The alarm felt like it shattered Lily’s eardrums. Was it louder than usual? Probably not. But after last night’s perilous ordeal, it might as well have been shouted right in their face. Opening their eyes hurt, what with light feeling like acid, and even twitching their feet felt like breaking a bone.

They supposed it was to be expected, after that scene last night.

Despite their lingering pain, their lips curled into a wistful smile. Their Mistress didn’t hold back, even when they pleaded for mercy. She doubled down at any opportunity. And that was what Lily wanted. They needed that reassurance. The reassurance that she was not holding back on them, despite their... distraction. She still loved them, owned them, and wanted every part of their body and soul.

Lily had to hold onto that feeling. So even as their body protested and tried to drag them back to sleep, they got out of bed. Despite the fact their training had been on a pause, Lily still found themself waking up at 5:30am, and doing at least some parts of the morning ritual. It felt like the one constant they could lean on. Without conscious effort, they brushed their hair with their fingers and tightened a scrunchie around it. The slight pull of their hair reminded them of the night before, and the tension of Mistress against their scalp. Their smile widened.

Quietly, they tiptoed around the bed and found the notepad. It had remained open, Lily’s previous note having been scribbled on the current page. The hardest part of praising their Mistress was thinking of what to actually say.

What to say…

What to… say?

Lily’s head hurt. Why?

–

Being a plural system was like eternally living on dial-up internet. Constantly being interrupted by an annoying relative making a phone call of minimal importance, ruining whatever you were doing or working on. And having to wait to have the privilege to open Internet Explorer again, or else everyone started yelling. But sometimes that damn phone call would take two hours and eventually you’d just give up and do something else, letting the dial-up hoarder hog the phone and thereby hold the internet usage hostage. Sometimes you’d get so sick of it that you wouldn’t even try to use the home internet, you’d just go to the library and do whatever you needed to there, leaving your chattering relative home with nothing but the sound of their annoying voice.

Kassandra wasn’t sure where that thought came from. But goddamn she stood by it.

She took stock. An empty page of a well-loved notebook was right in front of them. This was the bedroom, right? Yeah. Lily and Magnolia’s. Sure enough, their Mistress was there, right in her peripheral vision. Ugh. Hopefully she could go back to sleep – metaphorically. She was beginning to find the skyscrapers in the brain fog comforting.

Okay, and what the hell were they doing? She was holding a pen. For the page, then? Her eyelids shivered and it took a minute for her to realize she was tearing up. What. What the fuck! Why? Kassandra knew it was petty of her to consider crying an inconvenience, but why the fuck. Wiping her eyes with her arm, she glared at the notebook, flipping back a few pages to see note after note in Lily’s handwriting.

My Mistress is my everything and more.

–

Mistress Magnolia is my guiding light. She knows all and knows everything for me.

–

Mistress Magnolia allows me bliss when holding me down and forcing me to–

Ugh. Kassandra hurriedly flipped back to the blank page before she could finish reading that one. Was this some new kink of theirs, or something? How Lily could tolerate, let alone love, that unconventional relationship would be a mystery to Kassandra for all of time. She grimaced. There was a sense of expectation, of routine, of need. Were they supposed to write something now? Lily’s handwriting was hard to copy, being much rounder and less rough than Kassandra’s, but whatever. Not writing anything would only raise suspicion and/or get Lily in trouble.

Writing any sort of praise for their captor made Kassandra feel like vomiting. What was the most generic thing she could write, just to get this out of the way?

Mistress is the best person in the world.

Oh, what the hell was she thinking? Kassandra didn’t exactly have the highest opinion of Magnolia, but she wasn’t an idiot. Sighing, Kassandra scribbled out her sad attempt at praise, and added a line below.

Kassandra was here, dumbass

Alright. Sure. At least this way Magnolia would know why Lily hadn’t written anything. That’d keep them from getting... punished for it. Probably.

Okay, now what? Hey, Lily? Thought you were supposed to be here too. I guess you want rest or something, but could you at least tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do? Nope. Silence.

Magnolia shifted, and Kassandra froze, narrowing her eyes. Well, no sense in waking her up. That’d help nobody if the woman got all pissy about it. Sighing, she left the bedroom, and found herself going to the kitchen.

Unfortunately for her, there were zero hints as to why she had been pulled out. Kassandra could make an educated guess, of course. She inhaled deeply, frustration leaking, and out. Making as little noise as possible – plenty of practice not waking people up, but she didn’t want to think about that – she pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, with an odd sense of following something.

And she sat.

Kassandra looked down. Her hands tightly scrunched her silk (seriously?) shorts. Her hands shook violently. Her entire body was shaking. Her eyes narrowed and heartbeat skipped when she laid eyes upon a series of cuts. The… the cuts weren’t serious. They’d probably heal in less than a week. They didn’t look self-inflicted, either, which was the more pressing concern at least for Kassandra.

What the hell was going on?

Everything was fine. Fine. Perfectly and totally fine. And then Lily – opened their stupid mouth to the wrong person, and now their entire nervous system was flooded with anxiety, adrenaline, and panic. More so than usual. Kassandra considered herself Lily’s sword and shield, their guardian and defender when they most needed her – even when they said they didn’t.

How was she supposed to defend against a threat like fucking genetic cancer susceptibility? It was just... everything, and nothing, all at once. She couldn’t. This was the most powerless she’d ever felt. Worse than when Chain started climbing to the surface with his grubby hands all those years ago. That was something she could do something about. This wasn’t their mind hurting them with something deeply ingrained and flawed. And it wasn’t the world or dumbass passersby spitting on them when all they wanted to do was live.

