Crutch: Chapter 2
Steff couldn’t have thought I actually hypnotized her. She was just still playing the part. Someone as smart as she was had to know hypnotism didn’t work that way. Right?
She did grow up on the same mix of comics, tv, and movies that I did. In those stories, all it took was a few minutes with a pocket watch or shiny coin to make a hero into a sleeper-assassin. If Steff hadn’t been interested in hypnosis until recently, maybe she never learned anything about how it actually worked. Still, it was more likely she was just playing.
There was the matter of how surprised she seemed when I ‘woke’ her. As far as I knew, Steff was never any sort of actress. There was also what she said about not thinking I had it in me to really do it. Of course, that could mean she thought I was too much of a nice guy to jump in and play the master. But what about discouraging me from doing it to other girls? She seemed very eager to be reassured on that point. Could that have been a really odd way for her to say she wanted us to be exclusive? It wasn’t like Steff to not just say that. Of course, none of what happened that night was much like her anyways. Except for the rambling post-sex stream of consciousness, which was textbook Steff behavior. And calling it a night early because of a test.
I could always go down to her room and just ask her. “Hey, Steff, just wanted to be sure you understood that I never actually hypnotized you and you aren’t actually my slave.” Most likely she does, and she’d be pissed at me for thinking she might not. If somehow she didn’t, well, then there’s no telling how she might react. Feeling humiliated would be a safe bet, but after that, anything goes. Never speaking to me again, blaming me for not stopping her, and having some kind of breakdown were all on the table. In any case, it was a conversation that could just as easily happen the next day.
In the meantime, I decided to tackle some simpler matters. Steff hadn’t minded the state of my room, but there was every chance we’d both be losing our virginity here the next day. That seemed like an occasion that called for a bit of class. Or at least not squalor in the smell of day old sex and sweat. Fortunately, the futon cover was washable and our building had a laundry room. Pulling on my discarded clothes, I gathered it up with my sheets. I kept myself busy by putting things away (or at least out of sight), but I couldn’t stop thinking.
The meditation exercise could be confused with a hypnotic induction. It’s even possible she went into a light trance. I’d read that intelligent, imaginative people are more susceptible than most. She was obviously eager to be hypnotized, and then there’s the matter of the pill she had just taken. I didn’t note the name, but it was a prescription bottle. Maybe if she thought she was going to be hypnotized, and wanted to be hypnotized, it could mess with her head enough to make her think she was hypnotized.
Even assuming she was really in a trance, I left without saying anything. There was no possibility of accidentally giving her a suggestion. She could have assumed I just made her forget them, but then what was the trigger she mentioned? Could it have just been us talking about it? And then she just filled in her fantasy list of hypnoslave standards? That’s a lot of blanks for her to fill in without realizing it.
A few hours later in the night, when I was enjoying warm clean sheets on my little dorm bed, I was closer to being convinced that, astonishing as the idea was, Steff had decided to ambush me naked for sexy roleplay of her own free will. After all, there was no accounting for taste. Still, I wanted to think of a subtle way to feel her out on the issue. I couldn’t think of one, partly because the idea of feeling her up was so much more fun.
In the morning, it took me a moment to realize that it hadn’t been a dream. The relative cleanliness of my room had already convinced me when I found the note. It was a couple pieces of notebook paper folded up and sitting on my desk. On the top it had my name written on it with a little heart replacing the “o”. I guessed who it was from easily enough. She must have come in earlier in the morning; I’m a pretty heavy sleeper. I unfolded it and read:
“Truths for Steff” read the header, underneath which was a list.
“You are my Master
You own me, mind, body and soul.
I love being your slave.
I serve and obey you.
I love following your orders.
I love being hypnotized.
No one can hypnotize me but you.
Only you can use my triggers.
I love, admire, and desire you.
I desire no other man but you.
Your touch brings me pleasure.
Your praise brings me joy.
Your happiness is my happiness.
Your pleasure is my pleasure.”
There was an empty line, then another header: “Rules for Steff”
“I cannot harm Master, or allow Master to be harmed,” next to which she’d drawn a little robot in the margin.
“I will keep my brainwashing a secret, and act normally when in public,” she circled this one. A line went to where she had written “Define normal?”
“I will obey your orders to the best of my ability and understanding.
I will address you as Master in private, unless told not to.
I cannot orgasm without your permission.
