We all think we are so special. I've had that thought a lot recently, but not in a bad way. I was sitting at the local coffee shop when the thought hit me again. I sipped my cup as I looked on and analyzed the people there. I did that a lot, looking at strangers and trying to figure out what type of lives they had. But today, I was thinking about how we all think we have this special secret we have that no one could possibly understand.
Of course, now a days, you can find someone with your particular tastes online with a few clicks of the mouse. The internet has become a heaven for unique and special individuals. But what I'm getting at is a little different. As I looked at the sharply dressed businessman ordering his latte, I couldn't help but imagine he was some sort of sexual deviant somewhere deep inside. That maybe he liked to get dressed in a big dipper and have a dominant woman take care of him while he called her 'Mama!'
That is what I finally understood thanks to the internet. We all have something… Well maybe not all of us… But in our need to be accepted and normal, we tend to hide our desires from others in the 'real world'. I smiled as I watched a shy looking girl I often saw at the library. I bet she was some kind of dominatrix in the sheets. Or maybe not… Who really knows?
The point I was making to myself was that I understood that my own kink wasn't that strange or abnormal. That I was probably not so unique in my desires. I certainly found a whole bunch of like-minded people online and I've had wonderful chats and sessions with a good number of them. But here in the real world… I never told a soul.
Why would I?
Fear of rejection for one… To be judged… Laughed at… I sighed as I thought of a million reasons why I would probably never be able to indulge my kinks. Not for real anyway… Maybe as a form of play with an open-minded boyfriend. Once or twice… How would I even find such a man?
I smiled again. There was Josh…
Josh was a psy major that I became friends with during my college years. He had an incredible mind and a body I could certainly enjoy. But in those days, he was going out with his high-school sweetheart and I was never the one to break up a good thing. Our friendship evolved and we became rather close. Up until we went our separate ways after graduation. We kept in touch of course, but he lived 2 cities over and was working hard to open his own psychiatric practice.
From what I knew, he was certainly talented enough, but the market wasn't keen on young graduates opening their own practices. Or so he told me in our last correspondence. Which brings me to today and the reason I was in the coffee shop.
He was in town!
I couldn't wait to meet him and catch up. As if on cue, I watched him come into the shop and search the crowd. I waved at him and he smiled. God… Did he actually get MORE handsome? He looked so confident as he motioned that he saw me. He signed that he was grabbing a cup before he came to sit with me. I nodded.
The great thing about Josh was that there was never any sort of pressure or worries between us. I knew that the moment he sat down, it would be just like we had seen each other yesterday. No judgments. No 'why didn't you call me earlier' or anything as dramatic. I watched his frame and I noticed he had gotten into shape. He was probably working out now. He had broad and square shoulders and his back narrowed down to a slim waist. His shirt was doing a bad job of hiding his muscles. Which I was thoroughly appreciating.
He grabbed his order and came to join me. We hugged before he sat down.
"I can't believe it has been 3 years! How have you been Myra?" he said with a warm smile.
"Busy little bee as always!" I said. "You know me, I always seem to have something to do!"
"You mean you always make a point to STAY busy! You haven't changed."
"I know! What about you? How is your practice doing? Your last email was what… a few months ago? You said you were still having trouble finding a decent client pool."
"Yeah… The town has a lot of competition, so to speak…"
"I'm sure that once you find a few good clients, word of mouth will do the rest!"
"I know… Just can't seem to find them!"
"I'm sorry to hear that…"
"But I have a plan I'm already working on."
"Oh?" I asked as I sipped my coffee. "What is it?"
"I plan to move to a new town and open a different type of practice. I'll still aim to get regular clients of course, but I figured I needed a specialty."
"And what would you specialize in?"
"Hypnotherapy." he simply said.
A cold shiver ran down my spine as I tried not to react. When I didn't answer, he pressed on.
"We studied hypnosis back in college, but I didn't concentrate on it too much. I thought I would get back to it later in my career. You know, as a tool to boost my practice. But… I was studying the surrounding cities and I noticed that not many offer it. I was thinking of grabbing that niche of the market for myself. Build from there..."
