Chapter 11: Self-Revelation

Juniper had spent the last few days getting used to the strangely familiar hab unit inhabited by the two Affini who now hosted her. There was a brief relief though when she found smaller details that didn't seem to stir the half-blurred shard of a memory. It was comfortable, everything she'd touched, saw, and breathed in was comfortable. For someone who'd gotten despondently used to bare conditions and missing deck plates for years of her life, she found some of her long-earned habits suddenly feeling less natural then when she was on the Planar Abyssal. Lessons she hadn't had time to unlearn while strapped into an outrageously comfortable hospital bed. Hell, even the most 'basic' food that Rimu gave her, with apologies about it being basic and samey by Affini standards, melted in her mouth like a fine meal from a 10 star restaurant.

She'd been given spoon privileges at least, she thought as she quietly munched on the honey sweetened porridge. The idea of a non-solid meal seemed like one that'd just remind her of the nutrient paste on the ship, but even that defied her expectations. When given her first bowl, she hesitated at first, not wanting to remember the gag-inducing stench of the Planar Abyssal, but when she had her first bite the first bowl quickly turned to the second and third, at which Rimu had to intervene to prevent the little Terran from regretting everything. How could the rebellion have fought against this, why would they try to fight this?

The dark thought rolled over Juniper again. Why did so many people who deserved this more than her have to die to feed the captain's paranoid fantasies? She just kept her head down. Why did they have to die? Down into this spiraling toilet drain of self flagellation again it seemed.

A vine from Rimu completely derailed her train of thought as it petted Juniper's head.

"You look upset again dear. What's wrong?" the Affini asked with that familiar genuine kindness that felt so alien to her. Stars that longed for luxury on the Planar Abyssal. Genuine kindness that wasn't buried under a glacier of jaded cynicism earned from random executions and secret police. Fuck she could have used that during the years she was imprisoned on that damned hellhole?

Another brush of Rimu's vine brought her attention back. She looked even more concerned as Juniper sighed. "I'm just... I keep thinking. About the Planar Abyssal." she said quietly, shaking her head as those familiar thoughts returned for another go at her. "Why is it that I got to live by just... passively accepting and bowing to the horrors that have surrounded me for the last few years? Much better people than I died yet I'm one of the few remainin-" another vine stroked her cheek. Snapping her out of the same thought trap again she looked up at Rimu, a desperation for something... anything to assuage her guilt clear in her eyes. 

"Dear," Rimu softly replied, stroking another vine through Juniper's hair, "Your survival isn't a fault of yours, or an issue of worthiness. None of you should have faced such a horrific life on that ship at all. The only one to blame is that captain and those who formed their clique around him." she said softly, wrapping a few vines around Juniper's hands. "You being alive is all you need to be dear. The fact that you kept your head down means you're still alive, and that's become a gift I've been thankful for ever since" Juniper immediately flushed red.

"I... I..." she stammered out, completely blindsided by that last comment. "Thanks... I guess?" she managed to say before immediately running off the mental rails.

"You do make a very good impression of a tomato there, dear" Rimu chuckled, Juniper promptly turning an even deeper shade.

"Can we change the topic?" Juniper near-yelled to avoid being drawn deeper into being flushed head to toe. She didn't even notice how it derailed her mind from the bad thoughts that were moments ago threatening to consume her mind again. Rimu simply smiled and picked the Terran up.

"Why of course I can, dear. I've been meaning to ask you about our little conversation the other day." Rimu started, her eyes still very kind. They were such kind eyes Juniper thought. What wonderful eyes. A vine tapped the side of Juniper's head and she snapped out of it.

"Oh right... what we were talking about last time..." she said trailing off, recomposing her mind thoughts. Juniper pursed her lips before looking up into Rimu's eyes again. "I'm still not quite sure. It feels both intuitively wrong but also right. If you get what I'm saying. All I'm going off here is the say so of a few documents that only cover... what five years at most?"

"So you're saying that just because they capture a short period of time they can't possibly indicate truth?" Rimu asked, raising a genuinely curious eyebrow.

