"...two, one, wide awake and refreshed."

Jenn blinks into the overhead light, now dimmed to an everyday brightness. She sits bolt upright and gets a tension headache for her trouble.

"Whoa there." Doctor Meade appears at her side, one hand on her arm. "Not too fast, give yourself a moment to readjust. You're alright."

"Yes, thank you doctor," she says, swinging her legs forward so he's forced to scoot his chair back. With how far he scoots, Meade must have been sitting close while she was under. Jenn's skin crawls. She checks the clock over the door and takes a dramatic gasp. "Oh no, is it that late already?"

Meade follows her gaze to the clock and frowns. "That's our usual end time--"

"No, I have a meeting for work in ten minutes!" She grabs her purse from the floor and rolls to her feet. "I'm so sorry to dash like this doctor, I'll come back tomorrow for the bill."

"Are you sure? You need time to properly acclimate--"

She's already pulling the door open and halfway through it. "I'll make another appointment soon, thank you again!"

Jenn walks past reception at a quick clip, then breaks into a jog once she clears the building entrance. Her legs carry her faster, faster, until she's digging through her purse, pulling out her car keys, dropping them from her shaking hands, then scrabbling for them on the asphalt and jabbing the unlock button on the fob. She slings her purse into the passenger's seat, throws herself inside, slams the door and immediately locks it behind her.

She's fine. She made it out, Meade didn't know anything, she's fine

She doesn't remember the session

She's alright. Jenn grips the steering wheel with two white knuckled hands and hunches forward to press her face against it. The leather is warm from the sun. She forces her breath to slow, forces her lungs to take in more than the minimum of air. She really didn't know if she'd make it back out, but she did, she DID and it's safe now. Shes safe now.

When she feels somewhat human again, she pulls her bag into her lap and rummages through it. Her phone is still in the back pocket. It's still recording. 

Jenn lets out an explosive sob. It's here, she's here, she's safe and she's finally going to have answers. The recording is the length of the session, a full hour and fifteen minutes. Finally, finally she'll know.

She unclenched her shoulders and let's her arms relax, hitting the stop button on her recording app and placing the phone on her dashboard. Breathe in, breathe out. Its all here.

It would be smart to wait until she gets home before listening, but the love of Jenn's life is in a coma the doctors say may be permanent. Jenn's been losing sleep, losing focus, and feels like she's losing her mind. She needs to KNOW.

She hits play.

"Hello Jenn, come sit." Meade says, exactly as he's said at the beginning of every session. Jenn listens to them talk, hears herself give the cover story she'd desperately planned last night, hears Meade make reassuring sounds and comforting noises. The whole thing is less than 5 minutes before he asks her to lay down and look at the lights.

She scrubs ahead in pieces, making the recording skip over snippets of Meade's induction. "Focus your eyes on--" "--sinking deeper down--" "--no need to worry about--" 

Finally she finds the end, where his voice has gone deep and measured. "...one, all the way down in this easy, familiar place. The place you want to go whenever you come see me."

"And now you remember," he continues, "That you want to be here. This is a safe place. You are safe here, listening to my voice. And since you're listening to my voice, you don't need to worry about what your voice is saying. You are going to speak freely."

"Speak freely," Jenn hears herself say.

"Good. Now, speaking freely, tell me why you came to see me today."

"I wanted to know if you made me give Sam sesame oil."

"And how were you going to find this information?"

"I'm recording you." She feels the color drain from her face as her recorded voice continues. "On my phone."

"Good, Jenn. You're doing very well. You're a very good subject."

The world suddenly slides out of focus. Everything outside the car is irrelevant. Jenn’s quiet hands settle in her lap as all the tension in her body sighs out of her mouth.

“That’s right, a very good subject,” the doctor says again. Jenn closes her eyes and her head tips forward against her chest. “Think only of the lights, hear only my voice. All your thoughts become quiet and fade, and that feels good. Sink deeper, deeper down. And now you remember that you want to be here. This is a safe place. You are safe here, listening to my voice.”

