Ah, how did it all go so wrong? Their plan was perfect! They timed it down to the second. They bribed or replaced the guards. They hypnotised the manager to unlock the vault. The money was all been sitting there, waiting for pickup in tomorrow’s armoured truck. It all worked like a charm!

Right up until she showed up.

“Hold it right there, Villains!” The blue and red terror of the criminal underworld strode in through the sliding glass doors. “I think you’ll find that money doesn’t belong to you.”

“It’s the Blue Blazer!” Jimmy had yelled, raising his laser rifle. “Run for it!”

Why he screamed run for it just as he opened fire at the alien superhero is a question for the ages. He’s definitely not the kind of guy who’d try to cover for his friends, so he wasn’t trying to be a distraction… and of course, the Blue Blazer was standing directly in front of his exit…

Mm, nope, I’m not sure. Humans do such weird things sometimes. Very unsensible creatures.

It didn’t really matter much. His red laser bolts bounced harmlessly off the hero’s crimson costume – supposedly she’s wearing advanced alien armour, but it’s always looked an awful lot like red spandex and a cape to me. Then the amused woman just raised a hand, firing a blue energy bolt from the tip of her finger, just like she always does. It struck Jimmy’s rifle, and the weapon melted into a pile of slag in his hands. He kinda earned that one.

The other wannabe bank robbers looked at each other for a second. I’ve seen this happen a dozen times. You can hear them talking, even if they’re not saying a word.

‘What do we do?!?’ That’s what Carl’d be screaming.

‘We need to take her down!’ That’s Andi, she’s the tough girl in the group. Also only slightly smarter than Jimmy.

‘Right! You distract her, then I’ll catch her from behind!’ That’s what Jack is trying to tell them. He’s the leader of their little group, and they’ll probably listen…

Yep! There they go. Andi and Carl are opening fire, juuust as effectively as Jimmy did. BB is actually laughing at them as she melts their guns, and they deserve it. Still, their plan is keeping her attention off Jack as he creeps around behind her, so success there.

Of course, he’s trying to sneak out the exit so he can run while his buddies go to jail. He’s not quite as dumb as the others. Although…

“Wagh!”

He’s really not that smart, since he didn’t notice the orange carpet on the floor until it yanked itself out from under him.

“Sorry buddy,” the rug giggles, transforming into a young woman dressed in an orange outfit with a green belt, her arms still stretched around Jack to tie him up like ropes. “The only place you’re going is jail!”

Yep. There’s Mimic Gimmick, BB’s trusty sidekick. Wherever one goes, the other’s surely not far behind. These robbers are done.

What went wrong? Well, it looks like these bozos forgot to prepare a strategy for if a superhero showed up. Like, seriously? Did they just hope she wouldn’t show up? Did they forget what city they were in?

Rgh. I thought this might be interesting. They put so much work into everything else, but they forgot the most important thing? Boring. Boring boring boring boring!  Ugh, what jerks.

How do you forget someone like Blue Blazer?! She’s beautiful! Look at her, standing so tall and proud. According to her official hero profile – which I read from time to time, I’ve even sent in a few spelling corrections – she’s an alien from the deepest reaches of space, here to help and protect humanity’s way of life, but she looks like a normal human. Her head is in the right place, her torso is delightfully curvy, and she’s stood on two legs like everyone else. I mean, okay, sure, she has four arms, blue skin, and a pair of antenna sticking out of her neck-length blonde hair, but, like, how big a deal is that? Really?

No, I’m actually asking, I’ve never really gotten the hang of this human stuff myself.

I mean, isn’t it ironic that the actual human half of their partnership that looks the more bizarre than the alien, most of the time. See, unlike BB, Mimic Gimmick is a shapeshifter. She can morph her body into any form she pleases! Well, she can in in theory, at least. Alas, in practice, I tend to find that the sidekick is still having a bit of trouble controlling her powers. She’s no good at changing her colour scheme unless she’s concentrating, so if you ever see a rug or a vending machine that’s a suspicious shade of orange with a green stripe? That’s probably her. Especially if you see a dash of brown in there, she’s a natural brunette and she’s always forgetting to hide her ponytail.

She’s a mischievous minx, too, even if she tries to pretend otherwise. She’s always spending her time disguised as ordinary objects to jump out at poor, unsuspecting villains. So rude…

But yeah. She’s a total brat. See? Even now she’s sassing her mentor! Who even does that?

“Hold it right there, villains?” Gimmick shakes her head as she finishes tying up the last criminal, smirking at Blue Blazer. “I didn’t realise you had time travel as part of your arsenal of powers, BB! You must have pulled that line out of the 1930s!”

Well, the blue babe is a generous soul. She doesn’t seem annoyed at all! Heck, she even looks fond of her sidekick as she replies. “What? Retro is in these days, isn’t it?

Of course, Gimmick just snorts. “There’s retro, and then there’s the stone age…”

Uuuuuugh. The failed crime. The easy fight. The boring banter. Could this be any more boring? This isn’t fair! I was looking forward to a cool, death-defying adventure, and you’ve all ruined it by just being so dull! Argh, I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate…

Huh. BB and GM are looking in my direction. They’re looking kind of annoyed. I wonder what they’re…

“What are you doing, Twivesta?”

Oh. Whoops. Did I give myself away?

“Of course you did.” Gimmick puts her hands on her hips, making them wobble like jello. I’m pretty sure she does that deliberately. “Did you really think we wouldn’t notice a lady with ice blue hair throwing a tantrum over in the corner there? We can tell it’s you. You always forget to change your hair colour, it’s so unprofessional.”

My eyes narrow and my lips purse. I let my glamour fall, dispelling my human appearance and fly my true body right up in the brat’s face. “Oh I am not taking that from you.”

