Narrator: You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Juniper Gladiolus (She/Her/Your Gladiolus). The cases are real! The florets are cute! The rulings are subject to any further evidence that may come to light at a later date, as any fair courtroom should be! This, is Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge Juni!

Fair warning to all sensitive independents, florets and their owners, there may be some feralist sentiment in the courtroom today but rest assured we will make sure that the little cutie is reassured of just how nice the compact can be for everyffini!

Warning symbols are broadcast to every owners tablet to make sure that their pets can handle it, with extra cuddles at the ready! There will be a skip button once this Very Special Episode is finished being broadcast so that the good resolution can be viewed on it’s own as a separate thing with a brief edited cut of the best bits to explain what happened.

Today in this very special emergency episode we aim to teach this adorable little cutie just how lovely being domesticated can be. Unfortunately certain naughty little terrans filled their head with all sorts of silly ideas such as freedom being above happiness, as if terrans ever knew what to do with such things in the first place!

Camera zooms in to show our erstwhile feralist with a vine from Judge Juni muzzling them. They have clearly stopped trying to make any outbursts but have their arms crossed and are clearly not happy about it, the poor cutie. So grumpy, adorable! Stephy nods solemnly at the idea of freedom being above happiness being very silly indeed.

So, let us see what our joyfully, justifiably judicious Judge Juni can do to help this precious outspoken little one!

Judge Juni: Well well, such an adorable little feralist we have here. You know, usually it takes a lot more physical restraint to keep you cuties from being a bit mean but you’ve kept nice and still for the whole time since we got you here. Now can you promise to behave if I take my vine away sweetheart?

The terran rolls their eyes but still nods and Judge Juni removes the vine from their mouth

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): I’m more than capable of behaving myself perfectly well thank you very much. Physical violence would solve nothing and end up with you removing my autonomy anyway so there is hardly a point is there?

Judge Juni: Very well figured out! Such a clever little one!

Some vines from the audience pet the Mysterious Terran (Gosh!). They swat some of them away but are unable to stop them all, nor the resounding gasps and coos of delight from the surrounding affini at such well thought out logic. Woodius and Pinecone whisper to each other before breaking out into giggles and jumping up and down a little.

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): Enough already. I am not a dog to be pet at your whims! I am an independent terran and refuse to be treated like this!

Judge Juni: I mean, we could solve that by making you into a dog if you like?

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): What? You can do that?! I-I mean, that’s besides the point! I should not get pet just because you all feel like it, and nor should anyone else.

Woodius Goodius: Well I suppose so if you don’t want it, but imagine it! Cute little floppy ears

Pinecone Barkyhome: Big fluffy waggly tail

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome: Adorable woofs!

Woodius Goodius: Oh it would be wonderful, wouldn’t it Pinecone?!

Pinecone Barkyhome: I can’t agree more Woodius! So precious!

Both of the boisterous building bushes start getting overexcited and jumping up and down while the Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!) pales and stutters, the poor dear

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): N-n-now see here, t-this is exactly what I’m talking about! You just went ahead and started fantasising about changing me regardless of if I want it or not.

Judge Juni: Well my dear, would you like to?

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): No! A-and I don’t want to be a pet either!

Judge Juni: Now petal, may I remind you that you are under oath?

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): I’m not lying! And what do you mean, I haven’t sworn any oath?

Judge Juni: Grinning No dear, you’re under my oath, which is to make sure that no sophont lies within my courtroom. I won’t ever let them, for their own good. Now, I’ll generously let slide for the moment your statement about not wanting to be a pet but as far as being a cute little puppy is concerned, well, we all saw your precious face light but when we mentioned it. So lets try again shall we?

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): I-I-I no! I d-don’t want to be a puppy…. Gradually quietens to a whisper

Woodius and Pinecone come closer to each side of the Mysterious (But seemingly upset, oh no! :::( :::O ) Terran! (Gosh!)

Woodius Goodius: Why-ever not little one?

