Valerie

As Cassie woke up, I did my best to project confidence. I knew how Mistress handled Herself around a new thrall from personal experience, and I wanted to give my own thrall a similar experience. She deserved it.

I let her come to her senses at her own pace, still sitting against the wall with Gail in my lap. Cassie was sitting up, still disoriented, holding her head with one hand, feeling around her neck with the other, right where I had sunk my fangs into her. Her fingers were getting closer, closer… right on the mark.

She let out a long moan, fell back onto the bed, and cried out, “oh, Goddess!”

She began squirming in something resembling excitement, and her head swiveled around randomly to face me.

She climbed down off of the bed onto the floor, kneeling in front of me, head pressed to the ground.

“Goddess… Goddess. You… You bit me,” she said, voice small, trembling. “You drank my blood, and I l-l-loved it…”

I lifted Gail a little bit and she got the picture, sitting back up against the wall herself. Without her on my lap, I crawled forward a bit and petted Cassie on the head, causing her to shudder with pleasure.

“You tasted so yummy,” I said, digging my fingernails into her scalp a little. I had to be careful, though, to make sure I didn’t hurt her. “Tangy and salty and a little bit sweet… and you, you let me take it because you were completely under my spell. It was so fucking cute.” Her objections hadn’t been anything to take seriously. She’d enjoy it in the end, just like Gail had said, just like I enjoyed my own enthrallment.

“Yeah… hehehe,” Cassie giggled. “I know I said I didn’t want You to bite me, but You knew better, Goddess. You’re just… You’re more capable of making good decisions than I am. I shouldn’t have even tried. I should have just deferred to what You wanted.”

Yeah! I had made this decision myself in the end, without Mistress’ help. I got advice from my friends and loved ones and figured out the right course of action. And everything had gone so perfectly. I knew now what I’d be able to have with Lauren once I saw her again. Despite her objections, I was sure she’d love being my thrall, too.

And the way Cassie was saying that she should just take orders from me instead of making her own decisions was making me horny, too…

“You’re a good girl, Cassie,” I said, reaching under Cassie’s face to pull her head upward from kneeling. “You’ll obey me from now on, won’t you? And you’ll be happy this way?” I gave her a hopeful smile, wanting to confirm that everything had truly gone as well as it seemed.

“Goddess, yes, I’ll obey!” she exclaimed. “I’ll obey anything… command me and I’ll be the happiest girl in the world. All of my worries about my ex, about my future, they all feel like a stupid memory next to You! You’re the only future I need! I think… I think I love You!”

Oh Goddess, love… we still barely knew each other, but I guessed it had been the same when I met my own Mistress. It had been the same for Gail, too. Love came so easily to thralls… being loving and loyal and obedient were their defining traits, after all. I wanted to be worried, but this was all actually very normal behavior. Mistress would approve.

“I’m learning to love you, too, honey,” I said. I cupped her cheek and leaned in to kiss her softly and deeply, the way that Mistress liked to. I had a lot more trouble moving my tongue around my fangs in comparison… it was a challenge.

“I’m so happy, Goddess,” Cassie said, pressing her forehead against mine as I pulled my lips away.

“See this girl?” I said, looking up at Gail next to me. She had been watching our interactions with great interest, a little smile on her cute freckled face. “This is Gail. She’s my only other thrall right now. You two are both mine, you understand?”

“Yes, Goddess,” they said, nearly in unison, probably by accident. But Goddess, that was hot, hearing it from both of them at once. It showed how much power I had over them both. It showed how I owned them, how they were practically extensions of my will. I needed more of that.

“Cassie, stand up and give Gail a kiss,” I commanded. “I want you two to like each other. You both care for me so much, you know.”

Gail blushed, taken by surprise by my command. I touched her leg and patted it reassuringly as Cassie said “yes, Goddess”, stood, embraced my blonde-haired thrall, and pressed her lips into the other woman’s, filled with passion, passion that was mainly directed toward me, I could be sure, even if it was channeled through Gail in this moment. I knew how I felt when Mistress ordered me to kiss Hannah.

“You two are both so cute,” I said, standing and gently—gently, I had to remind myself—hugging them both.

Cassie was blushing like crazy, panting, probably overcome with all sorts of emotions, all positive… and her heart was beating like crazy, pumping her yummy blood all throughout her extremely pretty body.

“Shit…” she said. “I’ve never kissed a girl before tonight, and now I’m kissing two of them.”

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” Gail said, holding Cassie’s hand as it hung limply between us. “You’re really cute, Cassie. We could do it again, if Goddess approves.” She looked at me, hoping for an answer, and I grinned. I knew Gail loved soft kisses.

“Do it,” I commanded. “And say ‘yes, Goddess’ together in unison. That was so hot the first time.” I had already gotten my fill from my newest thrall, but my pussy was still dripping wet.

“Yes, Goddess,” they said, almost in sync, kissing again, obeying my command. This was going to be the new normal, and I thought I could live with that.

In the end, enthralling Cassie had obviously been the right decision, the purest expression of my Mistress’ will. I was sure of that. I was completely sure of that!

Lauren had been pretty helpful when I called her before following up with Cassie. She had tried to give me advice, at least. She compared Cassie’s situation to how she had been taken by Mistress, and she had ended up loving that. She had her concerns, but ultimately, she was supportive of my decision, more or less. She thought it would be a good idea for me to ask Cassie, but Cassie did end up liking it in the end regardless of what she had said before, so what did any of that matter? Lauren had just had a silly personal concern, one that both of us had to have known wasn’t really going to be relevant in the end.

Now Cassie was in the hospital because of me, but I still hadn’t talked to Lauren, not for two whole nights. Her transfusion from Gail had gone great; she was just resting now. The two of them, Dr. Yessa, and Mistress had all said it would be OK for me to step out for a moment to take a phone call, so here I was, standing on some grass a little ways out from the entrance to the emergency room outside Newburyport General Hospital, about to do just that. It was 1 AM, but I knew Lauren well enough to know that she’d probably be awake at that time, even on a human sleep schedule.

As the phone rang, I thought about how weird it felt to be standing in a grassy place like this in the dead of night. Only a few hundred feet from a hospital, but still, normally I’d be at least a little concerned about a wild animal walking up to me. But now, nighttime only felt soothing, and I knew that no wild animal could seriously harm me.