"So… You've been studying hypnosis again?" I said as I tried to force my voice to stay normal.
I still remember when he had casually mentioned he had to study hypnosis for one of his classes.
"Sure! I had a lot of material from my college studies and I now have access to a lot more as a therapist. I've been working on my skills for the last few months in preparation for the big move."
I was looking at him as if I was seeing him for the first time. My mind was going a mile a minute with simulations and fantasies. Without knowing it, he had pressed a spot deep down in my mind.
Hypnosis… My own little 'unique' secret…
I had always had a fetish for mind control. Ever since I was a young girl I saw characters in movies or shows get hypnotized. It captivated my impressionable mind. They looked so peaceful and happy while they were under the influence. It didn't take too long to discover that I had a real kink for it as I became a young woman.
I tended to be rather submissive in my relationships. Which made most of my boyfriends rather happy. I also found a special kind of satisfaction when I gave pleasure to others.
Truth be told, I always thought of it as a by-product of my desire to be controlled. Played with… Helpless… Part of me was a little ashamed of it. Especially when I was still discovering myself. I felt like it was wrong for me to want it. To willingly desire someone to mess with my mind and make me their little sex puppet. But I couldn't deny how aroused it made me feel.
So I guess I submitted to my exes as much as I could, without letting on that I wanted so much more. It always worked on some level. But it always left me wanting more…
Inside my mind, my darker self was licking her lips. Almost yelling at me to go for it. I had already fantasized about Josh hypnotizing me. The image stuck in my mind and it never really went away. I imagined he would hypnotize me to be his little love slave. On the side… At his beck and call to fulfill desires Cindy didn't like to do. I felt so bad for masturbating to that thought. Josh was a nice guy and I didn't want him to break up with Cindy.
But anything goes in a fantasy right?
Regardless of the past, my inner demon was rattling in her imaginary cage, trying to make me ask him. She was a little too eager… She only saw a cute man that was actually learning to hypnotize people! A close friend too… I could trust him, she reasoned. But he had a fiancee… Cindy… His high-school sweet heart…
I couldn't put myself in that situation. It would be so frustrating! But then again… I longed to feel the bliss of a trance. To let go… I had never indulged in the real world and I role played a little online with a few of my freaky friends, but it was never real. Just fun to imagine it was.
But he would probably be able to do it to me for real…
Would I really consider it? Being hypnotized by him while knowing I couldn't indulge my darker fantasies? It would be a huge tease…
"Sorry… I spaced out there… What were you saying about your new practice?" I said.
"Hahaha" he laughed. "I was saying that I had another reasons to want to move, but that's not important. What is important is that I think I studied it long enough and I need to practice to hone my skills."
My heart was beating fast. Practice? I could almost hear my darker self yelling at me, threatening to break through. I certainly wouldn't get a better opportunity to experience hypnosis. Was I ready to indulge? What if he actually DID manage to hypnotize me? Make me fall into that sweet trance… What if he asked me about my dark secrets? Would he find out about my kink for hypnosis? What would he think about it?
"Earth to Myra…" he said with a smile.
"Right! Sorry! I had a long day at work yesterday…" I lied.
"Anyway… I was just saying…" he started to say before his phone beeped.
He looked at the screen and frowned. I could even see pain in his eyes.
"Is everything alright?" I asked concerned.
He sighed and put his phone away, looking out the window for a moment.
"Her?" I asked, but he didn't answer and just looked out the window.
He looked really troubled. What was happening? He always was such a happy go lucky guy, always smiling. He never seemed to have a worry in the world and I admired that about him. I had rarely seen him so pained and concerned. Even when he had his big finals coming up!
What should I do?
A - Myra asks about the other reason behind his move and if it is linked to the text he just received.
B – Myra changes the subject by asking about Cindy and how she is doing.
C- Myra ignores his face and asks about just how he plans to get hypnosis practice without any patients.