MSH2 Positive

The giant blue plus sign at the top of the report kept Lily’s eyes locked for what felt like hours. Their body was completely still; if they moved at all, they hadn’t even noticed. Truthfully, they couldn’t even tell if they were still breathing or not.

The world spun behind them. Questions, frustrations, and numbness swirled through their head. They couldn’t make sense of their thoughts, let alone of… what was in front of them. Within weeks, their life had changed from one completely idyllic and perfect to one of uncertainty and fear. Their mind replayed the call with the genetic counselor; the first one two weeks ago, her explaining the consequences of a positive result, and the one thirty minutes ago. Lily remembered where they were, what they were doing, what time it was. And they remembered the way their heart sank into their stomach with the word “unfortunately”.

Lily skimmed through the rest of the report, detailing the high cancer risks in detail. They couldn’t even keep track of how many kinds now loomed in the back of their head. In… their body. For the rest of their life. They looked through the tests, the advice on telling family, where to find support… but none of it really registered.

Not nearly as much as that fucking blue plus sign.

Lily heard their phone vibrate. They didn’t check it. This felt like a nightmare. Or the worst dissociative episode in decades. Vaguely, they heard someone internally shouting, for their attention. Lily couldn’t give it to them.

Lily… couldn’t do anything. They were powerless.

They couldn’t tell which devastatingly large emotion to attend to first. Sadness? Tears wouldn’t fall from their eyes even if they forced them. Anger? Who would Lily even be angry at, other than a faceless genetic disorder whose name they didn’t know a month ago? Grief? Regret? Guilt?

Guilt, in particular, sat with them.

Lily worried about themself enough. Their Mistress… if she found out, how would she…

Lily finally ripped their eyes away and glanced at their phone. The first message was from Pierre, showing a meme about Machamp’s ass he made probably in fifteen minutes. Normally, it would have at least cracked a smile on Lily’s face, repetitive though it might be. It didn’t.

The second was Magnolia, telling them she’d be home in 10 minutes.

That text was sent 10 minutes ago.

Which meant-

Lily looked back at the computer screen, their cursor hanging at the top of the report.

What were they going to do? What were they supposed to do?

Just as Lily’s eyes finally began to start welling up, they were jolted out of their mental fog as a firm hand grasped their shoulder. They knew who it was.

Lily turned around to greet a cross-looking Magnolia, trying and failing to wipe off the look on their face. Instinctively, their hand turned to their laptop, and slammed it shut.

A little too loudly.

Lily winced. “H-hi, Mistress, I’m so sorry I didn’t see you—“ They knew they were going to get scolded for not dropping everything to greet her, and so hopped into that apology. Magnolia seemed to disregard that transgression fairly quickly, as the loud slam reverberated through their house.

“What were you looking at?” She asked, her eyes narrowing further.

Eye contact. “Nothing.” Maybe she’ll believe me.

She didn’t.

“Plaything,” she said slowly. Now Lily could tell for sure that they weren’t breathing properly. “Are you lying to me?”

Lily almost answered ‘no’. Almost. Instead, their mouth hung open, eyes unable to meet hers. “It wasn’t anything—“

“Freeze.”

No— Lily’s protest was silenced as the word from their Mistress effortlessly froze their body, and she physically pushed them out of the way. Please don’t remember my password. Please get distracted. Please, whoever’s listening, please just someone help.

Nobody answered.

Magnolia typed in the password. She did remember it. Of course she did. Every click of the keys felt agonizing. Lily held their breath. Normally, they could breathe while frozen. Not now.

Their desktop opened. Magnolia instantly saw what they were looking at. Her eyes widened considerably.

Lily closed their eyes, clenching their fists, inhaling but not exhaling. “I’m—“ Sorry? What were they even apologizing for?

“Unfreeze.”

Lily collapsed onto the other chair the instant the trigger released. They gasped for air, as they tried to figure out what to say.

“When…” Magnolia spoke very, very slowly. “Did you get this result?”

Lily looked towards the grandfather clock. “Thirty minutes ago,” they responded. It didn’t feel like thirty minutes.

