Masking
14- Purr
by Motherlygirl
Author's Note: Hello there! Here's the most recent chapter of Masking, I hope you enjoy it! As usual, feedback emailed to me at motherlygirl@gmail.com is always welcome! If you want to hear from or engage with me more, you can also follow my twitter @Lovemommyhypno!
Rika giggled and raised an eyebrow at the most recent person to enter the room. Valerie leaned back in the bed and had a hearty chuckle about it themselves. For Emily's part, once the surprise wore off, she smiled nervously up at them. It only took her a moment to shrug off the initial jolt and formulate a greeting of her own.
"Hi Kitty, it's nice to meet you too!" Kitty is a they, Emily reminded herself internally as a form of practice. "I'm Emily! You're one of Tammy's frien- er, one of her subs, I take it?" At this, Kitty's face tilted to the side and scrunched up in confusion. They seemed more than a little perplexed. Emily felt something twist inside of her as she realized her mistake. "Not to imply that you aren't her friend, of course!" It wasn't hard to tell from the change in atmosphere when Kitty entered the room that they were precious to the others somehow. Fucking up and hurting them would almost certainly be worse than doing the same to any of the others.
"Kitty is one of my subs, yes. But they are also my friend," Tammy elaborated as she walked over to Kitty and pulled them into a soft and loving embrace. All of the uncertainty and tension vanished from Kitty in an instant and they giddily nestled up against Tammy like…well, like a kitty. Emily felt two things: relief first and foremost, like having narrowly avoided a car accident, followed by a warmth in her chest at how simplistic and happy Kitty looked. Then a third, uglier emotion took root in her: jealousy.
What was there to be jealous of!? Kitty wasn't even Tammy's girlfriend! Or…um…was there a gender neutral word for that? She would have to ask about that. But regardless! Kitty neither had wronged her nor had anything that she herself didn't. Besides, even if Kitty did, Emily was new and her track record so far was hardly spotless! Frankly she should have been gracious to settle for what Tammy was being kind enough to give her!
The feeling passed fairly quickly though. Emily pulled out of being lost in her own head in time to see Kitty clamber up onto Tammy's top bunk and lay down on their front with their legs kicking idly above them. Their head eagerly bobbed up and down to some inscrutable beat. Every so often it would weave side to side for a few seconds too. Emily found it hard to resist just smiling and watching them groove to whatever music was presumably stuck in their head.
"Adorable, aren't they?" Snarked Valerie. Emily nodded and had a giggle about it. She could definitely see why Tammy liked Kitty, their enthusiasm was infectious.
"Yeah!" Emily agreed with a light smile on her face.
"Hey, Kitty," Rika called up to them as she ascended to the top bunk herself. "Val! I'm lowering the chairs!"
Huh? Emily looked up at the top bunk and saw something she had somehow never noticed before. There were two chairs placed upside down on the top bunk. It made sense, now that she thought about it: since this wasn't a single room, it probably had more chairs than Tammy would ever use on her own. Valerie stood up and Rika passed off both chairs, one at a time, to them. Valerie took the chairs over to a corner by the door and set them down in it. Kitty giggled and rolled over into the newly emptied space with a loud emphatic "wheeeee!" Fara, Rika, and Tammy all froze to squeal with joy at them.
Rika sat up next to them and reached over to scratch their scalp gently. Kitty let out a long, easy, shaky purr. Valerie returned to their seat on the bottom bunk and was immediately joined by a now-fully-alert Fara who snuggled up on their side, holding one of Valerie's arms against her chest. Tammy dashed over to her door and locked it. Then she darted over to her desk while giddily dancing about. "Ice cream cake!" She cried with joy. "The whole gang is here," she muttered to herself as she dug through a drawer, "and that means…two, three, plus two, and then…oh." Tammy smacked a hand against her face. "Guys, I didn't steal enough utensils from the cafeteria to also cover Emily."
"It's not theft," Emily heard Fara teasing Tammy, "that's what they're there for-so you can take them!"
"Yeah yeah," said Tammy. She stood up, sighed, and rolled her eyes. "Do you want me to head to the cafeteria and grab more?"
"That's fine, Tammy," Emily said awkwardly, "I can go without. It's no big deal-"
"I can do it!" Cried Fara, hopping up to her feet. "I'll go grab another set or two for ya, I haven't had dinner yet anyway."
