Desdemona calls me 'Kammie' and I want to breathe fire. To use Tiana to say it means any hope she had of surviving what comes next have dropped to zero.

Based on how satisfied she looks, I know her goal is to enrage me. She wants me mad. Thinks it'll make it easier to win.

Happy to oblige.

"What's your name?" I ask the woman cowering behind me.

"E-Essa."

"Essa, I need you to listen close—" I'm so distracted trying to get her safe that Desdemona blinking towards me doesn't register consciously. I feel it, though, as a reflex. A hollowness in my gut, begging me to dodge.

I pull Essa out of the way just as Desdemona's hands close around where her head would have been.

I've never seen Tiana look so alive. So willing to hurt. So flushed with carnal need.

And beneath it all, another pang: this one asking for forgiveness and absolution. The truth. Her truth.

Desdemona blinks away, and I whirl around to spot her. She's nowhere to be seen.

"See, Kammie? Not so pure, is she?" Desdemona taunts, her voice magnified. "All the wicked things she wants to do to you. Has done to you. Do you wanna know exactly how depraved she is? How easily she gave in?"

Another pang. Close by, but so diffused I can't pinpoint where. All I can do is feel it: Tiana's regret, mixing with the arousal of her betrayal being exposed. Even more truth. So much that I already feel like I can't bear any more. I want to let go. I want to rage. I want to see red.

I lash out with my tail and strike air. It feels good to do something, and then awful that I've done nothing but make Desdemona laugh. I feel sick, and the sickness only spikes the boiling heat thrumming in my veins.

I can't stop her. I'm back in that hallway, watching Desdemona kill that guard.

Another pang.

Run.

I don't. Instead, my elbow moves so fast that when I connect with Desdemona's jaw, I feel it pop. She skids backwards but remains upright, steadying herself with burning magical glyphs. When she finally stops, I see the damage I've wrought and it staggers me.

Tiana's face is bruised. Her jaw sits at an angle, blood seeping from where she can no longer close her mouth. One of her lips sports a bright red gash where it's split clean apart.

I should press the advantage, but all I can feel is humiliation and shame. I've hurt her body. Broken it.

Desdemona sneers and brings her hand up to massage the area. Her hands pulse with energy, and with a sickening pop Tiana's jaw heals itself in fast motion.

She flexes it, then regards me from where I stand, rooted firmly. "No follow-through? Tsk. I taught you better."

"Please, Tiana! This isn't you!" says Essa.

Desdemona's attention shifts from me to her, mood souring. "Oh, you're still here." Desdemona's fingers begin to spark.

I can't let Tiana kill her. I know Desdemona's in control, but it's Tiana who won't forgive herself for not being strong enough.

Desdemona flings a bolt of energy at Essa, and I scramble to jump in the way of it. It's been a decade since we fought, but last time Desdemona couldn't even put a dent in my hide. I doubt prison's been kind to her magical abilities.

So why does she seem so pleased? She can't hurt me…

…unless—

Essa's hand juts forward just in time, forming a shield to deflect a blast that's far stronger than it has any right to be. Even through her protective arcana I can feel the heat of it.

"Are you okay?" Essa asks.

"Yeah... How... how is she that strong?"

"Tiana's always been prodigious."

"Not her, I meant—"

Another blast, though this one goes wide without my having to move.

Desdemona wags a finger, and then brings it to her lips. "Don't be such a spoil sport, Kammie. Essa here's a pro at keeping girls in the dark." I know the jilted, almost strangled tone in Desdemona's voice.

She used it with me whenever she ranted about Rax. About how he'd "burned her and left her to rot".

I groan. Great. Caught in the midst of her having big feelings she can't process with anything other than violence. That's just great.

And then, I realize, it is great. She's off balance.

This whole time, she's been exploiting my weaknesses, chiseling at my insecurities. Hammering at the parts of me I hate.

Until now. Now I get to punch back. "What's the matter, 'Tiana'? Did Essa fuck you and dump you?"

"What? No! Tiana and I weren't ever— we didn't..." Essa stammers.

