fingers….” she began, experimentally. Madison shivered at the intimate touch and remained as mesmerized as before, “That’s it… and notice me hold my hand there right against your scalp.” Madison’s breath shuddered slowly, “And make a fist.”

Madison let out a gasp as she felt her hair being seized, her neck craned back, she could feel the weight of the hold, amplified by the memory of when Donna had done it to her that first night at the convention when they had started playing.

“Oh look at you, my dear—” Donna breathed, drinking in this moment for all it was worth, “Held. Open.” she watched as the words hit target, pausing before adding in a personal favorite, “Helpless.”

Madison squeaked out, an audible acknowledgment of that fact; she was helpless.

“Notice me graze a finger up and down your exposed neck…” Donna husked… “And then Notice me—”

She stopped.

In a wave of sudden vertigo, Donna felt an intense and sudden vacuum emit in her mind, clouding everything and spiraling her into confusion. It was so rapid that she couldn’t even react outwardly before her essence was suppressed.

Bell gasped out and blinked hard. Her stomach felt twisted up in a knot. Her head felt soupy and clouded.

It had happened suddenly and on instinct. This was not a natural shift of moods as was normal for her interactions with Madison, or with the world in general, this was an instinctive jolt that rocked the body and sent its inhabitants reeling.

“Okay… okay…” she whispered to herself, noticing that she had just burst in on a scene. Her head was still swimming.

Madison bounced back just as quickly. She sensed the shift in the atmosphere almost as quickly as it had happened and as promised was capable of being responsible for her own agency, even when deep in the middle of a scene. The phantom hand vanished and she elevated right back to alertness without a hint of transition.

“Hey, hey… are you alright?” she asked urgently, shaking her head a bit to loosen the cobwebs of trance.

Bell raised her hand to squeeze the bridge of her nose and try anything to ground herself in the moment. “Yeah… give me a moment.”

“Okay. You just… that happened really quickly.” Madison’s heart still needed to settle the change but she was locked in on ensuring this was okay. It wasn’t her first time dealing with a mid-scene shift. Bell’s very first warning had been that this was a possibility. She took the pause to pull a blanket around herself and feel it against her skin, grounding her in the moment and in her body.

“I just…” Bell shook her head firmly, “I had a reaction is all. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m okay.” she took a breath, her head starting to feel less chaotic, “I’m okay.”

Madison watched her partner on the camera. The stare was patient and understanding, “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. But I care.

Bell paused and steeled herself, “I know. I know you care. I’m sorry. I just… Donna was going too fast and I panicked. I know you said you’d stop things if it went too far but… I guess I didn’t really think you could.”

“Bell. I woke up the moment I sensed something was off, didn’t I?” Madison stated, “I hope that proves I can stop something if it even comes close to any of my lines… or your lines, too.”

Bell recoiled, taken aback.

“Your limits are important too… and I know that. I respect that.”

Bell squeezed the bridge of her nose again, there was no IM window from Donna, but she could imagine her judgment and frustration all the same, “I’m sorry. I should trust you more. I’m just… not used to this and I don’t trust me when I’m like that. When I’m her.”

“Well she’s important to me too. You’re both important to me. All of you.” Madison said, keeping her blanket close and cozy, “And if you can’t trust her just yet, can you trust me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if something like this happens again… I promise that I’ll stop the scene if anything goes too far or I think that you wouldn’t be comfortable with it. Just like I checked if she-- we-- needed to check in with you before she tried this experiment."

“And in exchange I don’t stop the scene?”

“No exchanges necessary. I just hope that you know that a promise means a lot to me and I never want to betray your trust.”

Bell let out a bitter chuckle, “So if I can’t trust Donna I can trust you?”

Madison bobbed her head and smiled, “If it helps? I don't want you-- or Donna-- to have to go through this again if I can help prevent it. It looks less than fun.”

“...I’ll think about it. But it helps. Thank you, Madison.” A beat passed as the debris of the mild crisis settled into the past. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I just yanked you out of a scene and didn’t even do aftercare!” Bell exclaimed, “May I?” she opened her arms as if to offer a hug to the camera.

“You may.”

“Notice me pull you close and put my arms around you. Notice me hold you firm and stroke your hair.”

Madison closed her eyes and hugged her arms around herself, savoring the imagined touch of her partner, “Notice me wrap my arms around you too.”

Bell scrambled for words, she didn’t want to apologize more than was strictly necessary, feeling that it would become more about relieving her guilt than comforting her partner and she didn’t want to dwell on the proposal. Donna would have to agree to it next time she was available, anyway.

Madison composed herself fully and pressed on, “Notice me holding your hand just like when we were last together. Notice me give you that connection again. Notice me there with you.”, her words were soft and caring, “We said a facet shift would be like a safeword, didn’t we? All you did was safeword. You and I both know that it’s never wrong to safeword.”

It helped. The tensions evaporated and the two melted.

“It’s really okay?” Bell asked, vulnerability caught at the edge of her tone.

“It really is. It always is and I’m never ever going to hold it against you.”

Bell closed her eyes and focused on the connection, on the kindness being offered to her before looking back at the camera and offering the most important three words she could think of, “I believe you.”