"Speaking of dinner," Rika added from the top bunk, "I've eaten already, and I know Valerie has. But Kitty uses the meal plan for theirs and they originally said they'd be busy working on a class project." Rika looked down at Kitty with concern on her face, but her hand didn't stop scratching Kitty's head. "You didn't skimp out on that, did you, sweetheart?"
"Noooo," Kitty objected, "I finished faster than expected!! I even submitted my draft for the teacher to look over!!" Kitty beamed blissfully. Emily could tell that they were glowing with pride in themselves for a job well done. Rika giggled.
"Good kitty," Rika purred gently. "Did you eat, though?" Kitty's pride faltered and their legs stopped kicking.
"...noooo…"
"That's okay dear," Rika purred. "Go with Fara and grab dinner for yourself okay?"
"But I wanna stay with Tammyyyyyy," Kitty protested. "I did good on my work, I earned it, and it's her birthday!" Kitty's objections were more mewls than proper expressions of defiance or anger. Tammy just grinned.
"If I come along, will you go? I could go for some mozzarella sticks or something myself."
"Okay!" Kitty chirped. They were on the floor in an instant, accompanied by a loud thud. Had they just tossed themselves over the bunk's railing?
"Come along," Tammy purred as she walked up to her door. Kitty sprinted over to her and wriggled one hand into one of Tammy's, which took hold of it. Fara joined them as well. Emily considered joining too, but at that point the group might feel disruptively large. Plus she'd already eaten, and she didn't want to step on Fara's toes.
"Goo' bye, guys!" Kitty squeaked and waved enthusiastically with one of their entirely-too-long sleeves. Valerie and Rika waved back, and Emily felt herself compelled to do so as well.
Tammy led her little adventuring party through the door and it closed behind them leaving an awkward silence. A few seconds passed without a word.
"She didn't grab her coat," Emily heard Rika remark. "Could one of you check its pockets and make sure she didn't forget her wallet?" Valerie sighed and stood yet again from their spot on the bed. They walked over to a chair tucked in at the desk where Tammy sat her TV, kneeled over next to it, and rifled through its pockets. Sure enough, they loosed a discontented grumble of frustration. "She totally did. One of you text her that I'm on my way to deliver it?"
"Way ahead of you," said Rika as she tapped at her phone. Valerie rose to their feet with a wallet in hand and walked out of the room as well. When the door closed behind them, the silence was even denser than last time. Emily looked up at the top bunk where Rika sat typing into her phone. The quiet felt oppressive to her. Almost a full minute passed with no noise except for that of Rika's fingers tapping at her phone. Then another minute. And two or three more came and went after that. Emily retreated inwards. Tammy and company probably got on the elevator to head down, which would explain Valerie taking a bit. They likely took the stairs to meet them in the dorm's lobby.
When almost ten minutes had passed, the door swung open and Valerie walked inside. They flopped heavily onto the bottom bunk with a loud thud. "Sorry if I worried you," they said to Rika with an awkward grin that seemed odd juxtaposed with their gaunt, powerful face, "I bumped into Reginald From Chemistry on the way back and double checked when the next lab is." Valerie picked up the bag of chips they'd been eating from earlier and scarfed down all of its remaining contents. Emily found herself feeling grateful for Valerie's presence, as their return seemed to have broken the silence.
"So," Rika said and looked down at Emily with a playful little smile, "why don't you tell us about yourself, Emily? All we know is that you're a cheerleader, Tammy thinks you're hot, and Fara and you have some kind of history." She leaned somewhat over the top bunk's railing. Emily was not prepared for that request.
—-------
Tammy's flustered embarrassment from realizing she'd forgotten to bring her wallet had almost faded. She was trying to get lost in a conversation in Fara, and she was still holding one of Kitty's hands. As they crossed the roadlike path that connected her dorm to the cafeteria she couldn't help but spare a look for what she'd only learned a week ago was the theater building. It stood off to the side of this path, connected by the sidewalk and accompanying lawn-like structure out to its front. Her gaze proved fleeting and quickly transferred over to the cafeteria. As the three walked over to it, she fidgeted by twirling her wallet in her free hand. It was hardly a good decision, but she made precious few of those.
