Dear Diary,

 

Lilith, I hate that I'm even SAYING that. This is so dumb, everything for the past week has been SO DUMB.

 

Like, I really thought I'd be done with Luma's stupid game once I got her to take Natalie, that yummy yummy YUMMY looking hiker lady she almost killed. It SHOULD'VE been! Luma’s always trying to act all like “I’m just a normal nice old lady a blah blah blahhhh” but she’s always fucking drooling when she talks about this chick. Which is super cute tbh, it reminds me of, like, you know, but it’s also super frustrating when she won’t even hunt her properly!

 

She even talks about being a predator lately but she’s still acting like the pathetic little human I turned. She’s going soooooooooo hard on the restraint angle, and it’s so DUMB! Like, yeah, obviously you gotta hold back so you don’t just kill people first thing, but that’s why it’s so important to stop being human, because humans don’t get how this works! That’s what Goddess always told me, and I was always thankful to know it… She was so…

 

Ok I’m back. But like, yeah, now she won’t stop lording over me how happy she is about doing things her stupid annoying way, and saying all sorts of blasphemies against Goddess, and calling herself Goddess even though that’s WRONG. And she’s even bothered me into making this stupid diary because she’s convinced I have some kind of ‘trauma’ or something.

 

I swear, ever since tasting Natalie the first time she's been so LIKE THIS. That chick must have some kind of crazy virus in her blood or something. Like, all I did was tell Luma to NOT wait in the middle of the forest so she could ‘release’ her first catch for no reason, and she was suddenly all pushy with me, and growling, and she pinned me to the ground and I couldn't overpower her AND IT MAKES ME HUNGRY THINKING ABOUT IT!? And ever since then she's just been like pushing me around and calling me a bad girl for just trying to be how Goddess wanted me to be and she's just just just I mean SOMETHING'S gotta be bad about me that I let it happen!  And now even I'm just, like…

 

The crazy virus is CONTAGIOUS, I GUESS. Idk. Idk how I let her convince me to, like… like…

 

I mean, obviously she just, like, she called me a bad girl and said a bunch of stupid fake things about Goddess and then somehow I just decided to go along with it? Maybe she's making me do this diary because she, like, secretly knows she's full of shit or something, so she's helping me sort through it so I can make all her weird stupid bad thoughts go away. But that's so dumb! How am I supposed to work this out and fix myself when she keeps just trying to break me like this!?

 

I wanna talk to Caitlyn rn soooooo bad, Caitlyn always knows just what to say to cheer me up, but that's the problem! I didn't even wanna say it since it's so wrong, but Goddess said I should do what I want with thralls and, like, like, I have to wait A WHOLE DAY before Caitlyn comes crawling back to me! And the process took FOREVER too, like, LILITH, leave it to Luma to take something as easy as hypnotizing cute girls and turn it into some big stupid ritual where you have to be ‘careful’ and ‘precise’ as if you can't just FUCKING PAVE OVER THEIR STUPID WEAK LITTLE HUMAN THOUGHTS AND IT'S FINE.

 

I mean, I don't do that. Goddess did that, but not me, I think cute girls are cuter when they have thoughts! And stuff. But like, LILITH, I'm always having to WAIT for Luma and her stupid little hangups. She made me stew for SO LONG when she was turning, and she teased me and grabbed me and stuff for AGES before letting me actually drink from Dana (that cute new girl I took for practice, who ISN'T EVEN LUMA'S, no matter how much they were flirting), and now she just walked me through SO MANY STEPS to release Caitlyn, and now they're talking, and I can't SEE her for a DAY and she just… just WOULDN'T let anything else happen.

 

I miss when I could push her around, I guess? She was cuter then, and like— like— she's supposed to be MINE, you know? I TURNED HER! I'm her BEGETTER! What kind of fucked up shit is all this? What did she do to me? NO ONE gets to do this to me, no one since Goddess, of course, but now she comes along and she's so full of herself and she thinks she's SO MUCH BETTER and she just… just gets to be READY right away!? And it's all my fault…

 

Ugh, whatever, this is just making me feel bad. Guess that’s why Luma likes it so much! Like that time she pinned me against a wall and drank my ichor even though ichor tastes like shit and she knows it. She just looooooooves torturing herself for some reason, and she never lets anything go, and I can't even DO anything about it anymore! I TRIED to tell her not to drink fucking ichor, but she DID, and even while she was coughing and choking and drinking water like some kind of human she managed to tell me it was, like, nostalgically bad somehow? ‘Like a very spoiled borsch’ even though I'm pretty sure that's like some kind of radish or something? Idk, I looked it up but the only sources were Wikipedia articles, and you can't trust Wikipedia. I always make sure my thralls know that.

 

Anyway she also said it tasted like me. And like my thralls. And I can't get over how, like… I mean… Like, she keeps calling herself Goddess and it PISSES ME OFF but also the bite felt like, uh…

 

Lilith, I can't even play with my old bite mark and worship Goddess anymore! She's just… just fucking eating away at that too, because now she keeps saying it, it won't leave my STUPID HEAD, and… Goddess, I really wasn't ready. Not for this.

 

I wish She was here. She'd fix all this, She was totally unbeatable. She'd fix my brain and help me feel like I'm supposed to. She'd fucking like rip off Luma's head or enthrall her or just like give her what she deserves! Whatever that is. But… I mean, I guess the way everything's going all sideways… it's only more proof She's really dead.

 

Ugh. And she even took that from me. NICE WORK, Stoica. Fucking bitch. I hope Caitlyn kills her or something. I'm gonna… I dunno. It's making me hungry. I'm gonna call Mindy over, I think… she’s always good at distracting me. We'll play more Mario Galaxy together… or, uh, maybe something else. I dunno.

 

Just gotta hold out till tomorrow… Then I can really rub it all in her face!

 

-Mary