The Affini and her Nerd

In Which Mats Decides to Become a Floret

by Ezra Carmichael

Tags: #D/s #dom:plant #f/m #Human_Domestication_Guide #microfiction #no_sex_no_nudity #caregiving #dom:female #humor #scifi #sub:male

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the synagogue and pray.
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

Fiddler on the Roof

“But what do you actually do as her floret?”
“Mostly be high out of my mind and get laid.”
“Okay, so you have someone who’s been kind enough to take over all the… irrelevancies like food, clothing, and shelter, and all you do is get high?”
“I mean, that’s kind of the point? A life of hedonistic bliss in exchange for giving up any delusions I had of freedom.”
“Yeah, but why would you want a life of hedonistic bliss?”
“Sorry, what?”
“I spend so much of my time thinking ‘Mats, you have to eat every five hours or so’ or ‘Mats, you have to cover your body when you go outside’ or ‘Mats, your body requires sleep.’ It’s all such bullshit. If I had someone to take care of all that I’d do something with all that freed-up thoughtspace.”
“Like what?”
“Well, for example, all of the current translation of Shakespeare into Affini are utter garbage.”
“You read Shakespeare. In Affini. For fun.”
“No, I would like to read Shakespeare in Affini for fun. Instead I read Shakespeare in Affini and get infuriated by shoddy work that’s clearly been done by people who either aren’t fluent in Affini or haven’t even bothered to write a dissertation on Shakespeare. They either get the grammar completely wrong or they completely lose the historical subtleties. The ‘best’ translation of Shakespeare in Affini doesn’t even have a line-by-line commentary!”
“Literally no one wants to read a line-by-line commentary of Shakespeare in Affini.”
“Correction: No one knows they want to. If I wrote it, they would.”

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