Lauren picked up. She let out the kind of sleepy groan that she did when she was waking up from being half asleep on the couch, writing on her laptop. I had seen it more than a few times before.

“Val… hey…” she groaned, yawning afterward. It suddenly dawned upon me that I hadn’t ever yawned myself since being turned. I might not have been capable any more.

“Hey, Laurie,” I said. I tried to keep my tone even, but my voice was definitely quivering, at the very least, even if it wasn’t seductive. With everything that happened with Cassie, I wanted to believe I was holding myself together better than I really was.

“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked, seeming to come to attention suddenly, as I heard a sound that was probably her adjusting herself on the couch. Oh Goddess, she must’ve noticed my tone of voice, now everything was gonna go to shit, no no no…

“Well, it’s just…” I sighed. “Remember that Cassie girl who Mistress and I ran into in the hallway a few days ago?”

“Yeah?” Lauren said warily.

“I drank from her. I took her. She’s mine now.” I steadied myself for what I hoped wasn’t going to come. This was my girlfriend on the phone, my best friend for close to a decade. If I wasn’t honest with her, what was I even doing? That’d be giving up the last of my humanity. It was something that even Mistress wouldn’t do.

“Right, OK,” she said. “Did you—”

I had to get to the point. “She’s in the emergency room, Laurie. I… I got excited last night, and drank from her again, after the first time. She seemed fine at the time… but I woke up this evening and she told me that she’d been having fainting spells all day. She barely felt able to walk without falling over…

“I was completely panicked. I told Mistress… She said I had probably taken too much from Cassie to begin with. She thought Cassie would probably be fine if she just had a big dinner and got some sleep, but we all drove to the hospital just to be safe. Mistress made sure she got a blood transfusion from Gail. They have compatible blood types, I guess. Cassie’s recovering now. And I’m out on some grass outside the hospital, calling you.”

“Fuck,” Lauren said. “Oh, Goddess. You couldn’t control yourself, right, Val?”

“Y-yeah,” I said. “Without Mistress, I don’t think I really have a good picture of how much is OK to take just yet. I’ll get better, I swear to you, I don’t want to hurt anyone—”

“OK… and you talked to Cassie about all of this, right?” she asked. “Before you enthralled her? Like we talked about the night of?” 

“Uh… uh…” I mumbled. Lauren had wanted me to do this. I had probably let her down at least a little bit, but I really, really didn’t want to admit that… no, Mistress had wanted to let me make this decision, Lauren had to understand too. It was what Mistress would have done…

She was the love of my life. I couldn’t lie to her about this even if I wanted to.

“She wanted her memory erased instead of letting me drink from her, Lauren,” I said. “I put her in trance, you know, to do that, but she looked so cute like that. She smelled so good… I thought I’d just have a little drink and then erase her memory. No harm done, right? It’s what Mistress would do.

“And so I drank and I drank, and Lauren, she was so yummy, you have no idea. And then I had to wait for her to be coherent again, and I called Mistress for advice—you were asleep at that point in the night—and she picked up and suggested I talk to Gail about the whole thing, and Gail thought it would be a great idea if Cassie could be my thrall, too. She said she’d probably like it a lot, and it all made so much sense to me. And, I mean, Laurie, when she woke up, Cassie did like it a lot. She was afraid, sure, yeah, but like Gail said, we were all afraid when Mistress enthralled us, and it always turns out so well. I think I can be the same way… even with you, Laurie. I think you’ll taste really good, too. And then you can have two Goddesses to worship. Won’t that be good, honey?”

Lauren didn’t say anything for a while after I finished. For a moment, I was worried that I had accidentally entranced her with my pretty voice. She must’ve been so worn down after listening to me talk on and on for so long, even if I wasn’t trying to be seductive. It was inescapable, and right then, I didn’t mind. It just made me look forward to how delicious she would taste when we finally got together again.

“Honey?” I asked, a little worried. The thing was, if she was in trance, she’d be responsive to my words. I realized that she must’ve been silent by choice, or otherwise away from her phone.

“You… you…” Lauren breathed. “You took her just like that? You want to take me like that, the same way?”

The way she said it reminded me of how Emily’s messages had read when I told her that Mistress survived her imprisonment. No, this was an exciting thing, something to look forward to. By taking Cassie, I had overcome all of my personal hangups and become a vampire who would make Lilith proud, same as my Mistress. That was a big accomplishment. Mistress Herself had been very excited to hear the news when She’d returned later that night. I didn’t want Lauren to think this was somehow a bad thing, but it sounded like she was on the verge of tears, or at least just terrified.

“Yes, Laurie!” I said excitedly. “You’re gonna be my thrall and I’ll take such good care of you and keep you safe and love you with every fiber of my being! And I’ll make sure you don’t end up in the hospital like Cassie did. I’ll be careful… I’m learning, and Mistress will help too. I’m sure She’ll be there with me to keep you safe.” I paced through the grass, weaving around trees while I dreamed about what my girlfriend’s blood probably tasted like.

“S-so… did Mistress say you should take me?” Lauren asked.

“She wants to leave it up to me. Just like She did with Cassie.”

“Then just… just please consider, Valerie, Valerie, my love, please consider our relationship,” she pleaded. “I love what we have. I love what Mistress gave us. I look forward to seeing you again every day… every night. But I don’t… I don’t think I just want to be your thrall. I’ve already got Mistress for that sort of relationship. We both do, honey. Can that, um, be enough? I don’t want to lose it…”

She sounded like she was bargaining, just like when Mistress had come to take her to begin with. I didn’t get it. Didn’t my Laurie understand that this was good by now? Like Gail had said…

“Laurie…” I sighed. “I know enthrallment is a little scary. But don’t you realize how good it’ll be for both of us? Just like it was that night when Mistress took you. You were so adorable when She had me hold you down, you know? Totally peaceful, under Her spell. Wasn’t it nice to let me take control back then? I know you liked it. You’ve said so so many times since. I can do that any time you want, honey. I can put you under my own spell… I probably already am, aren’t I?”

“Y-yeah…” Lauren said dreamily. “It… it feels nice to listen to you, Val…” She sighed in an adorable way, on the edge of falling asleep, for normal reasons or thanks to my influence, it barely mattered.

“So it’ll be OK if I make you mine, won’t it? You’re already mine, my love,” I said. I needed it, needed it to be OK. I needed her more than I had ever needed anything.

