Hendrik was feeling reinvigorated, he would soon be able to look over his old documents. The pragmatic part of him was telling him that it was mostly pointless. It was not like these documents would hold some secret or information that could get him of the ship.

Most of the ones he had kept in his office, those were the things he could feel proud of. Perhaps if he looked over them he could rediscover what kind of person he was before The Game had swallowed all his attention. Despite his eagerness to get to work he had made a deal, one that he would keep his end of.

Mertha nodded and stood up, walking towards the living room “yes, but we should get a bit more comfortable first”. She sat down in the hard chair leaving only the soft ones and the couch for him to take. He decided on the couch, it was the easiest to get into. He felt anticipation and apprehension.

He had thought about it, a lot. He had considered and pondered what he was in some capacity at almost any opportunity unless he managed to distract himself. If not for the class-z he took every night he would never have gotten any sleep, no fear of assassins needed.

A vine slid up next to his left hand, he grabbed it “it has been difficult. Not because what you said, what you did was amazing. But now I can’t get it out of my mind. it feels like I have to make a decision, I want to make a decision!”. The words came tumbling out, he squeezed the vine.

He just had to start, then it would become easier to continue “its quite clear that I have dysphoria, and that I have had it for a long time. For so long I just tried to ignore it…..it felt easier than doing something about it. I can’t suppress it anymore and……I don’t want to either, I just don’t know how to deal with it.” he felt his hand squeezed hard around the vine, his breathing was shallow.

He tried to think “I guess I mean that its quite difficult. Even if I decide I want to do it there is a lot of problems that I don’t know if I can deal with”. Those problems had been what he used to suppress the ideas long ago.

He shuffled a bit “I know this might sound stupid, but I don’t think I can. A person in my position…I would be ridiculed, I don’t think people would take me seriously anymore”.

With one of the walls of doubt knocked over by Mertha’s words he fell back to the second one. “Even if I can, the medical part is also difficult. it is so much work and effort. What if it doesn’t work?”. all those years a go he had looked up treatment, just out of curiosity of course. It was expensive, took a long time and could have side effects. He wasn’t sure he could handle all of that, especially right now.

Another wall had fallen, he retreated to his last stronghold “what if I regret it?”. it was an unfair question, one that could never be definitively answered. He felt a few tears roll down his cheek, there was no way she could answer it. Mertha mulled it over for a few seconds.

He wasn’t quite sure “I don’t know, I guess it is wat people call me. I don’t really have any more connection to it than that”. That’s how everybody felt about their name, right?

He leaned in a bit closer to Mertha “I am used to it, at least its better than when people use Sir or Mr. it always sounds wrong”. It felt like there was some type of soft drum beating form inside Mertha, he felt calm, safe.

Mertha simply waited for him to answer until he felt ready “it’s not like I have something against suits….but when it’s on me it makes me feel…. Blocky, weird”. He flinched a bit as he imagined how he looked when he wore it.

He buried his face in her side to hide from the embarrassment, he felt Mertha bristle. A few moments later Mertha gave her verdict “I might not be your vet, but I think I have enough information to diagnose you as a beautiful and incredibly cute woman”.

There was a last bit of resistance left in him “is it okay that this is so easy? it feels wrong somehow”. Using her vines, she lifted him up into her arms.

He looked up at her “so what now?”. She smiled and lifted him up further. Her eyes were filled with pride and happiness. He was a bit befuddled “I don’t really have a new name I can think of”. He didn’t honestly think that he would get this far.

There was a warm feeling spreading thought her body “I know it might take some time to get the medicine, but I think I also want to start with that”. Mertha extended one of her vines, it was covered in pink flowers.

Hendrik felt the blush return “I..I don’t see a reason to wait. Was it that obvious? ”. Mertha begun bristling again, Henrik felt a short sting on her left thigh.

Trying her best to stay calm under the compliment Hendrik grabbed a vine “perhaps we could just….cuddle for a bit. If that ok for you, that is”. When had she lost so much authority in her voice?