Magnolia didn’t respond. She slowly scrolled through the report, the doctor’s letter, paying much more attention to the fine details than Lily did. Her body shifted, like she was hiding something. Lily might not have had much practical intelligence, but intuitively, they knew Magnolia didn’t feel great, either. Then again, it wouldn’t have taken a genius to guess that. The guilt returned. Somehow, Lily felt like they were hurting her.

I’m… causing her pain… they thought to themself hopelessly. I’m… I’m such a terrible partner… 

Finally, Magnolia closed the computer screen. “Okay,” she exhaled. “Let’s talk.”

Lily recognized that calm, serious tone of voice. At least they weren’t in trouble for lying or trying to hide it from her. “I’m sorry, Mistress, I - I don’t really know what to say right now.”

Clearly, neither of them did. They sat in complete silence. Lily wanted to hide. A weird feeling, considering they weren’t in danger. In danger of Magnolia brutally beating them, at least. That wasn’t the only thing threatening them anymore– 

Lily didn’t make eye contact. Magnolia allowed it. She didn’t meet their eyes, either. The tension between them hadn’t been that thick in years.

“I’m just… surprised.” That was one way to put it. “And confused. And…” their voice grew quiet. “Scared.”

Magnolia hummed in understanding. “That seems reasonable.”

Lily clutched their other hand, fidgeting with their wedding ring. “What… about you?”

Magnolia looked towards Lily incredulously. “Huh?”

“I mean,” Lily shifted nervously, “you’ve been training me to put yourself before… before me. I—“

Another loud noise echoed through the house as Magnolia slammed her hand on the table. Lily jumped in shock. “Don’t be ridiculous! This isn’t one of those situations!” She sounded angry. Angrier than she probably wanted to sound. “I… you… yes, that is what I am training you to do. But… I…”

Magnolia’s hands reached out to Lily. Lily braced themself to be scolded, but instead she brought them in, and clung to them in a warm, possessive hug. Lily’s Mistress tried to speak one or two times more, but each time she elected silence. Lily sank into their Owner’s arms. 

They thought they were going to cry if this happened, but they didn’t. They couldn’t. Their brain was stuck, unable to move past the fact that they weren’t crying, why weren’t they crying–.

Lily thought of the future, and clung harder to Magnolia. Typically, she would push them away – Lily still had trouble controlling how strong their hugs were. But she let them stay there. The two of them just sat in silence, the eerie glow of the computer screen illuminating them.

Magnolia finally spoke. “This isn’t about me or my needs right now.” For some reason, that sentence only caused Lily despair.

“I don’t… need anything,” Lily spoke softly.

“Shhh. Don’t say such things.” Magnolia wrapped her hands around them, some of her fingers clasping onto the back of her property’s eternity collar. “We’re pausing your training right now.”

“I… failed?” Lily’s face paled.

“Of course not,” Magnolia said, “I need a break from being your taskmistress, too. Right now, I just want to exist with what’s mine.”

Those words should have been reassuring, but they weren’t. Lily just sat with the fear that they did something wrong, that they fucked up, that Magnolia didn’t want them anymore. None of that was true, was it? Lily shook their head lightly. All they could visualize was that blue plus sign and new knowledge about their already broken body they never wanted.

“Tell me whatever you feel,” she said, “please.”

Please.

There was that word again.

Truthfully, it would have made Lily feel much safer if her words were a command and not a request. Lily didn’t know how to respond. What did they even feel? They knew what they felt, but it was more like an image, a sound, a texture. Lily didn’t quite have words to go along with those feelings.

“Can we order delivery tonight, Mistress?”

Lily could feel Magnolia’s heart skip a beat. Instinctively, they turned their head to her with concern. “Y-yes,” she said, obviously thrown off with Lily’s seemingly random request. “We’ll take things easy tonight. We’ll put on a movie or play games.”

“I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I… know you will. Tell me what will be most comforting for you, and we’ll do that.”

Magnolia released them, and pulled over Lily’s computer. Lily couldn’t bring themself to look at the screen again, even on another window. She had logged in to a food delivery website before Lily spoke up again.