Their own body betrayed them. Had betrayed them, long ago, as far as she was aware. And, she felt she had to clarify, not even in the kinky way Lily would like, just awful and hopeless. This was sadder than sad. What could Kassandra do?

A teardrop fell onto her hand. Fuck this. She hated feeling this helpless.

Give up.

Her eyes snapped wide. This new voice… it was so soothing, and so melancholy. Kassandra couldn’t feel any emotion in it. She sensed fatigue, sure. But who in this goddamn head wasn’t tired these days? Kassandra growled and shook her head. “Goddamn it. I thought you’d go away by now.”

You can’t do anything. It doesn’t matter what you do. Nothing matters.

“Shut! Up!” Kassandra hissed. She held her head, as if clawing at her brain, and hunched over. “I won’t give in, bitch! At least this, I can do.”

Kassandra’s eyes shut tight. In her mind’s eye, she could feel them. That presence she’d been fighting to keep at bay. She would not give in. And she would not let Lily do so, either.

Then what will you do? I await your further insight.

They were taunting her. Taunting Kassandra. Her fists clenched tighter, and she kept herself from punching her leg. If anyone was going to hurt them, it sure as hell wouldn’t be herself.

“Show yourself,” Kassandra ordered. Demanded. She didn’t have an answer to that question, and she knew that. The voice probably knew that. So what use was beating around the issue?

A figure came into view. Into their mind. Of course Kassandra didn’t see them, but she felt them. Who were they?

A tall figure, standing with grace, elegance, and the silent poise of a model. Clad in a seafoam silk dress, white hair flowing gently. Tiny blue flowers floated around their figure, petals floating in midair. And their face was as plastic and emotionless as their fucking voice. Whoever the hell this was looked like a haunted doll from a horror movie. Kassandra could guess why she looked like… that. There was a certain air of apathy, like she was meant to be looked and gawked at than be human.

“Who are you?”

Silence. And then, through Kassandra’s lips, they whispered in a breathy voice–

“Hyacinthe.”

Hyacinthe. That name repeated itself in Kassandra’s head like a mantra.

“Leave,” she ordered. “Leave our head. You are not welcome.”

Surrender, Kassandra. You cannot stop anything. This is fate.

Kassandra growled. “Don’t give me that ‘fate’ bullshit.” She stood up violently, gripping her hair tightly, hair ripping at the seams. “Fate’s nothing more than a fucking excuse, you bitch!”

In the echoes of her shriek, Kassandra realized she’d been talking out loud. Her hands clasped over her mouth. So much for not waking anyone up. That presence - Hyacinthe - slipped away as soon as her focus had slipped off of them. The fog filled her mind again, but she held onto hope like a lifeline, hope that Lily would be back soon and she wouldn’t have to deal with this.

Hopefully.

Kassandra forced herself to breathe slowly. As tenderly as she could with her shaking hands, she moved the chair to its usual place at the dining table, ignoring the strange impulses Lily probably had mindfucked into them as she did.

Hyacinthe.

Hyacinthe.

A new alter. But why?

Never mind. That was a stupid question.

Kassandra tapped her finger on her leg. Nervously, but more... in anticipation. Waiting for something. Someone. Lily, hopefully. Some feeling, thought, or involuntary motion. The phantom Hyacinthe was silent, too. A part of Kassandra resented that, wanting to demand answers, craving a verbal punching bag, but she couldn’t say she didn’t appreciate the silence.

Especially since Magnolia hadn’t woken up—

Never mind. Kassandra’s lips pressed together as she noticed Magnolia standing in her peripheral vision, staring directly into her soul.

“Um, hi,” Kassandra spoke demurely in an attempt to imitate Lily, “Mis…Mistress, what can I — what can I do for you?”

Perfect execution.

“Kassandra,” Magnolia spoke slowly, “do you think I’m stupid?”

Well, it was worth a shot.

“I appreciate you saying I’m the best person in the world, before you scribbled it out, though I doubt you meant it sincerely. For someone who shares a body with my plaything, you really are abysmal at pretending to be them. I’m not even sure why you bothered. I do know about you.”

Kassandra rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, sue me. I’ve only just been resting quietly for like four years or something.”

“So it seems. I had been meaning to talk to them this morning, but you will serve as well. Mind telling me what is going on? And please, with no more chair throwing. I thought we were being robbed. Incompetently.”

Kassandra bit her lip. Getting insulted by the lady was bad enough, but getting scolded by her? She had to ignore her blood boiling to actually answer without any curses. “Honestly, I don’t know. I was staring at that notebook when I realized I was… awake. I tried to see if Lily would ‘take over’, but I didn’t feel them.”

She left out Hyacinthe. Logically, Kassandra knew telling her was the right call, but her knee-jerk reaction was still to hold all the cards, and there was something else there, too. A worry that Magnolia might do... something. Whatever. Nothing she said was a lie.

Magnolia didn’t reply for a few moments. Slowly, but not unsteadily, she moved to the table and sat in the chair, making a show of being quiet, silently telling Kassandra to not be so damn loud. Did she have to be so damn condescending? Even when she wasn’t talking, Kassandra was being spoken down to.

“I only caught the tail end of your conversation,” she continued, “but it seemed to be rather... heated. I trust you didn’t refer to Lily as ‘you bitch’, right?”

Kassandra rolled her eyes so hard she could practically hear it. “Of course not.”

“Good. Because only I’m allowed to call them that,” Magnolia chuckled.