She squints, her eyes crossing as she tries to focus on me. “Hey what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ladies! Ladies. Please.” Blue Blazer puts a hand between us before we really get going, gently urging her sidekick to take a step back, before folding her arms and looking down at me. “We all know there’s no point in arguing. What are you doing here, Twivesta?”

“Lady Twivesta, thank you.” I sniff, and my gossamer wings flitter as I zip back and up, hovering in front of her face. I can see she’s watching me carefully, ready to react if I start getting hostile. Hey, I may be, like, a 20th of this woman’s size, but she knows better than to underestimate a fairy. Heehee, I taught her that. “And why shouldn’t I check in on my favourite entertainment? It’s been ages since we last played together~”

“You mean you haven’t dropped in to torment us for a few months.” Gimmick huffs and folds her arms. “I thought we might finally be done with you after the Court of Eternity found you guilty of obscene abuse of magic.”

“Huh?” I blink, thinking back. The Court of- Oh! Wait that did happen, didn’t it? Wow, I’d forgotten. That sucked. I owe these girls something nasty to pay back the favour! “Oh yeah! Hey, it was super mean of you guys to report me to them! So rude.”

“You turned half the city into ice sculptures!”

“Well duh. I wanted a winter wonderland!” It was really pretty.

“It was summer!”

“Exactly! I wanted to cool down!” I don’t get why she’s not getting it. Heroes are kinda dumb, you know?

GM and BB share a look. “Well whatever,” the sidekick huffs. “Just don’t do anything like that again and we won’t have to report you again. Happy?” Oooh, she looks smug. I wonder why?

“Oh, don’t worry about those guys.” I wave my hand reassuringly. “I dealt with them. Couldn’t risk them spoiling my fun a second time. You won’t be hearing from them ever again~”

Is there something wrong with my smile? My favourite heroes are looking kind of worried. Well, that’s probably for the best. Normally everyone underestimates the fairy. Just like the Court of Eternity did. Making them pay for that mistake was fun. Ahhh, it warms my heart just thinking about their screams…

Hm? What was I doing again? Oh right.

“Anyway! You two owe me,” I say, pointing at them so they know I’m accusing them of their heinous crimes. “I demand entertainment! I demand a game!” I’m so magnanimous.

“What?!” Tch. Gimmick is really slow on the uptake today. “Why should we-!”

BB cuts her off. “Hold on,” she says, again calming her partner. “Let’s discuss terms. It’s the only way to actually be rid of her.”

Good for her. I was about to turn her sidekick into a sidewalk, since she was so set on not playing.

“Alright, Lady Twivesta,” the capital H Hero says, looking me dead in the eye. “We’ll play with you. You can even name the game, though we can veto it if we want. But if we win, you have to leave our reality again, understand?”

See? She knows how it’s done. You’ve still got a lot to learn, kiddo! “Sure! I can give you some time to rest up~” I giggle, twirling in the air. “And if I win… Mmm, well, I can decide on that later. I’ll have to think on it!”

“What?” Gimmick looks to her mentor. “So she can just pick anything? That can’t be fair!”

Hmph. It’s totally fair to me! What else matters?

“We don’t really have a choice,” Blue Blazer sighs, nodding to me. “Alright then. Pick your game, Fairy.”

Ahh, good! Finally! Some entertainment. I smile. “How about a little hide and seek?”

The two heroes share another glance. They look confused. Gimmick just shrugs, and eventually, BB nods. “Okay. That sounds harmless enough…”

“Great!” That was easy! “Then lemme just prepare the right playing field…”

Heh heh heh. Ooooh, this is gunna be fun~

-

Some people say that the mall is a magical place. I say: Not magical enough!

But I can definitely fix that. A little pixie dust… Okay, a lot of pixie dust, they’re smaller than me, and this place is huge – why do humans always build places so big? Are they compensating for something?

Anyway. This place will make a fine playing field with just a few tweaks to the grounds…

Like that!

… And some touch-ups to the products…

There we go!

… And of course, a smattering of alterations to the employees. And the customers. And everyone who was standing in like a five-block radius, let’s not be frugal.

Zap! Yeah!

Perfect! Oh yeah, this was going to be the best game of hide and seek ever.

And y’know, it’s a good thing I got here when I did. I mean, look at all this. It’s all wrong! Bookstores selling books that don’t literally swallow you up in a different world? Sweet shops where chewing on blueberry bubble-gum doesn’t turn you into a blueberry! Toy shops that don’t even try to make you into a jack-in-the-box! How is this even possible?

Ugh, humans can’t get anything right, can they? Thank goodness I was here to set it all straight.

Well, now that this place has been fixed up, it’s time to play! With a smile and a twirl, I snap my fingers and summon my favourite players!

“What the hell?!?”

“By the nebula of Fordebula, what have you done to the mall?!”

Tch. Everyone’s a critic.

“I fixed it,” I tell the two, folding my arms and huffing. Hey, I’ve earned a good huff here! I worked hard! This all took me, like, thirty seconds or something! “You’re welcome!”

They’re staring at the mall. I mean, I get it, it’s so much prettier now that the walls are glowing with magic, and way more appealing now that most of the customers have been transformed into appropriate forms for whatever shop they were in when I got to them! And I think it adds a little extra zest now that Flamin’ George’s Chicken place is literally on fire. That was false advertising before.

“I…” Gimmick looks at Bluey and then down to me, looking nervous. “You’re gunna turn it back, right…?”

Oh for- “Sure!” I raise my arms over my head. “Yeah, if you win, all my magic gets undone when I’m exiled from this plane of reality. Like always. Because the rules suck. And so do you.”

I stick my tongue out at her and am perfectly justified at doing so. But since I am a professional, I only do it for long enough for my tongue to dry.

“Tho.” Oh, oops. Hold on, lemme wet it again… “So, ground rules! ‘Cus I know you guys forget stuff easy. Your job is to find me in any of the stores in the mall. If you touch me and say ‘I found you Lady Twivesta’, then you win! It’s so easy even a superhero could do it.”