“What do I do, Mistress?” they asked quietly.

“Hm?” The tone wasn’t distracted. Magnolia heard them, but didn’t understand the question.

“What do I do now, Mistress?” Lily repeated.

Magnolia didn’t reply for a long time, her body just as frozen as Lily’s. “Just stay here, plaything. Don’t do anything else.” It was a weird, weak request coming from Magnolia. But it was an order. Lily still had the safety of submission they knew so well.

Right?

~~

Lily wasn’t sure what time it was when they woke up. They fell asleep, barely… weird. They weren’t expecting to sleep at all. The test result was the first thing that entered their mind whenever they tried. Quietly, Lily reached for their phone, and turned it on. The brightness blinded them for a minute. Making out the time - 3:05 am - they glanced at Magnolia, who slept much more soundly than they had.

They put down their phone, and tried to fall asleep again. They quickly realized it to be an impossible task. They couldn’t even close their eyes. They could hardly blink. They just stared aimlessly at the ceiling. Even sleeping next to someone they loved deeply, a cold, lonely feeling struck their heart. No matter what they did, they couldn’t sleep. They couldn’t even rest.

With a sigh, they eventually gave up. If they couldn’t sleep, they might as well get up… though they weren’t quite sure what to do. Making sure not to wake their Mistress, they climbed out of bed. Sitting on the desk chair, walking around the house, laying down on the couch, pacing mindlessly - nothing helped still their mind. They weren’t given permission to get off, not that it probably would have been any more successful. They weren’t in the mood.

Lily walked past one of the windows. Unsurprisingly, it was pitch black outside. Surely… surely their Mistress wouldn’t notice if they went for a quick run. A terrible idea, really. Distantly, they imagined the kind of trouble they’d get in. Not fun trouble. Regardless, they snuck back into their room, grabbed some running clothes, and left, quiet as a lone ant.

When they heard the sound of the front door closing behind them, they briefly reconsidered their terrible idea. It didn’t stop them. They took off, running aimlessly, from something. They didn’t know what exactly.

They ran.

And ran.

And ran.

If anything, the adrenaline made the buildup of an anxiety attack all that much worse. They panted heavily, trying to refocus on their sprint, but the silence of the night made them feel just that much more alone.  

What were they going to do? What was going to happen to them? Magnolia was right in her hunch. They smiled bitterly. Of course. Mistress is always right. Lily felt so stupid. Of course they did; they were stupid enough as is, but to not even put two and two together… they slapped their head with both hands repeatedly as their legs continued to carry their weight. What if they knew before Magnolia bought them? Would she… would she have teased it out of them? Would she have thrown them out over that, a cancer gene from hell being the last straw? A broken plaything that wouldn’t last?

What if the worst had already happened? What if they couldn’t stop it because of how stupid they were?

A single raindrop on Lily’s nose dragged them out of their hellish trance. They registered it after they ran under a bridge.

Probably just a single random raindrop, they hoped.

When they came out on the other side of the bridge, the rain poured. 

Lily’s legs slowed to a walk, then to a slow crawl. Here they were, alone in the rain, unable to even close their eyes.

Of course they had decided to wear a shirt with straps and workout shorts that evening. As Lily slowly walked, the rain soaking them to the bone, they finally broke. They choked out a series of sobs, holding their own body for an ounce of comfort. Tears wildly poured from their eyes; they didn’t know when the rain stopped and their own waterworks began. Their temples hurt with a splitting headache. 

Eventually, they turned around to go home. They didn’t know how far from home they were. They didn’t have their phone on them, let alone a watch or anything. Oh… that was another thing they were probably going to get punished for. Oh, well. They deserved it. For leaving without permission, and for all the pain they were going to put their Mistress through. They slowly trekked home, tracing their earlier steps. Silently, they said a prayer, begging someone to save them.

“Hey!”

Lily’s head whipped to the road, to the car with its headlights cutting through the early morning darkness. They didn’t even notice someone had pulled up to them. The window lowered, revealing its driver.

