Lily had gotten used to going to doctor’s appointments alone… mostly. Sure, whenever they did go to the doctor’s, they went alone (after the first year of their ownership status), but it wasn’t like Lily had to go to doctor’s offices once or twice a week. Three times a year, if that. Now they knew the receptionists by name, along with their insurance information, their vitals, directions to each of the offices… and they’d gone over their name, date of birth, and purpose of their visits more times than they ever wanted to. It had almost become like a mantra, just not a fun one.

They had to say, they never got anymore used to walking through the halls of a cancer hospital. They didn’t think they ever would. Hell, they didn’t think anyone would, let alone a basket case like them.

That day’s appointments were particularly brutal. The first half of the day was standard labwork, which whatever – Lily had gotten used to needles a month or so after their diagnosis. An unconventional way to get rid of their fear of needles, but whatever. “At least I don’t have cancer,” they’d murmur before dissociating for the rest of it.

But then they had to go to the GYN office and…

The only way they could describe it was a unique and personal level of hell made just for Lily.

First of all, why, why, why, why did everything have to be pink? Yes, they got it, they’re in the women’s clinic for women patients to take care of womanly things. Fuck, the clinic was called “Center for Women’s Cancers”, and from the waiting room it was clear who the main demographic was. Pink ribbons, pink flowers, pink banners decorated every corner. Even the magazines people read to pass time were very clearly targeted to cisgender women. Luckily for Lily, they were too dumb to spend waiting room time reading.

Despite being on the bring of awareness and disappearance, Lily brought their journal, and wrote down just whatever came to mind. They didn't even register what they were writing. This probably wasn't what their Mistress meant, but hey -- they had orders, and... yeah, that was the only thing they had.

Hopefully Mistress would understand.

To stay warm and/or to fight the dysphoria, they brought their ultimate defense -- baggy sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, with their hair in a small ponytail. And of course, their second ultimate weapon, dissociating so they wouldn't have to think about anything.

Unfortunately, that came with a caveat. The image of a sickly thin tall lady with flowing light blue hair and blue flowers circling her. Hyacinthe, she said her name was? She (metaphorically) met Lily's miserable gaze with emotionless eyes and no movement on her face. They thought they were over this. Kassandra could be a nuisance even in the best of times; Chain was an unwelcome surprise to say the least; and now they had to deal with all this again? It wasn't even like Hyacinthe helped at all. She just stared at them! At the very least, say something!

Why does this matter so much to you?

Never mind. Lily threw their head back, regretting giving her the opportunity to make them feel worse.

Why do you not answer me?

"Because you're not helping," Lily replied, mouthing the words as opposed to whispering. They didn't need to look like a crazy person and get institutionalized by a woman into a women's psychiatric ward, for women who have mental illness.

Hyacinthe didn't have a moment to reply before a nurse called out to them, "Mrs. Hawkins-Anderson?"

"That's me," Lily sighed, getting up to follow her. They answered her small talk questions without even really thinking about their replies. Screw correcting the nurse, they'd rather just get through the appointment without the emotional exhaustion of explaining that yes, wow, not all people who need gynecologic cancer care were cisgender straight women, who would have known. Eventually, they winded up in the doctor's office, not really registering how they got there.

Who cares, in the end?

Lily shook their head, shifting uncomfortably. They couldn't let Hyacinthe's words get to them. Maybe the more they tried to block her out, the less likely she'd be able to take over them the same way Chain did. Or cause as much of a disturbance as Kassandra did. At least she was quiet.

Damn. You really are giving me a hard time today, Kassandra sighed, and Lily externally followed.

They didn't reply. They probably were. Kassandra was right. Everyone except Lily was right and Lily was hopelessly wrong about everything, ever.

The doctor came in. She was warm and had a kind smile, sure, but Lily was too tired emotionally to respond in earnest. She went over the gynecologic specific risks associated with their genetic mutation from hell -- not that Lily hadn't doomscrolled through Google Search results already. The doctor asked if they'd be willing to get a hysterectomy, emphasizing the risks of not doing so (along with some risks of doing so), and it only made Lily feel more hollow. Would they still feel the pleasure, the pain, the ecstasy of service from their 'fill' trigger (their new favorite f-word)? Would Mistress want children? The fact she gave them a trigger as opposed to actually following through herself might have meant she didn't, or it might have meant she did but wasn't ready and wanted to, or she knew Lily wasn't ready and wanted to wait for them, and also she just started their training up again, what were they going to do if they had to get six weeks of bed rest?

Despite Lily's mind spiraling, they just replied, "I'll think about it."

The doctor got ready for her exam. Lily knew what was coming, and while they managed to block out the fear, trauma, and dysphoria, it became too huge to overlook. It seemed that the doctor noticed their change, and tried to reassure them, but was it going to be okay? Lily had only heard stories, but the stories they heard described hell. Lily had gotten an IUD before, but their mind was so fractured pre-auction that they blacked out during the process. A rare draw to their dissociative issues.