"N..No" Juniper replied, shaking her head. "It's just that... paperwork can only describe so much, not really get at the soul of something. It's just words on paper for bureaucrats." A deep chuckle resonated from the Affini's chest, amusement and... some other thing.

"Oh my sweet plumber child. I know many xenobureaucrats who will vehemently oppose such a generalization."

"Did you just missay 'my sweet summer child?'" Juniper asked, looking very confused at the Affini.

"I think they would be offended if you weren't such an adorable little sophont" Rimu continued. "Regardless, I have the feeling that a different perspective is what you're in dire need of, and my dear, I know exactly what that different perspective will come from".

Juniper raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "It wouldn't be another doctor Affini, would it?"

"No dear of course not. I'm going to take you to see Jaxx." the Affini triumphantly declared.

"... fuck"

The first thing Juniper noticed about her former crewmate was the half-glazed eyes that looked at her in sudden growing comprehension. Three... four weeks ago she saw shock completely engross those eyes, a shocking revelation. And now she was looking at the person she'd accidentally deep fried in an attempt to escape the cause they'd been so clearly a zealot of.

The next thing Juniper noticed about her former crewmate was how... they looked eerily but subtly different, though that's probably because their skin wasn't hanging concerningly off their stocky frame. The near ubiquitous cuts across their face, hands, and arms from constant workplace nicks and other injuries were gone. No more did her colleague's body show the results of safety garments thoroughly worn through from constant work with no replacement.

In that moment of recognition, a pit opened up in Juniper's stomach. That coworker and... the closest thing she likely had to a friend for years, that loyalist to Terra who assumed a shared loyalty, was standing before her, captive of the great enemy. It was obvious how they were going to respond, with fire and fury at her leading them to this hateful, cursed fate.

The weight of Jaxx's body as they tackled Juniper hit like a railgun slug, throwing the both of them to the ground, landing thankfully on a bunch of soft vines. A part of Juniper supposed that this was going to be it, she was likely to die by the hands of a fanatic who she'd betrayed. Easy for them to wrap their hands ar-

"Oh my stars above I'm glad you're ok Jewel" they said, their voice already breaking as if to cry. Juniper was stunned. This was not the reaction she was expecting. "I mean I know they said you were ok but it's different between the Affini saying so and seeing it with my own eyes." they rushed out, gasping for air. They wrapped their arms around Juniper tighter, breath ragged like they were holding back tears.

Juniper awkwardly chewed her lip and slowly wrapped her arms around Jaxx, looking at the Affini and extra Terran who were standing above the pair in adoration. She mouthed the words 'help me' to Rimu who nodded and extended her vines to gently pry the two away so Juniper could at least breathe again. Jaxx's owner slowly wrapped a few vines around the mechanic even as they cried and meandered through everything, incomprehensible to Juniper's ears.

Everyone gave Jaxx a minute to recover and recompose themselves, as they did it was obvious their thoughts took a more suspicious posture, eyes turning from relief to guarded suspicion. "Wait," they said, looking Juniper up and down. "You're?... you're?"

Juniper grimaced and nodded. "I'm not Jewel... No." she replied, a pang of guilt over the false hope she'd given them ringing out. Jaxx looked to the floor, this time taking the opportunity to tighten and then release their fist as undoubted torrents of emotion tried to find equilibrium.

"But. but she's like there... yeah? Don't tell me you've done something to her too! Mistress, did you do something to Jewel, to like hurt her or something?" they asked, looking up to their owner.

Shit, Juniper thought. This wasn't the reunion Jaxx was expecting to come from all of this. Look at them, the moment they'd realized the shift in their eyes was obvious, like something was broken. This wasn't the interaction Jaxx needed most. Instead of Jewel they were presented with the person who'd made all of this fate inevitable.

"I can assure you dear, Jewel is well, though not in the best spot right now." Rimu said softly "She's not taken the turn in events that have brought us all here well." Jaxx bit the inside of their mouth.

"Why don't you let me talk to her then, in there, however it works? I know her, I can help her" Jaxx asked, a bit of anger lacing the start of her words that seemed to dissipate. "Why did you have to bring... this person into all of this?" they asked, looking at Juniper.

