“I'm cutting you off.”
Rebecca lifted her face off the bar and narrowed her eyes at Joan. She sat up and chugged the last of her beer in defiance. She tried to jam her finger in Joan's face. Instead, Rebecca let her arm flop down.
“That's probably not a bad idea.”
Joan put away the glass she was polishing. “Let me call you a cab.”
Rebecca nodded her drooping head. As Joan dialed the cab company on her cell, Rebecca grimly examined the last few dollars let in her wallet. She could've sworn she told Joan she only wanted one beer tonight. The door of the bar swung open. In sauntered a plastic barbie doll clad in glitter and latex. She was a waif propped up by silver platforms and draped with a silver wig and a mask of silver make-up. She couldn't have been more than twenty-two and god knows what she was doing with her life. Rebecca looked at herself in the bar mirror. She was a flock of seagulls with two bags for eyes, resting on a pile of lumpy flannel. God knows what she was doing with her life, either.
A young man came in behind the bimbo. “Hey, somebody call a cab?”
Joan paid the boy (letting Rebecca know it was going on her tab) and helped carry Rebecca out to the car. Rebecca leaned back on the seat, closed her eyes so the passing lights wouldn't make her nauseous, and tried to swallow the vague humiliation.
“Rough night, miss?”
Rebecca gurgled a reply.
They stopped at a red light. The driver dug around in his glove compartment and pressed a no-brand packet of pills into Rebecca's hands. “Uh, here. Take these before you go to bed. They'll help cut back the hangover.”
She mouthed 'thank you.'
Back at the home, Rebecca stumbled into the kitchen and got a glass of water. She looked at the pills – no label, just white packaging – before deciding they were just Ibuprofen or something. She wolfed them down without a second thought. Then she flopped face down on her bed.
She couldn't sleep, though. Her body felt tense and jittery. Half-aware, Rebecca peeled off her clothes, not stopping at her bra and panties. She had never really appreciated before how much fun it was to run her hands over her chub: her thick thighs; her paunchy stomach; and her heavy, floppy tits. Normally, she'd be ashamed her fat, but tonight, Rebecca could only think about how soft she felt. One hand ran over her silky bush. Another flicked her long nipple. Rebecca grabbed the cover and dragged it between her legs, pulling the fabric against her groin. She balled the wet fabric around her fist and began to knead herself with it. Lost in the sensual thrill, Rebecca drifted off to sleep.
The next day, Rebecca stopped by on her lunch break to settle her tab with Joan.
“You want a beer or anything while you're here?”
Rebecca was glowing. She had gotten up at the crack of dawn this morning, feeling like a million bucks. She had actually jogged around her neighborhood, cleaned her apartment, and cooked a nice breakfast -- all with time to spare. She didn't even have bags under her eyes anymore.
“I gotta find whatever that cab driver gave me last night.”
“Charlie gave you something?”
“He gave me a couple of pills. Said they would help with my hangover. You know the guy?”
“Yeah, he's always checking in here for fares. That's why I have his number on my phone.”
“You ought to find out where he got those and sell them behind the bar.”
“Great idea. Sell unlabeled pills behind the bar. For all I know, he slipped you a damn Adderall.”
“Whatever. It's just some kind of aspirin. I don't even feel buzzed.”
Joan rolled her eyes and turned to wave in another couple of customers.
Rebecca fished out her phone. Another thing she had done this morning was download a hook-up app. And taken a selfie for it in the shower. Already she had gotten a message. The lady had a handsome jawline, piercing green eyes, and immaculate dreadlocks. One look at her and Rebecca fantasized about this women on all fours, towering over Rebecca as she leaned down to squeeze a nipple between her teeth. Rebecca tried to think of a message. Some kind of reassuring ice breaker. But all she really wanted to do was tell this woman when and where. Then they'd meet up, hit it off immediately, get drunk, fumble with each other in the dark, scream in ecstasy, wake up next to each other, and instantly fall in love when they saw the dawn illuminating their hair…
“What the fuck are you doing?” Joan hissed.
Rebecca snapped out of her daydream. She had taken her beer bottle and ground it against her lap, pressing the bottom down slowly, twisting it in her hand to dig in the edge. Rebecca immediately slammed it back on the counter so hard the bottle slipped from her hands and toppled to its side. White foam poured out onto the slick bar top. Rebecca felt mortified.