And oh good god they were right. Lily already began to tear up just laying down, and tears began to fall just from spreading their legs. A nurse offered to hold their hand. They didn't notice. Or care. The nurse left them alone. Probably good, considering being touched in this state anywhere they didn't expect would only make their PTSD flare up exponentially worse.

The doctor put the speculum in them

Lily knew this was a bad idea

But they had no choice

None

Something else pushed through their walls, something that wasn't supposed to be there, something going down a one-way street, no no no no no no no no no no

The doctor counted up. Lily barely registered it. The pain, the humiliation, the dysphoria, the trauma, it was all too overwhelming, smothering them completely.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

The devices left their body. They were there for too long, making their marks on Lily's inside as a fucked up mess of trauma and bad genes. If Lily's brain was actually, literally melting out of their ears and onto the examination table, they wouldn't be surprised.

Lily blacked out at the end. At least, they thought so. Either that, or their brain stopped processing any forms of information.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They had no idea how they got home. Lily was miserable. Tired, exhausted, demoralized, dreadful. They barely had the energy to walk from the car to their home. And when they got home, all they wanted to do was collapse in the hallway. But that would displease Mistress. It was still only 1pm... Mistress wouldn't be back for quite some time... But it would also hurt their back and make it harder to serve Mistress.

Lily knew that if they took a break and sat on the floor, they'd fall asleep there, presumably not to wake up in time for their evening ritual. At least they had an alarm by their bedroom.

Besides, did it matter if they didn't wake up? Who would actually care about--

No. No, no, no, no. Whoever was steering Lily's brain in whatever direction they were apparently going needed to get off their fucking high horse. This was Lily's meatbody and theirs alone. That burst of anger was enough for them to get up and walk to the bed. After setting an alarm for 90 minutes, Lily threw themself onto the bed, closed their eyes, and waited until the embrace of sleep would comfort them.

It claimed them with ease.

And kept them within its grasp.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily woke up and instantly knew they slept much, much, much longer than they ever intended. Hair was caught in their map, one of their arms was asleep from their weight, they were drooling onto the pillow, and their headache was almost identical to before they fell into slumber. And sure enough, their worst fears were confirmed when their eyes landed on the alarm and saw it read 7:43pm. No... that was wrong, right? They set it for 90 minutes, it should have gone off well before Mistress had any chance of getting home. Lily's eyes widened, and they frantically got up -- or tried to.

Something tugged against them, and they only then noticed a pair of arms clinging onto them and keeping them in place. "H-huh?"

"Quite the sleepyhead today, aren't you?" Magnolia chuckled softly as she pulled them in closer, back under the blankets. As Lily stammered, panicked, writhed in an attempt to explain themself, to apologize, whatever they could do first. Mistress merely put a hand over their mouth to silence their whines and apologies, and shushed them softly. "I can't help but admire you, plaything. So eager to serve when you were out like a burnt light minutes ago. You're so cute sleeping, too. I could have watched you all day."

She released Lily's mouth, and they immediately began to explain-- "I'm so sorry, Mistress, I got home and the appointment, um, well it--"

Magnolia grabbed their hair and pulled it upwards. The sudden motion and incoming pain silenced any more protests and gave their Mistress the opportunity to speak her mind. "Come now, plaything. Not in that way, of course; not yet, anyways." Huh. Vulgar innuendos were something Lily assumed were too juvenile for her, but Lily supposed they couldn't complain. Especially if she wasn't going to punish them, by some miracle. "I had a feeling that might have been the case. I do know what gynecologic appointments are like, and I can put two and two together when it comes to my plaything. Or did you forget that, unlike you, I tend to know things?"

Lily sweated in anxiety as they sheepishly replied, "n-no, of course I didn't, Mistress. So the alarm didn't go off because..."

"Oh, no, it did," Magnolia corrected. "It was going off when I got home, as well. You simply looked quite... troubled, in your dreams. So I turned it off and decided to indulge myself. Presumably that's not a problem, is it?"

"Not at all, Mistress," Lily replied, disappointment lightly flickering in their voice. They missed their ritual. It hadn't even been that long.

Magnolia snorted. "I thought so. Now, I need you to freeze so I can simply exist with my property."

Lily complied. They didn't have a choice, really. Magnolia's hypnotic grasp on them had only tightened over the years and had never loosened up. Her technique had only improved and their mind had only become more pliable. No wonder Lily melted like putty in her hands. Their Mistress's hands were their maker. She shaped their world.

Magnolia shuffled for the bedroom TV remote, finding it, and turning on some inane home improvement show to pass the time. Lily didn't know which one it was; they all looked about the same to their eyes.

She couldn't cure them, but she was an invaluable lifeline. Internally, Lily murmured something that sounded like gratitude to her.