Kassandra shot a death glare at her, but she seemed to just not care, which pissed Kassandra off even more. A low growl escaped her vocal chords. She wanted this damn conversation to end.

“So, care to tell me who you were talking to?”

“I’d rather not, if I’m being honest.”

Magnolia seemed genuinely confused. “When are you not honest, Kassandra?”

More than you think, and less than I’d like to be, Kassandra didn’t reply. She shifted awkwardly in the seat, adjusting from position to one uncomfortable position after another. If Magnolia cared about her posture as much as she did Lily’s, she certainly didn’t make it known.

“It worries me that you’re out, Kassandra.” That was not what she expected to hear, and it made her blood boil. “You haven’t been out – not like this – for years. And now we’ve had this new information. So this concern is not out of nowhere. I’m worried about the… implication.”

Kassandra hissed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Am I not allowed to walk around and breathe fresh air? You just want me to be some kind of meaningless fly on the wall, don’t you?!”

Magnolia’s face hardened. She stood up, and raised her hand. Kassandra’s face instantly paled, her breathing halted, and whatever she was about to say next died in her throat.

No strike came. Magnolia put a firm hand on their shoulder. Distantly, Kassandra could feel Lily’s Mistress’s hand shaking as if it moved the very air she breathed. She was holding herself back. Angry, yes, but...

“Kassandra,” she spoke, in a low voice that could very well sound threatening, “Do not speak to me that way. I am not yelling at you, and have not insulted you once. I am talking to you as an equal. You, Kassandra. So kindly show me the same basic decency I’ve shown you, and consider my words, even if you must react... As you do. Understood?”

Kassandra froze. Every muscle and bone in her body clenched up, ready to attack with whatever she had. Fuck, she hated being spoken to this way! It was almost worse than being slapped. Who gave her the fucking gall? But. She wasn’t wrong. Even if she was being a bitch about it. Reluctantly, Kassandra nodded.

With a heavy sigh, Magnolia sat back down and continued.

“That’s not what I meant, and I know you’re – you, specifically, are smart enough to know that,” Magnolia grumbled. That took Kassandra for a surprise - she was smart enough? A bit of her tension ebbed. “You and I both know that Lily – and by extension, yourself, and in a different way, myself – are in a very frustrating and dismaying situation. I know as little of what to do as you do. Neither you nor Lily might see this, but this is affecting me quite a lot as well. Simply... differently. And I don’t know how to help, or if I am helping. But historically speaking, when you are out, it means Lily is in pain. Pain severe enough that they can’t handle it on their own. Or...” she sighed. “Pain they don’t trust me with.”

Lily’s words to Kassandra, in fleeting moments, came to mind. “They see it more than you think, Magnolia.”

Her lips twitched uncomfortably. “I don’t hate seeing you out, Kassandra. Hardly. It means Lily is in good hands. I simply worry about what you need to protect them from. And,” her voice fell quiet, “how I can help.”

Kassandra felt tears glistening in her eyes, but she refused to let it show. Magnolia eventually sighed and stood up.

“I can tell you don’t want to tell me any more than you have. I will trust you have your reasons on that. Do tell me if you change your mind, though.” She stood up and adjusted the chair back into its usual position. “Otherwise, I am going to get a bit more sleep. And maybe order breakfast today. It would be a nice change of pace, don’t you think, Kassandra?”

Whether or not she was going to reply – she was, if she knew what to even say to that – Magnolia excused herself.

“When Lily comes back, please guide them to me.”

And with those oddly kind words, she closed the bedroom door behind her, leaving Kassandra in near silence. Only then did she allow the confused tears to fall.

–

By the time Lily came to, their eyes were sore from tears they didn’t remember. Lily blinked hard. Slowly they took in their surroundings. The dining room? Sure, this was part of their routine, but how did they get there? And for that matter, why wasn’t the table set? Sure, Magnolia wasn’t enforcing the rituals, but when did they get into the dining room?

They were looking at the notepad… looking at the notepad. The cinch was the clock on the wall reading 8:05am. Suddenly, the realization clicked with them and their eyes widened in horror. “Kassandra,” they echoed out loud as they shot from the seat. Lily winced for a moment, the pain from last night hitting them. They ignored it.

“No, no, no, no…” Lily’s hands clutched their hair. “After… after earning Mistress’ trust, I… I betrayed it…” They were beginning to get sick of bursting into tears. They were on cloud nine last night, not just from the endorphins and adrenaline of subspace and heavy edge play, but because their Mistress trusted them with that amount of pain. Lily worked hard to prove they were still a sub worthy of that degrading, amazing treatment. Deserving of severe training harsher than a military dog might receive. They earned their scene last night.

And they blew it.

“I see you’re back to yourself, plaything.”

Lily whipped around to Magnolia standing in the doorframe of the bedroom. She was already fully dressed, meaning yet another ritual Lily skipped. How long was she – never mind, it didn’t matter. Lily opened their mouth to form a response, but no words came out. The only thing they could do was fold one hand over the other and bow politely. At least this way, their Mistress wouldn’t see the distress painted on their face.

“Before you make any excuses for not doing your rituals, don’t bother. Not only do you not need to, but I already know well what happened.” Her tone was curt, but once again, she was just stating a fact. Lily knew that was most likely the case, but a small part still hoped they could slip past her knowing gaze.

Lily’s head lifted slightly, but the worry and anguish in their eyes hadn’t left. “You… talked to Kassandra, then?”