I will feel profound joy and contentment from having your cum in or on my body.” “THANK YOU,” she wrote next to this one, then underlined it twice.
“I will dress the way that most pleases you.” Written beside it: “Tighter pants? Miniskirts? More cleavage? No Bra? Boots? Collar? Corset, garter, stockings? Lots of options!”
“I will maintain my body the way that most pleases you.” More commentary, “Will keep shaving for now. Want me to gain/lose weight?”
“If I think my conditioning is weakening, or I see any way to make your control over me stronger, I will tell you as soon as possible.
I will write out my Truths, Rules, and Triggers every morning, then deliver them to you.”
A third header read “Triggers for Steff” followed by a much shorter list:
“Still Water: I will get extremely aroused, and become a version of myself that only cares about pleasing you sexually. If I am in public, I will proceed immediately to the most suitable place I can think of to await your pleasure. I will remove all of my clothes and present my body. I will refer to myself only as Your Slave. Your Slave is a submissive nympho with no inhibitions. If you seem sated, Your Slave may ask you to wake me up.
Down Deep: I fall into a trance as deep as you have ever taken me before. I will hear only your voice and accept any new truths or rules you choose to give me.
Wake Up: I will wake up as myself, still bound by the Truths, Rules and Triggers
If I am ever in an altered state and you don’t wake me up, the next time I fall asleep naturally, when I wake it will be as if you used my wake up trigger.”
She figured out a way to give me a sort of script without breaking the illusion, I thought. Clever of her, though the fact she was already so willing to say she loved me was startling, along with some of the suggestions. Was she seriously willing to let me tell her how much she should weigh? Not that I would tell her to change anything at all. As far as I was concerned, she had a perfect body right now. If anyone needed work in that area it was me.
Her ideas about clothes made some pleasant images. She seemed to want to be ordered to show off, which would suit me just fine. Asking her to wear a miniskirt and sexy high heels in the snow and ice would be cruel, even dangerous with her bad knee, but come spring, she might be up to it. In the meantime, some snugger jeans and sweaters would seem to be in order. Steff suddenly wearing a big leather collar everywhere would draw a lot of attention, but a collar and a set of cuffs for when I use her slave trigger would be hot. Maybe some kind of choker or necklace, something she could see in the mirror or trace a finger over in class to be reminded she’s mine. I pictured her in a matching set of corset, garter and stockings, black as her hair, but no panties; they’d only get ripped off anyway. Of course, all that would be expensive as hell, and we’re both going to be buried under student loans for decades. Controlling her wardrobe still seemed like an idea worth exploring. Make Steff be a doll; she’d either be furious at the idea, or find it hot as hell. Quite possibly both.
I realized I’d started thinking of all this as something lasting. That was getting way ahead of things. It would probably be smarter to assume this is all some exam week fling and just enjoy it. This note seemed to support the “Steff is roleplaying” argument. After all, if she thought it was real she would just expect me to know what I had put in her head. Although, if she wrote it herself, why the commentary and questions?
The second sheet of paper seemed to be a more normal note. Or at least written in Steff’s more usual scrawl, and more informally worded.
“This is such a great idea! Every morning you remind me how much you control me, and you can see if anything is wrong with my programming. It was so hot being compelled to do this. I didn’t realize what was happening at first. Then I wrote the rest with one hand, I couldn’t help playing with myself. I think that was my idea, I didn’t see it anywhere on here. I was so tempted to wake you up and beg you to let me cum. Can we do this through email over the break? Or should I just hold onto them and give you a big stack when I see you next? I’ll need to see you, three weeks without my Master is too long.
I love the cum rule! Combined with the Truth about your pleasure being my pleasure, it’s like I’m cumming and having some kind of religious vision all at once. I’ll need you to explain what you mean by acting normal though. Do you mean like nothing at all has changed, or maybe just not letting anyone know why I’ve changed is enough? Friends hooking up and becoming couples happens a lot, so that’s normal. If we were a couple then I wouldn’t need to find excuses to be alone with you, I could even touch and kiss you in public. If we try to act like nothing’s changed we’ll have to come up with a good cover story. I’m looking forward to lunch, but not as much as what we’ll do after!”
Absurdly she had signed the note. Like I wouldn’t know who it was from? Then added:
“P.S. Why not more triggers? Or do I just not know about them yet? How did I know to wait in your room, did you tell me?