“M-maybe,” Lauren said, like she might fall into trance at any moment. “But… Cassie… she’s… she said no!” She seemed to snap back to awareness suddenly. What had gotten into her?

“A lot of people say no to Mistress,” I said. “Even Gail, and have you seen her? I mean, have you seen me, honey? I was going to kill Her, and becoming Her thrall was just unthinkable, but here I am now, as Her eternally loyal fledgling. And I’m a vampire like Her now… I’m a Goddess in my own right. Even though Cassie said no, I could make her like it. Just like Mistress made me like it.”

“I—uh… you’re not Mistress, though, Val,” Lauren said. “You’re not… as good as She is. You put this girl in the hospital! What am I supposed to think? This is the kind of stuff I was worried about when you called me about this the other night! This is—”

“Laurie, Laurie, please!” I interrupted. “Mistress approved of me taking Cassie, you know? And She’s making sure that Cassie’s not going to be hurt, not in the long run. Everything’s under control. Her control, as always.”

Lauren groaned. “I remember Mistress saying that She wanted you to make this decision yourself. And personally, I have to question that decision as your partner, honey. You hurt her, Valerie. You don’t know how to control yourself, and it makes me worry about what would happen if you enthralled me. I want us to stay us, honey. It’s important to me.”

At that moment, I smelled Gail’s familiar scent as she walked up behind me, her arm bandaged up where she had given blood. I looked back at her, and she was carrying a refillable water bottle in her hand, taking a swig and pointing back toward the hospital building with her opposite thumb. She looked content, so I figured that Cassie was probably doing OK.

“Um, Gail is here. I probably should get going,” I said.

“Alright, that’s fine. Take care of your other partners, hon,” Lauren said. “Just don’t forget what I said. It was a bad idea, Valerie, and enthralling me would be an even worse one for our relationship. Call me any time, OK? I’m going to bed. Love you.”

“Al… alright, honey,” I said. “Mwah.” Lauren returned her own “mwah” and hung up the phone, as I was left with Gail and a lot to think about.

“Cassie’s doing better, my Goddess,” Gail said. “She and Mistress are good to go when You are.”

I nodded, feeling kind of shaken and shivery even though I took the cold so much better than I had used to.

“OK. I can’t wait to see her all rested up.” I reminded myself internally that everything was fine. With each of my thralls hanging on my every word, there was little that would be able to go wrong. Lauren was getting all worked up about something that wouldn’t be a problem in the end.

In the half a week since, there was still quite a lot of uneasiness remaining between Lauren and I. It was May now, and that meant that we had to be thinking about our Mistress’ 247th birthday on the 25th of the month, just under three weeks away. But whenever I tried to call Lauren about it, she’d sound kind of distant, and she wouldn’t stay on the phone long enough to succumb to my charms. I still didn’t understand what she was afraid of.

It was Lauren and my first year with Mistress on Her birthday, and before I was turned, both of us had hoped that we’d be the winners of the yearly drawing held among Mistress’ thralls to decide who would be Her birthday cake for that year. I wished that I was still eligible for that, but I was taking solace in the fact that Lauren was more likely to be picked with me out of the running. Maybe Mistress would even let me have a bite of Her cake, if She was feeling generous.

Mistress had stayed up well into the morning, close to 10 AM, working on Her painting of me, and she had woken up again the following evening putting her finishing touches on it, while She insisted I stay comfy in bed or otherwise out of Her suite. She didn’t like being interrupted during this stage of the process, She said. What She had shown me last night had me absolutely floored… there I was, head and shoulders, with what my partners had called a sweet and inquisitive smile on my face, always looking for something beyond what the person I was looking at was showing me.

Mistress had managed to replicate all of that, even in the sketch, and She had added paler skin, blood-red eyes, and fangs on top of it. It didn’t feel like I ought to have looked that way, but She had told me that She was sticking to strict realism… 

I was starting to feel kind of depressed staying in bed after half an hour or so, so I decided to take a step outside of the suite.

As I walked down the hallway toward the stairwell, I thought about what Mistress had asked me two nights ago, about why I had come after Her. Thinking about it, I realized that Celia was probably trying to use the fact that I had come after Mistress because I thought She was a bad person as proof that Mistress was someone to be avoided. But I had been wrong about that, and I wanted Celia to know it too. I still craved their blood, the look of suppressed fear on their face as I put them under my spell. I wanted them to know that they’d be safe with Mistress and I, just like Cassie.

Mistress Herself was clearly going through a lot since Her dinner with Celia, not even having drunk from them. Between my original efforts, Emily, Nicole, Caroline, and the circumstances that led to my turning, it seemed that I had introduced a lot of turmoil into Her undeath. Since I knew Her, my Mistress had been compromising on so much that She held dear. Maybe that was good, for someone to challenge Her set-in-stone positions, if only indirectly. She certainly hadn’t blamed me or any of Her thralls for all that had happened.

That put me into a similar situation to Olivia, I guessed, as I got to the bottom of the stairwell. Even though I hadn’t heard mention of her before, Mistress had really loved that girl. It made me reflect on the reality of Mistress’ long undeath. Two centuries might have been longer than any human lived, but it was still more of an abstract in my mind. Knowing that Mistress had known Olivia for almost four of my lifetimes, while another four had passed since then, really put things into perspective. If nothing bad happened, I could survive for that long, too. I wondered if I’d be as set in my ways as Mistress had been when we met by that time…

I wondered how much I’d miss Gail and Cassie and especially Lauren, with only Mistress remaining by my side, and I broke down crying at the bottom of the stairwell.

I had to make the most of the time with Lauren that I had left. It didn’t feel like we had so long together any more. It was only me that was keeping us apart. I had to beg Mistress to let me do it before Her birthday came. I wanted to share that birthday together, because it would be one more that Lauren and I would get to share together over the span of her life. That was limited in an unbalanced way. Even waiting one more night felt like it’d be way too long.

Shit, shit, no… maybe I had to turn her. I could do it, and then we’d be together forever, just like what Mistress could’ve had with that love of Her undeath…

Goddess, I could do it, fundamentally change someone’s nature just like that, in a way that could never be reversed. It was a lot like enthrallment, actually. Even if I hypothetically got out of her life and made her forget me, I’d have left an indelible mark on Cassie in one way or another, if only in the way that anyone did in a romantic relationship.