"Because I'm trying to make sense of all of this, Jaxx. I wake up in the hands of the Affini and one of them says 'oh no your entire conception of yourself is just an illusion, you're a crazy person with two other people in your head.'" Juniper replied in a burst of anger. Jaxx grimaced, almost hurt looking.

"Dear, being a sophont pluribus is not something that makes you quote unquote crazy." Rimu interjected.

"I'm sorry Doctor, but how the fuck else am I supposed to react? Anything like this in the Accord would have had me thrown in a straitjacket and a padded cell. Then you wheel me out to the pro-accord fanatic partner of the fanatic in my head?" Juniper snapped back. "What if they're still a fanatic? Military law dictates death to traitors and last time I saw Jaxx they were still a proud rebel."

"Do not be so sure of allegiances when they're held there by threats" the third human in the room quietly interjected, surprising Juniper with how authoritative their tone was despite its outwardly soft sound.

"Excuse me?" Juniper asked, snapping when she didn't exactly mean to.

"It's a false start to assume that just because someone says one thing, they actually believe it." The other Terran said, slipping out of their Affini's vines to stand by Jaxx.

"Well... no but I wasn't an enthusiastic jingoist like Jaxx. How would I know how they'd react about me trying to defect? It would have just been easier if we didn't have that stupid buddying up system. I wanted out but I couldn't live with Jaxx's blood on my hands".

Jaxx shook their head. "Our whole time on the station before you used the stun gun on me. I was trying to think of how to talk to you... or well Jewel about how I wanted out of it all. When you started talking about not seeing the fight as worth it, I was relieved. I wanted to tell you that I was feeling the same thing. That I wanted to just defect with Jewel, run off to some corner of the station or a lightly colonized world out of the way and just... live outside the war."

Juniper blinked. "What?"

"I'd given up on all that long ago, but I didn't have the special privilege of being the last fully qualified mechanic. I had to fully lean into that whole 'freedom or death' stuff. Don't you remember what'd happen to people who didn't sufficiently beat their chests?" Jaxx asked.

A lot of things suddenly made sense. Terrible sense. How much of this could have been avoided by giving Jaxx the benefit of the doubt? Not immediately going to the stun gun the second she saw an Affini? Could they have just escaped and avoided Jaxx being turned over to this fate? A new guilt welled up in Juniper. How could she have been this stupid?

A vine rubbed against Juniper's shoulder, stopping her from falling into yet another tranche of self accusatory thoughts. She sighed. "What happened... after you know. What happened?" The question seemed to take Jaxx by surprise, clearly not the next thing they expected to come out from her mouth, they looked up to their Affini, who gave an encouraging nod. Juniper noticed the scar on the back of Jaxx's neck, it stirred some feeling in her.

"When I woke up. I was in one of the rooms here in the hab. I didn't know where I was or what'd happened. I panicked, afraid of everything that undoubtedly would have happened... but there was another Terran there, Sylvia." they explained, pointing a thumb to the other Terran with... oh dear those are very much not-natural Terran looking legs there. "I was afraid, confused, and they were there, introduced me to my situation... my ownership by Mistress." a subtle, rapid flicker of emotions seemed to cross their face, resting on a soft smile.

"What happened then?" Juniper asked.

"Well. I quickly resigned myself to my fate. My reluctance towards the rebel cause meant I wasn't really in a space where I wanted to defend the rebellion. You've heard the reports of florets being stabbed in public and attempted bombings with ovens. I couldn't live with that even before my capture, so imagine anyone's surprise when I didn't put up much of a fight."

"Stars..." Juniper hadn't even been paying attention to those atrocities in the outside world. All she'd been focusing on was her own personal misery, not even the wider crimes of the rebellion.

"I was still apprehensive about the whole idea of the Affini. Certainly not keen on being a pet. But as I got talking with Sylvia, I realized fighting against the Affini was a silly endeavor. We never stood a chance."

