[Begin Excerpt]

Mary: Okay, so it should all be set up!

Luma: For what purpose do you even have a ‘capture card’ to begin with? Did you intend to become one of those internet ‘streamers’?

[Mary cracks up]

Mary: Oh my Lilith, that's hilarious! No, silly! I just wanted to record some stuff for Tara back in the day.

Luma: Tara?

Mary: Don't worry about it. Also, I wouldn't exactly have facecam, silly~

Luma: …Is that a requirement?

Mary: Oh Lilith, you are so precious. Okay, so I'm starting it up now.

Luma: Very well.

[Intro sequence from Kirby's Adventure plays, during which Kirby is drawn into being.]

Luma: Ah, so this is the Kirby.

[Mary snorts]

Mary: Yeah, it's him! Okay, so just press start.

Luma: Which one is ‘start’?

Mary: The one that says start next to it.

Luma: Right… Are all video game control devices this small?

Mary: Nope! No one's made a good controller since, like, the SNES. After that was when it all went downhill.

Luma: Just then?

Mary: Well, I guess the GameCube was kinda fun… but they never made that Kirby game for it. It was pretty lame.

Luma: That was the 2000s, yes? Was that before or after the Wii Nintendo?

Mary: Before. I didn't really play the Wii much, though. That was when games got boring and dumb.

Luma: And that is unrelated to you being turned in 2007?

Mary: Yeah.

Luma: …Of course.

Mary: Oh my Lilith, stop acting all jealous! I can see it in your eyes.

Luma: Jealous?

Mary: Yeah, ‘cuz Caitlyn's mine again.

[Luma growls]

Luma: Not Jealousy. Concern.

Mary: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just press start already, okay?

Luma: …Of course. I suppose I'll select the… first Kirby? Or is that the ‘difficulty mode’?

Mary: Oh my Lilith, it’s a save file. Just pick the first one.

Luma: Alright.

[Introduction for the level ‘Vegetable Valley’ plays. Kirby is menaced by a swordsman, but at the last moment, eats the swordsman, producing a sword.]

Luma: Did the Kirby just… eat him?

Mary: Yeah? That's what you do in this game.

Luma: So he… Is that not lethal?

Mary: Oh my— Maybe? Who cares.

[Kirby travels into the hub area on a ‘warp star’. He's standing on the ground, awaiting player input. A door with a ‘1’ on it stands next to him.]

Luma: I care. It seems rather important.

Mary: You would think that.

Luma: Yes, I do. Isn’t this supposed to be a colorful little romp? For small children and the like?

Mary: Well, yeah, but it's also, like, secretly fucked up. He looks cute, and pink, but he’s actually evil, you know? It’s sort of like Lovecraft.

Luma: I… fail to see the connection. Is he going to enter that door?

[Mary bursts out cackling]

Mary: Were you waiting for that? No, silly, you’re playing now! Try pressing buttons.

[Kirby jumps a few times, inhales, then wiggles around. He puffs up, staying trapped that way for a few seconds. The game is paused several times in the process.]

Luma: …I see. So, I suppose I navigate him to door 1, since he is Kirby 1.

Mary: Uh huh, sure.

Luma: …How do I enter the door?

Mary: Nope! This is from old times. They didn’t have all this handholding and railroading and stuff back then.

Luma: Before about 2007?

Mary: Yeah, something like that.

Luma: Mm. Of course.

Mary: Oh my Lilith, look at you! Jealous territorial little bitch~

Luma: This isn't even about… her. I'm obviously speaking about you.

Mary: Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s hard to realize I’m the better predator, isn’t it?

Luma: [Grumbling] Better, no. I suppose you're more manipulative. More of a mess. Are you at least going to honor her request?

Mary: What, for breaks from being mine? Maybe I would’ve, if that hadn’t obviously come straight out of your mouth, you needy little—

Luma: [Growling] She told me to protect her. I have a responsibility. You will—

Mary: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, let’s just… let’s just drop it. And play Kirby’s Adventure.

[Luma snarls]

Luma: …Fine. So I suppose if you’re suddenly deciding to show interest in others developing independent of you for the first time since we met, I’ll just try things.