“I'll be the bathroom, real quick.”
Her name was Benny and she had shoulders to match the jawline. Rebecca felt like a teenager. She sang as she played with herself in the shower. After toweling off, Rebecca squeezed the girls into a strapless bra and wriggled into a little black curve-hugging dress. She checked herself out in the mirror. Rebecca couldn't explain it, but more and more she felt a confidence that bordered on nymphomania. A week ago, she wouldn't be caught dead showing off the goods. But now looking was almost as good as touching. Hopefully, Benny would agree.
They planned to meet up at Joan's bar. Joan put out the whiskey for Rebecca, promising Rebecca it was on her tab, as well as a handful of Charlie's hangover pills. Rebecca immediately tore open a packet and chased the pills with a shot. She loved those things. Rebecca squirmed on the barstool as she felt them hit her stomach.
Benny came in wearing pleather leggings and a halter top. Rebecca smiled wide and poured Benny a glass. They ended up at Rebecca's apartment four hours later.
“You are a beast. How much of that bottle did you put away yourself?” Benny wrapped her arms around Rebecca from behind, as Rebecca fiddle with her lock. “Here I had you peggedfor a health nut.”
Rebecca solved the lock and the two of them stumbled into her apartment together.
“Health nut?” Rebecca laughed. She pressed Benny's hand to her soft stomach. “What about me possibly screams health nut?”
“You've got that energy. Like, 'I drink six gallons of water and douche with kale' energy.”
“I hope that's a plus.”
“I like it so far.”
“How much?” Rebecca slid Benny's hand down from her stomach to her juncture. Benny grinned and kiss her. Rebecca whispered something in Benny's ear. Benny squeezed Rebecca's ample ass and sauntered off to the shower, dropping her clothes behind her. While Benny cleaned up, Rebecca helped herself to another couple of pills. After all, she had been drinking a lot tonight, and she really wanted to take more. She probably should've had them with water, but instead Rebecca took them with a slug of Jim Bean. Taking them with alcohol made the head rush even better. Rebecca burped and giggled at herself.
Benny, in the nude, pranced from the bathroom to the bedroom, wiggling her ass for Rebecca. Rebecca followed her, finding Benny laid out on the bed with her ass in the air. Rebecca pulled a dental dam from the box on her dresser. Kneeling down on the bed, she pressed the plastic sheet over Benny's asshole. Rebecca licked her lips and then pressed her face to Benny's crack to lick hers. Benny moaned and squirmed from Rebecca's good work. Benny's reaction made Rebecca giggle some more, hugging Benny's hips possessively.
“Am I doing a good girl job?”
“Ooh, do you want to be a good girl?”
“I want to be a good girl.” Rebecca reached under her dress to finger herself. Her voice jumped into a squeak. “I wanna be the best good girl.”
Becky cried as Benny up-ended the bottom of vodka in her mouth. Her burning throat choked on the handful of pills that the booze washed down. Becky's chair was tipped back on two legs, while Benny straddled Becky's lap, holding the fifth of vodka in one hand and cradling Becky's neck with the other. The rest of the table cheered as vodka soaked Becky's thin white t-shirt, exposing her braless nips.
“What the fuck is going on back here?!” Joan stormed over from the bar. The whole table cackled and screamed.
“Nuuuuthin'.” Benny giggled conspiratorially.
“Rebecca, how much did you just fucking drink?!”
Becky pushed Benny off of her. “I'm… I'm totally fine, mom. Shit! Joan! I meant Joan!”
The table broke into a fresh round of hooting laughter. Benny tried to grab Becky's tits, prompting Becky to slap the other woman away playfully. Joan watched the scene helplessly, pausing as she looked over the many empty bottoms laying on the table, scattered amid piles of miracle hangover pills.
“Just keep it down, okay?” Joan sounded helpless, with how rowdy the rest of the bar was right now. Becky gave Joan the thumbs up, but immediately doubled over, cooing with delight. Benny spun around. She snatched the remote for Becky's vibe from another excitable girl, who was playing with the buttons using one hand and playing with herself using the other. Benny jammed the remote in Becky's face.
“And what is this, Little Miss Skank?”