Turning Lauren would be something else entirely, though. It made so much sense to me now why Mistress had been hesitant to turn anyone for two centuries, even beyond any of Her personal baggage. This would be a matter of granting her immortality and a predatory nature that was a struggle to control. It was a matter of taking her humanity away for good, and making her feel as empty and despairing as I was now, probably…

Fuck it, that was just depression talking, not anything deriving from my “true nature” or whatever. I knew how it felt. And that perception was holding up because at that moment, I was sitting on the bottom step of a dingy stairwell, and I had been there for the better part of an hour now, the harsh industrial lights of this back room grating on my senses. Damn building codes… this was my Mistress’ home. She should have been able to have the lights off at night if She wanted to.

Even if it was just depression, though, I was depressed for a reason, and I couldn’t get over it in a second. I couldn’t handle the thought of losing Lauren at some point. Even the time we had spent apart since I had been turned was too much, and now this additional strain over Cassie and Lauren’s own potential enthrallment… couldn’t my love see that this would be the best way to make sure our love lasted, so that I could enjoy her fully, have my fangs in her, give her a good time? We all knew how good it was. She loved giving up her blood to Mistress. Why couldn’t I have that too?

In a depressive fugue, I lost track of time, and I could barely piece myself back together even when I felt Mistress’ light touch on my shoulder as She sat down next to me.

“You weren’t answering My messages, sweetie,” Mistress said, rubbing my back as She sat down next to me. “So I came searching for you. Are you doing alright?” 

Mistress was still dressed in Her tank top and shorts, both stained with paint, and I realized that She was probably done with the painting.

“I’m, uh…” I muttered, not even knowing where to start, but hugging Mistress and leaning against Her shoulder nonetheless. “Well, I just got kinda caught up thinking about Laurie. H-how I’m gonna—aah…” My throat seemed to seize up and I couldn’t get the words out.

Mistress put a hand under my chin. “How you’re going to what, dear?”

I wanted to answer, but I couldn’t, I could only sob and shake my head…

“You think you’re going to hurt her, is that it? You know I’ll be there to ensure that no harm comes to anyone,” She said in Her gentle, reassuring tone, but She didn’t understand. It wasn’t that She was altogether wrong, but what I’d do to Lauren if I wasn’t held back wasn’t really the core problem.

“I-it’s about… what happens… 50… 60, 70 years from now…” I sniffled, straining my voice to get the words out. I couldn’t handle thinking about this. It was so inevitable, so unavoidable. I felt like I’d be counting the days until then.

“Oh… oh yes,” Mistress said, pulling me closer to Her perfect body. “That is one consequence of immortality.”

“You… You’ve lost so many people, Mistress. Even Olivia. But You just keep surviving. I don’t understand how that’s possible. Even for a Goddess like You.”

Mistress looked down at the cold concrete floor. “I will not say that it doesn’t weigh on Me greatly. Mm, in the late 1850s, when I said my final goodbye to my Violet… well, I was devastated back then. I had tried to put off the thought for so, so long… I considered turning her at points to keep our relationship going. Yet she was accepting of becoming an old lady… an old maid, a spinster, she called herself at times, My Violet. Never losing herself to the institution of marriage. She was happy with what her life had become. With Me as her Mistress… her lady-lover. Her girlfriend, as we now say. The love of her life.

“I couldn’t bring myself to demand that from her. Maybe I was just a coward, maybe it was wrong to her. Maybe I could have been a half decent begetter. Maybe I could have had with her what I never did with Olivia. What I have with you now. And when we finally parted ways, I felt Myself lost in an endless sea. I thought of throwing Myself into the sunrise.

“But I kept correspondence with Olivia. I told her of what had happened, and she recounted a tale of Lilith that her own begetter had once told her. One I’m telling you now. Lilith kept many thralls, of course, and a self-righteous human, jealous of all that our ancestor possessed, murdered several of them to even the scales, from his twisted point of view. Lilith got her revenge, of course, never to be upended, and she mourned her losses. But she did not give the jealous human all that he had wanted from her. She didn’t give in to despair. She persevered. She strove to better herself, to prevent anything like that from happening again. To give her thralls longer and happier lives, because her thralls gave her strength.”

I sobbed, probably barely understandable as I said, “Lauren d-does give me strength. S-she and You are practically the only reasons I get out of bed every day— every night. I can’t r-replace her with someone else. No more than I could ever replace You, Mistress.”

“No. Of course not,” She said. “No one can replace Lauren, and no one could replace Lilith’s lost thralls either. No one could ever replace Violet, or Olivia. But what Lilith took forward was the love that those thralls had had for her. The knowledge and the special moments that they had shared. The memories she would retain of them for centuries and centuries to come.”

I wanted to believe Mistress, I really did, but thinking about what She had just said just made me cry more and more. Did all vampires really have to go through this? Of course they did. I hadn’t even had to yet. By acting like this was a real problem for me I was just being shitty and awful and shitty and awful…

“Perhaps this is not the appropriate story for tonight, dear,” Mistress said. “I believe it may serve you well one night, but, ah—”

“I need to see her, Mistress!” I begged, barely cognizant of Her own sentence. “I can’t stand being apart from her for another single minute! Please, Mistress, please, please, please!”

“Oh, darling…” Mistress said, hugging me tight to the point of straining my ribs a little bit. I didn’t mind that at all. “It has been far too long, hasn’t it? I don’t desire to keep you two apart.”

“Please let me go see her, Mistress! I want to turn her, I need to turn her, I need to be with her forever. I can’t lose her like that, I’m not like You, Mistress, I could never move on no matter how long—”

Before I could finish, Mistress pulled Herself away from me and whipped around to squat in front of me, one hand on each of my shoulders. She moved in the blink of an eye from a human’s perspective, but I could follow Her individual movements now, see where She was. And the look on Her face was very serious, very authoritative; I could make out a hint of fear, too…

“Valerie, My dear, My fledgling,” She said, staring straight into my eyes with the intensity She usually reserved for entrancing humans, “that is really something you ought to think more about. You’d be forcing upon her the same trials and tribulations, the same neuroses, that you’re now experiencing. Don’t you dare lose control of yourself. You may make that decision tonight, but think of the regret that could come tomorrow…”

“I’m so sure, Mistress!” I cried. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been as sure of anything!”

“If you consider yourself so sure,” Mistress hissed, showing a sort of aggression that I had rarely seen since becoming Hers, “then you’d best keep in mind that such a decision is not yours alone to make. Don’t forget that Lauren is Mine. You wouldn’t deprive your Mistress of Her thrall’s blood, would you?”