Blue Blazer nods, looking to her sidekick. “Make sure to remember the wording. She’ll say it doesn’t count if you don’t get it exactly right.”

See, she knows how to play.

“You can look for me in any shop once,” I continue, “and if you fail, that’s it, no take backsies, you can’t go back. I’m not waiting all day while you go back and forth. You just move on and forget about it, no stressing out, okay? Stress gives you wrinkles.”

The stretchy heroine in orange gives me an irritated sigh. “Fine! Is that all?”

Oops, you probably shouldn’t have agreed to that one~ Well, you’ll soon find out about that – or you won’t!

“Just one more!” I give them my winningest smile. “If you wanna give up, just leave the mall! Then the game’s over. Got it?”

“We lose if we leave.” BB nods. “Seems simple enough.”

“Yeah.” Gimmick claps her hands together. Why did that feel kinda threatening? “Don’t need to care about that, though. We’re gunna win!”

“That’s the spirit!” I love crushing that spirit~ “So if there’s nothing more to discuss, I pronounce this game… Begun!”

I manage to disappear a split second before either of them manages to grab me. Haha, bad luck suckers, I’ve played this game before too! And then, of course, I teleport immediately behind them. Where else would I be? I wanna see them play, I’m not gunna sit around waiting for them in the shops all day. That’d be worse than ever!

Don’t worry, I’m totally invisible, they won’t suspect a thing.

“Do you hear the fluttering of wings?” BB asks her sidekick, her antennae twitching.

“I hear a lot of things, boss,” the stretchy superhero grumbles. “All of it coming from in there. We’d better get moving.”

The big blue girl in red looks around for a moment, before nodding. Now the two are striding into the mall like the heroes they are.

Phew! I’d better get after them… Y’know. Quietly.

They’re talking when I catch up. “Look at what she’s done to all of these people…”

What, made them better? Look at all the robots and foxgirls and puppets and goblins – oh, and there’s one blueberry rolling along! Score!

But Big Blue puts her hand on her sidekick’s shoulder. “She truly is one of our most dangerous opponents, old friend.” Ehe, she’s talking about me~ “You have to be more careful not to provoke her.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…”

“I understand. Your heart burns for justice. Sometimes it can be hard to restrain that feeling into productive action.”

Gimmick sighs, putting her hand over her mentor’s. “You know me too well, Boss.”

“I try.” BB gives her girl one last pat on the shoulder, before letting go. “Now, let’s put an end to Twivesta’s latest scheme, and save all these people, alright?”

“Right!” And off they go, marching straight towards the first shop!

D’awh. I love this stuff. They’re so sappy! Really warms the heart. You can see why they’re my favourites, and- Oh! They’re going into the ShopElectric store! I’ve gotta see this~

Mimic Gimmick gasps as she steps over the threshold into the big electronics store, while Blue Blazer just makes that disapproving ‘humph’ sound she always makes when she sees something she doesn’t like, but can’t give anyone a lecture over. Hoo, I’d be avoiding her right now even if I wasn’t invisible, she can go on and on and on…

But I guess they like what I’ve done with the place! It used to be a kinda crummy store filled with cheap TVs and bad Wi-Fi systems. Now it’s a state-of-the-art electronic boutique! These products are top of the line! Look at all these cybernetic conversions you can get. $899 to get turned into a Mark 7 drone? That’s a steal! Lookit the cans on those things~

And don’t worry, you can look all you want at what you’re getting, girls! I’ve got drones patrolling the aisles, helpfully suggesting products to potential customers. Like, what is the point of an electronics store that isn’t using electronics to sell its merchandise, really what is the point? Let them see how those articulated joints strut! Now I’ve made sure we’ve got some quality bots strutting around showing off the goods.

Now how are my favourite playmates going to handle this? I could be anywhere, after all. Maybe hiding as an extra in one of the TV shows they’ve got on their sea of screens. Ohh, I could be hanging on one of the product hooks disguised as a memory stick! Or maybe I’m wandering around, pretending to be an ordinary customer! Where are you going to look, heroes?

“Much as I hate to say it, I believe it’s best if we split up.” Oho! Lady BB coming in with the dangerous strats! Let’s see how this plays out.

“Yeah, this mall was big even before she got her tiny little mitts on it,” Gimmick grumbles like the brat she is. “Now it’s huge, and this is just the first store. Split up and meet back here in 15?”

“Try for 10.” The elder hero agrees. “We don’t want to get bogged down. And if I know Twivesta as well as I think I do, I suspect she’ll be waiting for us in every shop anyway. If we miss her here, we’ll find her elsewhere.”

Ooooh, close. I mean, that’s definitely what I’d be doing if it wasn’t for that Court of Eternity thing you guys pulled! But since you cheated by telling on me, I’mma cheat a little bit too~

And so, my delightfully oblivious heroes, who don’t know me anywhere near as well as they think they do, nod to each other, then go their separate ways. BB’s off towards the handheld products section, while Gimmick’s going for the TV zone. Hmmm, who do I follow? Choices, choices…

Bah! The sidekick’s been annoying me lately, so let’s go with her. Plus I still wanna be careful to avoid BB’s alien senses, she’s a cheater. I flitter off, following after the orange menace, and this time I can be a lot closer! Heh heh heh. Okay, short stuff, let’s see how you handle my little monitor maze.

“Okay, Gimmie,” she mutters, stretching her neck out to look down different aisles of TV screens as she wanders around. “Try to think like a fairy. If you were magical megalomaniac and just slightly taller than a short rodent, where would you try to hide?”

… Alright, brat, you know what? I think you needs to grow up a little! And I’m sure BB would agree with me~ Heehee, now where did I leave that remote… Oh wait, I don’t need to remember, I have magic!