"Oh, c'mon! Be honest. You wanted your hands all over her body, didn't you?" I direct the words to Desdemona, not even bothering to look at Essa.

"N-no! No, I swear. There's rules! We're not supposed to do that!"

"I bet you were really skilled. Did she swoon?" I hate how easily I'm cruel to her.

"I would never. She was a child." Essa's voice hardens into something lethal. Affronted and indignant, she steps back from me.

"SO WAS I," screams Desdemona. Her body pulses with more of that crackling red magic. "You can't even begin to consider what you did to me, can you, Essa?"

She floats up off the ground as the bolts cascade from her body. "You said you loved me, and then you erased me."

Essa's brow furrows, confusion reigning for only one final moment before realization takes its place. "Dez...?"

I lean close. "Now would be a good time to make one of those shields."

"I... I can't," Essay says.

Fuck. Desdemona's lightning strips the paint off the walls.

"I'm depleted," she explains.

Fuck fuck. Plaster breaks and floats upwards, defying gravity.

"But maybe..." Essa clasps my hands.

Fuck fuck fuck. Desdemona sweeps her hand forward, and all I see is light.

I think I'm dead. I have to be dead. Except I didn't close my eyes, and the air around me isn't warm. It's cool. The light in front of me isn't red. It's scintillating white.

Essa's fingers press against mine, and I feel the energy recede. Only then do I realize that energy was coming from me.

"Though magic can come from within, spontaneously, it is fundamentally about channeling energy into expression," Essa explains, her voice taking on a pedagogic lilt. "If you can shield me, I can get close to her. I can give you a window to get through to her. To Tiana."

"Fine, but I don't know how to do... that." I flex my fingers, still held in Essa's grasp.

"It's just a series of simple movements. All you need to do is— eep!" Essa tenses as I wrap my tail around her midsection and hoist her off the ground.

"Yeah, I'm not learning that," I say, dashing forward.

Ahead of us, Desdemona's charging up for another blast. I feel Essa's fingers tense against mine, and I do my best to relent how she's moving. Her fingers are light, and it almost feels like its just my hands moving of their own accord. I try to block it out. To not etch it into my memory.

I don't want to know it. I don't want magic. I'm already enough of a hated, hunted thing to much of this world. And there's no way they'd let me keep this power, anyway, so why bother?

No. Better to just let the professional teach me to crook my pointer finger and extend the ring finger.

Better to not remember how it feels when I block Desdemona's attack again. This shield is different. It moves with us as we charge, and despite being translucent it's no less strong.

That can't be because of me. It has to be Essa. It's her skill. Her training.

And I don't like the power I wield.

Essa drops the shield as the blast dissipates again.

"Why'd you drop it?" I huff as we draw within ten yards. "Why not just keep it up?"

"You only have so much magical energy. Sustaining that takes up quite a bit of it."

I'm about to tell her that it doesn't when Desdemona strikes again.

I pretend my fingers don't move in concert with Essa's. I pretend I haven't committed the movements to heart. I pretend not to enjoy shrugging off Desdemona's violence with only the barest hint of effort on my part.

This is all pretend. Nothing about this is real. I'm not even fighting Tiana.

I'm left grasping at a figment, as always. My tail slackens around Essa. It'd be too dangerous for her to accompany me in what I'm about to do.

I leap towards Desdemona. She goes to strike out again, but this close she doesn't manage it. I restrain her wrists... and then will myself to blink.

It comes naturally, the urge made manifest in a manner of moments. It takes Desdemona by surprise, and it's all the opportunity I need to piledriver her into the floor.

She lets out a rasping breath as I turn to Essa. "Now!"

Essa gives a stiff nod and circles around Desdemona.

Desdemona sees Essa and her eyes blaze with motes of crackling flame. Beneath me, her body writhes from where I keep her pinned.

"If you try it, I'll kill Tiana," Desdemona snarls.

Essa pauses, and looks to me.

"She's lying," I say.

Desdemona grins, and then Tiana's eyes begin to bleed.

It spills down her cheeks and pools onto the floor. Essa by her side in an instant, hands glowing.