She… She was right. I couldn’t. I couldn’t ever. I collapsed, sliding my ass down off of the stair, falling onto the dingy concrete below, probably totally ruining my favorite gray hoodie as my pant legs slipped under Mistress’ thighs. What was I doing? I couldn’t do that… I couldn’t ever. My Mistress’ desires could never be discounted, and I knew She loved Laurie’s blood. I wanted it too, but whatever I had would always be with Mistress’ blessing.

“No… no… I’m sorry, Mistress,” I whimpered. “She’s Yours. I couldn’t threaten that… I didn’t consider…”

“As long as it’s understood, My fledgling,” Mistress said. “I have always said that it is your decision whether to enthrall Lauren, and I intend to honor that. But you must not threaten her human life. You’re still a fledgling, after all. You’re inexperienced, and you’re Mine.”

All I could do was nod meekly, but that seemed to be enough for Her. She offered me Her hand, which I took, and She pulled me up into a squat, springing to Her feet in the process. Her expression was still a bit stern, but compassionate, and She seemed to be overcoming the feral protectiveness that She had been expressing a moment ago.

“Let’s return to My suite, Valerie,” She said. “You ought to see what you look like. Then we can get outside, and perhaps get over to the park downtown together?”

“I’d like all of that, Mistress,” I said in a quiet voice. “But… can we go see Laurie? I can’t get my mind off of her. No matter how hard I try.”

Mistress was walking toward the door out to the lobby, but She stopped and looked back at me with sadness in Her eyes.

“Do not take this as some sort of punishment, My fledgling,” She said, Her voice apprehensive, “but you’ve shown Me that you need a bit more experience before you’re ready for that.”

I was sad, but I’d accept Her will.

“Um, yes, Mistress,” I responded, trying to stay in good spirits for Her. “But, um, before Your birthday, at least? Please let me see her by then.”

She smiled, showing Her fangs. “I believe we can make that work.”

That was all I had needed to hear to not feel like an abject failure. Her birthday was only 20 days away… that was only a week or so longer than my entire undeath so far. Mistress was right, of course — Goddess, I really was a fledgling, treating less than three weeks like it was a long time to wait, something I had to consider at all. For Mistress, 20 days must have felt like nothing, my short undeath so far passing almost without Her notice. If She really would let me see my Laurie in such a short time, I knew that I was truly blessed…

We returned to Mistress’ suite, and as She showed me the finished painting, my head and shoulders framed on the canvas, my cheeks given texture, my eyes deep and red, my fangs poking out from between my lips, my long blonde hair seeming closer than ever to my pale skintone, even the night sky of the open window that had been behind me now modeled with clouds and a few visible stars, I was left speechless, and it made me think of how Lauren would always see me this way. Unless I cut my hair or something, I’d look just like this even centuries down the line, if I was lucky. Mistress had painted me beautifully. But in the moment, looking at the canvas just reminded me of how inhuman I had become.

The wait to see Lauren again weighed on me every night that followed. I wanted to be better. I wanted to have my shit together and to be able to stop myself from lunging at any pretty, yummy person I saw. Mistress helped me through it all, of course, and She even walked me through hypnotizing a hotel guest who I took the opportunity to drink from. Don’t get too attached, She told me. It’s just a one-night stand. But convincing myself of that was harder. I had never been the kind of girl to get into casual relationships. When I fucked someone, I tended to really hit it off. It’s why Cassie had meant so much to me. But learning to let go was kind of a necessary part of this existence, as much as I hated to admit it.

Mistress had Her own concerns, too. A whole week had passed, and She still hadn’t gotten around to following up with Celia. She described it as a kind of stress-testing, something spurred on by Hannah’s comments about Mistress’ struggles with jealous feelings. I related to Her. Even toward Gail, whom I shared with Mistress, I sometimes found myself pulled toward possessive instincts, a desire to keep her for myself at Mistress’ expense. But when Mistress’ orders came around, I was forced to relinquish that and know my place. That was the role of a fledgling like me.

Like I did with Lauren, Mistress really wanted to have Celia for Herself in time for Her birthday. If they were Her thrall in time, they’d be eligible to be Her birthday cake, and that was important to Her. It was something that Mistress’ thralls organized themselves, kept secret from Her for a surprise, but She had made it clear that the drawing shouldn’t take place until the matter with Celia was resolved. It was too important to keep them eligible. She wanted to introduce them to everyone, along with Hannah. Her birthday was a great opportunity to get all of Her thralls together.

Mistress already had pretty much everything She wanted, so the birthday gifts Her thralls got Her were usually handmade. It had been forever since I’d made any art of my own, not since college, really. Life stuff and depression had taken over since then, but now there was a really good chance. I had used my phone to test out some poetry, my favorite kind of writing since I was in middle school. A love poem I had written for my ex Miranda in eighth grade was still one of my fondest writing memories, even though it felt pretty bittersweet to think about these days. I wanted to recapture that for Mistress, but I always felt I wouldn’t be able to do it real justice until I was putting a pen on the paper of the black notebook I’d had since I was 15, which was sitting on my bookshelf in my room at home, where Lauren was. That always felt more natural than any keyboard.

But I still kept coming back to the same themes, reading back over the words that I had put on the page thus far…

Though we may both prefer the dark

You’re the light of my undeath

Your fangs no longer pierce my flesh

But You

I couldn’t figure out how to end that line… it was driving me crazy. I needed to finish it so badly. I wanted Mistress to read it out loud in front of everyone and make me feel really embarrassed about my writing while everyone else saw how much I loved Her, how much She had done to change my life. How worth it it had been to save Her back in that garage. She was the only reason I was writing poetry again… for the last 5 years before She took me in the only poetry I had read was the shitty boilerplate they printed inside greeting cards.

As I was staring at the text in a dark corner of the hotel lobby, though, my phone screen still a bit too bright, Mistress sitting across from me with a fantasy novel in Her hands, a Clamor notification popped up. I couldn’t say it was something I was expecting to see.

<ch> Hey Valerie

How are you doing

<valerie_h> Oh wow um

Hi

Caroline

What do you need

<ch> Nothing

I just figured

That Id see how youre doing

Because

I figure its good for vampires like you to have someone to talk to

Who isnt a vampire or a thrall

I know we dont really know each other

But well

I wanted to reach out

<valerie_h> Oh um

Thanks!