“Indeed.” Magnolia began walking up to Lily. Instead of walking backwards, Lily only shrunk in their skin. “I am starving though, so we can continue talking about it once we’ve gotten breakfast.”

“B-breakfast? Oh, yes, um, I can get started on–”

Lily was interrupted once again by the shrill noise of a phone notification. Magnolia slipped her phone out of her pocket. “Which is outside, it seems. Lily, go grab it.”

Lily’s heart sank. “You… ordered breakfast? I could have…”

Their Mistress’ demeanor changed, and Lily instantly realized their mistake. “Not that I trust you to count, but to keep track, I’ll have to scold you both for questioning me and not immediately following an order. Now, are you going to do as I asked, or do I need to brainstorm new punishments for you?”

To any normal person, those words would have instilled nothing but fear in one’s heart. Luckily, Lily was not normal, so they were filled with fear and blind adoration. “O-of course! I’m so sorry, Mistress!” they squeaked as they rushed to the door.

As they did, they could hear their Mistress snickering. A bit of the heaviness in their chest lifted.

Unsure of what the food their Mistress ordered was, they picked it up from the outside table and rushed it back inside. By that time, Magnolia had haphazardly set up the table to a minimal degree. Whatever she ordered smelled delicious. Only then did Lily realize just how famished they were.

As their palm brushed against their thigh, they felt some of the scars their Mistress had gifted to them. A shy smile crept on their face. Their womb ached with a mixture of misery and pleasure, remembering the night before. The dagger of guilt and shame pierced their chest yet, but they didn’t focus on it. They couldn’t focus on it. Fuck, the remorse was beginning to be overtaken by hunger. They swallowed the drool forming in their mouth, folded the bag, tossed it in recycling, and sat back down.

They began to eat. Silence hovered between the two of them. Thoughts raced in Lily’s mind. Was their Mistress similarly tormented by rampaging thoughts? If she was, she was masking it pretty damn well. Or maybe Lily was just stupid. It was more likely the latter.

They finished their food before Magnolia, though it wasn’t particularly difficult. At least they could get a head start on dishes. Lily washed theirs quickly, glancing back at Magnolia every few seconds. She didn’t seem to be in any rush. Come to think of it, Lily had no idea what they were going to do today. Their Mistress continued, probably replying to work emails or something actually productive.

As soon as they were done, and the dishes were on the drying rack following a third inspection, Lily stood at attention silently. Left hand folded over the right. It was one of the simplest rules in the manual Ruby had sent over. God, and they had to figure out how to memorize everything. Something told them asking their Mistress for advice wasn’t the right move.

Only… without making eye contact, Magnolia gestured to the chair next to her as she continued to eat. Confused, but not willing to fuck up anymore by questioning their Mistress, Lily complied.

They sat in silence for a long time. The tension felt like a bag of stones on Lily’s back, though their Mistress didn’t seem to mind. While they were just sitting in silence – only taking a few seconds to clean up the dishes as Magnolia checked her emails absentmindedly. Next to her was a worn-out scheduling journal, which she flipped open to jot whatever down in. Lily’s mind scrutinized every single aspect of this one ritual they were following. Did they forget anything? Anything at all?

It didn’t matter, but Lily needed it to anyways.

A call from Magnolia’s phone jolted Lily out of their skin. She picked it up and began speaking as if Lily wasn’t there. Lily had mostly learned how to ignore her business conversations, but they had to stifle a laugh when they heard her grumble “Jared, you better have a good fucking reason for calling me before 9am.” Poor Jared, as per usual.

Lily could overhear Jared worriedly explain away whatever he did this time. How come Magnolia hasn’t fired him yet? Maybe she knew he was an easy target, and kept him around as a corporate punching bag. All they could think of was how lucky they were that they didn’t have to work and deal with a vindictive boss or office politics.

Magnolia flipped to a certain date, and grumbled, looking at the overflowing text blocking the ability to write anything else. Without even thinking twice, she grabbed Lily’s arm, ignoring their flinch and squeal. The sound of a pen click cut through the momentary shock. Without an ounce of hesitation, she began to hastily scribble the sharp pen into Lily’s skin. Not hard enough to break skin, but enough to jot down whatever Jared was spewing about. Lily grimaced and cried out, instinctively shifting away from the pen, but Magnolia put her weight onto Lily’s arm to hold them still. 

Lily was powerless against her, even as their eyes teared up and they heaved in pain. They were but a thin sheet of paper held down by a bulky stone. Even as she pressed down harder, tapping the sharp pen into Lily’s forearm to get the ink moving again. All the while, she continued chastising Jared, paying no heed to Lily nor their pain.

It never felt better. The pseudo-scars on their arm reminded them of the very real scars on their thighs. The pain eventually turned into pleasure; it was all their brain could do to remain safe. They let out an indecent moan – or was about to, until Magnolia threw the pen down and clasped her hand over their lips. Lily gasped, the high and pleasures and pains lingering. Magnolia went back to holding Lily’s hand still. Luckily, there were no more carvings to come; Magnolia threw one last jab at Jared before hanging up on him.

“You are certainly getting used to the amount of pain I’m going to start putting you through,” Magnolia mused casually as she fixed her glasses. “Although, I can’t say I expected you to moan like some wanton slut.”

Their breathing still uneven, Lily nodded gently. A dopey smile was painted on their face with drool falling out of one corner of it. Magnolia dropped Lily’s hand, and their arm fell limply against the table. Magnolia took a quick photo of it, and then went on to admire her handiwork.