"No, no, no!" Essa says, tone grave.

I feel... disconnected from all of this. Lightheaded as I'm watching it. None of this feels right. This isn't how it's supposed to end.

I'm so in shock that it takes me a moment to realize that the blood's clinging to Essa's hands. It's all that it takes, really, when it comes to something like the weaponized version of Decay.

Essa screams and reels back, but all that does is let it surge up her body and into her mouth.

I scramble backward, breathing heavily, when Desdemona tries to ensnare me as well. Hell no. Never again.

Essa's hands flicker, her fingers making a rapid set of movements as glyphs form in the space between them. I can't do anything to help. I can just watch as she loses the fight.

That's if this is all pretend.

But it's not. I've always had a connection to my Decay. Maybe it wasn't just innate, but magical. And maybe if it is, I can help.

Desdemona blinks away. Any second she'll be attacking me again. But maybe...

I focus on what I want to happen. On the unruly Decay.

I feel that same energy from before coursing through me, and I reach out.

"This will work." I say it to myself as a plea and a prayer.

My fingers clasp around Essa's.

"This will work." I say it again.

Essa's body trembles, and then convulses violently.

"This! Will! Work!" I scream the words.

Energy pulses from me into Essa. It has to work. I need her. I can't do whatever it takes to stop Desdemona.

Essa retches and I breathe easier for a moment when the Decay splashes against the ground. Then my breathing picks back up when Essa's eyes flutter close and she goes limp.

I catch her and manage to get her on the ground without issue.

"Shhhh, it's okay. You'll be okay," I tell her, not sure if I believe it.

The Decay writhes next to us, alive and grasping. I press my palm against it and will it to burn. It pops and hisses before reducing to charred bits.

"You always were impressive, Kammie," Desdemona says, something like parental admiration shining in her tone.

I grimace, that familiar rage flaring in my chest, and stand to face her. I expect to see Desdemona smirking from behind Tiana's face. I don't expect the horror that greets me.

Tiana's body hangs limp from the tendrils of Decay jutting out of her head, a puppet with its strings cut.

The sight is meant to provoke. Just like before, Desdemona wants me off balance. It works. I can't be rational when I see her like this.

Then another pang. This one stronger. Vulnerable.

The rage I've held in check gets the better of me. I have nothing to hold me back.

Desdemona doesn't so much as flinch as I rush at her. She wants me to strike her. To give in. I want that, too. Maybe I am just something hateful at my core. Maybe I am their worst fears.

And if that's the case, I'm not going to stop until there's nothing left but her. Until Tiana is free.

I use my tail to spring me forwards as Desdemona attempts to spear me with a lance made of Decay.

I contort, but it still scrapes against my scales. It hurts, but it doesn't break through.

Impacting with Desdemona, I grasp at one of the tendrils keeping Tiana upright. It's sickeningly slick under my touch. Please. Please please please let this work.

I channel more arcane energy, and feel the reserves I've been tapping drain for the first time. A bout of dizziness hits me.

Can't let that stop me. The tendril superheats under my touch, severing in mere moments. One down, dozens left.

Desdemona howls at it, thrashing with pain. And underneath it, a pang urges me to keep going. To burn through, no matter how this ends for Tiana.

That's my girl.

Another tendril lances at me, gouging out a handful of scales before I wrangle it and burn it. More tendrils rear back, threatening to run me through.

So I take a page from Tiana's playbook and I blink behind Desdemona. My claws grow red hot and I rake through the tendrils.

They fall limp to the floor with a wet 'plop' and Desdemona screams. The few tendrils that are left attached pulse as she does.

Then a wave of force slams me back. Desdemona blinks away, breathing hard.

"Why are you fighting this? I'm giving her what she wanted!" Desdemona yells.

"Fuck you. She couldn't want this."

"She came to me," Desdemona rasps. "She schemed to have me released. And when that failed because of you?" Tiana's body shudders. "Oh, she was furious, Kammie. She hated how you'd thwarted her... until she realized you'd given her a gift."