Hendrik looked over the aged paper. Decoding it would take some time, she was rusty, so it did not flow as it used to. She was impressed that the encoding had stumped the affini, but it was created to be indecipherable. Unlike most codes it was not meant for communication rather it was to be readable to only the one individual who knew the code. For a time after she learned it there had been two, now she was the only one.

It was a beautiful layer of defenses that when deciphered made an orderly and flawless document. On retrospect it was a bit paranoid, but it had worked so far, who was she to criticize?

It took some time, after about 20 minuets the title was decoded and the soon were sure to follow. Mertha had given her a recording device so she could decode the documents without writing.

There were several other motions and plans that she went through meticulously, making sure to give a detailed explanation of the effects and purpose behind each of them. In the end the reforms had allowed her to solidify power and keep the bureaucracy under her controll. At the same time the statistics that showed the drastic lowered assassination, schism and  turnover rates also proved it to be an effective reform. it might not be a ladder to power anymore, the workers who could go home without the fear of imminent death or injury were probably content.

She smiled with satisfaction “perhaps you will like this one better, it’s about the comprehensive rail system I had constructed under new Hamburg”. She begun the decoding and recording as she listed up the committee considerations and evaluations. The corps that was contracted and what oversight they were under. The specifications of gaps between the trains and walls, so forth so forth. In the end the car manufacturing corporation that had tried to build ties to Terran loyalists had gone bankrupt and the transportation system had become far more efficient as a bonus. This was also complimented by-

“Oh, thank the Everbloom, come in!” Mertha sprung to her….feet? vines?

Mertha overdramatically sighed “Of all the sophonts I could get wardship over, why did it have to be the one enthusiastic bureaucrat?!”.

Henrik crossed her arms and pouted “its not my fault she can’t apricate the finer things in life, if you would just listen to the formulation of this reform I’m sure you would agree”.

Serla was the first to speak “I’m glad to see that you are in such high spirits and ready for another session”. Mertha looked proud and that trickled over to Hendrik.

Before she could leave “Wait!.....could you…stay? I think it might be easier if you were here…”. Hendrik felt a bit bashful, she was far too dependent on Mertha.

Serla quickly occupied the hard chair, damn it. sitting with Mertha next to her on the couch was a good second. Serla took out her data pad “so Hendrik, do you want to continue form where we left of last, or do you want to talk about something else?”.

Mertha laid a vine on her shoulder, it was nice that she as close “after graduation I had no money, the only thing I inherited from my parent’s was debt. I had no job so for a time, I was homeless. The corp-guards didn’t allow loitering, I had to survive in the underbelly of western new Hamburg”. Another set of memories she had not allowed himself to process.

She had to push herself to continue “I found an unused air vent in a random back alley. I hid there for most of the time. I only went out when I had to scavenge for food”. she remembered the vent, how small and dusty it was. Each time she went out she was sure someone would find her and…….

She remembered to breathe “once or twice, only a few bruises. I usually managed to either avoid people or run away”. She had seen people who were not so cautious and lucky.

She decided to move on “it was only lasted for two months, I had applied for the central colonial bureaucracy right after my graduation. While hiding in that vent I got the message that I had been accepted. I was 16 years old at that point” The relief from that moment was palpable.

Serla seemed to recognize that she wanted to move on. Serla straightened up and smiled “with your proficiency and love for the field your job must have been quite an improvement over your pervious situations ”. It was obvious she was trying to cheer her up. 

“Not a person you hold in high regard?” Serla noted.

A grin claimed her mouth “at one point I couldn’t take it anymore. I faked some numbers and the presentation he made me do. in front of the other supervisors, I showcased not only that he had stolen my work but also that he was an incompetent fool. He retired a few days later”. She gave a short laugh “you should have seen her face when he realized what was going on. He was not popular with the other supervisors, a month later I was promoted to her position”.