P.P.S. You seriously need to start locking your door. If I wasn’t your slave I would totally steal something just to teach you a lesson. You’re cute when you sleep.“
I smiled. This was exactly the sort of unfiltered stream of consciousness I would expect from Steff. It bounced from the explicitly sexual to the practical and back again. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one thinking about the future either. There was another thread in this letter that I didn’t like as much. Despite her reputation, Steff wasn’t actually arrogant; she wouldn’t gush with praise about her own ideas. She had lots of questions about how things would work, which didn’t make much sense if she was making the rules. On second read, I thought the note had a frantic, desperate quality. It wiped the smile from my face. Her exhilaration came through loud and clear, but was there a brittle quality to it, or was that my imagination?
Steff was on my mind in the shower, but not in a fun way. I knew she was taking more classes than I was, and none of them seemed like easy As. That was plenty of stress. You pile on a painful surgery, having to fend off unwelcome advances, an acute awareness of being widely disliked, and her own high standards, and maybe you get a load heavy enough to make her crack. As far as I knew she didn’t really have many outlets other than Friday night movie screenings and the occasional board game.
That made me think of the ridiculous dance she did when she won a long, tense game of Catan. I thought of her laughing so hard during the Schlocktober movie marathon that I sincerely thought she’d pass out, her gushing enthusiasm over the coming nanotech revolution that would create a utopia by 2020, and how she made me pass Intro Coding through sheer force of will by refusing to let me fail. If she really was having delusions, then I was in danger of losing that girl. Sure, this particular delusion was sexy and fun, but tomorrow? She might think I was hurting her, or making her hurt someone else. Instead of imagining her in sexy clothes, I found myself picturing her being hauled away crying and screaming to some institution. Or worse.
I shuddered and turned off the water. No, if she was having full blown hallucinations, then I needed to get her help. I’d have to explain all this somehow. Let her know I care, and I’d absolutely be willing to explore all this with her if she still wants to later, but we absolutely couldn’t do anything more for now. Get her in my car, drive her to the ER and stay with her till her parents came. Steff as my girlfriend/hypnoslave was a dream come true; Steff as a broken shell was too terrible to consider.
As I was getting dressed, I decided I was getting ahead of myself again. There was no real reason to think Steff had snapped. A few odd comments were hardly grounds for admitting her to the hospital. Despite the grey, wet winter weather, I decided to walk a few blocks to a pharmacy off campus to help clear my head. I picked up some condoms in case Steff wasn’t able to grab any of the freebies. Cold and hungry, I stopped for coffee and a bagel on the way back and thought some more.
I needed to brush up on hypnosis. I’d read a fair bit about it over the past few years, but I’d never dared ask anyone to let me try it on them. Steff should be open to it though. Assuming she didn’t think I already had hypnotized her, of course. If she did… well maybe I’d find something that could tell me what to watch out for. So when I got back to my room, I spent the morning looking up everything I could find about inductions, deepening, and triggers. There wasn’t much new to me out there, and what sources I did find were often contradictory. Looking things up made me feel better though, and I was starting to put a plan together.
At about eleven, my phone jarred me out of my research. I recognized Steff’s cell number (these were the pre-smartphone days, when people still had to remember numbers) and smiled as I answered.
“Hey! How’d your test go?”
“It was kind of hard,” Steff’s voice had a note of satisfaction in it. “I kept getting distracted. Kind of have a lot on my mind today. But… well you told me to ace it, and I didn’t want to disob- disappoint you.”
“I’m sure you didn’t. Disappoint me, I mean.” I winced internally. I’d noticed her Freudian slip, and I hoped I hadn’t already made things worse by putting more pressure on her to be perfect. “I got your note. I’ve been thinking about it all morning.”
“I bet you have!” Her smile was audible.
“One thing I was thinking is about that big talk we need to have. I don’t think a crowded dining hall is the best place for it, do you?”
“Oh! Yeah, umm, now that you say that, I guess it is kind of public.” She seemed a bit nervous.
“I thought maybe you should come over to my place. We can talk first, and then eat later.” I put a playful emphasis on eat. I thought that was clever at the time.
“Mmm, well, ok.” Her tone was bright again. “I’ll limp on over, should only take a few weeks. It’s times like these that I really miss being able to run.”
“There’s no rush. Don’t fall if I’m not there to help you up.”