Becky smiled lasciviously and closed her mouth over the remote, pushing the button down with her teeth.
Some poor, lost woman was trying to pee into a standing urinal. She shrieked and went everywhere when Becky and Becky fell through the unlocked door, desperately groping each other. The woman dodged around them and bolted from the one-person water closet before they trapped her against the wall.
“Fuck me!” Becky whined.
Benny straddled her legs around Becky's hip. “When you act like a whore, it makes me so fucking squishy!”
They slid down to the floor, hiked up their miniskirts, and tangled their legs together. Becky's head ended up beneath the sink. Her hair scrunched up against the piping. Benny steadied her arm on the urinal lip, nearly sinking her hand into the water. Becky and Benny scissored like women possessed, chasing a string of tiny orgasms as their lips rubbed each other raw. Becky watched Benny twist her own nipple, face locked in desperation, mouthing words Becky couldn't quite the follow. The haze of pleasure made everything – Benny, the room, Becky's own body – feel distant. Drool escaped Becky's lip.
Charlie had a wide smile.
“So it's actually something I've been working on for my thesis – grad school pays like crap, by the way. It's a cyclic peptide that binds cytochrome P450, which is the metallo-enzyme in your liver that degrades most drugs by oxidation. I mean, I developed the cyclization-during-expression protocol as part of my project, but I've been working with this group of bio-hackers out of that maker space on Franklin? I thought, fuck biomanufacturing standards, let's go cowboy with this shit, so we don't spend ten years of our lives chasing nothing. Anyway, cytochrome P450 – it's this highly dynamic protein with a reactive heme group. That fact that it's so dynamic means it can bind a lot of different targets, hence the promiscuous drug turnover, and people have thought for a while that if you can lock it into a confirmation, you can use as a platform for developing novel active sites. SO what my peptide does is that it converts P450 into a scavenger for a lot of common metabolic toxins – urea, lactic acid, acetone, acetylaldehyde, formaldehyde, all that stuff – and combines them into higher order molecules. It produces this fascinating melange, actually, that has a lot of stuff that resembles neurotransmitters. But the main takeaway is that it quickly clears the system of alcohol by-products and sequesters them in non-toxic molecules. Pretty cool, huh?”
One of the women, Bunny, had been nodding along vapidly for the entire conversation. Her girlfriend, Becky, seemed to be lost in her own private joke.
“Yaaah. Cool.” Bunny kept nodding mechanically. “You're, like, a cool guy. Do you wanna fuck Becky in the ass?”
Charlie coughed violently into his beer.
“I, uh, really wanna see her get fucked by dick? But she doesn't want to be pene… pene… penistrated! Hah! She doesn't wanna get penistrated downstairs, so we agreed on the ass.”
Charlie realized that Bunny had kept one of her hands under the table the entire time. Becky giggled dreamily. Blushing, Charlie hastily excused himself. Something crunched underfoot. Charlie looked down and saw one of his pills smashed into the beer-soaked floor.
A week after the hospital let them go, they met up for a cup of coffee. Both of them wore layers.
“Let me start,” Benny said. “I'm sorry I'd paid those guys to, ah, spit roast you.”
Rebecca turned her coffee cup in her hands. “Well, I'm sorry I sat on the floor of the supermarket and screamed about cummies.”
“About that… I'm sorry I exposed you and spanked your privates, in public.”
“I'm sorry I screamed for that police officer to help me when you took a shower instead of fucking me.”
Benny paused. “I'm sorry I made you take so many of those damn pills.”
“I'm sorry I got you into this mess in the first place.”
The conversation rolled to a stop. The cookie-cutter franchise cafe was a far cry from the scene of their recent sex-capades. The sexless atmosphere put them both at ease.
“It's not your fault-”
“How's your savings look?” Rebecca quickly changed the subject.
Benny grimaced. “It'll do. I think my boss was looking for an excuse to fire me, anyway.”
“Yeah? I think I cut into mine pretty hard. I better hope someone needs a plumber pretty soon.”
“You never told me you were a plumber.”
“I was preoccupied.”
Benny giggled. Rebecca giggled. They both caught themselves and took a long draw of their coffees. They weren't welcome back to that coffee shop, on account of Rebecca getting caught in the bathroom with Benny's finger up her ass.