“I should most likely be getting ready,” Magnolia murmured. An aching in Lily’s heart pounded, then intensified when she added, “I’d like to speak about why Kassandra was out before I leave.”

Lily’s face fell. They shook their head softly, apologetically. “I’m sorry, Mistress. I… aside from the obvious…” They vaguely motioned to the air around them. “I can’t really say.”

“I see,” Magnolia sighed. “I’m unsure how much your memory… leaks, I guess, between you two these days. But I heard her screaming at someone. Not at you, it seemed.” Lily gulped. Considering the new presence they felt and the fact Chain had been dormant for so long, they could only guess one person Kassandra would be screaming at. “If you’re able, I want you to tell me more of it.”

Her tone didn’t feel like an order, but Lily wanted it to. But they didn’t want to say. That truth was like a lump stuck in their throat. They opened their mouth, but only a raspy groan came from their vocal chords. Lily shook their head.

“That’s a shame. I was hoping to learn more.” Magnolia set down her empty coffee glass, and grabbed her coat jacket from the back of the chair. “I do want to stress, plaything, since I know you’re not quick to pick up on things. Telling me what I’m asking about – if you know the answer – won’t make me less inclined to go back to training you as rigorously. The opposite, in fact. It will mean I can trust you more to do hard things for me, even if they eat away at your spirit for a moment.”

“I… I understand, Mistress.” They didn’t, really. Or, well, they understood her words. But why would she trust them more if they told her?

But as they began to go back on their white lie, their Mistress began to take off. She grabbed their head, gave them a light kiss. Then she turned their head and gave a rougher kiss on their surprised lips, forcing them deeper, deeper, until Lily was all but gasping for breath.

Their Owner let them go, leaving them with a sly smirk on her lips. Lily managed to stand up just in time, wearing off their shellshock, clasped their hands together and bowed.

Only after their Mistress left did Lily realize their right hand was clasped over their left in an embarrassing blunder. Their Mistress probably noticed, and said nothing.

Lily closed their eyes. There wasn’t much else to do today then… they guessed just to read the rules again. The protocol dinner was the day after tomorrow, and they hadn’t felt less prepared for anything in their life ever.

–

Lily couldn’t read the rules manual enough times. They’d practiced the protocols in private, fucking up each one almost every time. Multiple times they’d just collapsed to the floor crying, physically exhausted, or both. Realistically, it was probably a better idea to just call it off and explain an abridged version of the story to Ruby and Aiden. Or, better yet, ask their Mistress for help understanding and following the protocols.

But every time they thought about it, the conversation replayed in their head.

“I'm pausing your training for at least the next two weeks.”

“As things are now, you won't be able to truly learn to serve me in the way I was intending. So, we are waiting until you're ready.”

“That's -- I can serve you like you want! I promise! I'm... I'm your property, I need to act like it!"

“And debating my decisions is acting like it?”

Lily clasped their hands over their mouth in an attempt to stop a breathing episode. They lightly tapped their legs to calm down, the same way Jenn taught them long ago. But then they thought about Jenn, got angry, and stopped.

As much as Lily tried to focus on training themself, muttering the instructions from the manual, their mind’s eyes were glued to this awful memory.

“I can just forget about it while you're training me!”

“How do you arrange the utensils during lunch time?”

They hissed the answer to that question, the one she asked to test them. They pulled it out from under all the muck of grief and anxiety only after their confrontation happened. Why were they so stupid? How could they not have answered properly?

And why the fuck did they think they could forget about what was going on? Who could be able to forget something of this magnitude, let alone someone with the lacking mental fortitude such as Lily?

“I can't train you in this state. We'll go back to how things were, until you're -- we're -- ready.”

“I'm ready, Mistress! I promise!”

Fuck, Lily growled in their head. Why did I say all of that? All I did was… was make things worse…

Lily knew full well that replaying this conversation wasn’t helpful. But their mind continued like a record made of platinum and steel, one Lily couldn’t crush to a stop with neither mind nor body. “Stop, stop,” they murmured as they desperately tried to focus on the rituals. As far as Lily was concerned, that was all that should have mattered.

And yet.

“Lily, stop this, before I have to make you stop.”

“Don't you want to enter the pageant?! Isn't that what you wanted?”

“What I want is for you to take your time, grieve, process, and not hurt yourself trying to prepare for some objectively meaningless contest.”

“It's not meaningless!”

While trying to practice setting the table, speaking to imaginary dominants, Lily lost concentration and tripped over one of the chairs, knocking it over. They didn’t get up, just looked at their obvious blunder. Finally, Lily gave up. They sat on the couch, hands grasping their head as the worst part of that night played out against their will. 

“If you wanted to enter so badly, to win so badly, why are you doing this?!"

“Because you’re in no state to be trained, whether you want to admit it or not!”

Her words hurt the same way they did last night. And even though they reconciled, her words were etched in their psyche. Truthfully, their Mistress’ words always were – but those displeased and aggravated ones especially. A million thoughts and responses they could have used raced through their mind.

They needed something to have meaning. Maybe that was what was missing. Lily needed to cling onto some purpose in all of this. Otherwise, what was even the point of anything?

Just like that presence said.

Nothing matters.

But Lily needed something to, anyways.

“This matters,” Lily heard Kassandra say from inside them. They grabbed their chest, holding it tight, as if trying to get some more reassurance from Kassandra. Something they never thought they’d get, for this dynamic at least. Lily didn’t question it anymore. They needed it.

“This matters,” they echoed, and continued practicing with some kind of renewed peacefulness. Or emptiness. Maybe both.