“Oh, I like that. I promise I’ll only need rescuing when you’re around to be the hero,” she teased. We both laughed. Steff had made her distaste for helpless fairy-tale princess known repeatedly, loudly, and on many occasions.
“Ok princess, I’ll see you soon.”
Steff was still laughing. “As you wish,” and she hung up. She hadn’t sounded like she was on the brink of a psychotic break. If not for that one slip I’d have been convinced everything was normal with her. As it was, I decided I still needed to go ahead with my planned test when she got here. To keep myself occupied, I unfolded the futon into the bed mode. It took up most of my room that way, but with a couple of pillows and blankets, it should be comfortable enough for what I had in mind. I fussed over this for a bit, shifting pillows and changing which blanket was on top two or three times. Mentally I was rehearsing my ‘script.’ It was important to have a plan, but of course that could only go so far. So much would depend on her responses.
In order to keep calm and focused, I started doing the whole “still waters” exercise myself. The water was still quite choppy when she knocked on my door. I darted up and opened the door before she was done with her rapping. There she was, standing in my doorway. She was holding her parka, wearing jeans and an RBIT hoodie I’d seen her in a hundred times before. I’d never noticed how the green and black school colors perfectly matched her eyes and hair. She was wearing her hair down for once; her eyes glowed with a coy confidence.
“Hey you,” she said, smiling.
“Hey you,” I smiled back. “Come in and get comfortable.” I took her coat and hung it up. I heard her flop down onto the futon behind me.
“This is comfy.” I turned around to find her stretched out. She gave me a look that said ‘I don’t intend to leave this bed a virgin.’ Verbally she said, “Help a poor, tired, crippled girl take her boots off? Please, Master?”
There was a note of amusement in her use of the M-word, like there had been the night before. It didn’t help clear things up. I unlaced her boots and she kicked them off; I sat next to her and leaned over for a kiss. She answered it with enthusiasm and a happy humming noise.
“We should probably have that talk before we do anything more, Master,” she said when we broke the kiss.
“We should,” I replied.
She nodded and took a deep breath. “Master, I’m not going to do that thing I do, where I take over the conversation and just talk at someone. That… it wouldn’t be right. You should go first. You should tell me what you want and I, well, I should listen. So that’s what I’m going to do. Listen. Is that ok?” She seemed nervous but determined, like she’d been thinking about this for a while.
I nodded. I looked her in the eye for a long, silent moment.
“Down deep, Steff,” I said, watching her face.
Delight and surprise flickered by on her face for a second. Then her eyes started to droop closed while her reclining body went limp. “Deeeeep,” she sighed, “down deeeeeep.”
She certainly seemed to respond to her trigger, but she could still be acting the part. “That’s good Steff. Relax. Focus on breathing. Listen to my voice. Your mind is clear, pure water. The water is very still, isn’t it?”
“Still,” she breathed back at me.
“Good, Steff. Breathe. Let the ripples from your thoughts fade away into the distance. You’re doing very well.” A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. One of her Truths was that my praise brings her joy. Whether it was a real hypnotic suggestion or not, I figured it would give her a warm, fuzzy feeling either way.
“The surface is almost totally smooth now, isn’t it Steff? Just little ripples from hearing my voice. Just breathing and listening.”
“You’re a good listener, Steff. You always pay close attention. You stay focused on important things. Right now, what’s important is that you listen to me. You need to try and follow my directions. You can do that, can’t you Steff?”
“Uhhhhh huhhhh,” she said.
“Good. I knew you could. You need to speak clearly though. This is an important talk that we’re having, I need to understand everything you say, don’t I?”
“Yes,” her voice lost the exaggerated sighing quality.
I told myself it was time for my test. Anything that might happen after this depended on how this went.
“Good, Steff. Now I’m going to count down from five. As I do your mind will become more and more detached from your body. When I reach zero they will be totally separate. You won’t be able to feel or move your body at all. You won’t be scared though, because I’ll be here. I’ll keep both parts of you safe. You know that, right Steff?”
“Yes. I’m safe with you.” I felt a little twinge of guilt. God, I hope she’s right about that, I thought. I couldn’t let that seep into my voice.