Pinecone Barkyhome: Are you worried about being seen as silly by everyone else?

Woodius Goodius: There’s nothing wrong with being silly you know. We are all the time!

Pinecone Barkyhome: And everyone likes us!

Lots of confirmatory noises, little cheers and other nice noises from the audience. One melodramatic pet shouts out “I love you Woodius and Pinecone!” Before hiding in their similarly melodramatic owners vines to escape the stern look of Judge Juni as she passes a note to Stephy to start drawing up the paperwork to certificate an affini and their floret as adorable but also noisy menaces in the courtroom

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): I can’t! I’m a terran, not a puppy. And someone has to stop you doing things to people who don’t want it!

The Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!)’s face hardens as they turn to look at everyone around them.

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): You take lots of people and make them into your pets when they didn’t want to be. Now I know that they’re not necessarily nice people but that still wasn’t right!

Hedera Erythronium: Well we can’t let them run around free little one. They might hurt other people or, stars forfend, themselves! With us they get to do whatever they like that won’t hurt anyone.

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): Except do something without your permission ever again

Hedera Erythronium: Well that’s not entirely true. My little hivvvvey and Stephy over there went ahead and planned a little naughty snuggle session without alerting either myself or Judge Juni. Not that we can truly be annoyed when they’re so adorably cute together.

Embarrassed buzzing and squeaking from the Non-Judgemental Judging Assistant, Plushie Distributor, Phonecall Maker Extraordinaire, and firm friend to office beeples desk

Judge Juni: See little one? Naughty escapades are quite alright and not every floret needs their actions controlled at all times, unless they’re into that. Leafy eyebrows at a squeaky Stephy. We just make sure they don’t hurt themselves or anyone else!

Narrator: Anther misconception masterfully disproved by the ever so clever Judge Juni and the pencil-pushing paperwork plant of panache - Hedera Erythronium! We’ll have our little feralist snugged into loving vines before the hour is through!

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): Now see here, I didn’t agree to anything! And there are more important things to discuss...

Judge Juni: That’s right little one, we never did get you to tell the truth about being a puppy did we? Come along now, be honest with us all.

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): Suspiciously puppy-like whimper as they hide their face. The courtroom joviality dies down somewhat as it is clear the Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!) is quite scared

Woodius Goodius: Oh no, I can’t watch the little cutie get all scared, I just can’t Pinecone!

Pinecone Barkyhome: Neither can I Woodius! Oh rooting flooflebeans. Sweetpea,

Woodius Goodius: Precious Peapod

Both: Judge Juni, we beg leave to inter-seed!

Judge Juni waves her assent with a vine and a worried look and Woodius and Pinecone turn to the Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!) who is starting to shudder a bit

Both: It’s alright little one. We’re here. Let us hold you? Pretty pretty pretty please?

Narrator: Just look at those sad eyes, a mere six from one of them would be enough but all twelve at once? Who could possibly say no? This Narrator certainly couldn’t, Oh!

Melodramatic sobbing bordering on the necessity for Narration-Beration

Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!): Very quietly I need to do the right thing for everyone though.

Woodius Goodius: There’s nothing stopping you making your case while you get some reassurance

Pinecone Barkyhome: And we make buildings and furniture for a living. You don’t get far without being able to make sure people feel reassured that your work will be really nice and safe for them

Both: Snuggles???

Narrator: The pleading looks of both affini would prove to be far to much for even the most hardened of feralists and our adorable little woofer has surrendered himself to be cuddled-

Gets poked by one of Pinecones vines

I-I mean allowed himself to be reassured by our most caring of building duos!

Woodius Goodius: There we go little blossom

Pinecone Barkyhome: Nice and easy breaths now

Woodius Goodius: You’ll get plenty of time to say what you want to everyone

Pinecone Barkyhome: but for now, lets take it nice and easy and just focus on what Judge Juni was asking you hm? Nothing else.