–

Lily was almost grateful for their call time being two hours early. All the new subs had to arrive two hours prior to the actual event, while returning subs arrived an hour before. Ruby and Aiden were as warm and welcoming as ever. Being the experienced submissive she was, Ruby took over most of the training, with Aiden popping in for demonstrations.

Magnolia had checked in with them before they left with Gregory, their loyal driver. She’d given them a non-verbal and verbal code in case they needed to speak in private, or as a private safeword. Lily’s instinct was to claim they didn’t need it, but they shoved down the last slims of their pride and accepted it gracefully.

Nervous and excited expressions painted the crowd, though Lily was the only one visibly shaking. They got a few stares from some of the other submissives, particularly two cat girl maids with identical outfits standing to the left of them. Lily pretended not to notice.

“I’m going to expect you all read the rules and your expectations,” Ruby started, “but I know a ton of it probably went over your heads. So let’s go over some of the specifics.”

As Ruby spoke, almost like a taskmaster, Aiden began handing some items to each of the submissives individually. He waited for each of them to accept… whatever it was the ‘proper way’, staring down the submissives intently should they fail. Lily was relieved to have been lined up near the end, being able to see the proper way to respond a dozen times. And they had some idea of what was being handed out – some kind of garment? Lingerie, most likely. Some submissives were granted tags for their collars, too, but Lily couldn’t begin to guess their significance. Before…

Aiden stood in front of Lily, and their hands suddenly began to sweat profusely. Lily gulped back their anxiety. All the knowledge they’d picked up flew out of the window, and they were left a stammering mess. Lily all but had to talk the instructions to themself mentally.

Stand straight. Easy enough.

Eye contact. That wasn’t anything new.

Um… what else was there?

One hand crossed over another, right? Which way? Already, eyes were drawn to Lily, and they could feel the impatience of others stabbing them in the back. In a rush, Lily placed their right over their left. They bit on their inner lip hard enough to draw droplets of blood as they looked back into Aiden’s eyes.

Lily swore they could hear someone murmur “jesus fucking christ” under their breath. They wanted to believe it was their imagination.

Aiden stared back. A couple of seconds later, it was clear that Lily had it wrong. Hurriedly, they flipped their hands across, maintaining eye contact – shakily – with Aiden.

The Dom nodded slowly. “Hold out your hands.”

Lily nodded back, and swiftly did as told. More silence. A frustrated pang rang in Lily’s head, the echo reverberating some kind of memory.

“Y-yes, Master,” they finally replied. Finally, Aiden placed the items in Lily’s hands. Lily took a sigh of relief and began looking through them.

Sure enough, it was a pair of lingerie, styled to look like a simple maid or butler uniform. Also included was a collar of sorts, one clearly meant to be worn as a play collar. On top of the eternity collar Lily had, for instance. Sheepishly, they began to put the collar on–

Only to feel Aiden’s hand firmly – yet gently – cross on top of theirs. Lily’s eyes shot up.

“W-what? What did I–”

“Oh my god,” a groan came from the left side of Lily’s ear, from a snobby-looking submissive with a snide glare on her face, “did you even read the instructions? You’re kind of holding the rest of us up, y’know that?”

Those words, coming from someone Lily didn’t even know, felt like a cold ice pick to their chest. They instinctively opened their mouth to apologize, but wasn’t even given that opportunity.

“And did you?” Aiden’s previously calm expression twisted into poignant anger. “If you did you’d know not to speak out of turn, right, Addie?”

The outspoken sub winced, gulped her words of protest, and lowered her head shamefully. “Of course. I am very sorry, Master Aiden.”

Lily’s eyes met with Addie’s. Despite her apology, her eyes still met Lily’s discreetly with frustration and impatience.

In that moment of silence, something clicked in Lily’s brain. Maybe it was Aiden standing up for them, or maybe it was the shame of holding everyone else up. “Th-thank you for the clothes, Master Aiden.”

Aiden gave a small smile, a hint of reassurance laced in his pearly white teeth, before he moved onto the other subs. Once they were all given out, Aiden turned to the wall.

“Alright you sluts,” Ruby teased, eliciting a gaggle of giggles from the group. “Everyone take off your clothes! And put on your uniform for tonight. I think I got everyone’s size, but if it fits weirdly, speak now or forever be silent.”

Eugh…. Stripping in front of others always felt a tad foreign to Lily, but they were in even less place to complain or ask for a private space. Keeping their head to the floor, they slowly took their clothes off, neatly folding them as they did so. They didn’t feel anyone else’s gaze on them, thankfully, but they did hear Ruby’s musical humming as she stripped her clothes and flung them around the room. With all except her head wrap gone, she donned a more fancy-looking and colorful outfit, sewn with bright latex, possibly to signify her as the head maid. On top of her head covering she wore her own pair of bunny ears, extra fuzzy with all sorts of jingles and fake piercings.

She was… so beautiful. And Lily was oh so gay. They swore for a brief moment blood stopped flowing to their brain. Quickly they snapped themself out of their reverie and returned to the task at hand.

The outfit did not leave much to the imagination. Thankfully they still functioned as a bra and panties at the very least, lending to comfort and ease of motion. There were three rings on the collar, and some of the subs had tags attached to them. Lily couldn’t see what they said without squinting, and they certainly didn’t want to step on any more toes needlessly. So they kept to themself.

Lily flinched and had to stifle a shout as a reassuring hand rested on their shoulder. They whipped their head around, facing another maid. She wore a soft, gentle expression on her freckled face. Still on edge, Lily waited to be addressed.