“Five. Your fingers and toes are starting to feel fuzzy and numb. Four. You can’t move or feel your hands or feet. Your arms and legs are going numb. Three. You’re totally detached from your limbs. Two. Your chest and neck are getting numb. One. All you can feel now is your breath and your heartbeat. They’ll both keep going just fine while your mind comes away with me. Zero. Your mind has totally separated from your body. The only part you can control is your mouth and your voice. You need that to answer my questions and tell me what you see. The rest of your body you can leave behind. You are just a pool of water full of thoughts, emotions and memories.”
I picked up the pin I’d left on my desk. I picked up Steff’s hand, and gave the tip of a finger a sharp poke. No reaction. I had a pretty high opinion of her toughness, but there should have been a little twitch. Her hand flopped down when I dropped it. I tried a few other places on her body to be sure. I pricked her toes, her elbows, the tip of her nose. Nothing. Putting the pin aside I reached under her sweater and gave her breasts a good squeeze for good measure. Nothing.
Shit, she was really under.
It probably wasn’t an utterly foolproof test, but it was the best I could think of. I shouldn’t have been able to put her that deeply under that quickly on my first try. I’d never (deliberately) hypnotized anyone before, but somehow Steff had a trigger that put her into a trance. She believed she got that trigger from me. Which meant one of us was completely wrong about what happened the night before last.
Ok, I thought, this is real now. That was amazing in theory and terrifying in practice. I had planned for this next part, but I would have to be very careful. I was dealing with the mind of a brilliant girl with a bright future. If I screw this up I’m not just on the hook for her getting hurt. I’m to blame for us missing out on all the things she might have achieved if I hadn’t started toying with forces I didn’t understand.
“Steff, we’re going to go down below the surface of the water now. As we go down we go into different parts of your mind. The surface of the water is your thoughts, and that part is now still. We’re slipping down into the water. Now we’re in your feelings. It’s nice and warm here, because you are safe and relaxed. We aren’t staying there though; we’re going down deeper still. We’re going down deeper and deeper.
Now we’re under your emotions. This part of your mind is where your memories are. If you think about something in the past you can see it in the water in front of you. You can see every detail exactly as it happened. What I need you to see is the night your crutch broke, after I helped you into bed. Can you see that now, Steff?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Tell me what you see, Steff. Tell me exactly what happened.” This was the key point. If she had some kind of hallucination, it must have happened here. If something I said accidentally caused all this, I must have said it here.
“I see myself lying down in my bed,” she began. “My eyes are closed and I’m breathing slowly. You’re talking to me very softly. You’re telling me how my mind is water, and my thoughts are like water dropping into it. As I focus on breathing, there are fewer and fewer drops. You’re telling me about the deep stillness inside me, and how I can always find it by focusing on breathing. I keep doing that until the water is completely still.”
That’s pretty much what I remember. That was about the point I crept out of her room with a massive hard on.
“Now the water is still, and you’re telling me you are going to take me down deep inside myself. You tell me the water is a sphere, so even though it has no edges it has a center. When you get to the center you tell me you are going to put Truths there. You tell me I will accept them without question. One by one you tell me the Truths, and put them in my core. You tell me you are my Master, you own me mind, body, and soul, I love being your slave, I serve and obey you, I love following your orders, I love being hypnotized…” she went through the whole list of “Truths for Steff” that she had left for me that morning.
I held my head in my hands. I’d desperately wanted to think this was all a misunderstanding. I made myself own up to the fact that I REALLY wanted her to be my honest-to-God love slave. This was too high a price though. She had a full-fledged delusional episode. All that really happened that night was I left as she fell asleep.
Wait, I thought.
An explanation came to mind. One that seemed incredibly obvious once I thought of it.
I let her finish describing me installing her triggers, and then telling her to have an orgasm and fall asleep. “Steff, we’re going to look at some other memories now. I’m going to tell you the sort of memories I’m looking for, and you are going to search for them, understand?”
“Yes,” she replied flatly.
“I’m looking for memories of dreams, so you don’t have to tell me every detail. I’m looking for any dreams you have about being hypnotized. Can you find any of those, Steff?”
“Yes,” she answered. “I have lots of dreams about that.”
“Are any of those dreams about someone hypnotizing you to be a sex slave?” I ask, heart in my throat.
“Most of them are,” she answered.
“Am I in any of them?” I’m starting to see a way out of this that doesn’t involve a mental hospital for either of us.
“A lot of them,” she says.
“Tell me about the dreams where I hypnotize you,” I tell her.