Juniper looked to Sylvia, who smiled and shrugged their shoulders. "I can't take all the credit here. I was just repeating what I knew to be reality. That it was the Affini who saved me from a horrible death in the vacuum of space, who gave me new legs, and food and hormones. Who were making a real, positive difference to everything." they said sheepishly. "All I did was give Jaxx a chance to see that"

"How could we fight against the Affini... why should we have fought? Mistress has done more for me alone than all of the Accord. When I realized that, whatever part of me that still wanted to fight disappeared. I was in and out of hospital for an emergency appendix surgery and then... my implantation... not long after that." they said, slowing down, almost unsure when mentioning the second surgery. "It's only been a day or two since I've been lucid." They rubbed the scar on the back of their neck. "I'm still getting used to everything. How it messes with my thoughts... they make being angry or doing self-deprecation very hard." they smiled again, uncertain.

Jaxx's mistress extended a vine to run down their neck, eliciting a soft moan from Jaxx. Hearing it, seeing how it made their eyes go completely glassy for a moment, it made something in Juniper uneasy but... curious. Weird.

"The general conclusion, dear, is that Jaxx has been delivered into very safe and loving vines," their Affini finally spoke up, idly stroking and petting Jaxx. Was it getting hot in here?

"Indeed, very safe vines" Rimu chimed in, giving Juniper similar attention. In an odd way, despite how it made everything all spacey for a moment, it reminded her of why she was here really. Yet when she tried to formulate the questions, the passion Jaxx had shown talking about Jewel, how she was so easily mistaken for this person who apparently shared a body with her.

"Jaxx" she started, words falling short as she braced herself for what was coming. Jaxx looked at her curiously, eyes returning to a semblance of focus and attention. Juniper swallowed. "What's Jewel like?"

June pouted as she looked up at Rimu, the rush of water being run for the bath creating gentle background noise. "Miss you promised" she half-whined as vines gently tugged at and pulled her clothes off her. They weren't too many but they were removed with a soft precision that belied the Affini's incredible dexterity. Rimu gave a slight chuckle, closing her eyes in an amused way.

"Hmm? I don't recall promising you anything like that dear, the ship is, as you said, a deathtrap" Rimu replied as she laid June's dress to one side, snaking vines around to unclasp the little Terran's bra. "It's still to be explained by Affini engineers how you and Jaxx were able to keep it from ripping itself apart under the weakest drive impulse"

June rolled her eyes. "Well it'd be safe now right? You Affini are so hyper advanced, I'm sure you have some way of knowing how to keep a ship you've put in a big room from falling apart, isn't part of the reason you put it in there to prevent injury?" she asked. A more full bodied chuckle rumbled from Rimu.

"Even so dear, I wouldn't want to risk a wonderful sophont's safety like yours, you're the most precious thing I've known for a good long while now." she said, pulling down June's underwear, running a vine across the cuffs on the sophont's ankles and another across her collar. June shivered and let out a little moan. A feeling of want quietly rumbled through Rimu as she felt it. Such a lovely specimen in vine's reach.

June pouted again. "I know that thing inside and out... and I want some closure. It's like a horrific malformed child, but it still feels like it's mine, you know? I want to have some closure on it before I can really start this new part of my life." she said, crossing her arms in a gesture of defiance.

Rimu simply pet her head, eliciting another moan. "I'll see what I can do dear, though for your safety I'll need to be there with you, can't have you accidentally hurting yourself." she said as she picked June up and walked two steps into the bath, slowly lowering herself and her precious cargo into the beautifully hot water.

June gave a little sigh as the warm water enveloped her, gosh she couldn't even remember the last time she'd bathed like this, if she had ever at all. That didn't matter too much though, this was all so nice. She felt nice as her muscles, already easily given to relaxing from weeks of pampering and little work, seemingly lost all tension as she smelled the sweet smell of the soaps. Almost immediately she felt the corners of her mind go fuzzy, but she could live with that, she enjoyed the feeling.

"You know dear" Rimu started, stealing the softly unwinding threads of June's attention with her voice, "I have always wanted to perform hypnosis in a setting like this" she continued, her tone simultaneously hungry and caring. "You Terrans are so beautifully susceptible to it. All it requires is a little trust. Your mind can easily be pliable and supple, like clay in a potter's hands."