“Bell. I care about all of you– yes, even in moments like this.They’re all part of what makes you the woman I am so smitten by.”

Bell wanted nothing more than to leap through the screen and bury herself in the arms of the woman she was rapidly falling for; she had to settle instead for the hypnotic sensation of arms wrapped around one another long distance.

The scene dissipated from there and aftercare burned the wick of the remaining call time. There were no facet shifts for the remainder of the date. Donna had gone off radar and Bella was behind the ever thinning static, unable to register her fits of emotion.

Soon enough the pair had said their goodnights, ready for their next date at the end of the working week.


Bell laid down in bed and stared at the ceiling. Her head was still a little blurred and flooded with static. Aftercare had helped a lot but she was restless. The itch to get her tablet out or write some more of her journal pulsed. Behind both instincts was that continued presence of the Bella shaped impulse to go back to the book, listening before bed was a ritual at this point.

The emotion was eagerness. It was adrenaline. Though it did not communicate in language it was fluent in intention and the intent was to see what happened next. That eagerness was not conducive to sleeping.

Bella liked the mage who had been executed. She liked the protagonist who was flooded with a mourning rage. She wanted to know what happened next. She was riled up from being denied her curiosity for a full day.

“We’ll listen to more it tomorrow.” Bell bitterly thought, tossing to the side and closing her eyes tighter.

Trying to shut down a busy mind was no easy feat, even for a practiced hypnotee. Emotions about the book continued pouring dwelling on the fact that the mage in the story recognized when the protagonist was able to speak to animals and patiently allowed her space to communicate without judgment or imposition.

“Reminds me of someone we know.”

The emotion continued rattling, demanding to know how they would react if they had lost the one person who recognized their communication efforts and was able to see them as they were and accommodate.

With a groan Bell sat up, turned on her tablet and let the narrator’s gentle voice flood the darkness of her bedroom.

She listened as the bone army attacked the palace. How the wild mage had found a pack of hyenas and took their form to hunt and murder the emperor who had stolen from her the one man who understood and cared for her and was the only one who could make sense of the insanity of her magical gifts.

The emperor was found and dispatched with the most cruelly ironic punishment. A rival come ally flared his satisfaction and cryptically told the heroine that all was not as bad as she had thought, should she simply look around.

Bella squeaked.

In the gateway stood the mage. Alive and well.

Giddy with eager relief she listened on…

She turned human instantly—human and unclothed—and sat down hard. “No,” she whispered, breathless. “Gods, this is too horrible. Don’t do this to me.”
The hyenas shifted to form a circle of furry bodies, concealing her, as the man came forward.
“I’m real, sweetling. It truly is me.”


From her own bedroom, Madison leafed through her copy of the book. Her sleeping habits kept her up much later than her love, who kept a regular 9-5 office schedule. It was that knowledge that gave her pause when her phone vibrated.

A message from Belladonna.

BellC: Hgdwefgvyfuhegui

Madison couldn’t help but smile, though she was always going to be protective first and foremost and she was still worried about how their play had ended earlier in the day.

KeladryMindle: Can’t sleep, sweetling?

Even as she typed the phone kept buzzing rapid reply after rapid reply. Experience had taught her that only her soft sweetling typed like that.

BellC: Hewgbfrefiufguiod

Madison shook her head at the screen, relieved and amused in equal measure.

BellC: I’ll go to bed after!

BellC: I promise!
BellC: I just!

She knew the moment from the book well. It was the origin of the little nickname she had given Bella. She had been waiting for her partner to reach this moment since she had started reading the books. She just did not approve of it being at 1am on a work night.

With a fond smile on her face she swiftly typed up her response.

KeladryMindle: Notice me wrap my arms around you, sweetling.
BellC: I’m sobbing! I just! It’s good sobbing!
BellC: Notice me bury myself in you!
BellC: I never ever ever thought you’d top that amnesia moment! But this?! I just! Rfguirefguifghfeiohrf!!!
KeladryMindle: It’s a heck of a moment first time through. You can see why I wanted to see your reaction now, don’t you?
BellC: Yes Miss! Just— thank you! I love the name so so much!
KeladryMindle: It suits you.

Madison paused a moment before typing again. The tone seemed fine, but she knew things could have ended on a better note earlier and she was still worried about Bell.

KeladryMindle: Are you doing alright, though? You’re normally asleep by this hour. Has everything been alright since how we left things earlier?
BellC: I think so? At least I don’t feel stressed or sad right now? I promise if I were feeling bad I’d say something!
KeladryMindle: I believe you.
BellC: But really! Thank you! I had no idea the name was coming like this and I just! Hemdhkehs!

The screen flickered with BellC is typing… a number of times. A minute passed before a single word came through.

BellC: Sorry!
BellC: I want to squee a ton more! But I should be a good girl and get some sleep!
KeladryMindle: If you can and you want to. I’ll be here in the morning.
BellC: Okay! I’ll get to sleep now!
KeladryMindle: Sweet dreams, then.
BellC: To you too! Good night Miss!
KeladryMindle: Goodnight Sweetling.

Thank you for reading! As always comments and feedback appreciated. Follow me on Twitter @Camden_Dawn or Tumblr at MissCammieDawn for future updates and info.

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