“They start lots of ways. But then they become a lot alike. The two of us are alone together. Usually it’s at night. You get me to look at something. Sometimes it’s a coin, or a watch, or a screen with a spiral on it. Usually it’s just your eyes. You have really pretty eyes.”
That made me smile. I was starting to feel like I got extraordinarily lucky. “You have really pretty eyes too, Steff. What happens next in your dreams?”
“Once you have me hypnotized, you give me a set of absolute truths I will never question. They are things about how you’re my Master, and I’m your slave. Then you set rules for me, and give me triggers. Then usually you order me to cum before I’m allowed to wake up.”
Ok, I think. So maybe I put her in a light trance, and then she had one of these sexy hypnosis dreams about me. Somehow she blended the two things together in her head, and the rest is the placebo effect. It was by far the least likely thing that has ever happened to me, probably a billion-to-one chance. It didn’t account for everything, and didn’t necessarily let me off the hook. But it was much better than Steff having completely lost touch with reality.
“Steff, have you ever tried to come up with a list of commands someone could give a hypnotized person to make them a slave?” I was pretty sure I knew the answer.
“When I’m bored sometimes I think about that. It’s a programming project. It’s fun,” Steff never gave up trying to convince me that coding was fun. I was willing to agree to disagree; she was not. So that’s where her Truths and Rules came from. Still, she jumbled all these things together unconsciously and didn’t connect the dots when she was awake? She didn’t recognize her daydream list of orders when she wrote it out for me this morning? Something else had to be going on.
“Ok Steff, we’re going to go down even deeper. We’re going all the way down to that core you remember. We’re going to where those Truths are. Feel yourself sink down deep.”
“Down deep, yes.”
“I’m not going to put anything in here this time. We had to go down this deep because this is a special place. It’s a place where it’s impossible not to tell the whole truth. Even if it’s something you don’t want to think about, or something that scares you, you have to tell the whole truth here. I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to tell me the truth. You don’t have to worry about what I might think about your answers. I’m not going to like you any less no matter what you say. I won’t tell anyone else what you say while we’re here. There’s no reason to try and hide anything, you’re completely safe. Do you believe me, Steff?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Good, Steff. This is important and you’ve been doing it well. Now, you told me you were hoping I’d hypnotize you and make you my slave. Why did you hope I would do that?”
“So we could have sex without it being my fault,” she said. “It wouldn’t be because I was weak and undisciplined. I would get to feel good and happy the way girls like Claire do. Whenever I see her come back from Vance’s all glowing with that stupid grin, I get so jealous. I miss out on that because I’m being good. I respect myself and won’t let guys who don’t really like me have sex with me, but I’m the one studying alone while the slutty girls get to have fun. It’s not fair. I deserve to feel good too.” Her voice was starting to crack up.
“You do, Steff. But why would I have to hypnotize you and force you to be my slave first? Why couldn’t you just ask me?” “If I asked it would ruin it. Just having sex because I was lonely and horny would be giving up on being disciplined and controlling myself. It’s okay if I lose control to you because you were stronger or smarter. Losing isn’t shameful, giving up is. If you took control I wouldn’t have to be perfect and disciplined and strong all the time. I’d just need to do what you want me to do.”
I was starting to understand her reasoning, if it could be called that. Her work ethic seemed to come from some kind of need to constantly prove herself. For her, that meant also repressing her sex drive in the name of discipline. She hated it, she needed to stop, so she convinced herself that I had stopped her. For some reason it was ok for her to be forced into all of this, even enjoy it, but not to choose it. It was the sort of powerful, twisted nonsense that can only be found deep in the human subconscious.
“Are you scared of what I might do now that you are my slave?”
“No,” she sounded quite certain, “You won’t hurt me. You’re kind, and you love me.”
That was touching. She was right, of course. Clever girl, to have figured that out before I did. “Steff, what would it mean if you had asked me to do this to you? How would you feel?”
She frowned. “It’d mean I wasn’t good enough. It’d mean I don’t really deserve all the good things in my life. I’m pretty and smart, my family loves me, we have enough money and I went to good schools. Most people don’t get all those things, so I have to work harder and be better, so that I deserve my advantages. If I’m lazy or weak or slutty, it means someone else should have had my life, someone who would deserve it.”
Jesus, I thought. She seriously seemed to think she needed to be superhuman in every way or she shouldn’t have been born. What the fuck should I say to something like that?
For lack of a better idea, I decided to tell her the truth. She deserved that.