Judge Juni: There’s no big rush. Although I must admit I’ve been extremely remiss in my courtroom etiquette. No sophont should feel this scared in my courtroom and for that I apologise most profusely. Stephy, you know what to do.

Narrator: Stephy Gladiolus, Twelfth Floret, She/Ze: Non-Judgemental Judging Assistant, Plushie Distributor, Phonecall Maker Extraordinaire, Firm Friend to office beeples and Organiser of Sneaky Snuggle Stratagem Shenanigans goes with hivvvvey and picks out the softest of puppy plushies to give to our little Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!). Wait, what’s this? Judge Juni, Your Gladiolus has come down from behind the bench and seated herself on the floor next to the Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!). Never before on Judge Juni has such a thing happened!

Judge Juni: On behalf of the entire courtroom and myself, I would like to offer the utmost contrition, this official courtroom plushie, and an offer to start over. You shouldn’t be this scared in this space. Nervous perhaps, somewhat annoyed at having to confront difficult emotions (and a certain overly verbose narrator) but this fear is not what anyone here wants for you, regardless of anything you might think or say. Let’s try again hm?

Stephy and hivvvvey gently place the puppy plushie into Mysterious Terran! (Gosh!)’s lap. A little sniffle is heard and immediately met with a gentle tightening of 2 certain affini’s vines around them along with more headpats and gentle whispers of reassurance. The plushie is cuddled close and their face is buried into it with a little nod, with appropriately restrained coos emanating from the audience. The Narrator is clearly struggling to hold back however.

Judge Juni: Now, You already know that I’m Judge Juni, Fifty Sixth Bloom, She/Her/Your Gladiolus. This is my floret Stephy Gladiolus, Twelfth Floret, She/Ze and her beeple friend hivvvvey. Now then, what’s your name little one?

Rufus: ….Rufus. No last name. He/Him.

Woodius Goodius: Good job little one

Pinecone Barkyhome: Very well done indeed

Rufus: You don’t need to patronise me y’know. It’s hardly worth complementing me over just telling someone my name

Woodius Goodius: Now that isn’t true is it? You were so scared just a moment ago

Pinecone Barkyhome: And yet you were so brave and overcame it to keep going

Both: So of course we’re going to celebrate!

Rufus is gently scritched behind both his ears by the excited but still uncharacteristically calm pair and ends up whining in a suspiciously puppy-like manner again

Judge Juni: Thank you for telling us your name Rufus, I appreciate the second chance. Now then, you seem to believe that we shouldn’t take sophonts who don’t want to be pets as pets. Are you OK with us taking pets who do want it?

Rufus: I…. I can’t say I’m fully comfortable with it myself but it’s not my place to stand in-between consenting adults, or whatever counts as adulthood to you affini anyway.

Judge Juni: Very well, is there anything particularly that upsets you?

Rufus: Mainly how much you just override peoples wishes because you think you know what’s best for them. How exactly is someone who could work before any better off now that they don’t get to do that any more?

Judge Juni: But pets can work if they so wish. My Stephy works here with me in the courtroom, hivvvvey works in the Xenoarcheobureaucracy’s health and safety department for buildings with Hedera. Pets are only completely disallowed from working if their owner deems it something that wouldn’t be good for them, otherwise they’re more than allowed to pursue their passions.

Rufus: But barely anybody works any more! Even most independents are looking more and more like pets in the way they just don’t apply themselves to something. I understand the accord pushed people too hard but…

Woodius Goodius: Did you ask all the people you saw what they were up to?

Rufus: What? No, they’re just lazing around, obviously not up to anything at all.

Pinecone Barkyhome: Then maybe they do have stuff they work at, just not outside. Lots of people work on things at home now as well little one. Or perhaps they were taking a rest which is also very important to do. And what about those who don’t want to work, surely they shouldn’t be made to if they don’t want to?