Jenn listens. She can feel herself listening intently, yet at the same time she knows she doesn’t need to pay attention. Doctor Meade will make sure she gets the information she needs. She hears some noises on the recording that simply don’t feel important right now.

“Now,” says Doctor Meade. His voice comes in clearly now, it must be because she’s paying attention. “Remember that you are speaking freely, and since you are speaking freely, you can be honest. You will tell the truth. Repeat.”

“I will tell the truth,” Jenn says. She distantly hears herself say the same thing on the recording.

“Everything you say is true.”

“Everything I say is true.”

“The words you say are the truth.”

“The words I say are the truth.”

“Very good. In a moment, you will repeat those statements. Since the words you say are the truth, these words will sink deeply into your mind. As they are sinking deeply into your mind, they will be the only thing you hear and the only thing you focus on until I speak to you again. Begin repeating now.”

“I will tell the truth,” Jenn says. She hears Doctor Meade talking, but the words slide off her awareness. She is meant to repeat his instructions, which are true because she is repeating them. He will tell her what she needs to know anything else. “Everything I say is true. The words I say are the truth. I will tell the truth…”

She doesn’t know how much time passes or how many times she repeats the statements. At some point they stop being words and are simply a true concept, like her name. She tells the truth. The words she says are the truth.

“Stop repeating.”

Jenn stops. She can hear someone quietly saying something, over and over and far away.

“Good, Jenn, good,” Doctor Meade says. “Now, the words you say are the truth. And you are listening to my voice, focusing on my voice with all of your thoughts quiet, all your thoughts faded away. You have no thoughts and it feels good to have no thoughts.”

He is right. She has no thoughts and that feels good.

“But what if you need to think about something? You could try to think, but you have no thoughts and it feels good to have no thoughts. And you don’t want to have thoughts because then you would stop feeling good, and you don’t want that.”

She frowns. She tries to grapple with the concept of having to think, but her empty head only registers the discomfort of having thoughts. She doesn’t want them.

“So since you are listening to my voice, focusing on my voice and have no thoughts, I am going to help you. And you would like that, wouldn’t you?”

Jenn sighs in relief. Of course Doctor Meade is going to help her. He is the one who took her thoughts away and made her feel good. He is going to help her.

“As you continue listening to my voice, focusing on my voice and having no thoughts, I will solve this problem for you. I will tell you what to think. It will be easy, since you’re already so focused on my voice. You will simply think the thoughts I tell you, because those are not your thoughts, they are what I tell you. You can continue to have no thoughts and feel good.”

She nods to herself.

“And this way, since you will be thinking what I tell you, I can make sure to keep any of your thoughts from getting in. Because having your own thoughts would keep you from feeling good, but thinking what I tell you lets you keep feeling good. Thinking what I tell you feels good. And you want that so, so much.”

“I want that,” Jenn says quietly. In the background she hears the drone of the words I say are the truth.

“Thinking what I tell you feels good. I will put this thought in your head to make sure you can keep feeling good. Ask me to put this thought in your head.”

“Please put this thought in my head,” Jenn whines.

“Good, very good. In that case, repeat: thinking what I tell you feels good.”

“Thinking what you tell me feels good,” Jenn repeats.

“And since the words you say are the truth, you know that this is also true. You feel it sinking deep into your mind. Repeat: you do not want to have your own thoughts.”

“I do not want to have my own thoughts.”

“Repeat: you only want to think what I tell you.”

“I only want to think what you tell me.”

“Repeat: you only think what I tell you.”

“I only think what you tell me.”

“Good, very good. I will now give you more thoughts, and since you have no thoughts of your own and only think what I tell you, they will become instantly true as though you said them out loud. Whenever you think the thoughts I give you, they become true. Repeat that.”

“Whenever I think the thoughts you give me, they become true.”

“Here is your next thought: your hand thinks what I tell it. Your hand is going to rise up into the air, because I told it to.”

Her hand floats slowly up into the air. Of course it does. It thinks what Doctor Meade tells it to think, just like she does.

“Good, Jenn. Now your hand is going to sit flat on your waist and slide into your pants.”