“Don’t worry about what that person said,” she said in a low voice, turning to Addison. “It’s your first time, right? The rules can be overwhelming at first. Some people are just jerks.”

“Th-thanks,” Lily murmured. “I’m… I'm really nervous. I’ve never done anything like this.”

Upon closer, calmer expression, Lily noted some tags attached to her collar. The red one said, “no physical contact” and the green one said “ask Owner before addressing”. She noted Lily’s staring, and smiled lightly as she held up the tag. “You don’t have any of these tags, do you? They’re like, rules that your Owner or Dominant sets for you. So someone without these tags might get punished by someone else’s hands without warning.”

Suddenly, the lack of any sort of tag on Lily felt much more threatening. Their face drained. Instinctively, they held their hands to their chest as they replied, “Does – does stuff like that, um, happen often?”

“It depends! Sometimes we have guests who like to be a bit more cruel, and subs who intentionally misbehave. But as long as you’re trying, and not intentionally breaking any rules, people are pretty chill.”

Lily sighed in relief. “That’s… that’s good. I, um, definitely won’t do anything like that!”

A warm smile in response. Followed up by, “I can tell you’re eager to serve! Subs like you are just, like, the cutest!”

“T-the cutest?” Lily echoed, blood rushing back into their pale face. “Does… does that mean–”

“HEY SUBBY BITCHES!” Ruby shouted, jolting Lily and their new friend – question mark – out of their conversation. “We’re 30 minutes to showtime! Anyone got any questions, concerns? Does anyone need to red out now?”

Lily considered raising their hand. But no. This was a test. They had to succeed, lest their Mistress might get an even worse idea. They looked to the other servants. Some were more fidgety than others, while others maintained a straight posture as if they were statues. And yet, no one had any complaints, or last-second dropouts.

“Excellent! Get everything set up, then. Myself and Aiden will start correcting you if you fuck up now. The safe word is elevator. Let’s go, go, go!”

Even hearing the movement around them, Lily just stood in place motionless. They were… given an order. By… not Mistress. Something stirred within them. Was this really right? And what was Lily even supposed to be doing? Before they could remain paralyzed by fear, they felt a sharp slap on their ass. They yelped, the forward momentum throwing them off balance. Lily looked behind, but was stopped as Ruby grabbed their shoulders and whispered–

“That includes you, space cadet,” she teased. “You’re really cute, and I’d rather not punish you, so let’s get going, ay?”

Lily’s back straightened like a stick and they nodded vigorously. “R-right! I’m sorry, um…”

“Miss Ruby is fine,” she said, “just for tonight. Why don’t you go fold some of the napkins? I’ll show you a couple, so you won’t have any excuse to mess up.”

Their ragged breathing slowly evening out, yet still so shallow, Lily nodded. “I’d… really like that.”

“Great!” Without waiting for any further comment, Ruby grabbed Lily’s wrist and began to drag them by it. Once again, Lily had to regain their balance, yet Ruby – and the other maids, for that matter – seemed to hold themselves together as if this was just a regular Tuesday evening.

Lily did the best they could. But despite how hard they tried to mask it, doubt crept through the edges of their skin.

~~

Once the house was set up, looking like a newly finished HGTV project, Lily and the other maids waited by the doorway in the guided position. Half were standing – not leaning – on one wall, half on the opposite side. They were told to (rather, scolded to) keep their neck up straight until the guests arrived. Which should have been fine. Except like this, it was hard not to make eye contact with the other maids.

It wouldn’t have been much of a problem if the two maids across from there weren’t the two giving them trouble earlier. Lily gulped as they noted their scornful expressions, light scoffs, and sneering side-eyes.

A familiar burst of anger swept up Lily’s sides. Involuntarily, their eyes narrowed, and their hands curled into fists. What the fuck was their problem? Why did they have such a grudge against Lily? They hadn’t even talked to anyone there, let along done anything to even inconvenience them!

They caught themself, the dreadful realization making their face fall and their anxiety redouble.

Kassandra, not now, please.

When was the last time…

That all-too familiar presence didn’t reply. But it didn’t matter. The door opened, and Lily’s internal conversation was cut short. In unison with the other maids, they bowed their head and closed their eyes as they all sang – “We welcome to our protocol dinner.”

“Ah, a nice bunch here tonight,” a deep masculine voice noted in response. “I can see myself having a nice time. You there—” he pointed to another maid “—would you show us to our table, please?”

“Certainly. Right this way, Masters.” A maid Lily didn’t know replied, and they were quickly seated. There were two sets of footprints. Judging by the table size – and the fact the maids wouldn’t be sitting, for the most part – probably around two dozen guests would be arriving. Perhaps more, perhaps less. Who was to say? Questions and ruminations continued to roar in Lily’s mind.

Their eyes peeked open, chancing a glance at the new arrivals. More importantly, how they were being seated, spoken to, treated. Mentally, they jotted down some notes, hoping they wouldn’t disappear into the void of Lily’s memory.

More footsteps approached. Lily thanked their keen sense of hearing and returned to position. Luckily Ruby didn’t seem to notice… or if she did, she didn’t say anything. More and more patrons arrived, each attended by a different maid. The last maid who greeted a given visitor was the one to accompany them to the table. A couple times they felt a pair of curious eyes on them.

If Mistress Magnolia was coming, she was late. Lily didn’t know how late – they didn’t have a watch or anything like that. Once again, footsteps approached.

“Psst,” one of the maids hissed to Lily, “the next one’s yours.”