Rufus: Well no, I suppose not…

Narrator: Our little Rufus has a lot to think about it seems. Just because a sophont is having a nice relaxing time doesn’t mean they don’t have any work that they’re doing at other points. Rest is always allowed cuties! Especially when you’re as cute as little Rufus, just look at him all snuggled up there. Oh my core, I can’t take it!

Judge Juni: Oh my vines, not you too!

A call of “Oh! My Core! I can’t stand It!” is heard from a certain melodramatic affini and their pet.

Judge Juni: Oh hush, your pet doesn’t even have a core.

‘I have one in spirit!’ is met with a very stern look from not only Judge Juni but even Stephy before they turn back to Rufus and places her face in both of her hands

Narrator: Quietly My word, Judge Juni has placed her head in both of her hands. This… this is unprecedented! Never before has a conundrum this hard reached her it seems! How will she tackle it?

Judge Juni: Hmmmm…., What do you think work is for Rufus?

Rufus: Confused pup noise

Judge Juni: Is it for enjoyment? Or problem solving? To make someone’s life better?

Rufus: All of the above of course

Judge Juni: And you agree that work should only be done by people who want to do it? That nobody should be forced into it if they don’t want to?

Rufus: Well… assuming there aren’t any issues that absolutely have to be dealt with for people’s safety that require someone to work regardless of their wishes, then yes

Judge Juni: Well we’ve sorted all those issues out, there won’t be any more hunger, homelessness or medical problems unsolved and we’ll always keep you all safe from here-on out. So what’s got you so bothered little one? If people should be able to choose when they want to work, which under the compact they can if it’s not going to hurt them, and those who don’t want to don’t have to…?

Rufus: Well… that would be fine and all. I accept that you at least say you are fine with pets doing work, but you affini keep pushing your pets towards not doing things for themselves! Even brushing their teeth themselves you often take from them.

Woodius Goodius: Only when they can’t do it themselves or they want us to. If a sophont really really wants to brush their own teeth then they can

Pinecone Barkyhome: But sometimes they just need a little push to tell us what they really want.

Rufus: But it happens without them even telling you sometimes! Several people I know just had one of you do it for them without even asking!

Woodius Goodius: Aaaaahhhh, I think I understand where the miscommunication lies now, don’t you Pinecone?

Pinecone Barkyhome: I believe I do Woodius. Tell me Rufus, have you heard of… The Squooshies?

A murmur is heard from every affini in the courtroom

Narrator: Pray tell, are we about to witness here today, in this very courtroom, the telling of the ancient parable of… The Squooshies, as told by our wondrous building duo Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome?! Can they construct a chronicle to convince our contentious cutie that consent is a constant in the care of the compact?

Judge Juni and Stephy grin at each other, the lights are dimmed with only a spotlight on Woodius, Pinecone and Rufus. Rufus is gently raised and held between the two of them as they both bow deeply before putting on the most melodramatic thespian voices and mannerisms anyone could ever wish for. The more theatrically minded florets in the audiences watch gleefully with rapt attention. The pair also make little canes in the manner of an early 20^th century musical out of some twigs.

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome:

To tell this tale, we’ll need your help.

Fret not sweet pup, nay, do not yelp,

For soon you’ll understand and see

How to find consent to go squooshie

Rufus is looking very confused, tilting his head to the side in an, Ahem, ‘definitely not’ pup-like manner. Suddenly a piano intro starts playing!

Narrator: Gently tap it boys! (No hitting people without permission cuties!)

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome:

Tapping their sticks on the floor in a swung 4/4 beat and swinging from side to side as they dance and sing while still holding Rufus, swinging him gently

A little sophont was one day

Walking an affini’s way

Something was amiss you know

And the affini could tell so

So they ask the sophont if they’d like a peach

But from the sophont they hear no speech!

So they ask the sophont if they want xenodrugs for pets

But the sophont said they’d already been to the vets!

Audience:

What do they want? Oh!

What do they need?

For what’s our sophont trying

Desperately to plead?