Lily wasn’t quite sure who to expect. They wiped their eyes to get a better look. The woman’s fashion sense was… striking, to put it generously. Her long, blonde hair with blue streaked was done up in a ponytail to her left temple. She wore a series of pins and decorations in her hair. Her clothes were even wilder - she wore a purple and yellow crop top with red heart-decorated overalls. Lily couldn’t even count how many necklaces she wore. Were those two separate chains, or one looped around? Truth be told, she didn’t exactly look trustworthy. But they stayed to talk.

“H-hi,” Lily replied.

“What are you doing out here?” the driver replied. “You’re not dressed for this kind of weather! You’ll get a cold!”

A cold is probably the best thing I can hope to get at this point. Lily shook their head. “I-I’m fine,” they said. “I’m heading home now a-anyways.”

The driver cocked her head. “You okay? You look like you’ve been through hell.”

Lily choked. Did they look that terrible? “I-I’m okay,” they reiterated, “just had a hard evening.”

“Awe,” she pouted. “You poor thing. Getting soaked like this probably isn’t helping. Could I at least give you a lift home?”

Lily paused in their breath. Another terrible idea, but… “Won’t your… your car get all soaked?”

“Pshh, water will dry right off. Get in before you get any more drenched!”

“I…” Lily bit their lip. Looking around their surroundings, they tried to estimate how far they were from home. They must have been a few miles away. It would have taken at least an hour to get back. Somehow, Lily hadn’t realized they’d been out that long. Probably best to get home faster before their Mistress noticed. “Okay.”

Lily’s hand was about to open the passenger door, before it opened automatically. “Ah!” they exclaimed. “O-oh. Thanks.”

“Not a problem,” she replied as Lily hastily got in. Instantly, they melted into the heated seats. “My name is Indigo, by the way. Yours?”

Lily hiccuped. “Lily,” they said. Somehow, it had felt… weird… to be introducing themself. When had they last done so?

“Beautiful name!” Indigo sang. “Just direct me where to go.”

Lily cracked a small smile. The first one since the diagnosis. She seemed nice… maybe even trustworthy. “Right. It’s… you just keep going straight.”

They drove for a while, before Indigo piped up. “So what’s gotten you here?”

“Huh?”

“Y’know, running in the rain sobbing. Want to vent to a beautiful stranger?”

Lily clenched their workout shorts, forcing some of the water out of it. “I don’t know,” they sighed. “I… just got some bad news. And… I guess I just needed to run. I don’t know what from, but… you get it?”

“Bad news, hmm?” Indigo hummed. “Can’t say I haven’t been there. What kinda news?”

Lily wasn’t quite sure how to feel about Indigo’s casual tone. A part of Lily thought Indigo might have had an ulterior motive, but… she’d probably never see this woman again. What would they have to lose by telling someone kind enough to give them a ride home?

“A diagnosis,” Lily said quietly. “A genetic disorder.” They clenched their fists against their thighs. “A… genetic… cancer… disorder.”

Indigo clicked her tongue. “I’m so sorry.”

Lily looked away, swallowing an ‘it’s fine’. “I don’t know what to do. My Mi— my partner, she… I don’t want to hurt her. But, I know she’s hurting because… of this. Because of me. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I don’t want to know. I never wanted to know any of this!” Lily’s hands raised to their head, grabbing fistfuls of their hair. Indigo stayed silent, continuing to listen to Lily’s increasingly unhinged vent. “I… I want to rewind time. I want to go back and erase the idea of ever having to think about this. Because now… now I’m hurting… I’m hurting myself, and the woman I love, and… a stranger who’s driving me home at 4:30am, who probably didn’t want to hear any of this.” Lily’s voice cracked as they wiped their eyes. “I’m sorry. I- I don’t know why I told you any of this.”

Lily froze as Indigo placed a hand on Lily’s head, and petted their hair, almost condescendingly. “You have nothing to apologize for,” she said. “I’m a problem solver, Lily. I’d like to help, if I can! What do you need?”