Tiana's eyes clear and she stares at me. "I leaked your speech. I made sure that you would become a household name. I knew you'd need me, so I did it."

Another pang. This one pleading. Then another, just after, asking for condemnation.

Both of them confirmation of the truth.

My eyes blur with tears. I think I'm gonna be sick. It's a violation of everything I've known about her. About us. I fell for her in part because of how much she defended me. How effortlessly she guided me through dealing with all of this newfound fame.

She was so sweet.

And now it's a lie. A lie at the heart of everything she and I are. Like ink falling on a page, every moment I sit with it dyes my memories in different hues.

And I can't even pretend it doesn't make sense.

I think it's tears blurring my eyes when I see Desdemona shift into nothingness.

Not gone, but cloaked. Invisible to my eye.

And I'm too slow, my mind made sluggish with grief, to stop the gut punch Desdemona lands. I swing and hit nothing but air.

Desdemona chuckles in my ear before I hear her retreating — the vaulted ceilings swallowing the sound.

"She can't live it with, Kammie. What she did to you. She gave in because the only way she could see a future was as a villain. I'm her one hope." Desdemona's knee connects with the raw flesh from where the tendrils scraped away my scales. "I could be yours, too."

I stagger sideways, clutching my abdomen, and lash out. One of my claws catches for the briefest instant before Desdemona eludes me again. Her laughter's growing louder.

She thinks she's won. That I'm hers, even now. That any moment now I'm going to fall to my knees and give in.

But that would be giving Desdemona exactly what she wants. I want to be mad. Hell, I am mad. For a few hyperventilated breaths, I don't know that I'll ever be able to look Tiana in the face ever again, even if I love her.

Then Lis' voice comes to me from when it was all still fresh.

"She made you think she knew you better than you knew yourself," she said. "Nobody can do that, Kam. Nobody. There is a version of you that exists in her head. It isn't you. Never was you. And you know it's not you because she hurt you every time you acted contrary to what she wanted."

I can't win against Desdemona. Not if I'm fighting as the version of me she abused. But I am not the tulpa she created to justify and rationalize her cruelty. She doesn't know me better. Because even though my heart's breaking, I know what I need to say.

"I forgive you, Tiana."

I feel her again. Not a pang. Not an echo. I feel Tiana, breaking through Desdemona's control. So I push even harder. "It doesn't matter what you did. It doesn't matter why you did it. I know you're in pain, and I love you. I forgive you. And you are so, so much better than her."

"T-That won't... work..." The quaver in her voice says otherwise.

I shake my head, and let out a mirthless laugh of my own. "It doesn't matter if it works. I love you, Tiana. Even now. Even like this."

I hear Desdemona's rushing toward me, but she stumbles.

It gives me the time to dodge her attack and retreat. "I'm not gonna fight you, Tiana. I'm not gonna do anything other than love you."

I feel another fist swing wide.

"I'm going to win," Desdemona seethes. "She belongs to me."

"That's where you're wrong: Tiana Mackey is mine."

There's a whoosh of air from behind me, and I feel sparks against my scales.

"You don't mean it." Tiana's voice comes from over my shoulder. I turn to see her mere inches away, fingers crackling.

I take her hands in mine. "I do. I forgive you."

Her touch hurts, but I bear it.

"You can't."

"I do. I will always forgive you." My skin sizzles as I hold her.

She shakes her head. "I can't... I can't stop her."

"No... I know," I press my forehead to hers. "But you can betray her."

The arousal that hits me isn't a pang. It doesn't pass. It's warm and steady, rolling off her in waves.

"Please." Tiana draws out the word, savoring the taste of it.

I slip off her wedding ring and hold it up as I take a few steps back. Her eyes don't leave it, and her breathing shallows to rapid panting.

I let it drop and it rolls between the two of us before stopping.

"You should pick it up," I say, low and husky. My tail flicks of its own libidinous accord.

Tiana doesn't break eye contact as she moves, her hips swaying far too much. She keeps staring as she sinks to her knees. "Make me betray her."

We're doing this. Here. I can't help it.

Neither of us can, so I pounce.