Rufus: What’s all this about? I’m very confused.

hivvvvey Erythronium: You’ll zzzzee! I promise this will explain thingzzz.

The piano part just keeps a little chord progression going during their brief conversation, almost as if they knew there would be a little interruption!

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome:

They didn’t seem sleepy, no! Not tired in the least.

They seemed all fed and watered and their clothes? Not a crease!

Maybe they were restless? No, calm as can be

So the affini took them and put them on their knee

“Now let me see” they said, tapping their chin.

“You aren’t tired, hungry, sleepy or trapped in a bin,

But something’s wrong, affini can tell you know

So until we figure it out I can’t let you go”

Audience:

What do they want? Oh!

What do they need?

What secret special longing

Can this affini read?

Rufus: Wait, they said they can’t leave? That doesn’t seem right...

Hedera Erythronium: Ah but they haven’t solved the problem yet have they? They’ll get there though, if the sophont trusts the affini!

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome:

Oh!

Well they asked them this and then they asked them that

But couldn’t get the sophont to confess through a chat.

Determined they were not to say any more

The sophont couldn’t speak and questions were now a chore

Well any other species would be stumped you see

But thankfully this sophont was a cleverffini!

So they got up close to their pet to be

And gave them such a gentle tiny little squooshie

Rufus is very gently squished and lets out a little puppy-like yelp

Audience:

What do they want? Oh!

What do they need?

Is it a lack of squoosh from which

they need to be freed?

Big dramatic glissando on the piano as Woodius and Pinecone continue!

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!

They did a little giggle and it all came out!

No more was the sadness, nay! No need to pout!

The affini just knew, yes! They could see

That the silly pet just needed a gigantic squooshie!

So they squooshed them in the forest and they squooshed them in the town

And they squooshed them while they spinny-spinned around and around

The tiny little pet was so cute as they would squee

So happy was the pet and their clever affini!

So the moral of this tale is a simple one friends

Affini know what cuties need to help them all mend

Even if you don’t know what it is that you want

The Affini will help every single cute sophont!

Everyone, like, the whole courtroom excluding a slightly dumbfounded Rufus:

Even if you don’t know what it is that you want

The Affini will help every single cute sophont!

Woodius Goodius and Pinecone Barkyhome:

Yeah!!!

They both do big jazz hands as they grin at Rufus before breaking into giggles.

Lots and lots of cheering in the courtroom but not too loudly so as not to disturb the sophonts who can’t handle loud noises :::) Even Rufus is chuckling a bit

Woodius Goodius: So you see little pup, over many many millennia we affini have evolved a natural instinct for these things

Pinecone Barkyhome: We can always tell something is wrong and, given enough time, we can figure out what it is and always do our very best to fix the problem for the sophont, be they independent or pet.

Rufus: I… surely you can’t always tell

Hedera Erythronium: We very much can dear, it’s part of our biology. Your biorhythms and so many other things that are inscrutable to you are laid plain to us through instinct alone before we even get onto our superior technology and bureaucratic prowess.

Judge Juni: Which is why we could tell you liked being treated like a puppy, even if you were denying it to yourself.

Rufus: N-N-Now wait a minute, I don’t like that. Really!

Woodius: So if we were to do this…

The pair of them get in really close to each ear and gently pet his head

Woodius and Pinecone: Good puppy

Narrator: And that is the most puppy-like whimper I have heard thus far in this courtroom! And now he has hidden away again, poor precious puppy. Can Rufus continue to deny what is obvious to all in the room, or will he be able to confront his fears about being utterly adorable! Can Judge Juni help him out?

Judge Juni: Rufus, sweet little one. You’ve seen that it is still perfectly possible for sophonts to work in the compact if they wish to. You’ve also seen that we are very much able to see what little ones like you need and want in order to be your best selves, happy and fulfilled. So, there is a little test I’d like to do. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I will not force you to be as uncomfortable as I unfortunately did earlier. However I would like you to try it. This here… is the seed tickler.