It does as Doctor Meade says. It rests low against her belly, just inside her jeans.

“Your hand is going to masturbate you in ways that you like, and ways that feel so good, and when it does you will not be surprised because your hand does as I say. You won’t be surprised because I am telling you that you will not be surprised, and you think what I tell you to think.”

Everthing happens as Doctor Meade says. Her hands pushes her underwear to one side and dips between the folds of her labia, pushing just inside of her then trailing upwards along her body. She isn’t surprised.

“Now, I am going to tell you what is happening: you do as I tell you, and it feels good to have no thoughts and think what I tell you to think. You are feeling pleasure not because your hand is masturbating you, but because you have no thoughts and are thinking what I tell you to think.”

Jenn’s breath hitches. Her hand is rubbing firm, insistent circles into her clit.

“Repeat: thinking as I tell you is pleasure.”

“Thinking as you tell me is pleasure,” Jenn moans.

“Each time you repeat, what you say becomes true. Each time I give you a thought, that thought becomes true. Each time something becomes true, you feel more pleasure. Repeat: doing as I tell you is pleasure.”

“Doing as you tell me is pleasure.”

“You are aroused. You are very turned on because you are doing as I say, thinking as I say. Repeat: following my instructions is pleasure.”

“Following your instructions is pleasure,” Jenn whines.

“You feel so much pleasure that you are approaching orgasm,” Doctor Meade says firmly, “You feel so turned on and so close because you are doing as I instruct. Repeat: following my commands is pleasure.”

“Following your commands is pleasure!”

“You’re so close now, you’re almost there but you can’t reach it yet. You can’t because I have not given you the thought to come. I have not given you the command to come. Repeat: obeying my commands is pleasure.”

“Obeying your commands is pleasure,” Jenn agrees breathlessly, her hips thrusting forward onto her own hand. The pleasure is from Doctor Meade’s commands, and her hand still has to obey him.

“This is your final thought, Jenn. I will give it to you, and you will repeat it. From now on each time you repeat this thought, it will become true because you are saying it. Each time you think it, it will become true because you think as I tell you. This will become the core thought you have and the truth you live by. Are you ready?”

“Yes!” Jenn cries.

“Good, Jenn. You are ready. Repeat: you have no thoughts, you think only what I tell you. You obey my commands.”

“I have no thoughts,” Jenn whimpers, fucking herself quick and hard. She wants to use both hands, but wasn’t told to which makes it impossible. “I only think what you tell me! I, I obey your commands!”

She comes, crying out as the orgasm slams home. It shudders through her whole body, making her clench around her fingers as the pleasure of obeying Doctor Meade’s command pushes her over the edge. Jenn continues to repeat her final thought, over and over as she rides out the orgasm and slumps in her seat until she is mindlessly fingering herself, not yet commanded to stop.

She distantly hears Doctor Meade’s voice over her own murmuring.

“Good Jenn, very good. You will continue to repeat your final thought, because it is the truth and you obey me. You will message me each night before you go to sleep letting me know you are about to listen to this recording, and then you will listen to it. Once this file ends, you will continue to repeat your final thought and masturbate yourself to another orgasm, after which you will drift to sleep. You will forget this file exists and if you see it on your phone, it will not seem strange to you. You will not consciously remember your final thought, but you will unconsciously think it to yourself at all times. You have no thoughts, you think only what I tell you, you obey my commands.”

“I have no thoughts,” Jenn repeats quietly, “I think only what you tell me. I obey your commands. I have no thoughts…”

Jenn digs her fingers into the side of her neck, trying to massage away the soreness of falling asleep in her car as she pulls into her driveway. It doesn’t work, but hopefully she can sleep it off.

As she gets undressed and begins to brush her teeth, she finds herself typing a quick message out to her therapist. Going to listen to the file now.

Good, Jenn, he replies.

As she lays down, Jenn scrolls through her phone for a moment, looking for a song she’d heard on the radio on the way home. As she does, a nameless file catches her eye. Without thinking about it, she presses play.