Retinue statements on trust

• Natalie seems to have asked her friend Tanya about this.
• Apparently discussed ideas like making silver readily available at any chosen bar and even hypnotizing people preemptively to illustrate no interest in abusing trust
• The hypnosis is… I shouldn’t rely on that.
• Also insisted I’d have more luck with “sex freaks and yuppie burnouts”. I suppose it would make sense
• Mixed sentiments in general
• Dana had a unique perspective given Mary’s mixed consideration the night they met
• However, they didn’t have much to say
• I would exceed Mary there by simply discussing the implications of the inflicted hypnosis at any point before being already at home hypnotizing them
• Caitlyn… is doing better than she was last week. Spent a lovely evening together last night.
• Also asked her about this when she was released temporarily on Sunday. She still doesn’t seem to know how to feel about Mary’s rather aggressive flirting.
• Perhaps there is something there, something about the assertiveness that people crave… difficult balance to strike to be sure
• We both at least agree that Mary was coercive and borderline abusive about the matter. Baby/bathwater scenario?
• Apparently she is getting along with my Lily as well. Quite the appealing concept
• Helen had a lot to say on the matter, and on several other matters. She is wonderful in that way.
• I appreciated getting to talk to her about everything with Lily.
• Makes sense that she cannot stay here, especially if I were to attract another proper thrall somehow…
• Need to make sure Mary is prepared when they move out. I’d hope she will restrain herself now, or at least not expend the effort to find people not looking to be found
• Thankfully I have the resources to help with move-out at least
• The moment when home set in was of great interest. We figure it has to do with the way I proved myself against Mary but it’s hard to be sure
• Unsure whose home exactly it is. There is something about both of them, something related… unsure if it is psychosomatic. Their relation feels similar in any case.
• We can’t exactly test it, not without irreversible changes
• Perhaps protecting humans would endear them to me? Even more than hurting them.
• Jessica herself was remarkably helpful. Claimed she just wanted my questioning over with when thanked for being forthcoming
• This sounds insincere but perhaps it’s just a matter of wanting to help me not be at home
• She does trust me, supposedly. It doesn’t make her want to give blood. I suppose that is useful to understand as well, that trust is not always enough
• I’ll just have to accept that
• It’s not as if I can’t
• Some humans I will completely convince I won’t hurt them and they still won’t
• I have to assume I’ll never have her blood but we all have to deal with harsh realities sometimes
• Besides once day she might
• Later
• But it’s easier with her I’m used to smelling her all the time
• For others I must adjust and understand that even if I don’t have any one human the venue is still mine and I will have my meal and if they don’t want me then I must simply be outside their league
• …I’ll need to meditate beforehand, to imagine being in that situation. I believe I had a therapist a while ago who said something about that technique.
• …I’ll also need to meditate on the fact that having an honest therapist is quite impractical as a vampire. Though solving that problem is a low priority.
• I’ve already learned many lessons from Hunter. Empathy and vulnerability go a long way.
• Natalie also said something about handing knives to people. I suppose there is a certain inescapable appeal there as well
• Hunter also independently echoed her “proving myself via hypnosis” scenario. It worked on them, I suppose.
• Unsure how to avoid actual hunters if I arm my prey. People are unpredictable
• My Lily obviously can’t speak to this much right now. She trusts me more than any human could ever be trusted
• It’s also not exactly a puzzle what made her want to be mine. We’ve all been aware of that for a while.
• I’ll have to convince Mary to keep releasing Caitlyn on Sundays though. If only for my lovely devoted thrall…
• By the same token, Mary’s thralls were not that helpful
• Vivienne was the only one who did not answer when I asked everyone over text why they chose to let me drink from them…
• I really must get Mary to free more of them. Unsure how to achieve that without Jessica or Helen experiencing some unprecedented change of heart
• Perhaps my other plans with her could help

Running Themes

• All those in my retinue came to allow me inside them through some combination of two forces: their own sexual desires, and the understanding that if I had interest in abusing such power, I already would have.
• We can boil these down a bit. To convince someone to allow me a drink, I must establish both desire and trust. All suggestions reduce to one of these things.
• Jessica, for example, seems to more or less trust me. However, she doesn’t desire what I can provide, not without being emotionally closer.
• This could be changed if I was closer to her, hypothetically. But there also must be chemistry…
• It’s not worth thinking about, and she’s mine anyway
• No one in my retinue desires me without trusting me, but most outside would fall into that category. That’s a key issue.
• Desire strategies
• Charisma is obvious, but this naturally violates trust. At least, once it’s worn off. Which I must let it do.
• I can be alluring on a human level quite easily. Mary may need more help… but that is something I can provide.
• Natalie’s statements on people being curious but unwilling to take the risk and Caitlyn’s ambivalence about what happened when Mary took her are evidence for my long-running hypothesis… that many humans already have this desire, and wish for an opportunity to indulge.
• It’s infuriating, then, that all the powers my vampirism grants to me seemingly exist only to enhance that with which I don’t even struggle to begin with
• i.e. I don’t need help alluring humans who would be perfectly allured otherwise
• Confidence is alluring to be sure… and as Caitlyn pointed out, Mary’s reckless presumptiveness did have its appeal, abusive as it was.
• Perhaps this can be leveraged to gain trust. After all, who would trust a vampire who does not seem to trust herself?
• That seems important.
• Trust strategies
• Giving people ways to repel me. As much as we would all like to believe Linda didn’t need to stop me, as much as it can feel somewhat stifiling… I can’t expect humans to trust me if I give them no tools to ensure that trust is expected.
• That means silver, mostly. Garlic will make it hard to be nearby.
• Knives are a boost to both this factor and desire. It would seem they maximize both risk and reward.
• Testimonials from others, as long as they are not ‘culty’, as Natalie put it. In some sense, this is a great part of what drew Lily to me as well.
• This should naturally develop over time. I’ll need to work with the Streetwalk in advance, hopefully I won’t bother them too dearly if I call soon.
• Minimize charisma, obviously. Again, I don’t need it. As a bonus, it would at least have been exciting to me back in the day to hear how effortlessly my partner could overpower my will if desired.
• Perhaps offering protection of some kind, a la Helen?
• Unsure from what. I won’t play good cop bad cop with Mary forever.
• If none of this works, the last ditch effort would be that idea of hypnotizing someone only to inure them to hypnosis in the future that Natalie and Hunter both thought of independently. Proving that I don’t intend on abusing power.
• This is even more effective with witnesses. Someone to verify
• Bartender?
• I still can’t escape the big question though… How do they know I won’t keep them forever.
• The answer I suppose is that they don’t and that they get to know that beforehand.
• Maybe that’s also trustworthy