Quiet Dun Dun Duuuuuuun! And a dramatic but quiet gasp from the audience as Judge Juni brings a strange bulb with lots of vines sprouting out of it from inside herself

Judge Juni: Yes yes, that’s enough of that now. Rufus, this device scans brain patterns and detects if sophonts are not being honest about what they want. All I want you to do is answer some very simple questions as honestly as you can. If you’re right and you don’t want these things in truth and we’re being too pushy then nothing will happen and you’ll be allowed to go, albeit with us keeping a close eye on you for the foreseeable future. But, if you don’t tell the truth… then it will tickle you! Now, I think that I speak for all of us when I say we want to help you figure out a better path than the one you’re on right now, and this might just help do that with a little bit of fun on the side. What do you say? Will you trust us, just this once?

Rufus: I…. sigh… Alright. Fine. Let’s do this.

Woodius and Pinecone: We’re here for you, you’re safe, no matter what happens, alright?

Rufus:….. thank you.

Narrator: The seed tickler is placed on our little hopefully soon to be former feralist’s lap and Judge Juni is ready. Let’s play, who wants to be a good pup!

Old terran game show music from some program about becoming a millionaire plays. It’s all very dramatic and the narrator is very pleased about this! :::D

Judge Juni: Hands steepled together

Question one, do you understand that pets will live happy lives, even if they didn’t initially choose domestication, due to affini naturally understanding what sophonts need?

Rufus: I… usually yes. I am still worried about some scenarios but generally I understand why you domesticate people for most involuntary cases and I can see you are all genuine in what you say, even if we disagree on certain points.

No movement is seen from the seed tickler

Judge Juni: Well that is fine, you can go ask them if you’re worried yes? I’m sure they’d be happy to help you, all you have to do is let them. Nobody will judge you for that.

Rufus: A-Alright, I’ll try

Judge Juni: Good boy. Question 2! Do you think you could be happy if someone structured your life so that you can still work but also get the care you need so you don’t overwork yourself either?

Rufus: I would rather just do the work myselfaaaaaaaa! No!

The seed ticker is gently poking Rufus’ sides and glowing a non-threatening but somehow doubtful red at his mistruths.

Narrator: Aha! Our little Rufus is hiding something, what can it be? Have a guess with your owners at home cuties!

Rufus: Alright, alright. I might… allow it should the work be something I enjoy. Although I still want to be able to choose what I do preferably, both in work and play. I don’t just want to be assigned something.

The seed tickler stops glowing and tickling

Judge Juni: That’s better. Now, question 3…. do you enjoy being called puppy?

Rufus: No I do notaaaaaAAAAAjgukdhifuaW dhkufahdshkfhasdjgnooooooooeeee!!!!

Judge Juni: All you need to be is honest with us Rufus, it doesn’t mean you’ve made a decision on anything

Rufus: Alright alright EEEEP! I like it! And I liked being pet and hugged as well, you happy?

Woodius and Pinecone: Yes!!!!!

Narrator: Oh stars, this is too cute! Woodius and Pinecone have squooshied little Rufus. Just listen to that little squeak! OH MY CORE!!!!

Extremely loud sighing from Judge Juni as the whole courtroom joins in on OH MY CORE!!!!

Judge Juni: That’s all the questions I have sweetheart. Thank you for eventually being honest with us. Now I know you’re not violent, but I want you to reflect on what has happened here today alright? Be honest with yourself and let yourself have the nice things you want.

Woodius Goodius: I’m sorry to interrupt Judge Juni

Pinecone Barkyhome: But we would also like to ask a question

Narrator: What’s this? The illustrious Woodius and Pinecone have a question? A Query? An Inquesting Inquisition? What could it possibly be?

Judge Juni: By all means. Though make it just the one. Rufus has been through a lot today

Both: Of course, we won’t take long Your Gladiolus

Woodius Goodius: Rufus, look. You’re clearly hiding some things from a lot of people.