[Kirby wiggles randomly in front of the door, until he enters it]

Luma: Ah, I see. You have to slide the cross button right to left, to mimic opening a door.

Mary: What? No! You just press up!

Luma: …Ah. Why up?

Mary: I dunno, it’s just what you do. Look, you’re in a level now. Go right.

[Kirby moves to the left, running up against the edge of the screen.]

Luma: I see. There is nothing to the left.

Mary: Yeah, see? You can trust me!

Luma: And I'm happy to find that out myself. I’ll go right now.

[Kirby moves to the right]

Mary: Good girl~

Luma: I can snap your neck.

Mary: What kind of threat is that? I can just snap it back!

Luma: Yes, but it would be very painful.

Mary: For you, maybe, you weak lil’ human-type… uh… softie~

Luma: Mm.

[Kirby approaches an eyeball monster which uses a beam attack. After a few jumps, he inhales the monster.]

Luma: Oh— I see. So now I've done it. Does that mean…

[Kirby spits the monster to the left, offscreen]

Luma: Ah, alright. So he can spit them out as well…

Mary: No, but— You’re supposed to swallow him! Then you take his powers!

Luma: You’re doing an awful lot of handholding, Mary.

Mary: Ugh, no! I’m just giving hints. It’s different!

Luma: Perhaps there’s something more… intense you'd like to share, regarding the topic?

Mary: No.

[Couch rustling]

Mary: H-hey, stop— stop that!

Luma: Nothing to say? Oh, but it would make you such a good girl, though. Don't you want that?

Mary: I— I—

[Mary hisses]

[Luma giggles]

Mary: [Quietly] Just play the stupid game already, Stoica.

Luma: Hm… alright.

[Luma clears her throat]

[Kirby begins moving to the right again, inhaling and spitting out various beasts]

Mary: Ooh! Ooh! Swallow that one!

Luma: The… what is that, is that a cactus? A… green raindrop?

Mary: It's Sparky! It gives you Spark! Suck it up!

Luma: I… very well.

[Kirby inhales the Sparky]

Luma: So how do I swallow…?

Mary: Oh my Lilith, you're hopeless. Press down.

[Kirby swallows, gaining the Spark ability]

Mary: Good g—

Luma: Good girl.

Mary: I— w-what!?

Luma: For helping me.

[Mary groans, fading into growling]

Luma: Settle down. We both know you'd be blushing if you could.

Mary: I— I— Whatever! Use your stupid power!

Luma: In the game, or…?

Mary: IN THE GAME.

Luma: Of course.

[Kirby emits several bursts of sparks]

Luma: I see. So now I am like the Sparky.

Mary: Yeah, that's like, Kirby’s whole thing.

Luma: So I’ve heard.

Mary: Yeah, yeah, I know. Shut up.

[Kirby reaches a wall and repeatedly attempts to jump over it, to no avail. Use of the Spark power in midair similarly fails.]

Luma: I’m not sure… how I can…

Mary: Really? Apparently I haven’t told you about this enough, if you’re forgetting about how Kirby can fly.

Luma: I believe you’ve mostly skimmed over that part.

Mary: Well, just press up, okay?

[Kirby inhales the air and puffs up. He remains still.]

Luma: Alright.

[Mary groans]

Mary: No, hold up, silly!

Luma: What will that—

[Kirby begins to fly, wiggling his arms]

Luma: Ah, I see. He becomes like a balloon as well.

[Mary giggles]

Mary: Mm-hm!

[Kirby flies over the wall, continuing to the right edge of the screen]

Luma: So when does he fall down.

Mary: He doesn’t!

Luma: So… you can simply fly above the world?

Mary: N-no, I mean… Like, you have to go in that door, though!

[Kirby descends and enters the door. Upon entering the next room, he resumes flying over the level.]

Luma: So you mostly can. What is the point of this game?

Mary: Wh— it’s fun, okay!? It’s a fun game, and it’s for vampires too!

Luma: I didn’t say anything about vampires.

Mary: W— Well, yeah, um…

[Game paused]

Luma: …What did your begetter do to you this time?

