Well, my afternoon was taking a weird turn.
I was at the bookstore where I get my new crystal guides and this kid I kinda know says I'm looking a bit stressed out. I try so hard not to show it, people jump on the slightest hint of weakness. I asked him what it was to him and he said it was just an observation. The kid asked me if I meditated and I tried to tell him in a way that didn't reveal that it wasn't working but I let a bit too much frustration into my voice. He suggested that I give hypnosis a try and said that he's a psychology student. He showed me his ID card, so at least I know he wasn't making that part up. I also think I saw him here a few times before, so who knows he might not be a complete fraud.
I wanted to do this in the park so he doesn't try anything. If this turned out to be nothing, I was gonna give him an earful. We sat down at one of the picnic tables.
"This better not be a waste of my time." I said as I sat down.
"I can promise you, it won't be. Now, keep an eye on the crystal." He started swinging a small piece of crystal garnet with small strings in front of my eyes. I felt a bit tingly but it went away after a few seconds. I felt soothed, like I just skipped into a new bathrobe. My eyes started to close and his voice echoed in my ears. I felt like I was floating.
"Can you hear me, Patricia?"
"Yes." I replied.
"Good. I'm going to ask you some questions. Is that alright?"
"Sure." I replied back. What reason did I have to say no? It was only a few questions.
"It hurts when people say you're wrong, doesn't it?" I cringed slightly.
"Yes. I feel like I'm being challenged to a fight. Like I'm being slapped. When I do something wrong, I feel a twinge go down my spine. "
"And when somebody tells you something's your fault?"
"I feel like they're being dramatic. That they're insulting me. That they want to make their screwups my problem."
"I want you to listen to me very closely, Patricia. You fear doing the wrong thing and you fear having to take responsibility for them. You don't see why these things should matter. If you get what you want, then all is well." I nodded. He was pretty on point.
"What I tell you next will build on itself, so listen carefully."
"A slave has no such fears. A slave does not need to be afraid of being corrected by those around them? Do you know why?"
I shook my head.
"It is because they follow their master's will instead of their own. Their master is always right. So long as they do their master's bidding, they are behaving correctly. If they are successful, they will have pleased their master. Are you following me so far?"
"Yes," I replied. Everything he said made sense so far.
"Good. There is no point in criticizing a slave, since they act as a tool of their master. They cannot be blamed for their master's orders. And since their master is always correct, there is no point in criticizing their master either. A slave can never fear you do, Patricia. Their obedience protects them from it. So long as they obey, they have nothing to fear. So long as you obey, you have nothing to fear."
It all added up. Everything. I was constantly afraid of that stinging sensation in my mind whenever I was corrected, that feeling like the reasons behind my actions were being outright attacked instead of just questions.
I was being given an offer. Josh was going to free me from my fears. All I needed to give him in return was my obedience, unquestioning and instant obedience. I imagined myself in some skimpy maid's uniform, with Josh holding onto me with a golden leash. I was utterly content, unshakable, confident.
I wanted nothing more than to make that a reality.
"Yes. I will fear nothing with you in control. Please, accept me as your slave."
"Very well, Patricia. Your are mine now."
I smiled. It was done. I'd never have to be afraid of doubt's cold sting ever again. I was made perfect.
"Open your eyes." I did so and looked at the young man sitting across from me. This was my savior, my enabler. My master.
"Let's go someplace a bit more private, shall we?" I nodded.
"Of course, master."
Master brought me to a more secluded area of the park. I remembered demanding that we have our session where there were a lot more people around and rolled my eyes. To think I actually made a demand of him. Oh well, that was before opened my eyes. That was then and this was now. I went where my master wished me to go.
"I want you to take off your sandals and smell them for me." he said as we got to a clearing.
"Yes, master." I bent down and undid the straps, stiffing them when I brought them to my nose. The smell was a tad strong. My feet tingled a little on the wet grass.
"A tad pungent, master, but I have been walking around most of the day."
"Very well then. Please hand them over." I held them out and felt myself shiver with anticipation as he sniffed them.
"Better than I expected."
I felt butterflies in my stomach. Master liked how my sandals smelled. Master approved!
"Well, this proves it. You aren't faking at all.
"Before we go, I'd like you phone number." Master told me, holding out his phone. I smiled and tapped it in.
"No problem, master."
"I'd like you to give me a copy of your house keys as well in the next few days." I smiled. Why shouldn't master have access to my home?
"Understood, master. I'll put in the key code to get into my house as well, you'll need to unlock the electronic gate." Master nodded.
"Thanks for letting me know, I'll need that as well." I blushed. Master's words were like sunbeams on my skin. There was nothing in this world that would make me feel better than his approval. "I'll text you later."
"I am at your beck and call, master."
I almost felt like I could skip as I went back to my car. No matter what came next, I would feel nothing but the bliss of servitude.
And I had my new master to thank for that.