“Steff, you’re doing great. I’m going to tell you something that you might find upsetting. But remember that we’re in a place where we can only tell the truth. This is the truth that’s underneath all the other truths you remember me putting in here, but you haven’t been able to see it. The truth is, Steff,” I took a deep breath, and prayed this was the right thing to do. “I only put you in a very light trance so you could sleep. Everything else you remember from that night came from your own mind.”
She shook her head a little. “No,” she murmured.
“The things you think I put inside your head were always there.”
“No, no, that’s…no,” she sounded small and scared. Her hands were starting to twitch.
“It’s ok, Steff. You aren’t weak. I think part of you knew you needed this. You knew what you needed, and you made it happen. That’s the opposite of being weak, right?”
“I, I, I can’t, what?” She sounded like she was about to cry.
“This is good, Steff. Because I think we can make this happen for real now. If that’s what you really want. It won’t be because I’m stronger than you, because I don’t think I am. It’ll be because both of us want this. You’ll be bound to me by our combined will, and that’ll always be stronger than yours or mine. I’ll have control over you, and I will make you stop pushing yourself so hard. I’ll force you to feel even better than those girls you were jealous of. And you’ll still be able to be proud and respect yourself, because you’ll be with someone who loves you. That doesn’t make you any weaker, and I promise I’ll help you do amazing things. Does that sound good?”
“Yes, I… yes, please, yes.”
“There’s one other thing you need to know Steff. My power over you comes from you giving control to me, which means that if I ever tried to push you too far and make you do something really terrible, you could break free.” This was for both of our benefits. She needed to have an emergency escape valve, and I knew enough at 18 not to trust myself with completely unlimited control over another person. I couldn’t picture myself hurting her, but it was best to take the option off the table.
“But—“ she began to protest.
“Since what you really want is to be under my control, you’d only need to do that in the most extreme situation. It’s so unlikely to happen that you won’t even think about the fact that you could resist, but the option will be there if you need it.”
“Yes,” she said. She seemed to be calming down again.
“Since I want you to be happy, Steff, I’m going to make it so you don’t remember us talking about this for now. You’ll remember me putting you down deep, and have a vague idea that we talked about what we both wanted. You’ll slowly get more comfortable with the idea that you could have given yourself to me, until one day, when it won’t hurt, you’ll remember that’s how it happened.”
“Ok,” she was almost back to the serene, detached voice she’d had a moment before.
“Good girl, Steff. Now,” I took out her note from this morning, “I’m going to reinforce the programming you started. These are your Truths. You will say them back to me and feel yourself accept them. I am your Master,” I said in a firm voice. I was committed now, whether it was the right thing to do or not.
“You are my Master,” she sighed back.
I spent another 20 minutes installing the programming she had designed for herself, with some alterations of my own. I gave her some new Truths that would hopefully start to establish her self-worth more securely. If nothing else, having her write positive things about herself every morning would have to help, right? I changed a few rules to be a little more to my tastes, and gave her a couple of new triggers that seemed fun and useful. She’d been down pretty deep for a long time, and we’d gotten into some emotionally charged areas, so it seemed wise to bring her out gradually.
“Ok, Steff, you’ve done very well. It’s time for your mind and your body to reconnect. Now you can feel your breath and your heartbeat again.” I started lightly rubbing her temples. “You can feel my hands on your head now, can’t you Steff.” “Mmm, yes,” she murmured happily.
I traced my hands down her beautiful face. “Feeling is coming back into your neck, down to your shoulders, and spreading through your chest.” As I talked to her I slid my hands down and started massaging her shoulders. I’d been looking at her limp, gorgeous body and hearing her whisper her obedience and devotion to me, and now touching her even this much had me horny as hell. I decided there was no reason we shouldn’t have some fun.
“Steff, you are slowly gaining feeling and control back into your arms and legs. You can feel the warmth of the room, and the softness of the blankets. You’re entirely back in your body, floating, just barely in a trance. Now sit up for me and raise your arms, Steff.” She obeyed, and even at this point that thrilled me. Steff was here, entranced, and totally under my control.
It turns out taking a sweater off someone who’s in a trance is a bit awkward. I persevered and triumphed in the end though. The lessons I learned I applied to her “Ivanova is always right” t-shirt. One of our many points of agreement, that; Babylon 5 was never the same without her.