I think I’m doing OK

Hope you are too

I hope we can at least agree that what happened was

A lot

I don’t even know where to start

<ch> Me neither

But Im getting ahold of myself I think

I think I can at least see that you and Naomi care for each other

I want to accept that

And live with it

Im trying to move on from the vampire hunting shit

If what happened taught me anything its that Im not cut out for it

Seems like you and I have that in common I guess

In a way

Im thinking of going back to school

Finishing my bachelors

<valerie_h> Oh

That’s good

What were you studying?

<ch> I was a premed student at Smitty

I dropped out to help Nikki

Nicole whatever

Fat lot of good that did me

<valerie_h> What got you to?

<ch> What do you mean

<valerie_h> What got you to hunt vampires

What was so inspiring that it got you to drop out of school

No offense but I got a good impression of Smitty when I was applying

<ch> I pretty much regret dropping out yeah

But uh

I got attacked by a vampire

A classmate of mine

Nikki saved me

And she got me feeling like I could do something for this shitty world

Thatd actually help someone

Materially

Sure I wanted to be a doctor

But I knew Id end up working at some shitty biochem tech startup in the end

Thats what you get

I got caught up in Nikkis charisma before she even became a vampire I guess

She had such a 

Coolness to her

Never met anyone else like her

<valerie_h> I feel that

Kind of

I never had a Nicole in my life I guess

Just my roommate

And those guys online

Remember what was his name

“Jesus Saves”?
Or whatever?

<ch> Fuckin hell

Jesus loves me

How could I forget

Nikki ranted to me abt him once

Was considering banning him for spreading unfounded theories about religion working on vamps

But she got distracted thinking about this vamp we were after

She never let up

<valerie_h> I kind of miss those times myself sometimes

It sucked

And I think it was barely even helping anyone, except for this one girl...

But I did feel like I was part of something bigger than myself.

Now I have a different outlet for that.

I hope you get one too.

<ch> Me too

Its nice to hear from you Valerie

Id ask to get dinner sometime but I dont think thats a good idea

<valerie_h> I think I understand.

I have my own people anyway.

But um

You want to know something weird?

And sort of I guess

Funny?

<ch> Uh sure

<valerie_h> In my final moments I um

Became Nicoles thrall

<ch> I

Oh fuck

I didnt realize

Are you handling that ok

<valerie_h> No its fine, um

My Mistress told me I’m only Hers

And because I’m Her fledgling that was easy to accept.

I don’t feel like I belong to Nicole any more.

I have one Mistress

And that’s all I need.

<ch> Thank fucking god.

Thank Naomi I guess for cleaning up Nikkis mess

Wait DONT tell her I said that I dont mean like

I dont mean shes god ok

NOTHING of the sort

<valerie_h> Haha, gotcha.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be Hers.

It’s not Her will.

<ch> Yeah alright

Thanks for that I guess

I think Im gonna call it a night ok

<valerie_h> OK

I should get back to writing the poem I was working on too.

Good night, Caroline.

<ch> Just promise me something ok

Be careful with the people around you

That roommate you mentioned

Dont hurt her

For both of your sakes

Dont turn out like Nikki

I think ironically

Thats the best way to honor what she lived and died for

By proving to me that you can do better than her

<valerie_h> I’ll do my best.

I really mean it.

That roommate is my girlfriend, too.

I won’t let anything happen to her.

<ch> I hope so

Goodnight Valerie

I wondered for a moment if I should tell Caroline about Mistress’ desire for me to dom Her. She had told me that it was inspired by Her experiences being imprisoned by her, after all. But it was way too private of a thing to share, and I wasn’t sure it was something that Caroline would want to know, anyway. I wanted to let her live her own life, at her own pace.

Goddess, how was this girl not on my shit list? She had aided and abetted in the attempted murder of my Mistress. But then again, why was I even thinking of myself as having a shit list to begin with? Mistress wasn’t a vindictive Goddess, I had to remind myself, or at least She preferred not to be vindictive if She could help it. We both had to contend with that vicious, territorial streak burned deep into our souls, or lacks thereof, I supposed.

“Hey, Mistress,” I whispered. It was very late at night, and the lobby was empty other than Mistress and I and Sandra at the desk, the lights turned extra low, but I still didn’t want to risk some random guest hearing what I had to say.

“What is it, dear?” Mistress replied, looking up from Her novel. “You look rather troubled. Something on your phone?”

I nodded. “Caroline reached out to me again. She just wanted to see how I’m doing, I guess. It was kind of sweet.”

“I see,” Mistress said, balancing Her chin on Her hand. “Did she say anything that bothered you? That girl has a way of getting under our kind’s skin, I think.”

“I don’t know if it bothered me exactly, but she said I shouldn’t turn out like Nicole,” I said. “That I should prove myself to her, Caroline I mean, by being better. And I agree that I shouldn’t be a murderous hunter like her, of course, Mistress, but…”

“But what?”

“Well, Lauren came up, and I just… I don’t want to end up hurting her. Not the way that Nicole did.” I sighed, looking down at the floor and away from Mistress.

She had told me more about Her experiences in captivity over the last couple of weeks, about how Nicole, without a begetter to rely on, had ended up killing many humans in her search for blood, even as she claimed to be better than Mistress. There was nothing to do about it, She had said, but Mistress considered it a real shame that Caroline had ended up killing the Italian vampire who had apparently turned Nicole. Both of them could have had a lot to learn from that lady, She thought, but Caroline had framed it as necessary, a struggle for survival, same as all of the shit she had done to Mistress even after she started to be more sympathetic. I understood all too well how Caroline could have gotten into that mindset.

“Darling, you aren’t like Nicole,” Mistress said, taking my hand and kissing it softly. “You have Me to keep you on the straight and narrow.”

I couldn’t think of much to say in response to that other than mouthing “thank You, Mistress”, and giggling to myself.

“Hm. We’ll give Caroline just what she wants, then,” Mistress said with a large smile on Her darkly radiant face.

“W-we will?” I asked, taken aback. I wasn’t sure exactly what Mistress meant by that.

“Hmhm, yes, I think so,” Mistress said. “You’re coming along very well, sweetie. No overdrinking from Cassie or Gail even on your own for the past week… I think we can afford to take a little risk.”

I was grinning giddily. Had the time truly finally come?

