— shitstarter added Hell-in-Earth to the chat. —

ok.
so you guys saw what she said.
what the hell are we gonna do about this.

— shitstarter added GraveHarper to the chat. —

Oh shit uh hey jessica
You mean that whole thing with lily right
The like full-time dommy mommy business

yeah.

Uh i dunno
Idk if its something we gotta do something about?
Or are you like asking if it is or
Sorry this is like a lot i dunno

I think Jessica is just trying to ask people’s opinions on Luma’s… announcement.
Without any prying eyes.

yeah i guess.
it’s kind of a question where i was on the way home from a tournament when i saw that shit.
and now i’m sitting in a fucking burgermeister thinking about whether i should just take my chances sleeping out back.
but also yeah what helen said too.

Oh shit right
Jesus it’s like 1am are you ok

no.

Jess…
For what it’s worth, I don’t think Luma’s an… immediate threat.
She knocked on our door earlier and scared the absolute shit out of me, but she was just checking to make sure our room was still a home.
And it is!
And I haven’t seen her outside her room since.
So you should probably come home.
That being said, this is definitely making me reconsider whether hiding behind her is the safest option.
I wouldn’t be opposed if you want to move out.

yeah ok i’ll come home for now.
we’ll talk about it.
just like.
seriously this is fucking screaming bad omen.
i mean fuck natalie she basically blood raped you in the woods right.
can we trust that.
how much further till she slips like that again.

Fuck i dunno bestie
That’s not a 1am sorta question
She’s had a million opportunities to go all blood bonkers and hasn’t
The frequency of like unhinged tackles and shit has been goin down over time
But i kinda thought this shit was off the table at this point too
So i dunno
Maybe she’s gonna start slipping
I dunno what i’d do about it if she did
Tbh kinda jealous of how hardass in control of your lives you two get

you get used to it.
comes as easy as being some pasty headcase’s fuckpuppet for a year.
hurts more feels better.

I have to admit, pain does feel pretty ideal most of the time.

— shitstarter added forest_freak to the chat. —

Not that I’m interested in becoming some kind of 24/7 stress toy or something…
Honestly, I have no idea what the hell Lily is thinking with all this.
It’s as if nothing any of us said meant anything to her.
Fantasies are nice and all, but it’s like she can’t accept anything that isn’t a fantasy.
Like she just doesn’t trust any other part of her life to be worth anything.
Also, hi, Dana.

the situation with lily seems fairly straightforward to me
lily had a troubled childhood, probably disrupted in the oral phase
dysfunctional in any case
certainly being transgender and thus depersonalized for much of it can’t have helped
not to mention the attitudes of her parents on that topic
so now she is desperate for validation, as we all saw
it tends to happen when one’s parents teach them their needs won’t be respected or attended to
while also failing to provide a consistency that can at least be rebelled against
it’s learned helplessness, plain and simple
reality is basically a mirage in comparison to the promise of symbolic perfection
is it any wonder that she wants to reenact the psychosexual footprint of childhood in the form of a 24/7 submissive?

Uh

You’re awfully confident, for someone who’s never met her in person.

i’ve seen people like her
and frankly, i think luma’s idea of playing out her fantasy while nudging her towards freedom from it is probably the best that anyone could do for her
maybe that’s easier for me to say from halfway across town
obviously she’ll need to adapt to lily’s needs, and carefully
psychotherapy can’t be imposed, i assume that’s still true if a vampire is the ‘therapist’
or maybe it isn’t

ok cool glad to hear you got a whole essay ready.
you ever see the second after telling luma she can’t have your blood.
fuckin flash in her eyes.
do you trust that?

i’ve seen it, but i’ve never seen her act on it
i suppose this could be the beginning of something horrible
somehow i’ve always had trouble believing that though…
something about watching her wrest my freedom out of mary’s lips, i guess
it left an impression
and not to get into all of mary’s issues, but i suspect if luma can handle one, she can handle the other

ok no.
not this shit again.
i’m so sick of hearing about that bitch like she’s some fucking quiet kid at the psych ward.
you ever have someone ruin your life and then luma comes along all fucking don’t worry maybe she’ll still fuck you one day if you’re good?

well, i believe she has told mary that exact thing about me
and mary was not exactly considerate of my full consent when she took me originally
though obviously the context was completely different

ok no shut the fuck up.

i don’t mean to trivialize, jessica
i’d be shocked if you felt any other way after what happened

uh huh.

Hey uh sorry to derail but like
I guess it’s sinking in what jessica was talking about
I’ve been kinda operating on the logic that if luma went full predator mode on me then i’m probably just fucked
So it doesn’t matter
But now i’m genuinely just thinkin like
She says this is gonna give her an outlet right
And make us safer

she says that.