“Lower your arms, Steff,” I took the opportunity to admire her. She was wearing a fairly ordinary, practical black bra. It brought to mind the outfits I was daydreaming about her wearing this morning. Against her pale skin it made a striking contrast. With prodigious restraint, I refrained from ripping it off her. Instead, I gently rubbed her toned arms, I slid one hand over her taut stomach, and I stroked each side of her chest. Her breath quickened, a flush spread across her chest, and she started making all sorts of lovely noises.
“My touch brings you pleasure, right Steff?” I quoted one of her Truths back to her while I dragged my fingers up her spine.
“Yes!” She panted. I unhooked her bra. For all the complaining I’d heard about it, I found the process pretty easy. I slid it off and gave her a gentle fondle for a few minutes. Rock hard pink nipples crowned her pale, heaving breasts as she panted under my hands. She was mine, because she wanted to be so badly she made herself my slave. Nobody in human history has ever been as lucky as I was.
“Lay back down, Steff,” I said, giving her a last little squeeze. I unbuttoned her jeans and started easing the zipper down. “I’m going to finish stripping you, and then I’m going to keep touching you. All you have to do is relax and enjoy it. You have my permission to cum when you would naturally, and when you do you will be wide awake.”
“Yes. Cum. Awake.” I slipped my hands under her ass. Taking my time to squeeze and caress a bit first, I lifted her up a bit and slid her jeans down her hips. Rolling them down, I exposed her panties, a simple black set that matched her bra. I slid a hand over them, feeling the damp heat while Steff moaned softly. I didn’t linger there though, instead stroking the insides of her thighs before very carefully rolling her jeans over her knees. My patience was wearing out, so I quickly whipped them off her from there. Her socks followed, but since feet aren’t really my thing, I moved my focus back up her legs. Her injured left one was less firm and toned, not having been used for a while. I gave the bandage on that knee a very light kiss while my hands explored her form.
I slid her panties off and stopped to admire her for a moment. Obviously I’d seen all of her the day before, but not entranced and helpless like this. As I took my own clothes off, I was a little tempted to just slip a rubber on and fuck her while she was still under. Not too tempted though, I was pretty sure what I had planned would be better.
Getting down between her knees, I spread her legs apart. I caressed the insides of her thighs, working my way to her center. For a minute or so I rubbed her pink petals, and then I leaned in and gave her clit a little kiss. I was rewarded with a gasp as Steff squirmed under me. That was all the encouragement I needed to go down on her in earnest.
I’d like to think I did pretty well for being completely inexperienced. Certainly the chorus of moans, “mmm,” and “oh,” coming from her mouth supported that. If I’m honest, I had an unfair advantage; Steff was compelled to enjoy my every touch. Just undressing her and feeling her up a little had her most of the way there. My enthusiastic, if amateurish, efforts didn’t take long to push her over the top. With a final “AH!” her hips bucked.
“Oh! Wow, God! That was…” Steff trailed off into a half suppressed laugh. “I thought we were going to talk first.” I crawled up to lie face to face next to her. Her whole body seemed to glow, but her emerald eyes and Cheshire cat grin were positively dazzling. She pulled me into a deep kiss.
“We did,” I told her when we finished. “You and I had a very serious, thorough, and enlightening conversation. I know everything I need to know to decide what happens next between us.”
“Well that makes one of us,” she said. “Do I get to know what you decided or is that a secret?” I held her face with one hand. Remembering what she said about her dreams, I made sure to keep her eyes locked on mine.
“I’ve decided you are still Steff, a brilliant, strong, beautiful woman for the new millennium. But you’re also going to be Steff, the best girlfriend any guy could be lucky enough to have. And of course you’re always Steff, her Master’s loyal, worshipful, insatiable sex slave.”
“An—,“ she swallowed hard. Her expression was suddenly a very serious mix of arousal, anticipation, and anxiety. “And you? What will you be?”
“Well,” I said firmly. “I’m still Tom, your friend who accepts and respects you no matter what. But now I’m also Tom, your boyfriend who does everything he possibly can to make you happy. And most of all I’m Tom, your Master, who owns your body and your mind and uses both for his pleasure at every opportunity.”
Steff tried mightily to hide her excitement. She wasn’t very successful. “Don’t I get a say in all this?” she asked me carefully.
“None at all,” I said, and then kissed her again. Just like you want, I thought. Steff whimpered and melted against me.