“Let’s call it Thursday, dear. Five nights from today,” Mistress said. “Save the date. We’ll go and see Lauren then. Together.”

The next five nights felt like some of the slowest of my entire undeath, let alone my life. The two really didn’t compare in terms of length so far. Mistress and I took several trips into town and I had lots of fun with Cassie and Gail, but at no point did I take my mind off of the fact that Lauren was only five days away, four days away, three, two, Goddess, it was going to be tomorrow. That made me equal parts excited and nervous. I couldn’t afford to fuck this up. Even putting Lauren in the hospital would probably completely ruin me.

I had wanted my visit to be a surprise, and Mistress supported that, but I had realized that I’d probably be able to handle my emotions and my bloodlust better if Lauren knew I was coming. I didn’t want there to be any unexpected confusion or disruption of her life. She deserved as much, especially with all the tension that had been happening between us. Best to clear the air. So with Mistress by my side, sitting on Her couch with me as I looked at my portrait, hung above the TV on the opposite wall, I dialed my girlfriend’s number.

“Hey, Val,” she said, sounding more content than I had heard her sound in a while. We hadn’t spoken at all over the last four days, and I was worried that that was the reason for her sounding happier. I felt like things would be so much more stable between us in person, easier to communicate…

“Laurie!” I said, my excitement spilling over and papering over any concerns I had. Hearing her voice made me wet because it reminded me of her and how her blood smelled and how much I needed her.

“Oh, wow, you sound excited,” Lauren said, giggling almost nervously. “What happened? You sound better than I’ve heard you sound in a while. Fucking… pretty, your voice…”

Aggh, that was enough to get her, even if it was only a little. Goddess, I needed more of this, all the time.

“Mistress says I’m ready to come and see you, sweetie,” I said, as Mistress reached up under my top to scratch my back with Her fingernails. “She wants me to come over tomorrow night. To your place—our place! She’ll be there too.” It had been so long, a lifetime ago in some sense, that my apartment barely felt like my home any more. No, no, I’m pretty sure it was still my home — I wasn’t anticipating needing an invitation to my own fucking apartment. But it did feel a little distant, the way that coming home to my mom did when I was in college…

“Oh Goddess, tomorrow? That’s really exciting,” Lauren said. “Maybe we can start season 2 of Stephen Galaxy together? I know you really liked—”

“Careful,” I giggled. “Mistress is right here next to me. Don’t spoil Her, OK?”

“Oh, oh yeah! Sorry! I just, I’m looking forward to this so much, I’d love to cuddle and stuff, all three of us…” Lauren sounded pretty wistful, the sort of voice she’d have if she was being subtly influenced by my hypnotic voice. It was pretty extremely cute.

“Yeah!” I said. “And I can drink from you, sweetie. And you can, like, worship both of us, maybe, um, squished between both of us or something? Singing our praises? You’d like that, sweetie, huh?”

“It would be, um… pretty, a lot… hehehe,” Lauren said. Yes! She was finally coming around to this, and I’d get everything I needed.

“U-um, is Mistress ordering this now?” she continued, nearly in trance. “Can You hear me, Mistress? Is it what You command?”

Um… what? Why did it always come back to this? We were both happy to obey Mistress’ will, of course, but this was between Lauren and I. Mistress had said time and time again that—

“That’s up to Valerie, darling,” Mistress finished, leaning over to speak into my phone’s microphone. “Hash it out with her, won’t you?” She nodded at me and smiled, and I somehow felt even more trapped, even with Lauren half-asleep at my whim.

“Yes, Mistress,” she said, fully in trance. “Then… Valerie… you should know that I don’t think this is a good idea. We should keep being partners.” Her tone was blank and her affect flat, but her words couldn’t have been clearer, and I still didn’t understand why. Wouldn’t she just submit to me? I mean, I knew she wasn’t exactly saying that she wouldn’t, but she was making me feel bad, and I didn’t get why… She could be mine and everything would be so much better. No, no, more than that…

“You’re mine, sweetie,” I affirmed. “You’ll obey me, won’t you? You’re in trance for me, just like Mistress likes to have you.”

“Yeah… trance… very obedient…” Lauren droned. “But, um, please… don’t… it’s… not what I want!” I heard her panting, seemingly speaking through gritted teeth, waking herself up. No! She was supposed to know how nice it felt to be hypnotized by a sweet and loving vampire. Why couldn’t I have this? Why couldn’t I make her mine? Why was she making this even harder than Cassie did?

“Lauren, sweetie…” I said. “I promise it’s gonna be OK. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK? We can talk it over in person.” In person, I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist me — that she wouldn’t want to. Everything would be so much easier in person.

“Y-yeah,” Lauren said. “Tomorrow.” She was struggling in the way I had only seen her do on the night that Mistress took her. I didn’t want a repeat of that night. Even though it had turned out well, it had been incredibly stressful.

“OK, love you, Laurie. You’ll always be mine, OK?”

Before she could answer, the call cut off. Or she hung up, I wasn’t sure. I mean, she wouldn’t just hang up on me without saying goodbye, right? We loved each other, we’d always be there for each other. She’d always be mine. I’d make sure of it. Even if I wasn’t committing to turning her. Mistress insisted that that decision would have to come years down the line, so it would have to.

In any case, I texted her a cascade of heart emojis while tapping my foot and my right hand against Mistress’ skirt. There wasn’t any point in getting too worked up about this right now. One way or another, I’d be seeing her tomorrow.

The night had finally come, and I couldn’t have been more excited.

In fact, I was so excited and salivating so hard, so barely able to stop myself from grinding against the car seat, that Mistress insisted on driving instead of me. It was a rare privilege to ride in Her car, a mid-sized black sedan with a stick shift, since She usually liked to have Her thralls drive Her where She needed to go instead. Mistress was the only person I had ever known who preferred a stick shift, though it made a lot of sense given Her age, and Her love of control.

Mistress was a very smooth and gentle driver. The first time I had been in Her car, months ago now, I had been a little surprised by it, since She didn’t have to worry much about injury and the roads were a lot less busy late at night. She had told me, though, that She was always acutely aware of humans’ fragility, and She didn’t like to take unnecessary risks. Besides, She said, She had been driving since close to when the automobile was invented, and they were a lot slower back then.