Hunting Plans

• That is, flirting plans
• As said, need to reach out to the Streetwalk
• Hopefully I can have a text conversation about it, though in-person may be required in case they think I’m pranking them
• I know from experience how obnoxious it is to wade through fake vampire prank calls.
• Thankfully silver isn’t difficult to source from the university… though perhaps that is a non-universal advantage I shouldn’t rely on
• I’ll discuss its necessity with them.
• If all goes well, we can develop a plan to avoid undue contact and perhaps allow bartenders to function as witnesses in case of hypnosis
• And coordinate on how that can be made to not seem ‘culty’
• How to handle Mary
• She shouldn’t be there when I’m unsure what I’m doing
• Really she shouldn’t be there in general
• It’s my hunting ground
• I know this is territorial instinct that doesn’t stop it being true
• Need to help her flirting skills in general…
• Makeover as well. I can’t in good conscience let her suffer under the belief that a ten-year-old skirt and a twenty-year-old graphic T-shirt is anything but the bare minimum to remain clothed
• But how to convince her of that, when even Jessica once insisted her fashion sense was “beyond divine”
• That will come when I have decided her part in this
• Her part in this
• She is my fledgling, of course, so once I have learned how to do this myself I will need to dedicate myself to teaching
• Perhaps it is not so bad to bring my fledgling to my hunting ground for practice
• They are both mine after all
• How to approach
• As said, the hypnosis should be a last ditch. Still, I can’t exactly use it to turn around a situation that’s already going poorly…
• So I must avoid flip-flopping.
• Perhaps it is more trustworthy to open with this? Or perhaps that would just make them too terrified to say no.
• Unless I give them plenty of choices after that…
• And I can think of no other way to ease the obvious fear of abuse here than knowing that the threshold has already been crossed…
• It would certainly be lovely to do this to people as well but that shouldn’t factor in.
• And I can’t just hypnotize people without consent, regardless of the benefits.
• …Though I suppose I could allow my prey to look if they wish.
• Or if they don’t know not to…
• I can’t cynically exploit ignorance, though.
• …They will allow me to do it if I have a reputation. Until then… I don’t know
• I suppose whatever I do must be confident. That’s another running theme
• Confidence induces both desire (Obvious allure) and trust (I know what I’m doing)…
• Perhaps that is most important of all.
• So then I wear my most beautiful jewelry and the low-cut dress, plenty of makeup, radiating confidence.
• Or, emanating confidence, anyway.
• I enter and sit down, let people come to me. They must be curious.
• They approach, I project confidence (I will be terrified but it’s not the first time I’ve stared down overwhelming situations with a poker face) and I hand them some silver wrapped in cloth as I explain matters.
• If they catch my gaze (before I explain everything (but I will explain)) then I use the hypnosis to protect them against my gaze.
• Surely many people would run after waking, in this situation. Let them.
• They’re not good enough for me anyway, not if they’re running.
• Dedication is as delicious as anything else. Or, camaraderie. That is a better word.
• I can’t let Mary see these notes
• If I am confident enough with people, then perhaps some will stay. There must be some willing to take the risk.
• As long as the bar actually has patrons, and everyone does not, as Lily put it, “go like the old guy from the Simpsons when he walks in and then walks back out”… there will be someone.
• I only need one. Only one is good enough. Discerning tastes and so forth
• Perhaps insist that they take a moment in the bathroom after talking to me just to be sure charisma isn’t muddying matters
• does this sound unconfident?
• But enough talking to my instincts like they are a child addicted to the television. I know how to twist these things against themselves.
• If everything works well, if I am honest with myself and treat myself as the alluring and above all honest non-literal Goddess I am… I will feed from a near stranger. For the first time since the study…
• And without the sheer exhaustion of the study… as if it were the first subject I drank from again.
• …I still remember her name was Yvonne. I’ll never see her again but this will be better.
• Disregarding that. The point is, I will feed, and once I do, I will finally have a meal guaranteed every day for the remainder of a long, productive, wonderful life.
• And if I don’t… it wouldn’t be the first time. I’ll just try with another bar.
• I have all the time in the world, after all