Pinecone Barkyhome: And we understand. It’s scary! People are still learning not to be nasty and judgy

Woodius Goodius: In the bad way, unlike our lovely Judge Juni

A raised eyebrow is lowered again, for now…..

Pinecone Barkyhome: We like you. You make adorable little noises and you clearly aren’t afraid of hard work

Woodius Goodius: And you are very cute

Judge Juni waves her hand and Stephy goes back to zer desk with hivvvvey in tow and gets a lot of crayons and stickers from a drawer for an important certificate

so we want to make you an offer.

Pinecone Barkyhome: A very special offer, one we’ve never done before!

Rufus: O-OK, what… what exactly is this offer?

Both: We officially offer you the position of Pupprentice Builder!

Rufus: Pup...Pupprentice?

Pinecone Barkyhome: We want you to come and work with us on our building projects! We’ve seen your employment records and you’re clearly a very capable sophont.

Woodius Goodius: And you’re very cute, so!

Pinecone Barkyhome: Didn’t you already say that?

Woodius Goodius: Yes but he’s so cute I just had to say it again!

The pair of them break out into giggles and squee, spinning around while still keeping Rufus in place

Judge Juni: Stern but with no bite to it and a little smirk

Focus please you two

Both: Aye Aye!

Pinecone Barkyhome: So!

Woodius Goodius: Rufus

Pinecone Barkyhome: The cutest of pups

Both: We formally request that you consider becoming the most squooshied pupprentice in the entirety of the compact.

Woodius Goodius: You don’t have to decide now

Pinecone Barkyhome: But before you go, would you give your feelings about it while we squooshy you?

Narrator: A pupprentice for the illustrious builders? Never before have they filled such a role! Little Rufus has been offered a much sought after position, but what does he think about it? The atmosphere is hushed, you could hear the tiniest floret sneeze!

Judge Juni: It’ll be hushed when you hush!

Narrator: Stage whispered. Sorry!

The building duo gently squooshy the tiny pup as he deliberates over what to say

Rufus: I… can I…. can I choose what parts to help you with?

Both: Of course!

Rufus: Can I still be allowed to properly discuss any decisions going forward?

Both: For as long as you behave we will always make sure we talk to you whenever decisions are to be made

Rufus: Can… C…. Can I……….. CanIgetlotsofsquooshies?

Both: Our pupprentice will have as many squooshies as they could possibly desire <3

Woodius Goodius: It’s officially part of the contract you know

Pinecone Barkyhome: You’re so cute that it’s a very necessary requirement, and as we both know

Both: The best homes are made with love!

Narrator: Rufus has… oh my word! That’s the fiercest hug I’ve seen in a long time. Such passion, such fervour, has Rufus truly chosen to become a pupprentice? To be the cherished trainee of the boisterous building duo?!

Rufus: Clears Throat Alright, I’ll come work with you two. You’ve listened closer than most today and clearly care very much.

Rufus sticks out his arm to shake their hands

Woodius Goodius: Ah yes, Terrans usually shake hands don’t they

Pinecone Barkyhome: But this is an affini contract so it has to be

Both: Sealed with a loving Squooshie!

Rufus: O-O-OK?

Woodius Goodius: Well, I suppose technically it doesn’t haaaaave to be done that way

Pinecone Barkyhome: But wouldn’t you like a squooshie anyway?

The pair look at him with expectant grins

Rufus: …...you can tell I want one can’t you?

Both: Yep!

Rufus: Very needy pup-like bark as he is swept into a big squooshie, barking before melting into their vines

Judge Juni: Stephy my talented little delight, is it ready?

Stephy Gladiolus: It is now Mistress!!!