But i get it's like
What if it's the other way right
Where she just starts gettin too used to treating people like dolls and it bleeds out
Haha bleed hahahahaha
I uh
Guess what i’m asking is like
Is there a line this crosses where it’s gonna be time to fuckin bail
What’s it gonna look like if she does snap
Should i bail now
Are you guys gonna bail now
Not let her drink from you or ghost her or whatever
I don’t think i want to

i'm not
frankly, abandonment is the last thing luma needs right now
especially not from the people with whom she’s on roughly even terms
people who are her primary source of the blood she needs to live
that would be a fantastic way to send her spiraling

ok so what about us.
what’s good for us right now.
why’s it always about her.

she doesn't drink from you, jessica

i know ok i mean like.
me and helen live with her ok.
and it’s nice and everything.
i guess i trust her not to just randomly maul us.
usually.
kind of.
but i can’t just placate her.
she’s an adult ok it’s not my job to make sure she doesn’t kill me.
or worse.
i’ve lived in places like that i don’t want this to be one of them.

that’s understandable
i don’t believe it will be

Yeah, that’s… a stronger version of how I feel.
I really wish I’d known.
I think I still trust her, but do I trust her enough to let her into my head again?
With how I get, I’m not sure.

Wow that sounds fucked jessica
Though i kinda get what you mean
I mean you remember how she was early on right
Kind of

yeah like a shark that i couldn’t stop feeding.

Ok well i guess it was just the first part for me
But like i could kinda tell
I was her first uh suckbuddy or whatever
And like i’m happy i said yes it’s been sick honestly
But i mean it wasn’t hard to tell everything was kinda uh
Hinging on that
For her whole thing
I mean seeing her making food she couldn’t even eat and like trembling tryna keep her shit together
How could i say no to that
And like she let me say no
She did all that shit to let me even when the failsafe fucked up
And it wasn’t like she didn’t have way better rizz than i expected anyway
But still
I could tell

yeah.
but you still wanna do it.

— shitstarter added SmallManForYou to the chat. —

do you just feel bad for her?

Yeah let’s say that 😳
Nah i’ll be real it’s because she’s hot as fuck
And also like
Man at this point i’m kinda attached
She’s sweet i dunno
Kinda wish she hadn’t just dropped this on us but like
I dunno it’s only been like 4 days or whatever since it happened
I can give her a break

I definitely would have liked to be asked about it beforehand.
…I don’t know what I would have said, but it would have been nice.
I also would’ve liked if Jess and I had been the first to know.
Especially given we’re the ones being asked to have Lily as a roommate, eventually.

im Sorry i couldnt Tell You
for What Its Worth
it was Just because i Tried To kill her Before

yeah we were there for the same speech you were.
thanks for getting her to tell us i guess.

She was Mistaken Of course
i Dont have an Opinion Anymore
I dont know
ill Stay out Of This

yeah sure.
ugh i don’t even wanna think about having lily as a roommate.
fuckin doing stupid worship rituals.
or the shit mary used to do.
god helen remember that time mary had us over to play fuckin like mario soccer or whatever it was.
and mindy was just sucking her off the whole goddamn time.
and neither of us were even allowed to like acknowledge it.
what the fuck even was that.

OH GOD, YES.
I didn’t even remember that Mindy was there until after I got released!
Thank God Luma made her give us back all our memories.

that sounds unusual
do you really expect luma to do that sort of thing with lily though
that kind of pathetic yet strangely erotic fare isn’t really her m.o.

no but it’ll be some other shit ok.
you know luma.
it’ll be some meta shit about how she’s fallen from grace or whatever.
she’ll like order lily to praise satan.
make her eat out of a dog bowl or some shit.
maybe it’ll get kind of racial but not on purpose.
meanwhile i’m just trying to eat a fucking sandwich.
i already get enough of that.

…Am I that loud?

you’re not quiet.
i get it though ok.
you’re fine.

Ha… okay.

…i can’t quite contest any of that
but it didn’t sound like lily actually spends most of the day on that
if luma wants her to develop as a person she surely gives her a lot of autonomy
at the very least, the daytime hours are to be fairly non-sexual as i recall

great so she’ll be going around like cleaning or working out or whatever because luma told her to.
and we’re all gonna act like nothing’s weird when she starts saying some shit like.
oh my goddess says the fucking plantains make my blood taste better.
or whatever.
and what we play along and make sure we don’t upset lily too much or whatever or else she never fucking grows up?
that’s not our job either.

it’s not your job, but i don’t think it would be the burden you imagine
besides, lily is not immature, she’s just not very independent
dependency is perfectly mature when acclimated to situations that reward it

Ok i feel like this convo’s gettin real close to just dissing lily
If there’s a victim in this it’s her so maybe let’s chill on that

it’s not an insult

ugh fine sorry ok.
i’m just pissy i don’t mean like.
i dunno.
how am i supposed to treat this like it’s a good thing.

its What She wants isnt It
lily I Mean
I cant remember The Last time what I Wanted was a good Idea
does It Have To Be A Good thing

…I guess it was her decision.
Maybe I should put more stock into that.

yeah so she says.
who knows if that’s even real.
luma could just be like making her say that or something.