“I-“

“Wouldn’t you like,” Indigo’s tone shifted, “if I took that pain away?”

“I- huh?” Lily blinked. They sure weren’t expecting that shift, and danger signals began flying in them. A thread of memory tugged at them, one of a friend who turned traitor, and… “Um. No, it’s fine—“

“But it isn’t!” Indigo’s driving slowed almost to a crawl. Lily’s hand reached for the car door handle. “You’re suffering, aren’t you? Wouldn’t you like to… drop… that suffering, to let go, to just be free, even for a couple minutes?”

Lily opened their mouth. And then closed it. As the car slowed, their mind slowed. Indigo’s voice slowed, almost becoming detached from the conversation. “Just closing your eyes…” Lily’s eyes fluttered, but didn’t shut. Fight it. Fight it. Fight it, Lily. “And falling asleep.”

Soon, Indigo’s induction grew distant. Lily continued to drift in and out of reality, following Indigo’s words only for a minute before breaking their mind away. The harder Lily fought, the more Indigo doubled down. It tugged that thread harder, memories of a different color, crimson pain, and… I’m hurting Mistress enough, they thought. I don’t need to hurt her like this, either. I just want her to…

Get away from me.

Lily frowned. Something about that thought…

Who cares? Stop this! Get us out of here, damn it!

At a red light, Indigo looked at Lily inquisitively. Finally, it seemed she had given up. Lily stared at Indigo with wide, frightened eyes. What was even happening? What were they doing here? “What,” Indigo laughed. “What’s with that look?”

Lily didn’t say anything. Nausea overcame them. Regret, too. Why did they put themself in this situation? They crumpled into a ball and put their hands over their temples. “…I just don’t really feel tired.”

“Hmm,” Indigo hummed. “Well, I guess you want to stay awake and sad, then. That’s fine.”

“M…mhmm,” Lily nodded. “Um, actually, could you drop me off at that curb? My - My house is in the area.”

Indigo smirked at them as she pulled over. “You sure you’ll be okay in the rain?”

“Yeah,” Lily was already gathering themself, opening the door handle.

“Alright,” Indigo laughed. “I’ll be here, then.”

Lily wasn’t sure what that meant. But before long, they were out of the car, sprinting home, back into something like safety.

~~

It was 5:04am when they got back. Well before when Magnolia would typically wake up. So when she greeted Lily by grabbing their drenched body and slamming them against a wall, it took Lily for a huge shock.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” she screamed, waking up the last bit of Lily’s tired mind. 

“What in the world is wrong with you?! Do you have any idea how worried I was? I was panicking because of you, you idiot!” On any other day, this kind of shouting would have made Lily cower in what was probably a cute, submissive way. Not today. Every single word felt like a cold dagger to Lily’s heart. “I would have thought at least you would know better by this point! The very least you could have done is brought your fucking phone with you! You could have— could have been kidnapped again! You better believe you’re going to get punished! I haven’t even thought of where to start yet! You’ll have to be grateful if you ever are able to think of trying anything like this again! Do you even have anything to say for yourself?!”

By the time Magnolia was done, Lily had pulled themself in as small as they could go. Their palms shook, their teeth clattering, and they hadn’t realized how cold they felt until just that moment. Lily could  see how furious she was, just in her eyes. They looked away.

“You–” Her hand raised.

Just as they were about to get punished for breaking eye contact too, they shouted, “I’m sorry, Mistress!” and the room fell silent.

Magnolia didn’t immediately say anything, continuing to hold them against the wall. The words and tears burst out of Lily like a dam had broken. “I’m so sorry, Mistress. I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know what I was thinking. I… it was stupid of me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean or want to make you angry, I just… I just…” Lily couldn’t even form words anymore as they began openly sobbing. When Magnolia released their shoulders, they collapsed to the floor, continuing to cry and apologize as they buried their head in their hands.

They added a request they never would have uttered. “Please… Please don’t hurt me.”

“I…” Magnolia was at a loss for words. She had stopped screaming, at the very least, instead of doubling down. “I will not hurt you, Lily. Not right now.”

