"Right, so CompSys will continue to send the doctored reports and telemetry back on the main Space Agency antenna," Ted finished, turning to the next presenter in the meeting. "Phil... is your team ready to present on how we can mask the albedo and drive flares of the Masters' approaching ships? If we're going to..." Ted trailed off with a sigh. The senior staff looked sheepishly at him, studiously avoiding making eye contact with the ship's first officer as he giggled quietly on the other side of the room. "Ren," Ted said with wry irritation, "Any chance you and Master could hold off on... [Ted waved his arms in the general direction of Ren and their Master, who were increasingly becoming entangled]... all THAT until after we finish the staff meeting? We've got at least another hour..." Ted trailed off as Ren giggled even more loudly and Master unfurled yet another set of tendrils. Ren made eye contact with Ted and shrugged happily. Ted sighed again and said wearily, "Ahhhhhfuckit. Let's do a quick bio break, everyone. Aim to be back here in 15..." The Master's voicebox tendril buzzed to life. <<HALF... PROPERLY TIME HALF OF THE HOUR>> it blatted out.

Ted rolled his eyes and shook his head wearily, then continued, "Fine, let's ALL be back ready to go in THIRTY minutes on the button. Break!" As the wardroom quickly emptied, Phil grabbed Ted by the elbow in the hallway and asked, "Dude, can't your boyfriend and Master find some other time for their... tendril stuff? We are waaaay behind on running our simulations for the shuttle run scenarios, and the life support team is even further behind, partly because they're basically a man down since Ren was... promoted."

Ted sighed, and nodded. "Yeah, there's a reason why Space Agency regulations prohibit intimate relations between command staff members. Of course, Master doesn't take orders from the Agency, and honestly I totally get it... I can't make it 20 minutes into a meeting without wanting to bend that little fucker over a table, myself..."

Phil chortled nervously, but Ted plowed on, "I mean I get it from Master's side, too. Until we can get more of them on board to help Master out, it's basically spending 24/7 elbow-deep in a metric shit-ton of half-frozen human brain goop scooping all the Bad Thoughts out. We can help it manage the ship's logistics and all that crap, but it's not like Master can hand off any of the mind control stuff to us dumbass thumb-monkeys. So if Master can get a little relief from all that by trussing Ren up every once in a while, I can't begrudge that. And it's not like any of us can actually say no to Master, either!" Ted chortled.

Phil nodded enthusiastically and immediately said, "Sure, sure. We are all devoted to our Master. But..." Phil paused awkwardly, and continued delicately, "I mean what's it like when the three of you are together? If Master is that frisky in staff meetings, I'm guessing your private, erm... meetings... are off the hook?"

Ted laughed. "Yeah, you could say that. I'll just say Master has a LOT of special tendrils, is VERY flexible, and is VERY curious about how humans... work," Ted said. "In fact, one of his favorite things recently is to rotate in the senior command staff members to our sessions, and then wipe their memory of the entire thing so it's completely fresh the next time. Speaking of which, are you still coming by our quarters for dinner at 18:00 this evening?" Ted asked, waggling his eyebrows at Phil.

Phil chuckled nervously and said, "Wait, are you saying..." before Ted brayed loudly and said, "NAAAAAAAAH, just fucking with you, dude. OR AM I? Hahahahaha, but seriously wear loose-fitting clothing and make sure you shower before coming by."

Phil alternatingly looked confused, intrigued, and terrified for several seconds, then sighed and said, "Jesus, Ted. You guys run a tight ship, but sometimes I feel like the inmates are running the asylum these days."

Ted nodded sagely and agreed. "It's like I always say, when everything goes crazy, the crazies go pro. Who better to run this mind-fucked bucket of drooling thralls than the Masters' two favorite sex slaves!" Ted exclaimed.

Phil stroked his chin and nodded in agreement. "Even if I were capable of disagreeing with my superior officer about any of that, it is completely Ted-compliant in its logic and thus cannot be argued with."

Ted laughed again, "That's right. If you can't beat Ted Logic, you must comply with Ted Logic. Speaking of which, make sure you spend some time stretching out before you come by tonight. Last time you had some issues with cramping..."

Phil chuckled nervously, "Umm wait, last time? I don't remember..." and trailed off. "Dammit Ted, are you fucking with me again?" Phil asked as he punched Ted in the shoulder.

"Maybe so, maybe not. Who can say? Anyway, also drink plenty of fluids because OW!! Dammit, that's mutiny, you asshole!" Ted yelled as Phil punched him even harder in his shoulder. "I keep asking Master who I need to fuck to get us a better class of slave labor around here!" Ted exclaimed.

Phil snorted, shook his head and took off. "See you tonight, shithead!" he yelled as he headed down the corridor.

Ted laughed, shook his head, and marveled at how unexpectedly, delightfully weird his life had gotten. "Nothing like being defrosted and enslaved a few times to liven things up," he muttered, then turned and burst through the hatch back into the wardroom. "Hey, did you lame-ass tendril-diddlers miss me? Ren, don't think for a fucking SECOND that you can call a leadership meeting without me..." As Ted smoothly stepped out of his pants without breaking his stride, he yelled, "Remember, Ol' Ted brings the STAFF to our staff meetings!" and launched himself headfirst into the waving mass of tendrils.