"Whacha gonna get to eat, Kitty?" Fara asked with gleeful interest. Kitty's free arm wiggled wildly inside of the sleeve which was almost a foot longer than itself. Tammy smiled, her heart reassured by Kitty's joy as it always was.
"I dunno yet!" Kitty answered with their eyes wide and almost sparkly. They hopped with frantic energy back and forth between each foot and their other arm wiggled with greater intensity. "Salmon sounds like a yum! How bout you, Fara?" Fara didn't quite answer with the same energy.
"I dunno, probably a hot dog or something. I'm not especially hungry." Had Fara lied earlier? Did she just not want to be left with Emily while I was elsewhere? Or maybe she's just feeling insecure and trying to be useful to me to remedy that? Tammy asked herself. No, she was almost certainly overanalyzing things because she was already on her back foot from messing up with her wallet. She descended the stairs outside the cafeteria and walked over to the doors. Kitty grabbed with their free hand and pulled it open.
"Thank you, dear," said Tammy with a smile.
"I'm not a deer, though!" Teased Kitty with a cutesy, mischievous smile of their own. "It's even in my name! I'm Kitty!"
"That you are, Kitty," Fara chuckled as she stepped inside herself. "Our goooood little kitty." Fara reached over and petted Kitty's head. Kitty rose to their tippy toes and rubbed their scalp in, mewling with delight as they did. "Thaaat's you! It's you! You're the kitty!"
"I'm the kittyyyy," Kitty purred in gentle, sweet agreement.
"C'mon, sweeties," Tammy half-chided the two under her breath, "we got people waiting on us. Gotta at least be kinda quick."
"Right right!" Kitty said with more flapping. "Pip pip cheerio!" They took off at a bit of a powerwalk which caught Tammy off guard, and dragged her a few steps before her body got the memo and increased its pace to keep up with theirs. Fara strode alongside them and giggled at Tammy.
"Heyhey warn me next time!" Tammy said with a laugh. She managed to follow Kitty up into the cafeteria, but had to pull them back a little. "You forgot to grab a tray, silly!"
"Oh, uh, right, I guess I did, oops," Kitty admitted as Tammy gently tugged them back to the connective hall where said trays were kept. They let go of each other's hands and each of them grabbed a tray.
"Wait, we're eating here? And- Tammy, you already ate, will you even be getting enough food to need a tray?" Fara spoke up from behind them. Tammy smacked a palm against her forehead and placed her tray down. She grumbled something in annoyance. Kitty seemed to go on edge as they returned their tray.
"Right, right. Habits."
"It's kay," reassured Fara, "we understand."
"Yeah!" Kitty added in. "We do the same kinda thing! Well maybe Fara doesn't I dunno but like- I totally do! All the time even! Autopilot is whack!"
"That it is," Tammy said with a faint smile. The three shared an awkward little moment giggling together and then moved on into the cafeteria.
—----
"Well, I…hmm, yeah, okay," Emily said in a bid to stall for time. She had no idea how to properly introduce herself to these people. "My name's Emily Evergreen, I'm a second-year, I believe that Tammy is too?" She glanced quickly back and forth between Valerie and Rika in search of any kind of confirmation that she was correct. She found none and was forced to press on. "I'm on the cheerleading squad, as I'm sure you know. My mom really wants me to try and become captain but I don't…want that responsibility? I'm not sure what I want to major in, although I've always kinda wanted to be a veterinarian or something? I'm the younger middle child in a family of four, though both of my older sisters moved out already when I was in high school so I'm also sort of the oldest of two? I have a younger brother that's in his junior year of high school right now."
"Your sisters don't talk to you much?" Asked Rika, her curiosity audibly piqued. Emily nodded slowly before explaining it out loud.
"Yeah, one of them anyway. Lana calls from time to time but she's generally pretty distant. Erri, that's the older older one, she kinda…she doesn't talk to us much, if at all. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," Rika chirped. Emily could tell there was, though. She'd sounded too intrigued, her eyes had grown too sharp. It likely wasn't anything sinister- what kind of ulterior motive could a question like that even have, anyway?- but the dismissal annoyed her a little bit. Whatever, it probably wasn't important. "Oh, you, um. I guess there kinda was?" Rika laughed awkwardly. "I just, Tammy's in a similar boat. She's the youngest of six-"
"Of six!?" Emily practically choked on her own words, such was the thickness of the disbelief imbued in them.