Stephy rushes out from behind the desk with a large piece of embossed card

Judge Juni: Oh just look at that, absolutely perfect. Such a wonderful assistant I have, so very clever. Many happy Stephy noises and a lot of headpats :::) . Now then, for being so exceptionally brave today, despite etiquette in this courtroom today not always being up to the high standards I expect of everyone, myself included. For discussing difficult topics in a very calm and reasonable manner. For accepting critique and resolving to take offers made to you in an effort to move forward, and for being just adorable, I present to you now Rufus, this certificate of personal development. May you leave here now with your head held high, a purpose in your step, and a willingness to talk to others so you may truly understand their situation and be able to help them all the better in the future.

Quiet clapping and a few little cheers

Rufus: I-I’ll try Judge Juni. I’m always kinda nervous talking to new people

Judge Juni: I have no doubt Woodius and Pinecone will help you with that. You’ll meet lots of new people working on the job and you’ll need to understand what they want so you can help them the best you can

Woodius Goodius: Whispering Don’t worry, we’ll handle the talking until you’re comfortable. You just look cute until then

Rufus: Whispering Thank you!

Judge Juni: Oh but wait, what’s this? The name is slightly to the side on the certificate. Stephy, what happened there?

Stephy Gladiolus: That’s where the surnames usually go on the template I have but Rufus doesn’t have one

Rufus: It’s OK. I wouldn’t want my old surname on there anyway. I didn’t want to be associated with those people any more… don’t worry Stephy

Pinecone Barkyhome: If I might, I have an idea. It might be a little forward I admit but…

Pinecone turns to Rufus, gently taking one of his hands and getting down on one viney knee

Rufus, usually florets are given the name of their owners. Outside of that it is not particularly common for an affini to share their name with another but… in this case I’d like to give you mine as a gesture of hope. Hope that you’ll trust us as we are choosing to trust you so that we can help you grow each day, until you are your very best self.

Woodius Goodius: Rufus…

Woodius turns to Rufus, gently taking his other hand and also getting down on one viney knee

We may not be taking you as a pet, although should you want to discuss that later on then we are of course open to discussing it; there’s no pressure either way, but… I would like to offer you my name as well. I want it to serve as a reminder that you are very brave in trying to stand up to so many meanie affini. You thought that there were lots of really bad things happening and yet you still tried to give us all what for, despite what you thought we could do to you. I want you to hang onto that braveness and use it to talk to other people and learn from them. We’ll both be there to help you, I promise.

Rufus: I...I… you’d really do that?

Two tears form in Rufus’ eyes, falling down his face as he sniffs, causing both the affini to gently catch them and pet him again

Both: We would.

Rufus: What would taking both of your names even look like?

Both: Official Pupprentice Rufus GoodBark

Rufus: Chortles. It sounds a little silly but… you both are a little silly, a-and… that’s OK. I… thank you both. I’ll…. I’ll take it.

Rufus starts crying as he’s gently squished between the proud pair of affini. Once he’s calmed down a little Stephy returns, newly amended certificate in hand with his new surname.

Rufus: I suppose it kinda works if you’re going to keep referring to me as a pup as well.

Woodius Goodius: Oh yes! So it does!

Pinecone Barkyhome: Well if that isn’t providence talking then I don’t know what is. Come on my little pupprentice. If you’re going to work for us then we need to get you fed properly. It takes lots of effort moving all those things about! Anything else we need to do Judge Juni?

Judge Juni: No, I am satisfied that justice has been served today. Rufus, you are free to go. Look after this little one you two, and I want updates as to how they’re getting on.

Rufus: Gulp, updates?

Woodius Goodius: Whispers She wants cute pictures of you hard at work!

Narrator: Aaaaand that is the shade of blushing we hope for on Judge Juni. It’s been an emotional roller-coaster here today but once again our favourite magnanimous Judge has managed to help our little cutie reach the outcome that is best for them, with a little help from all her friends and a certain narrator! We’ll see you all soon, possibly on a different channel, the next time we come to the courtroom of Judge Juni! :::D

Judge Juni: Don’t think I didn’t see you sneak emoji’s into the script this time!

Narrator: Eeeeeep! :::O