Hypnovember - 30 Trances
Critical Fail (IQ Play)
by tara
"At long last, you reach the bandit camp. However, because of your low perception rolls none of you notice yourself crossing by their lookout's gaze. Within seconds you find yourselves set upon by a horde of angry hoodlums, draw your weapons and roll for initiative!" Jess grins mischievously, giving me the distinct impression that we couldn't have avoided this combat if we wanted to. Oh well, I've been looking forward to my first fight. I've never played a table top roleplaying game like this before now, having been asked to fill in for one of our absent roommates while Jess's friend Rachel fills the other slot. I find myself sitting between Rachel and my other roommate, Chloe, another member of Jess's circle of friends... as such, I feel very much an outside. When they invited me to play such a 'nerdy' game with them I thought they were making fun of me with their usual mean girl routine, but here we are. Apparently they play every Friday, something I've managed to overlook for the past two years somehow. When I try to remember how I usually spend my Friday evenings my mind draws a blank.
"Elle! You gonna roll? We're waitiiing~"
"Oh uhm, r-right!" Shaking off the embarrassment for daydreaming every time I try to recall those missing Fridays, I roll my twenty-sided die and grown. Another one, this thing is cursed! I've been rolling ones back to back, though we've only had a few so far, probably just bad luck. I mean, of course, what else would it be?
"Ooh, nice one." Jess grins and I tilt my head, checking the die again. "For initiative, a one means you go first. You're number one in the turn order, see?" That... is that right? From what little I know, a roll of one is always a critical fumble, is it not?
With a slight smile, I flick eyes between my character sheet and Jess's impenetrable smile. "Y-you're not making fun of me, right?"
"Gosh Jess, your roommate is so paranoid." Rachel turns to grin at me, eyes like those of a hungry fox eyeing up a poor hen. "You asked us that earlier and we've been having fun right? People are gonna find you annoying if you act like this, then you won't be invited to things anymore." Her words cut through me so easily, I'm smart enough to understand that she's right.
I give them a more confident nod and cast my eyes back down to decide how best to attack, my class is some sort of alchemist, it's honestly a little overcomplicated. While I may have just affirmed my intelligence, there's so many different recipes to remember that I wish I'd picked up the other sheet when Jess handed them out. Chloe leans over my shoulder with a friendly smile I don't think she's ever bothered to bat in my direction before, the slightly older girl pointing to a few premade items in my inventory instead of the confusing recipe grid for this custom class. "Here, try throwing this. It's an IQ lowering potion, it'll make the bandits a lot easier to handle."
While I'm a little embarrassed to be told what to do, I give her a weak nod and appreciative smile. Honestly I'm relieved, having to go first and think so hard about what to do was so stressful. "Okay then, I'll throw this. Woah, I have a bunch of them. Do I have to roll?" Jess nods, all three girls focusing on me with excited smiles. I roll the dice and gasp at the result, how is that even possible? "A-another one? I... that's crazy, I must have rolled one like five or six times."
"Is it five or is it six?" Jess giggles from behind her screen.
"Give her a break, Jessica. Counting can be hard for some people." Chloe, who had been so sweet a moment ago, now teases me with a wink. I laugh nervously, not sure why the energy in the room is so strange.
"O-kay! That's a critical fail I'm afraid. Let's see... you pull the potion from your belt and attempt to throw it over your shoulder, but you're holding it upside down! The contents of the uncapped potion spill all over your face. You temporarily lose five intelligence!"
"F-five? Wow, that's rough hehe... uhm, so I'm down to 9..."
The three other girls nod in a sea of giggles, Jess speaking up over the rabble. "Right, gone from being pretty smart to slightly below average. Just a little forgetful, easy to distract." As she finishes speaking, Jess loudly snaps her fingers from behind the screen and I feel a sudden headrush. "Jotted that down, Elle?"
It takes me a moment to respond but the others are surprisingly patient for once. I quickly write down a nine and wince at the loss. "Y-yeah. Sorry guys."
"It's okay! Every great adventuring party has that clumsy one, still it's funny that you held it up the wrong way. Maybe alchemy is a little out of your depth, hm?" Rachel leans against the table and I accidentally gawk at the cleavage on display before swallowing and casting my eyes downwards.
"Hehe... maybe. I'll get 'em next time, okay?" I understand that Rachel's teasing was in character, at least I think... honestly, this roleplaying thing is harder to get my head around than I thought. I'm probably not very immersed. I should try harder to focus!
"Elle! It's your turn again, are you listening?" Oh, already? I wasn't paying attention and they all took their turns already. Having no idea what the other two spent their turns doing and even more daunted than before, I decide to try throwing another potion. The girls don't seem to mind my lazy decision, perhaps this is a chance to redeem myself. When the die lands on one again I whine, pouting like a girl half my age. Are you serious? This has to be rigged...
"J-jess... are you sure there isn't something wrong with my--"
"Throwing arm? Yeah there sure seems to be. Such a ditz, you yank the pretty pink potion from your belt and it bursts open due to being poorly sealed. Splash! Dock five more points... oh gosh, that's not good."
I stare at my sheet and then back up at Jess incredulously. "Five... five more? I-I can't, my in... tel... uhm, intelly... my int will be at--"
"Four." A sonorous snap and my mind slips down in an instant. I forget what I was so riled up about a second ago, giggling as my cheeks heat up in forgotten embarrassment. How funny.
"Jess, she's not gonna be able to play like that..." Chloe pokes my cheek and I groan at being picked on. They're so mean to me, it's not fair.
Rachel snickers and watches me struggle to hold my head up as I try so hard to focus on the game. "Yeah, but maybe we can have a different kind of fun. I thought we were gonna go down in threes, though, christ."
"Maybe I got a little carried away." With a devilish grin, the girls pull their chairs up around me but I pay them no mind as I focus on trying to replace that nine with a four on my sheet. When Chloe catches me counting on my fingers, she laughs and decides to forget about the ongoing combat.
"Elle, hon, you're letting us all down. You know that, right?" Rachel's hand falls onto my knee. Gosh she's sooo pretty, I was really hoping that something would happen between us on that night when she took me up to my room. Jess throws such fun parties, she's nice... W-wait, I'm letting them all down? That's... not fun. I frown, dejected, the other girls giggling for some reason.
"You got all stupid and robbed us of our precious alchemist. Pretty irresponsible, Elle." Chloe clicks her tongue, reminding me of how my mother used to sound when she scolded me. My eyes widen, realising that I must be in trouble.
"S-stupid?" I mutter like a parrot, playing their words in my head and grasping at the ones that stand out the most. "Pretty?"
The three girls share a sudden look and burst out into laughter, so I start laughing too. When Rachel's hand slides up my leg and slips between my thighs, I'm still laughing. "Stupid and pretty, that sounds about right to me. You'll need to make it up to us for letting the team down, okay?"
Chloe stands too close behind me, her breath tickles my neck, making it hot and nice. Gosh, I really can't stop giggling when they tease me, huh? I need to make it up to them, but how? "Mm... hot..." I mutter while struggling to think. Jess undoes a couple of buttons on my top while Rachel helps me out of my sticky shorts. Wait, why am I so turned on? Whenever Jess snaps her fingers, I just... gosh, I know something is going to happen to me again. I always forget, as Rachel once said... Isn't that so hot?
"See, we're helping you cool down." I'm not even sure who said it, but I nod with a giggle before remembering to thank them. Something bites my lip... oh, that's me. Something falls into my palm... oh, my D20. Jess guides my wrist and we roll another critical failure.
A few seconds later, I hear the sound of snapping fingers and my eyes roll back. Helpless and defeated, I find myself overrun by bandits.