I mean if luma’s willing to lie about this stuff we’re fucked anyway
For all we know we’re all already her thralls and we don’t know it
Kinda hot situation not gonna lie
But not worth thinkin about right

I… guess that’s true.
Not very comforting, though.

yeah we’re trying to avoid that kind of shit natalie.
cause you know she’s gonna go fucking bonkers with that memory shit if she does snap.

whatever the case, it’s lily’s choice, not any of ours
one which luma is going to great lengths to make sure she can take back
we all have an obligation to respect it, even if you two are uncomfortable with it
honestly, would you act like this if they were in a mundane 24/7 bdsm relationship

I guess not…

they’re not in one so who cares.
they’re in like a mini sex cult where luma fucks around with lily’s head like she’s a goddamn manchurian candidate.
it’s not that it’s weird or whatever i just don’t want luma to get too comfortable with that sorta shit.
not around me.
i already feel like i’m walking a knife’s edge all the goddamn time.

your apprehension makes sense given what you’ve shared of your history
but i’d say your history is clouding your judgement
i’m inclined to trust luma when she says her resolve is solidifying
she’s not going to succumb to temptation in the way you’re clearly scared of
frankly her insistence on giving lily a way out of this seems quite characteristic of her usual patterns
we all saw how lily was acting, that can’t have been an easy sell

yeah yeah i’m just an emotional idiot or whatever.
stop acting like you know me ok.
clearly you don’t fucking get it.

i’ve known people like you

Hey so like
How would you feel about it if lily wasn’t staying with you jessica
I don’t think you have to let that happen

i dunno.
i like.
ugh.
i need to talk to helen about it.

I think I’d be… hesitant, either way.
But there’s a part of me that thinks it would be better if Lily were living with us?
We could see how it plays out in person, right?
Instead of just worrying about what we’re not seeing.

…i dunno.

hypothetically, that would prevent some of the expected anxiety
though it doesn’t seem like you would be any less anxious either way, jessica
frankly, it doesn’t seem like you’ve ever lacked in anxiety

BITCH SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH
I
sorry.
i’m not in the mood for this.
home in like 5, helen.
can you uh.
meet me at the door.

Of course!

thanks.
love you.

Love you too!

is she always so on-edge

Dana, I understand you’re trying to help.
But I really need you to back off my girlfriend.
You seriously don’t understand the kinds of things she’s been through.
And frankly, you’re coming on way too strong even then.

…i understand
apologies

It’s fine.
I had to learn this the hard way, too.
Anyway, I don’t know what to believe about Luma right now.
I think I need to have a one-on-one with her or something.
And Lily too, come to think of it.

I’m always around if you wanna talk too
And seriously like
I’ll totally support you guys if you don’t wanna stay down there with luma anymore
Or if you don’t want lily with you or whatever
Hell you can crash with me a few days if you need it

Thanks.
I… don’t know if we’ll end up needing that, but it’s really appreciated.
I really just hope we all come out of this okay.
Jess, Lily, Luma…
Why does it all have to be so hard?

Just how it is with fuckin vampires i guess
Literally
We all jumped on the bleeding edge so we gotta keep ahead of the knife
Lily loves bleeding though so she’ll probably be fine no matter what
At least kinda
I dunno this metaphor sucks
Or wait is that a metaphor or a fuckin
The other one

It’s a metaphor.
And I think I get it.
Jess and I…
We jumped out of the frying pan and into that knife, right?
To use a worse metaphor, haha.
Also it was Hunter’s knife, specifically.
And I guess I like bleeding on it too much for my own good?
Is this anything?

Gonna be real bestie i have no idea what you’re talking about

Thought so…

It makes sense To Me
You dont know What Youre doing
no One Does
My knife Is Very Sharp
so You Know What youre doing
And Why
right

…Something like that.
I need to get the door for Jess.
Nice talking to you guys again, even if the circumstances weren’t ideal.
Let’s do it more.

of course, anytime

thank You

Yeah sure thing
Hit me up whenever
Especially let me know what’s up with Lily if you end up knowin
Seriously you can spill the tea all over me i’ll lick that shit up

…I think the metaphor got away from you a bit there.

Ok it did
But it’s pretty funny
So i’m gonna stand by it

I guess that’s all we can do.