“I’ll gag her while I drink her blood so that she can’t even scream about it. And I’ll suck her girlcock while she’s all nice and entranced. Oh, and I’m gonna pull her around on a leash, Mistress,” I said just as we pulled off of the freeway, close to my apartment now. I had been talking about all the things I was excited to do with Lauren when we arrived. Ideas had been building in my head for the last couple of weeks, and I needed to get them out, to lay out all of my thoughts on how I was gonna handle things with her.

“Is that right, darling? A leash?” Mistress asked. “Sounds rather adorable.”

“Yes, Mistress. Actually, I was thinking of doing the same thing with You when I dommed You that one time. Just, You don’t have a leash to use…”

“Ah, I see,” Mistress said, giggling nervously. “Well, I don’t know how that’s…”

“Eyes on the road, please, Mistress!” I shouted. In Her adorable embarrassment, She had let the car drift a little bit to the left, enough to roll onto the rumble strip on the shoulder. I didn’t want to make demands of Her, but I didn’t want anything to happen to Her car, much less Her.

“Apologies,” She said, getting ahold of Herself and returning to the center of the road, just before we reached a stoplight.

“But You know, dear,” She continued, “that no chain could contain Me.” She flashed me a smile, looking very proud of Herself, but I knew that being brought down a peg was what She really wanted when this topic came up.

“Oh, I was thinking a silver one, Mistress,” I explained calmly. “The collar would have a silver core too, of course, but leather on the outside. It’d only hurt if You struggled.” I reached over and placed my hand on Her knee just for a moment. Her amazing self-control let Her focus on driving at the expense of that. I knew She’d be blushing like crazy if She had any blood to rush to Her cheeks, though. Her trembling half-smile gave it all away.

“I… I suppose that would be effective, darling,” She said, clearly trying to shake off the submissive feelings. “It’s difficult to deny. But I would love to see it done to Lauren, first and foremost.”

“Yeah…” I sighed. “I’ll put her in trance and then get her leashed up before she even knows what I did. It’d be pretty hot…”

“It does sound so,” Mistress said, and the car came to a stop. I had gotten caught up in my thoughts again and wasn’t bothering to look outside, but this was it… this was the parking lot for our apartment.

“Shall we walk up together?” Mistress pushed the door open, motioning up to Lauren and my second-floor apartment. Coming back here was really putting me in a state… and I could faintly smell the scent of blood coming from the buildings that weren’t too far-off now, amongst the misty spring air. Lauren’s was among those scents, I was pretty sure. But I doubted I’d be able to pinpoint it until I saw her in person.

“Y-yeah. Mistress,” I mumbled, dissociating a little. I was so excited to see Lauren, but it was scary. What if I fucked something up or made a fool of myself or hurt her? Just coming here felt like acknowledgement of everything I’d been thinking about, the fact that I’d lose Lauren someday if I didn’t do something. There was an existential horror at play here, way beyond the fact of hungering for blood.

I stepped out of the car into a shallow puddle left by the rain that had ended on the way here, and moved around the front of the car to take Mistress’ hand. This was it, I couldn’t pretend things would be at all normal any more. For the last three weeks since being turned I had pretty much been living in fantasyland, spending every night with Mistress and having my way with anyone I wanted. Now, we were gonna see the girl who was already my girlfriend, my best friend, my roommate. Whatever happened here would determine our fates for the rest of our lives… for the rest of my undeath. I couldn’t just go on about enthralling her now, could I? I mean… maybe I still would enthrall her, but the reality of it was hitting me like a flash of bright light.

We walked up the steps on the side of the building and up to my front door, on a wooden balcony looking out on the parking lot and the road behind it. My heart wasn’t beating, and I wasn’t breathing. For the first time in a little while, that felt all wrong.

Mistress nodded at me, and I knocked on the door a few times. She ruffled the hair on my head, messing up my ponytail a little bit, clearly noticing my concern. She touched her hand to my cheek and then leaned to kiss it as we waited…

And waited…

And waited.

“It’s… it’s been like fifteen minutes. Where do You think she is?” I asked. Goddess, the wait was excruciating.

“I believe it’s been more like five, dear, but your concern is perhaps not misplaced,” Mistress said. “Do you have your keys?”

“I—I do, yeah,” I said, shivering even as the mild cold didn’t bother me at all. This was all getting to be a lot. Now I had to get myself stressed out about Lauren’s safety? What would’ve even happened to her in the last 24 hours? What, a heart attack or something? Oh, Goddess, now I was convincing myself that my girlfriend probably definitely had a heart attack, now I’d have no choice but to turn her just to save her, just like Mistress had for me.

No. No. My hand was trembling inside my jeans pocket, but I had my keys now, I was looking at the key ring, and everything was going to be fine once I got out the key. Perfectly fine. I’d get in and find Lauren and she and Mistress and I would all live or undie or whatever happily ever after. It would be fine!

I pushed my way in. The apartment was dark, instinctually comforting to me now but also weird because Lauren should have been here. I was hit by a blast of Lauren’s scent, but it was kind of stale, distant. The way that Mistress’ bed smelled after Gail had spent the night in it.

“She’s not here,” Mistress said, confirming what I already knew. “I should have been able to tell.”

I took out my phone, unable to contain the stress any longer even as the front door hung open behind me, and I dialed Lauren’s number.

“Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.”

Not even a single ring. Her phone was… off? What the hell…

“Darling, over here,” Mistress said, and I pulled the phone away from my ear. “There’s something you ought to see.” My Goddess’ face showed a kind of annoyed concern, and Her fingers were on a piece of paper over on the dining table, in the back of our living room.

I walked over to join Her. There was a note on the table, handwritten onto a single 8½ × 11-inch sheet of paper. That was Lauren’s handwriting, alright. I felt dizzy… what was even happening? This was gonna be a lot more complicated than I thought.

Valerie,

 

I love you and Mistress more than anything in the world.

 

But I can’t put up with this right now. I want to be with you but that means being an equal partner in our relationship and having a say on my personal autonomy. Until you can promise me you’ll respect that, I need to keep myself safe, and with the language you’ve used in the last couple of weeks, doing that is going to have to mean hiding out somewhere else until I can trust you again.

 

Mistress, if You’re reading this, You can feel free to call me at my number.

 

But Valerie: I’m only taking texts.

 

Val, we’ll make this work. I believe in you. Taking me against my will isn’t like you. We can work this out, and I promise that this isn’t the end of our relationship. But I need you to get ahold of yourself and think hard about what you’re proposing.

 

With love,

Lauren