“T-thanks,” they replied almost silently. Somewhere in their heart, they hoped Mistress Magnolia was the one to whom they’d be attending.

Lily lifted their head. But of course it wasn’t that simple. The curvy blonde woman who strolled in was in a black PVC dress and coated with bright red lipstick. She was beautiful, but she was decidedly not their Mistress.

This was fine. “W-would you like me to show you to y-your place, um, Miss…”

They were shaking like a leaf. They knew this. Their customer knew that, too. The lady eyed them up and down, licking her lips and the bits of lipstick on her teeth. “Please do, you lovely thing you.”

Before Lily could do anything, they felt the O-ring of their collar pulled. Lily yelped as they were brought up, their whole body seizing up frozen.

“Show me to my table,” she ordered in a soft but stern voice.

“Y-yes, Miss,” Lily squeaked as they got into position, ready to lead her away.

But before they did, they heard snickering across from them. The maids who felt like they came straight out of a shitty, pornographic Mean Girls sequel.

Fuck it. Lily shot a millisecond-long death glare at the main two offenders, and readied themself, more determined than ever. It took everything in them not to flip the bird. But they weren’t about to ruin their chance to prove themself and get kicked out, even if it hurt their pride a little.

Lily led her to the table, every step deliberate, planned and focused. They repeated the steps they read and saw demonstrated. Pulling out the chair for her, allowing her to take the lead in every way. Even allowing her to cop a few feel-ups. Is Mistress really okay with this? They kept thinking. But if she wasn’t okay with it, they’d get a tag for it… right?

“Is this your first time, sweetheart?” she purred, placing an absentminded hand on Lily’s back.

“Oh! Um, yes it is, Miss,” Lily squeaked. “I’m… v-very grateful to b-be here and serve – um, serve you.”

“Awe, no need to be so nervous,” the older lady cooed, smiling with her bright red lips pressed together, looking like a seductive rose. It took Lily every atom of their being to not let their eyes gaze down towards her voluptuous chest.

The lady noticed, though, and grabbed Lily’s hand, forcing it on her breast. Lily’s blood rushed to their face, and they stammered a long string of apologies, compliments, and just utter gobbledygook. The Miss towering over Lily clearly enjoyed seeing their reaction, especially as she pressed their hand further into her chest.

And then she pushed Lily away from her playfully, just as Lily’s head was about to burst like a tomato. “No rules on you, it seems? Then I suppose your Owner wouldn’t mind if I stole away some of their time with you…”

Lily blinked fast, trying to flip through the rulebook. It said the Domme who the maid greeted would be their servant for at least the appetizer portion, unless called for duty, having a sudden medical emergency, or reclaimed by their Owner. So…

They nodded. “Of course, Miss. What, um, how shall I serve you?”

“Mmmm,” she purred, then glanced down either at Lily’s chest, their name tag, or both. “Lily, is it?”

“Yes, Miss.” It felt weird addressing someone other than Mistress Magnolia as such, but Lily remembered - the house rules were an extension of her rules. They swallowed the awkwardness as best they could, but still shivered with anticipation and anxiety.

“Well, Lil-lil, I hope you don’t mind if I call you as such tonight.”

They did, but house rules were Mistress’ rules. “Of course not, Miss. Um…”

“Miss Rhodes,” she answered Lily’s silent question. “Lil-lil, would you please kneel next to me? I may need someone to act as a trash can if I can’t finish everything.”

Oh lord. They hoped the food – or food scraps – would at least be palatable enough for them not to reverse it. “Of course, Miss Rhodes.”

–

At their temporary Mistre– Miss’ direction, Lily kept their head down. If Magnolia had stepped in, they had no idea. Lily spent most of their time looking for new interesting shapes on the wooden floor. Thankfully, the food was well cooked, and they were starving, so Miss Rhodes’... interesting kink ended up being fine with them. Of course, it was humiliating and degrading to be treated no differently than a compost bin. For Lily, though, that was a good thing!

And it meant there were no protocols they had a chance to blunder!

Until a bell rang. Which meant a change. Lily rose to their feet, giving a polite bow to Miss Rhodes. She returned a warm - if seductive - smile. That wasn’t nearly as bad as they thought. They let out a sigh of relief. Maybe this night would go better than expected. And… maybe Magnolia could see they could do it and trust them enough?

Trust them to train them, to treat Lily the way they needed to be treated?

As they made eye contact with Master Aiden, who began giving a speech including instructions to the submissives, they got a glimpse of the other Dommes there. Enough without lifting their head up as per rules. Sure enough, Lily’s Mistress was there, having been served by someone who seemed like a femboy catboy? Neat.

As Aiden’s speech finished, and Lily was about to go into the kitchen to help serve food, a voice rang out. A familiar voice. Not Mistress Magnolia, not the woman they just served, not Miss Ruby or Master Aiden.

“Oh my gosh, is that Lily?! Fancy seeing you here, you little tease!”

Lily gulped. They knew. The table went silent, a block of tension crushing all of them at the same time. Slowly, reluctantly, they turned around, their eyes passing by Magnolia’s as they did.

“You’re…” they murmured under their breath.

“I’m Indigo! You remember me, the nice lady who picked you up in the pouring rain? So happy to see you again, darling!” Her voice was sweet, but not in a good way. Rather, sweet like molasses. 

Lily wanted to throw up from anxiety. What the fuck… what the fuck was she doing here? They wanted to ask, but they were frozen. 

“And what,” Magnolia asked, voice an even, sweet poison, "is she talking about, Lily?" 

So much for this going better than expected.