Hendrik looked down “nah, it was just that I was less of a threat to their position because of my age. Still, it was far better than before. The wages were better as well so I begun to drag myself up from debt”. Hendrik wondered what would have happened if she had stayed in that position, maybe she would have been less of a mess right now.

She obliged Serla’s curiosity “A few months later when I had adjusted to my new position the sub department secretary, my supervisor, was killed in a drive by. I tried to stay out of the way during the ‘competition’ for the position. Most of the other supervisors were part of some faction or clique, I wanted nothing to do with that. The person to pick the replacement turned out to be from neither of the competing factions. She chose me so that her faction could assimilate me and keep the other factions out.”

Serla had noticed the tone of her voice “what happened?”.

Serla’s voice was calm “how did the betrayal make you feel?”. What a pointless question.

Serla scribbled on her data pad “I do think it’s important to know how you felt, you also shouldn’t be too hard on yourself”.

Her voice a mere whisper, she was trying to hold the tears back “you want to know how I felt? I was…terrified, I thought I was going to die….alone”.  The room was quiet, she felt all the anger and tension melt into sorrow.

Serla let the poor human collect herself. It was touching to see how close Mertha and Hendrik had gotten, despite their collective obliviousness. While Serla watched Mertha comfort the humans she went over what she had heard.

The fear that motivated Hendrik was equally obvious. She just hoped that they could somehow dismantle the armor that Hendrik had built.  Mertha was certainly trying but right now a slight push could sett the girl back into her old defensive state.

Showing that she trusted Hendrik’s judgment would also help “Go on, I assume you were saved somehow?”.

Her eyes were focused on memories a decade ago “He actually came and unlocked my cell himself. Told me I had potential, that he could teach me, but I had to prove I was worth his time. I was tired of being scared, always being one unlucky day away from death. I followed him out of the cell and begun the climb”. Her eyes had gotten that hard quality, the ones of the president

Serla needed some concrete answers “so you began because you were afraid?”.

Hendrik seemed determined to continue the story “the more I climbed, the more I learned. I saw where others made mistakes and made sure I would never make them. The higher up I got the more power I possessed  and the more enemies I made. At some point I didn’t do bureaucratic work, I only played The Game. In the end I proved myself to my mentor, I had become the permanent secretary of the infrastructure department”. Mertha was concerned, a look form Serla was enough for her to understand, Hendrik needed to continue.

Hendriks words once again went hard and cold “That was when Shivar thought me the most important lesson of all. He acted like he had won, told me he was finally content. He begun to work less, ate fine meals with friends and acquaintances, he even wanted to write a book. He got comfortable!”. The last words sent shivers down Serla’s core, they were said with such finality.  

At last, the nutrient bars made sense, the chair, the corner Mertha had told her about. Hendrik thought that if she got comfortable, she would die.

She would have to try to break through “what would you have done If you won, if the negotiations succeeded?” the president went quiet for a moment

Serla decided to push it “You have no idea do you?”. The president glared at her with malice.

Hopefully she would see “Leave the game. I am willing to bet that you have felt more happiness the last 5 days with Mertha than you have your last 5 years in power”. For a moment Henrik’s eyes softened, so close.

Serla was so close she could feel it “The game is over Hendrik, you can allow yourself to be happy”.

Mertha stood up to follow but Serla stopped her “give her some space, she needs it. she has a lot to think about”.

Serla tired to comfort her friend with a few vines “that girl has lived in a state of fear, suppression and suspicion for so long. It is all that she knows. It will take time, but I am confident that we can convince her that she is safe. you have been doing an excellent job so far, just continue and we will get that girl to be the happy little flower that she is under all that protecting”.

Serla smiled, her friend had this under control. As long as Hendrik was kept out of anything related to what she called the game, she could recover.

As she walked home Serla considered making Nora submit to her this evening. No. she would save that satisfaction for someday soon. Seeing the sophont squirm was delightful so she could wait.