I snap my fingers – quietly! – and summon the master control box for the store. Hmmm, now where was it. No, not the background music, I’m saving that one. Nnnno, that’s the light swich, I should probably leave those on. I want – there! The TV controls. Now, let’s get her attention liiiiike this…

I push a button, and all of the screens around everyone’s favourite orange menace light up with big, bright spirals. All colours and kinds! I spared no expense. We’ve got orange on blue, pink on purple, black on white, pulsing, spinning, counter-revolving – whatever melts your mind, ShopElectric’s got you covered.

“Gah!” Of course Gimmick knows how this kind of trick ends. She already trying to cover her eyes, her head snapping back on top of her shoulders to protect it. “You little- Where are you?!?”

“Over heeeere~” I call, and she snaps around to look – right at another spiralling screen! Whoopsie. Guess she didn’t know I’ve been taking lessons on how to throw my voice~

“No, silly, over here!” Ahahaha, she looked again! What a dummy. Ohh, I can see she’s starting to slow down. Every time she sees a screen, her mind’s getting a little more scrambled. I think I can even see a small spiral or two starting to develop in her eyes.

“Rgh! You…” She’s getting angry now. Great, she gets really dumb when she gets mad. “When I get my hands on you, I’m going to crush you into fairy dust!”

“Well you’re gunna have to catch me first for that,” I tell her, giggling that she thinks that’s where fairy dust comes from. Such a dummy. And I tweak her nose for good measure. That gets her to open her eyes again – of course, I just zip out of the way and let her stare at another spiral again.

It takes her a good ten seconds to shake herself free of that one. But she’s still fighting, I’ll give her that!

“This isn’t going to work, you little pest,” she snarls. “My mind’s way too strong to be hypnotised by these stupid screens of yours!” Oh that’s adorable.

“Are you sure?” I land on top of her head for my finisher. “Maybe you just need a closer look!”

And before she can pull her thoughts together enough to realise what’s happening, I reach down and pull up her eyelids, forcing her to look straight into the hypnotic barrage of an entire wall of spiral screens. She quivers under me for a moment, tries to shake me off, her hands rising up to grab me…

… But then they drop down, and she slumps over, spirals spinning merrily in her eyes. Awh, she’s drooling! Heehee, she’s always so cute like this.

Now, let’s see about helping her with her maturity problem, shall we? I get my remote out again and switch the channel on a few screens. Not all of them, most can stay on the classic hypno show, but I can slide a few other educational programs in as well. Stuff like the cookery channel, and the homemaking channel, and the aerobics workout channel, and the Middle-aged-ladies-talking-about-middle-aged-lady-problems channel…

Antiquing channel? Hmm, no, I don’t need her that mature…

But let’s put the adult channel in there as well, since we want her to act more like an adult… It’s MILF hour, after all, just what she needs!

Oh, and Lifetime, duh.

There! I pet the orange menace’s head as I lift off, circling around her to make sure she’s set. Yep, her eyes are thick with spirals now, she’s drooling pretty openly, and I think her boobs might be inflating a bit! Good, I think that means she’s taking it all in. I can leave her to cook for a bit.

Now enough fun with her, where’s the big lady gotten off too? I flitter up and zoom around the shop, looking, looking, looking… ah! There she is, chatting with some of the sales drones. Heh, I’m way better at hide and seek than these two. Let’s listen in on what they’re talking about.

“- Am sure that these products are high quality, but I’m afraid I’m not looking for a new phone,” Blue Blazer patiently tells the bot. “I just want to know if you’ve seen any suspiciously blue haired individuals in this store today.

“Beep Boop. Perhaps You Would Like The Pink Model Instead? Boop Beep.” Didn’t I do an amazing job with these girls? Look at the slender metal limbs. Those glowing blue eyes. Those massive metal tits. I wanted something that really said ‘Bimbot’, and by golly, I delivered!

BB just sighs though. She’s never appreciated art. “Look, if I purchase your device, will you give me the information I require?”

“Beep Boop. That Will Be Acceptable. Boop Beep.”

“Very we-”

“As Long As You Also Purchase The Phone Contract And Headphone Package.” Good girl knows how to make a sale!

“… Right.”

There’s those legendary problem-solving skills at work. She’s such an icon. A powerful, skilled, experienced hero that approaches her problems creatively and kindly, not just with overwhelming force. You can see why Mimic Gimmick looks up to her so much.

… Althooooough…

Hey, you know, if Gimmick’s getting a lesson in maturity, then isn’t it only fair that BB gets a bit more in touch with today’s youth, right? Gotta keep it all balanced! She’s always trying to learn more about earth culture, so I’m gunna be doing her a favour.

“There.” She takes back her card from running it through the sales bot’s mouth, and receives her new ThinkTech brand phone, the Thonker edition, in pink, along with the headphones cord that she slings around her neck! “Now will you please tell me if you’ve seen anyone with blue hair?”

“Beep Boop. Affirmative. Boop Beep.”

“You have?” Even she seems surprised that that worked. “Where?!”

“Beep Boop. Right There. Boop Beep.”

The traitorous bot points down, and big blue follows her pointer finger straight to me – you know, to where I’m playing with BB’s new phone in her hand.

“Heya~!” I wave.

“Wha…” To Blue Blazer’s credit, she’s only shocked for, like, a millisecond. Then she’s trying to grab me again. “I found you, Lady-!”

But I hit play and dart away just in time. Ha, close one. And before she can try again…

Music begins to blare, and big blue yelps in surprise as it pours directly into her ears! Silly super didn’t notice me sliding her headphones in. And I prepared the perfect playlist for her. Bubble pop, party anthems, teenaged love songs, the works – all delivered at ten times speed, played over a nice, hypnotic rhythm.