Mary: Nothing! Go back to playing the game, okay?

[Couch rustling]

Luma: You know I can’t let that slide, Mary~

Mary: I— I— Let go of—

Luma: Just as you would let go of Caitlyn?

Mary: HA! You really are jealous!

[Luma growls]

Luma: Don’t be ridiculous. She’s mine, too, after all~

Mary: Y-yeah, sure, whatever you say, you— you weird little, like, human-ish nerd!

Luma: Your eyes look so adorable behind your glasses.

Mary: S-stop deflecting! You admitted it, didn’t you? You’re jealous.

Luma: …Perhaps, just a bit. But I—

[Luma giggles, verging on cackling]

Luma: I learned something, too! About how to treat someone just right, so they’ll keep coming back…

Mary: N-no, I…

Luma: And I’ve tasted your miasma, too, a few times. Wouldn’t you—

Mary: That’s not the same!

Luma: It’s not… so different. Not for you, anyway, I’m sure…

Mary: I… I…

Luma: But what I mean is… well, I suppose all you have to do is just… just…

[Luma growls, and Mary moans]

Luma: Just hold them tight and solve all their problems for them and never let go. Isn’t that right?

Mary: I… Y-yeah, uh, that’s—

Luma: So what is it, Mary? What did your begetter do?

Mary: I… I, um…

[Mary sighs]

Mary: Ugh, whatever. She just, like— My goddess thought I was wasting my time with them. Videogames. Said it was, like… like human stuff. And for kids. And, like, pretty much all humans were kids according to her, I guess…

Luma: I’m not saying that.

Mary: And you’re not my goddess. And she… She said I should do it if I wanted to, okay? It was good! She was… she was so—

Luma: She hurt you immensely. This sounds like casual dismissal, which can have all sorts of passive problems when backed up by this sort of… unbearable power.

Mary: Yeah, yeah, whatever! Why are you always acting like some kind of— like, therapist, or whatever?

Luma: Well, psychology is a rather significant aspect of—

Mary: This wasn’t even that bad, okay? She was probably just trying to get rid of all the old stuff I did, so I could be perfect like she was. She probably didn’t even care!

Luma: Evidently she cared enough for it to still bother you.

Mary: I mean… Like, I guess it felt kinda bad how she threw the game I’d just bought in the trash when she took me. Although… I mean, pretty soon it didn’t feel bad at all… It… She made it…

[Mary breaks into a giggling fit]

Mary: What kind of room even was there for games once she was— was fixing me? Once I was hers!? It felt so good, and she was so… so good, and I was so lucky to… to have—

Luma: So that was when she hijacked everything, and then you killed that friend of yours, and so on and so forth. What game was it, if I may ask?

Mary: Uh… Super Mario Galaxy. Huh, I guess you were there, too. Kinda.

Luma: Right, your ‘fun little guys’… Well, it’s not the worst thing I’ve heard, but it’s part of a pattern of reckless abandon. One I believe you still—

Mary: Can’t it just be fine?

Luma: Hm?

Mary: Why’s everything she did always bad to you!? She was perfect, I— I— If it sounds bad, I’m just, like, messing up describing it or something, okay?

Luma: Mary… I—

Mary: No! Shut up. Just— Just play Kirby’s Adventure more, okay? That way you can see it get fucked up, and stuff.

Luma: I… I… [Cracking up] Bad—

[Mary squeaks]

[Luma growls]

Luma: …No. No, perhaps it is better to drop it for now… and play Kirby’s Adventure.

Mary: Yeah! Good girl~

Luma: Don’t push it.

[Game unpauses. Kirby falls down to the level and continues travelling the world.]

Mary: Yeah, yeah…

Luma: And I’m not… waiting for something, for the record. Lovecraft or otherwise. The game is entertaining enough now.

Mary: Really?

Luma: Yes, it has a certain… entrancing quality to it. I can see why it is popular.

Mary: That’s what Caitlyn told me last night~

Luma: And what Dana told me two nights ago. Are we dropping it or not?

Mary: I— I—

[Mary sighs]

Mary: Ugh, fine. You missed a secret, by the way.

[End Excerpt]