"Miss Rimu, are you trying to seduce me?" June asked, giggling at the cheesiness of her own words. It was so easy to just say silly stuff like this. Rimu's eyes momentarily widened almost in shock before a sly smile returned.

"Why dear, I cannot lie, a part of me is. A part of me very much wants to take your mind in my vines and play with it like putty." she cooed, getting a bottle of shampoo out from a drawer and lazily snaking it back to the bath. "But I can't just do it right away" she said, looking at the label of the bottle, 'Trippy Terran's Formula, now with class-h mix!'. "You see, it works well if it's happening with someone you trust, someone who you can put yourself into the vines of. Someone who will respect your boundaries. But I can assure you, the result is oh so wonderful, like becoming art!"

June nodded along, happy to just hear the Affini's words. She did trust this Affini after all, she'd not found a reason to distrust the Affini so far and she was so nice with affection and cuddles. "But what happens if I don't like what's happening?" she asked, an actual thought beyond diffuse relaxation working its way to her lips.

"That's a very good question dear." Rimu replied. "Of course your wellbeing is the most important thing here, that's why it's really you in charge. Safe words are a wonderful tool, tell me dear, what would you use for a safe word, if you wanted to stop something, no questions asked?"

June thought for a moment, seriously pulling her thoughts together to think. A word that'd describe it? A good word, a good word. "Starburst," she said softly. Rimu chuckled.

"Then whenever you say Starburst dear I will stop and bring you into a safe place. When you say Starburst I'll stop immediately no matter where we are in the hypnosis I'll ensure you're safe, and when you're ready I'll pull you back up out of your trance, and we can talk about what happened and what we can do to avoid it in future. How does that sound?"

June nodded softly. "Sounds... good," she said softly.

"Now remember dear, you are in charge when you're being hypnotized, you will never feel like you need to continue for my sake. When you want to stop, you'll say Starburst. Remember that dear"

June nodded again and blew a raspberry, gosh this was all so nice. Miss Rimu was so nice.

"Now dear, think, what word would you use if you wanted to simply adjust? Can you think of any?" Rimu asked gently, petting June for a moment.

June thought again. Something to say when wanting to adjust... something to say. "Soup" Rimu raised an eyebrow before shrugging.

"Soup it is, whenever you say soup, I'll make sure you're in a safe place where we can talk about what to adjust and go from there. Soup means stop and take stock." June giggled.

"Finally dear, what's a word you would use when you want more, that you're happy and want to keep going. What would that be?"

"Coffee," June replied, poking her tongue out again.

Rimu smirked and stroked June's cheek. "Very good girl. Whenever you say coffee, I'll keep going with whatever it is we're doing." June nodded softly. "Now dear, I just want to gently bring you down into trance and let you sit there for as long as you're comfortable, is that ok with you?" she cooed, flipping the bottle top on the shampoo. June nodded in reply. "I know you're a very good dear but i'd like you to say if it's ok with you or if it isn't"

"Yes, I'm okay with that," June replied, poking her tongue out, 'was this really necessary?' she wondered.

"Very good dear. You just need to focus on my words now. You see hypnosis is a very easy thing to do, you just need to focus. Focus just on my words, and let every other sensation fall away. Focus on my words and relax. Just let all that tension in you flow out while you focus on my words dear." Rimu said softly, slowly, as she lathered a dollop of the shampoo in her vines before kneading it into June's hair.

Rimu's soft honeyed words started to gently wind their way into June's mind, her body felt like it was floating. She was in water but all of her body felt floaty, even if she couldn't quite keep up with what Rimu was saying.

"down, and down, and down, and down, feeling all the weight in your body gently leaving... good girl. Keep falling down gently, deeper into the water, let all that tension melt away."

June smiled even as she felt her outside senses drift and refract like light, absently savoring the sensation of the warm water and the many vines caressing her head. Like she was slowly sinking deeper into the lake in her mind, but with a vine wrapped around her to keep her aware, and as the depths grew and grew, she touched something. And the two of them for a brief moment were aware of each other.