Despite being the senior hero, she lasts even less time than her sidekick. BB shudders once, reaching up to try to unhook her headphones, and then freezes in place, her red eyes crossing. Oh, they just went all spirally too! Like sidekick, like mentor, right? Gosh, these dames are so much fun.

I tweak her nose, giggling. “Better luck next store!” And then I zip away again, vanishing off into the crowd. She just stands there drooling, brain bathing in the culture of today’s youth – just like her sidekick is doing with yesterday’s youth! Don’t worry, they won’t be standing around for long. All of my shops have a no loitering policy~

In fact it’s only ten minutes later when I see them both being escorted out of the shop by my security bots. Looks like they got shaken out of their stupors.

“Ugh, I can’t believe she tricked both of us,” Blue Blaze is whining. “This is, like, so totally lame! Even if that music was super sweet…”

“I know it’s difficult,” Gimmick reassures her. “But these things happen. What’s important is we accept our failures, and work to do better next time. Twivesta is waiting for us in the next shop. Let’s focus on that for now.”

“Yeah, I guess…” The taller hero slumps, pouting. “When did you get so wise, Gimmi? You’ve really got your head on straight!”

That gets the shapeshifter to pause. “Huh. I do feel a bit different, I admit. Calmer. More considerate. And I have the oddest urge to do some baking…” She looks up to her mentor. “Are you noticing anything similar?”

“Nah.” Big blue flicks her blonde hair casually. “I feel the same as ever. But don’t worry – when I get my hands on that bratty fairy, I’ll still zap them into next week for you!”

Gimmick frowns. “Uh, Boss? You’re acting kind of-”

And oops! They just stepped over the threshold, out of the shop.

BB blinks down at her mentor. “Huh? Were you saying something, Boss?”

Gimmick just shakes her head. “Was I? Hm. Can’t have been anything important. Come on, let’s keep moving.

Heehee. There it goes. All of that worrying they were just doing? Forgotten! They just move on and stop stressing about it~ Didn’t I say they shouldn’t have agreed to that part? Oh well! Too bad for them – I get to mess with them freely, and they won’t notice a thing.

And, oh! They’re heading to the spa next~ I’m proud of this one. Before I got here, this place was one of those musty old health shops, full of vitamin supplements and magical cure-alls that aren’t magic at all! And I could have just fixed that and moved on, but instead, I decided to give the people what they want! And clearly, what they want is health, so it’s a health spa now! People say I’m self-centred, but I am obviously the greatest and most generous fairy ever, so I dunno what they’re talking about.

“Okay! There’s no way she can hide from us in here, right Boss?” Blue Blazer is practically skipping. So much youthful energy. “We’ll spot her in a heart beat.”

“It’s true, there should be less crowds for her to hide in…” Mimic Gimmick is stretching her chin. “But you still have to be careful in there, old friend. She’s a tricky one.”

“Maybe, but she’s no match for The Mistress of Shapes, and her plucky girl sidekick!” BB strikes a heroic pose at the entrance, getting a fond smile from her- Huh, did I accidentally switch which one was the mentor and which one was the mentee? Ha~

Well let’s see how that works out for them. The pair step inside the spa reception, walking right up to the front desk, and I stick with them, hovering just over their heads.

“Ah, welcome to the Health-E Spa,” one of my lovely spa maidens greets them with a beautiful smile. “What treatments can I put you two down for today?”

The spa maidens are works of art, I made sure of that. Lovley ladies wrapped up in white robes, ready and eager to tend to a customer’s every need! BB certainly seems impressed, she’s practically drooling over them. She always did like the ladies, and her new youthful zest is really making it clear!

But as always, Gimmick is there to spoil the fun. “We’re not looking for any treatments,” she says, putting a restraining hand on her sidekick’s arm. “Actually, we’re just looking for a villain. May we conduct an inspection to make sure she’s not hiding on the premises?”

Very clever! Buuuut…

“I’m afraid no one may enter the spa proper unless they’re receiving a treatment,” the receptionist tells them, her smile never dipping. “Those are the rules.”

“Oh yeah?” Ah, Blue Blazer doesn’t think too highly of that. “Well, I happen to have a nice ‘Go anywhere license right-Ow.”

She just tried to push her way through the door to the spa proper and walked straight into the invisible barrier I put up to stop people doing exactly that! Tough luck, Bluey!

Gimmick just sighs. “Then I suppose I should ask what treatments you have on offer?”

“Hmmm…” The spa maiden looks the two of them over, considering their needs with effortless grace. “Perhaps a revitalising mud bath for the young lady, and a relaxing massage for you, madame?

The two share a significant glance and a smirk. I can see what they’re thinking. They’re going ‘It doesn’t matter, we’ll sneak around and investigate once they turn their backs on us’, aren’t they? They totally are. Let’s see how well that works out for you ladies~

“Very well. We’ll try those then.” Gimmick nods, and BB giggles. Full of confidence and pride, they follow after the maiden as she leads them down the hall, past reception and into the changing rooms. Alien girl even sticks her tongue out at the barrier as she steps through it, ha!

Well, I’m no peeping tom, so I leave them to get changed. Instead, I zip on ahead and glamour myself into human form and dress myself in a maiden uniform. I’m like, the ultimate undercover boss! Though, it’s still hide and seek, so I’ll have to hang back until they let their guard down…

So, I hang at the back, milling around with the other maidens waiting to tend to customers. I made sure there were a lot of them, in all shapes and sizes, so it’s super easy for me to blend in. And when our two heroes are finally led out of the changing rooms, now dressed their own fluffy white robes, they don’t suspect a thing! I’m the best hider ever.

And I hope they noticed that I made custom robes ready for our four-armed friend. That’s attention to detail right there.

Anyways, I watch as the two are separated again, one being led towards the baths, and the other to the massage parlour. Looks like they’re feeling confident. Hmmm… Let’s follow Blue Blaze this time. I wouldn’t want either of them to think I have a favourite!