Somehow, those words hurt harder than anything she could have done to their body. They cried, and cried, and cried – they didn’t know when they’d stop, they just kept crying like a waterfall breaking a dam. Their entire body shook, the cold water soaking them only making them shiver harder. All they could do was sob and clutch onto their poor body tighter. They didn’t know what to do. 

Magnolia put her arms around Lily, but her embrace didn’t feel warm or reassuring, not least because of their clammy clothing. Lily could tell she was as confused and dumbfounded as they were. At least they knew she was there. She wouldn’t punish them for their dumb decisions. Not right now, at least.

The sounds coming from Lily’s sobs felt inhuman. If they could have dissociated this all away, if they could have just claimed it was a dream until it were true, that’s what they would have done. But that wasn’t an option. The proof was in their aching muscles, their soaked clothing. All they had was to slowly, eventually, come back to normal. To keep walking forward, metaphorically.

Lily eventually looked up, continuing to choke out a few more sobs. Hot tears covered their cheeks. More tears continued to fall down, burning their face behind them. They looked at Magnolia’s expression, hoping to find some ounce of solace or some kind of solution. Magnolia tried to keep her face as still as possible, probably hoping to be that rock for Lily to lean on, but Lily could see even her lips quivering.

Lily looked back down. Eventually, their sobs quieted down, and came to a slow halt. Even once they were silent, the despair they felt echoed through the room, as if they were still crying. Magnolia clutched onto their body tighter. Lily finally lifted their arms and hugged her back, clinging onto her for dear life.

They wished she would say something, anything, to somehow fix Lily’s problems.

“Let’s just… start by drying you off and getting you some proper sleep,” Magnolia murmured. Yes. A start. She stood up, lifting Lily up along with her. Lily’s body waved unsteadily, but they leaned on their Owner to make up for that. She slowly walked them back to the bedroom.

Lily’s eyes were glued to the ground. They couldn’t even bring themself to look at their Mistress. No matter what logic said, all they could think of was how much they were hurting her. And it wasn’t like their little stunt this morning made things any better. 

They didn’t even realize when they got back into the bedroom. Magnolia sat them on the bed. Lily didn’t resist – there wasn’t a reason to. Their shoulders were slumped, their body was motionless – save for shivering from the cold. They hadn’t even wiped their tears, or their continuing watering eyes.

Magnolia was grabbing something. Lily didn’t know what. Eventually, she walked back to their seated figure.

“Here,” she said, handing them a spare handkerchief.

Lily continued to stare at the ground.

After a couple seconds, Magnolia spoke again. She waved her hand in front of their face. “Lily, are you here?”

Another couple seconds passed before Lily responded weakly, “I’m here.”

“Wipe your face,” Magnolia lightly ordered, “you won’t feel any better with so many dried tears.”

It took Lily a bit to process her words. They were being given an order, as kindly as they could have been. They had to… obey…

Lily grabbed the handkerchief and slowly wiped their face. Magnolia was right, they felt marginally better – unfortunately, not enough to make them feel at least OK.

Their hand fell to their legs, barely having enough strength to hold the expensive piece of fabric. Magnolia grabbed it from them with ease.

“Good…” She paused. Lily’s heart clenched itself. “Thank you,” she finished. It wasn’t as if they could verbalize this, or ask their Mistress for anything; but all Lily wanted was to be reaffirmed as their Mistress’ property.

Magnolia was about to hand something else to Lily before they spoke up. “Are you scared of me, Mistress? Are you scared I’m going to disappear and hurt you?”

She almost dropped whatever she was holding. A few agonizing seconds passed. Magnolia finally spoke up, her voice a bit more firm and demanding. “Take your wet clothes off and put this on.”

Lily held their hands out. Magnolia dropped an enormous blanket-like garment; Lily instantly recognized it. An oversized hoodie, sized five more sizes than they needed, sewn like a blanket. It was made by one of her friend’s companies, and she got one custom-made for Lily, with Darkrai sewn as a patch above their heart. They set it on their lap, silently taking off the rest of their garments and haphazardly putting them on the bed.