"Yeah, her family's white and Catholic," said Valerie with a wave of their hand. "Comes with the territory. Her dad's one of those 'if God wants us to have kids, then it'll happen' types. You know, the ones who have biological kids in their twenties and somehow they've still got zero experience raising children."
"Her dad's actually not Catholic anymore," giggled Rika. "He read one article about the Church and renounced it then and there. I think he's, like, baptist or something now?"
"Nah nah nah," objected Valerie with a coy grin, "you're getting your timeline mixed up. Tammy went to a baptist church growing up. Emily's guess is as good as mine whether her dad was actually a baptist at the time though."
"Jesus christ," Emily muttered almost like she'd been possessed.
"Precisely!" Giggled Rika. "You're picking up fast!" Emily blushed. Rika bent her legs to put her feet in the air behind her and kicked them slowly back and forth. "You're going to enjoy our little banter, I can tell already."
"Thanks. I-" Emily hesitated. "I was worried I'd be…intrusive. You know, what with the situation with Fara and all. Is she doing alright?"
"Well, the first thing you should know about us, and most queer people for that matter," said Valerie with a sudden bleak darkness to their tone, "is that we are almost never doing 'alright.'"
"That's…a bit grim, is it not?" Asked Emily. The room was quiet. She realized she'd made a mistake. "Yeah, I…that's not really news to me, I guess. I'm sorry."
"Hey, you were just concerned about your friend," Rika interjected. "It's totally fine. We all have our own struggles, plus- like, say, Valerie and Tammy are both autistic and both have ADHD, which makes everything harder on both of them." Emily nodded keenly along, too focused on listening to have anything to say. "Of course, there's something to be said for the artifice of the difficulty in being queer. Tammy's trans, right?"
"Are you…allowed to tell me that?" Asked Emily. "I was…under the impression that was kind of a secret."
"It's supposed to be," said Valerie. "She's not the best at preserving it though. Plus…accidents happen." Emily slowly nodded along.
"Back to your question-" Rika said, pulling the conversation back on track, "ordinarily, no, I shouldn't. But she told us when you figured it out, and we are in her room, so it's unlikely we'll be overheard. Plus, like, most of the floor knows already. It is a men's floor after all, so her being here raises eyebrows."
"Gotcha."
"So anyway," Rika continued, "like, being trans, the common picture of it is that it SUCKS. One's body makes them uncomfortable if not physically or emotionally sick to contemplate it, it can interact with your libido and self esteem in really unfun ways, and just living your life is a lot harder. But the fact of the matter is, that almost all of the worst of it comes from other people treating them like shit."
"ALMOST," Valerie cut in.
"Yeah, obviously. But like- okay, so taking medicine to help your hormones adjust, right? That's an option. But that option can be hard to get a hold of and attempts get made to take it away. Taking some meds every morning and every night, to grow boobs? Very small price. If people weren't dickheads about it, the harm would be much lesser."
"Not all trans people take hormones, though," Valerie spoke again. "And some take hormones used for both trans women and trans men, like I do." Emily was caught totally off guard by that one but didn't say anything. She was in class and her job was to listen.
"Mhm! And then, for other things- like, for instance, say you want your face to be more traditionally woman-shaped, right? There's surgery for that. The surgery can relieve so much terrible dysphoria, but people actively make it inaccessible and prohibitively expensive. Shit's evil." Emily nodded gently.
"Thank you for…teaching me."
"No problem! I'm an education major," Rika explained, "and I'm taking a double minor in queer and women's history. Explaining this kinda stuff is my passion."
"Engineering major, here," grunted Valerie with a smirk. "ONE of us has to be good at math."
"Hey, Tammy's girlfriend is a comp sci major, she's good at math!"
The discussion continued to bounce around the trio for a while, until Tammy and the others returned.
Post Script: Hello again, hope you enjoyed! I'm a trans girl trying to make it as an author, so if you wanna support me and read much of my content- two chapters' worth a month!- at least a month early, you can do that by pledging to my patreon at www.patreon.com/hypnomom! For five dollars, you can read new chapters on the third and fourth Saturday of each month, which won't be available for free for a month or more!