But Magnolia knew their schedule by heart. And she knew with horrific certainty:

Their trials were far from over.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily's knees clacked together in the waiting room. Perhaps scheduling all their tests within a couple weeks was a piss-poor decision, but they just wanted it to all be done with. Well, done with for that year. To think they'd need to relive the other day's ordeal every year, unless they got a hysterectomy... Cutting off both their Mistress and themself from considering biological children... But if they waited too long, well, their GYN described their uterus as a ticking time bomb, especially now that they were around 30 years old. The fact Lily knew nil about their family's history didn't help them make any decision.

What were they even supposed to do?

Magnolia, this time, insisted she came with Lily. Lily resisted at first, but they caved pretty easily when Magnolia grabbed their hair tightly and squeezed, shoving their head against the table.

"Was that disobedience I heard?" she asked with a threatening tone to her voice.

"N-no, Mistress. Of course you can come," Lily replied, changing their tune instantly.

And that was that. Their Mistress put a hand on their knee, calming them a tad. Lily gave their Mistress a sad smile. They wished she didn't want to see them like this. It was humiliating in a new, unique, unsexy way. She could sense their hesitation, and ruffled their hair, pulling them in close. Lily wasn't a fan of PDA, when it was other people. When it was them and Mistress, though? They were perfectly fine. Not that they could choose to not be fine with.

A nurse called their name. Lily gave their Mistress a nervous look. Magnolia pet their head softly, giving them a reassuring smirk back.

And so they followed the nurse, walking straight into hell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily had a hopelessly optimistic thought in the back of their mind: whatever happened that day couldn't be much worse than the awake biopsy. They were told they used a bit of anesthesia, and were offered laughing gas. But their scanxiety deepened with each step. As per usual, they stripped down and got into a flimsy cloth. Whichever sadistic god inflicted this series of events onto Lily must be having a blast right now.

Now in the examination outfit, the only thing they could hear was their heart beat. Feeling unsteady on their feet, they collapsed onto the table and hesitantly spread their legs.

Not far enough, they knew. Their breathing turned shallow. They inhaled and exhaled. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale--

The doctor knocked on the door and came in. The device they were going to insert in Lily looked far, far more menacing than the biopsy tools ever could.

They didn't want this, they didn't want this, they didn't want--

It didn't matter what they wanted or didn't want. They couldn't change their destiny, their new future. In Hyacinthe's words -- does it matter? Does any of Lily's pain and anxiety matter? As long as they get the test done, it doesn't matter right?

Lily knew that Hyacinthe's unique flavor of apathy was dangerous. But the fact they couldn't choose, that nothing mattered, brought them a bit of comfort.

They could do this. They had to.

At least, they thought.

Something cold touched their crotch, the cleansing liquid, barely scraping their folds. The doctor asked Lily to spread a bit wider.

And when she tried to cleanse them again, the cold reminded them of things they wished so desperately to forget. Something in them snapped.

Perhaps it was them foolishly adopting Hyacinthe's twisted belief system.

Perhaps they had just had too much.

A switch flickered in Lily's mind, setting off a wildfire.

Lily remembered screaming for it to stop, struggling, and everything going black.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Magnolia walked with urgency and purpose, her heels clacking on the floor, echoing through the halls in time with her pounding heartbeat. When the nurse burst into the waiting room and called out her name, a sense of sheer dread coursed through her. Something was wrong. Something went deeply wrong. She knew she should have insisted on going into the exam with Lily. Why didn't she push it?

She shook her head. No. There wasn't any true evidence that something bad happened to Lily. That's what she wanted to tell herself. But Magnolia wasn't an idiot (not like Lily, she'd add if she was in a better mood). The rock turning in her stomach and the shiver of dread she had as she walked told her otherwise.

"Did something go wrong during the test?" Magnolia asked tersely.

The nurse hesitated in her steps for a brief moment. "We couldn't do the test."

Couldn't? Magnolia's fears deepened. And when the nurse let Magnolia into the room, her fears were confirmed.

Lily stood in the corner, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, covering themself with the flimsy exam table paper. Their eyes darted around the room, they stammered out a bunch of nonsense, and they only looked worse when anyone approached them.

"I'll give you a moment," the nurse whispered.

Lily tensed up and covered their ears, collapsing to the floor. The nurse quietly excused herself, leaving Magnolia dumbfounded. It looked like Lily registered those quiet words as shrieks from the depths of hell.

And maybe they did.

Magnolia took a slow inhale through pursed lips. She turned to Lily, trying to make her face as neutral and... not angry-looking as possible. She still frightened Lily. Every step towards them, another noise from a cosmic horror monster. Kneeling down to them made Lily look as though she was going to eat them. (She was, but another time was probably better.) But she needed to get them out of there. That was step number one.

She was their Owner. They were her responsibility. Lily belonged to her, even amidst the deepest despair imaginable, even when they wanted to escape into themself. They could never escape her.

"My lovely, loyal Lily."

Lily registered the words. Still, they struggled to stay awake on pure instinct. They shut down in slow motion, parts of their body failing, their consciousness slipping into a comfortable silence.

Magnolia helped Lily up, whispering an order to follow her. Lily murmured "yes, Mistress" through the cracks of their strained vocal chords.

What the fuck happened to them?