So, I bow my head and follow the maiden group that leads the city’s champion into the bathing room. It’s a nice place! Lovely blue and deep blue tiles, water shine reflecting on the ceiling, and, of course, the personal swimming pool filled with warm brown goop.

“A mud bath, huh…?” She looks uncertain suddenly, now that she’s seen it. Not because she’s worried or anything – I bet she just thinks mud is icky. “This isn’t going to, like, stick to my skin or anything, right?”

“Of course not, Miss,” I answer her, just slightly behind her so that she doesn’t pay direct attention to me. “The detoxification mud will simply leach all of the impurities in your body out of your system, leaving you feeling relaxed and refreshed.”

“O-oh…” She’s not sold, of course. It’s kind of adorable to see someone usually so confident hesitating like a teenager, but I’ve got other games to play today, so I just gently put my hand on her back and press her forwards. “Okay…”

She steps into the pool at the shallow end, and coos as the mud schloorps around her foot.

“Oooh…” The blue gal pauses as she feels the warm mud against her skin. “That’s actually really nice…”

“Of course it does,” I say, soothing her and not rolling my eyes. But c’mon, duh, of course it’s great. It’s like the perfect relaxing bubble-bath times a thousand. I don’t skimp on my spa days! I mean, I might want to get one of these treatments later, you know? Right now, pure bliss is lapping up against this woman’s ankles – and does she thank me? Humph!

Oh well. For now, I just take her hand and lead her to walk deeper, slowly descending down the steps into the mud. As I go, I can see her smile starting to grow wider and wider, her eyes starting to glaze as the magical goop leaches all of the stress out of her body. Once she’s properly in, the mud lapping at her middle, I slowly guide her into leaning back, submerging herself all the way in up to her neck.

“Ahhh…” She sighs, a dopey smile utterly locked on her face, her eyes fluttering closed as the last tension in her shoulders washes away. D’awh, she’s so peaceful like this. So adorable.

Then I geeently place my finger against her forehead, and push her down under the mud. She sinks in easily, not resisting in the least, the last trace of her blonde hair vanishing under the tide. I even make sure to tuck her antennae in as well.

Bloop. Blorp.

A couple of bubbles of air burst on the surface, and then the mud goes still. She’s completely relaxed.

Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. There’s no risk of drowning or anything, this is oxygenating mud! She just needs a proper soak to take in all the, uh, health juice, to suck out all of the impurities that stop her from being what I want her to be! Heehee~

We can leave her here for a bit. Don’t worry, she’s not going anywhere. Her mind is just as much mud as her bath right now! We’ll see what she’s like when she gets washed off later – don’t want to spoil the surprise.

So, over to Gimmick! I flitter over as fast as my wings will carry me, zipping up through the vents for a shortcut, and when I arrive, I find the shapeshifting heroine is already on the massage table, one of my beauty maidens tending to her back.

“Oooohhh…” She’s moaning already? Geeze, she’s easier than I thought. “Oh, it feels like I’ve had that knot in my back for years…”

The masseuse just giggled, and presses into her back harder, drawing another moan. Hey, wait a sec, I’m getting shown up by a minion!

Glaring, I assume human form again and move in, keeping my eyes on this uppity bitch who thinks she can move in on my heroes just because I transformed her into a magical masseuse and ordered her to do so!

“Oooh… I-I don’t… Oooh… Tha- that’s so nice, buh-but I… Ah! Mmn-!” Gimmick is moaning about something on the table, but I give her muscles a little squeeze and she yelps in delight. “Ah! More! Please, more!”

There we go. See? Still got it. I stick my tongue out at the beauty maiden, who just gives me a serene smile back, her hands now massaging the hero’s ass… Hey, she’s trying to show me up again!

Eyes narrowing, I up my game as well. I slide my palms down, around and underneath the woman on the table, and start massaging her tits. The sound that Gimmick makes as I get there is kind of hard to describe. It’s like this screeching sort of gurgle- Wait, what?

With a wide smile on her face and rolled up eyes in her head, the shapeshifter just sort of dissolves on the table, slumping into a literal 2-dimensional puddle under my hands.

… Oops. She literally melted. Typical shape shifter. Am I just too good at this? I guess so!

Well, at least I can fix this. And by ‘I’, I mean my minion. “Go get a mop,” I tell the beauty in white. “I’ll get the mold.”

Looking properly chastised, the maiden rushes off to do just that, while I sigh and summon up a clay mold to pour the hero into. I mean I was going to massage her into a new shape, but since she’s being this easy about it, I guess I’ll use something a bit more basic. Look, I don’t usually do this kind of thing – I’m a fairy, not a cartoon, y’know? But oh well.

Hmm… Lemme make the curves in this thing deeper. I deserve something nice to look at after all this work.

Then I just sit back and tap my foot as I wait for my minion to mop up the hero and squeeze her into a bucket. She’s not great at it – the maid shop is on the other side of the mall and up on the second floor – but she manages, before scurrying away from my wrath.

Now I just need to pouuuur the hero in – careful, careful, don’t want to get any air bubbles stuck in her nose or anything, there we go. Now, I could just leave her to set on her own, but that’d take ages and it’d be boring, so…

… Hmm. Where’d I leave that ice-water pool…?

…

Some time later, watch, as a mud-covered figure finally stumbles into the shower room. Still covered in goop from head to toe, she manages, with some effort, to find her way into a cubicle. The blast of warm, cleansing water is a relief she feels right down to her soul, and she sighs with delight as the muck is finally rinsed away, leaving her skin feeling fresh and rejuvenated.

The blonde takes a moment to enjoy the sensation before she steps out of the shower, now as clean as a whistle, and walks over to one of the big mirrors by the sink. There, she wipes away the steam, and-!