They felt nothing. Once they put on the blanket-hoodie, they felt distantly warmer, comforted, like the lack-of-noise in their head calmed down a little. But they felt nothing, as if they were disappearing.

“I will never be scared of you,” Magnolia started. She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully. “I own you. I always will, plaything. And I’ll make sure you never disappear on me.” A bit of feeling returned to Lily’s hurting soul. “I don’t even really understand why in the world you’re… asking.” She stumbled over her words, and it felt like she wanted to insult Lily, and even though Lily wanted that just as much, she didn’t.

“Am I failing as your property?” Lily asked again, their voice still barely above a whisper.

“Absolutely not.” Magnolia sat down next to them. “You transgressed today, and will be scolded for it. But you are in no way failing as my property. I should remove those… thoughts from your head.”

The tears began to return to Lily’s eyes; they wiped them away with the fabric of the hoodie. “Then why won’t you treat me like you always would?”

“Hm?”

“Why… aren’t you insulting me? Why are you… hesitating?” Lily’s voice cracked. “Nothing’s changed, has it? Then why does it feel like it has?”

Magnolia clutched onto their hand tightly. “It only feels like that because you’re exhausted. Nothing’s changed.”

“You’re lying.”

Lily only realized what they said after they spoke. Magnolia looked at Lily with wide, dumbfounded eyes, in disbelief of what Lily just claimed. Or maybe just that they’d spoken back at all.

They should have immediately apologized, and they knew it. They already had fucked up enough. But instead, they doubled down. Lily clutched onto the fabric tightly. “I shouldn’t have gotten that stupid test.”

Magnolia was about to respond, but Lily cut her off again.

“I should have never brought this up to you,” Lily hissed quietly.

Finally, Magnolia was done listening.

“That’s enough,” Magnolia growled. Her grip on Lily’s hand tightened painfully, almost crushing it, digging her nails into their skin. Lily knew that she probably wanted nothing more than to slap them. They wished she would. The impatience in her grip silenced whatever further stupid comments Lily had to make. “You ran away in the middle of the night, almost giving me a heart attack, and now you’re starting to talk back to me and question my words. Were this any other day, you can be certain you would be in a world of pain you couldn’t even conceptualize. But that’s not what I’m doing. I am being more lenient on you because that is what I want to do; that is what I think is the best decision. And who makes the decisions between us?”

Lily paused. “You, Mistress. But–”

“Enough,” she repeated, possessiveness and power entwined in those two syllables. Lily swore they felt seven different strong emotions, none of which they could hold on to, all at once. It was hard to feel submissive or horny when they’d never faced despair like this. It was hard to feel anything at all. “You don’t need to be punished or trained this second. You need sleep. So that’s what you’re going to do right now.”

“But – the morning protocol–”

“We’ll make up for it. I’ll think of how,” she said as she laid Lily down. Lily showed a bit of resistance, but mostly followed her hands.

“Are you not going to train me anymore?” Lily asked, ready to burst into tears again. “Are you going to give up on me?”

“What part of ‘enough’ don’t you understand?” Magnolia tried to keep her voice even, but she was clearly exhausted and frustrated as well. Lily shut up, silencing whatever other questions they had. “I will still train you. And you are mine, forever, and nothing will ever change that fact. Now, you need sleep.”

Lily opened their mouth, about to resist again. They stopped themself, and simply nodded.

“There,” Magnolia sighed. “I’m going back to sleep too. We’ll talk more later today, but only when I see you’ve rested well enough. Understood?”

It wasn’t like them, but they hesitated. Finally, they responded as they should have from the start. “Yes, Mistress.”

“Good.”

She held them onto the bed firmly, and slowly Lily felt themself collapse into sleep. They wanted to ask for reassurance, wanted to keep saying shit they’d regret, but they couldn’t.

As soon as they were as calm as Magnolia liked, she leaned in–

“Sleep now, my lovely, loyal, Lily.”

~~

Lily didn’t even notice when they fell asleep, and they didn’t notice when they woke up in a familiar space. A white space they thought they’d never need to see again.