Oh. Ow ow ow ow ow ow. I didn’t know she could scream that loudly, wow. I’m gunna be hearing that ringing in my ears for days. Ugh, I- Huh, where’d she go? Oh, there she is, charging through the corridors, looking for…

“Boss! Boss!” In a panic, the blonde woman charges up to a confused looking shortstack lady – half the height of a normal woman, three times the Tits and Ass! But she’s still fairly recognisable as Gimmick – same brown hair, same face. I really nailed that annoyed pout of hers. She’s been stumbling around the spa in confusion since she broke out of her mold, so this is probably good for her.

Anyway, back to the blonde. She grabs Gimmick’s arm “Look at me! They’ve turned me into… into…!”

The brunette blinks, then assesses who this woman has to be, wincing. “Into a human?”

Yep! Two arms, two legs, no antenna, just pink skin and blonde hair with blue eyes. She’s a little shorter, too. If I had to guess, I’d say she looks like she’s about 18, 19 years old? My magic mud leached all of that age, wisdom, and alien power out of her! Now Blue Blazer is just a standard human, hah!

“Yes! My powers, they’re all gone! I can’t fly or blast or smash anything!” The poor blonde sniffles.

Gimmick reaches up to give her a consoling pat, but finds she can’t quite reach – she’s short and Blazer’s tall, and now that’s a problem. “Damnit, my powers are gone too.” Well duh, can’t melt and freeze stuff without it losing its plasticity. You should have thought of that before you got all goopy! “She got us good with this one.”

Ha!

“Let’s get out of here…” Blue- Wait, no… Blonde Blazer? I’m going to have to think about what to call her. Anyway, she’s already rushing towards the changing rooms. “I don’t wanna know what else she can do to us in here!”

Gimmick doesn’t try to stop her – just shooting one last glare over her shoulder at where she probably thinks I’m at. Hee, that’s another win for me!

But I can be nice. I leave them in peace as they get changed back into their hero costumes. I even adjusted them for their new forms, because I’m nice like that. For some reason they don’t sound grateful? I dunno, like I said, heroes are dumb.

Anyways, now they’re going back out and on the prowl once again – one brunette shortstack, and her tall blonde sidekick, out to take down the great Twivesta herself. Good luck ladies~

“Are you sure we’re up for this, Boss?” Blonde Blazer - Yeah, sure, I’ll stick with that for now – asks her former sidekick. “She’s already taken our powers and changed us so much. Maybe we should try to call for… For… Uh. Huh. What was I just talking about?”

Huh? Oh! Right, they just left the shop. Wow, I forgot about that myself that time.

“Hm? What was that?”

“Nothing, I guess. Come on, let’s go take this fairy down.” The blonde punches her palm, grinning eagerly. “We’ll show her what two ordinary humans can really do when the chips are down!”

Ordinary humans. I wonder what they remember now. The rules they agreed to mean they forget that they were ever any different once they leave my shops, so does this mean they think they’ve been fighting crime without any powers? Huh. Well talk about heroic spirit! I guess you can transform a hero’s body, but you can’t transform their soul, right? I actually kind of admire that sort of-

“There she is!”

Huh?

W-wait, did they spot me? How?! I’m totally invisible, and they’re just normal humans now. They’d have to be cheating!

“Over there! Come on!”

Rgh! Damnit, no, I was having so much fun! I can’t let them catch me now! I’ve gotta… gotta…

Where are they going?

I hover in confusion as I watch my playthings charge off into a new shop – nowhere near me, for the record – a salon called Hair n’ Now. A name I claim no responsibility for.

“Gotcha!”

“Get the words right, BB! I found you Lady Twivesta!”

And they just jumped a hairdresser. She was just standing there, why do they think… Oh. Ooooh. She’s got blue hair.

… They thought an ordinary, ugly, plain old human was me, because she’s got blue hair.

Okay. Forget what I said. I’m mad now.

“I shouldn’t really have to say this to superheroes,” I say, as calm as a frozen lake as I appear in the salon, growing myself up to full human height while remaining in fairy form, wings fluttering behind me, “but don’t attack my minions.”

Maybe I don’t have very many standards, but that’s definitely one of them.

“Huh?” The blonde former-alien looks over her shoulder at me in surprise – still holding that hairdresser in a headlock – but she doesn’t get a chance to react properly before I grab her shoulder and toss her into one of the waiting salon seats. The brunette former-shapeshifter reacts a little faster, trying to rush me, but since I’m not messing around this time, I just zip to her side and trip her. She goes flying into the other seat.

Restraints built into both chairs clamp shut, sealing around their arms and legs. I designed those things to hold Blue Blazer and Mimic Gimmick at their full strength, so these two have no chance of breaking free.

Now. Since they broke one of my unwritten rules, I guess they get a penalty! Well, I mean it’s not that different from what would normally happen, but I get to enjoy it more personally.

“I’ve done you a disservice, BB,” I give her a bright smile. “I gave you that attitude and that form, but I didn’t give you the right mind to go with it!” I spin her around to face the mirror, and then swing the blow-dryer helmet around over her head. “Lemme fix that.”

“H-hey, wait a second,” the blonde panics, just a bit. “What are you-?!”

Too late! Can’t be bothered to explain. I drop the curved dome down over the top half of the formerly-blue Blazer’s head, and switch it on. Immediately, the inside of it lights up with a pink glow.

“A-aahh…” Her eyes cross for a moment as the deliciously pink warmth sets in on her head like a crown. “Whaaa…”

I don’t blame her for drooling like that. It’s hard no to when your brain is getting baked into a raisin. “Come on, BB,” I purr, adjusting the dryer’s setting from level 1 to level 2. “We all know why blondes have more fun, and it isn’t because their bursting with brains! Just let my patented Bimbo-Blow-Dryer help put all of those smarts where they belong…”

Okay it’s not actually patented, but shush.

“Oooohhh… N-nooo s-stop thaaaat…” She’s groaning, but I can see her starting to smile. That’s it, BB. You know Dumb is Fun.

I crank the dial up to 3. “I’ll stop when your brain’s the size of a peanut and your tits are the size of cantaloupes, how about that?”

I’m lying again, I’m not gunna stop this thing at all. But banter’s fun, right?

BB’s certainly smiling about it, even if she’s trying not to. Her grin’s getting downright goofy, and I swear I can hear sizzling coming from her ears. Alas, she still refuses to give in. Once a hero, always a hero.

“I- I- I’ll never give iiiiinnn,” she pants, gritting her teeth under the pink light. She’s giving her all to resist, to fight off the effect. “I’ll never-!”

I just grin and turn the dial up to 13.

“Ngh!” Her lips curl into a surprised O shape as her eyes widen and turn pink. I think I mighta just heard her brains pop. “Haaaaahhhh~”

The blonde heroine slumps in her seat, her tongue lolling out and drool pouring onto her swelling chest. The blow-dryer is doing wonders, blowing all of those smarts out of her brain and into much more fun places. I can already see her costume starting to tear around her chest!

“That’s a good girl,” I say, turning around. I can come back to her in a minute. I have someone else to tend to.

“You’ll never get away with this, Twivesta!” Mimic Gimmick growls at me, still struggling against her restraints. “Heroes will always put a stop to your wicked schemes!”

I just roll my eyes. Heard it all before! They never have original material.

“Okay, you know what?” I spin her chair around to face the mirror, “It is Lady Twivesta. You should know this by now. So…” I grab a comb and start running it through her hair, straightening it out and measuring. “Maybe I should teach you how it feels when people don’t treat your ego seriously!”

“W-wait…” Her eyes go wide. “Hold on, don’t-!”

Too late! Snip snip snip. I start cutting. There goes that long brown ponytail she was so proud of – but she doesn’t need it anymore. She’s getting a far more powerful style.

“Ngh… What… What are you…” Gimmick mumbles, her eyes rolling up in her head a little as she tries to focus on her reflection. She can feel it. I’m not just snipping hair away here – I’m snipping away things she doesn’t need. Things like patience. Humility. Self-awareness. Respect.

I mean, if she’s going to be so rude to me, the least she can do is be honest about what she really is!

“I… I… Haaah…” Her eyelids flutter as her hair, her jaw going just a bit slack. “Hhhow dare yooou…”

Thaaat’s better. See, now she’s starting to understand! I grab some hairdye and start working it into her hair, giving her some bleached blonde streaks for her locks, and a healthy dose of arrogance for her soul.

“You… You…!” Now she’s glaring at me in the mirror. I grin and give her a smear of anti-moisturiser around the cheeks, get the proper crows-feet look. “Don’t you know who I aaaammmm?!?”

Theeere she goes. I grin and grab a mirror, showing her all the angles of her new style. “Like it? I think they call this cut ‘the Karen ‘ these days, right?”

“You!” I swear, I see her eyes turn red. “When I get out of here, I’m going straight to your manager!”

Ha! “Again? Good luck with that~” I giggle as I shrink back down to my normal size, then I wave and zip away. Punishment round over! That was super fun, but the game must continue. I wonder where they’ll go next~

The restraints pop open once I leave, and Gimmick nearly storms after me right away. She only just remembers to go grab Blazer, stomping over and pulling her out of her chair.

And wow. Oooh, I think I underestimated how many brains old Bluey had, because those curves are enormous! Waaaay bigger than her head – she’s even putting her mentor to shame.

“Oh, like… Am I done?”

Of course ‘had’ is definitely the word now. That vapid expression, those glazed eyes – oops, I mighta gone a bit too far on draining her brains this time. She’s Bimbo Blazer for sure now.

“Not yet, brat!” Oh, Gimmick’s gotten way less polite as she grabs her sidekick’s wrist and drags her out of the shop. “Now get your dumb ass in gear and help me-!”

And there’s the threshold!

“- Write a letter of complaint!”

“Huh?” The bimbofied heroine blinks owlishly at her mentor, her shrunken brain struggling to keep up. “A letter of whatnow?”

Then she steps over the invisible line too, and dim understanding lights up her vapid face. “Oh, wait, yuck – you wanna write, like, a letter? That’s super old fashioned, no one writes letters anymore, duh.”

“I have never been treated in such a way,” the shortstack egomaniac grumbles, not listening to the blonde at all as she storms down the mall promenade. “We’ll see if they’re still laughing about the way they treated me once I write to my local representative!”

She’s still dragging her bouncy bimbo along with her, even though the blonde is trying to resist. “But mooooom, I wanted to, like, go shopping an’ stuff!”

Oho~ Mom? They’re mother and daughter now? That’s hilarious! I totally never planned that. But I guess they’ve changed so much that there’s no way they’d ever…

Uh…

Wait, where are they going? Woah, woah, wait, stop, that’s the exit!

“Hmph!” The former shapeshifter hero sticks up her nose as she shoves her way out through the sliding doors. “I’m not spending any of my hard earned money here.”

No!

… They just left the mall. The game is over. I feel the magic come to a close, settling over everything permanently. The drones, the maids, the maidens, the Iseki heroes… And, walking away from me, a short stack Karen mother, and her dumb, curvy, bimbo daughter – who is currently taking a selfie next to a blueberry. She looks cute, at least.

...

Well I guess I win then. Still haven’t decided what my prize should be. I mean, what could I even get from a bimbo and a Karen? I can’t even see where they went – they’ve already vanished into the crowd.

I sigh, puffing up my cheeks and looking around.

Are any new heroes going to show up soon. I don’t wanna get bored. Hurry uuuup, it’s no fun if I don’t have anyone to play against…

Hm. Well, maybe if I start causing more trouble, someone’ll show up to stop me eventually? I hope they get here quickly – I’m looking forward to getting some new favourites!