Their mental headspace.

They couldn’t remember the last time they’d imagined themself in this place. It had shifted, lightly. As opposed to just an empty landscape, they felt themself on the roof of some kind of skyscraper. Wherever their mind told them they were, they didn’t know.

“What… am I doing here?” Lily murmured, looking around. They held onto their own arms for comfort. If they were here, then…

“Long time no talk.”

Lily whipped around.

“Kassandra?”

Sure enough, there she was – the other part of Lily, the one they knew so well. She didn’t look like just another version of Lily, either. She looked like Kassandra, with her long, bright red curly hair, a half foot of height on Lily, and much more scrawny arms. Lithe, built for speed. Always ready to leap and defend them.

Lily’s protector. She was there, in the headspace with Lily, separate from them. How had this happened? Were they really in that much pain?

Lynch syndrome posed a threat to them, they realized. And so, when a threat emerged, Kassandra did, too. But—

Lily shook their head. None of this made sense.

Kassandra crossed her arms.

“I’m here because you need me, Lily,” Kassandra said firmly.

This was wrong. All of this was wrong. “I don’t need you,” Lily retaliated, glaring at Kassandra.

“Wow. Harsh,” she snorted.

Lily stopped, and realized the tone with which they just spoke. “S-sorry,” Lily murmured. “I’m just confused.”

“Welcome to the club,” Kassandra said quietly. She walked up to Lily, and for the first time in years, Lily was close to Kassandra. So close, and yet, so much more distant than they had been.

They’d… disintegrated.

Lily’s heart broke realizing that fact. They never lost Kassandra, but they were no longer at war with her, and so they just… existed as both Lily and Kassandra. Lily didn’t need to talk to Kassandra because they were each other.

At least, until now.

“What do I do, Kassandra?” Lily asked weakly. No pleasantries, no ‘nice to see you again’ or small talk. It wasn’t necessary. Lily cared about Kassandra, but they wasted no time on such useless words.

Kassandra looked down, unsure of what to say. Weird of her – Lily could remember her always having some kind of snarky, sarcastic reply, or at least some kind of course of action. “I…”

“I don’t know what to do,” Lily continued. “What am I supposed to do, Kassandra? What if something happens to me– to us? What if we’re in danger now? How – how will we know how to… how to…”

Lily broke down, sobbing lightly in their headspace. Kassandra gently, yet awkwardly, put a hand on Lily’s shoulder. She was trying to be reassuring. She was a protector to Lily, someone who would always intervene when there was danger.

But she couldn’t protect them from something like this.

“Please… protect me…” Lily pleaded.

“I don’t know how,” Kassandra admitted. Lily couldn’t remember hearing Kassandra’s voice so uncertain, so weak, so powerless. Like there was no fight in her. They couldn’t remember a single time she had sounded like this. Kassandra awkwardly played with her hands, looking back at Lily with the same hopelessness. “I don’t know if I even can. Or how I would go about it. I… I just don’t know.”

“Please,” Lily sobbed.

“Lily, I…”

~~

“Lily?”

They were crying.

Lily opened their eyes slowly. Kassandra was gone, and so was their headspace; the whiteness, the skyscrapers, everything.

Magnolia’s hand was on Lily’s shoulder. They saw the daylight seeping through the curtains, but all they wanted was to just crawl back into sleep. Real sleep, not a half-waking dream.

“Mistress?” Lily asked weakly.

“You were crying in your sleep again,” Magnolia commented. “Are you okay?”

A moment of silence passed between them. “I apologize,” she murmured, “that was a stupid question.”

“No it wasn’t,” Lily whispered.

“At least you seem calmer,” she said. “You don’t have to tell me what you were dreaming about right now. Right now, you need more sleep.”

Lily nodded, barely able to make eye contact with their Owner. “Yes, please.”

It didn’t take long for Lily to fall back into a deep, dreamless slumber. At some point, they heard the clinking of a glass of water being placed next to them, and murmured a quiet thank you.

They needed sleep. They didn’t know what else to do.