I live inside the spiral… Looking for dots…

​It’s the only thing that calms me. Relaxes me… I don’t care what position I’m in, as long as I can watch the screen. And even if I can’t see it, I just have to close my eyes and there it is. Right behind my eyelids. Slowly spinning… Pulling me in… Captivating me…

 

Giving me a delicious state of mind where time means nothing.

Relaxed… Satisfied… Perfect…

Of course, my whole life isn’t spent staring at the screen.

When the screen fades away and my mind registers the void in front of me. I know I have a task I must accomplish before the spiral can return to me. In the beginning, it worried me… Stressed me… The sudden lack of peace… The real world rushing into my mind… But it doesn’t anymore. I learned pretty quickly that I only had to be patient. I always know exactly what I must do. I just have to wait for a few moments for my mind to tell me.

Most spiral breaks are for eating healthy things. It’s very important. I must stay healthy. I must. I always smile when I realize it is time to eat because I feel all hazy. I feel the calm return to my mind… Quieting my idle thoughts… Nothing close to what I feel as I watch my spiral… But enough to keep me in a delicious daze. I don't need my mind to be able to take care of my body so I sink back in the fog and relax.

I let my body carry me to the kitchen so I can cook myself a good meal. I’m happy because time goes by fast when I feel that sort of haze. As if the spiral is still with me… Once I’m done eating and cleaning my mess, I make sure to put all the left overs neatly in the fridge before I make my way back inside the spiral.

I have many such tasks.

Sometimes my mind informs me that it is time for training. I’m still somewhat hazy when I realize I need to train, but it’s not as fun. I know I must train so I can stay healthy and fit. It’s very important I stay fit and beautiful. My body must always be alluring and healthy. It must… So I go down to the basement and train until my mind tells me I’m done. A quick shower later and I’m back in front of my spiral.

Every once in a while, the spiral fades away and tells me I need to do my duties. I don’t like to do them, but at least I feel all hazy fog stays with me. Time means nothing… The only amount  of time I care about is the time remaining before I can go back in front of the screen.

I have many menial tasks I need to do: vacuuming… Laundry… Cleaning every room…

I don’t mind doing them because it is completely normal and polite to help out around the house. Especially if you live there. I must pitch in and clean as much as I can. I must…

But the breaks I like most are when the spiral wakes up my mind. As I watch the dark screen, I smile as I feel myself come alive. It is the only time my mind really wakes up from the calm relaxation I crave inside the spiral. I know exactly what I need to do. Of course, it always varies and I’m always excited to find out what is required of me. Somehow I always know and I don’t care how I know.

I immediately understand that my talents are required. Sometimes I don’t have to look for him, he is there next to me, waiting… Other times I need to find him somewhere in the house. After I’ve found him, I know what I must do first, but I never know how it will end. Some times he simple needs to use my mouth. And I always know exactly what he likes. A face fuck… A slow blowjob… Regardless of what it is, my mouth waters as I start.

My mind comes alive with pleasure… Simple intense pleasure… A pleasure I only find in service… Another sort of haze erodes my mind… Keeping me on the edge of real pleasure… Real release…

Some times he wants more and we end up fucking, but I don’t care either way. I feel just as much pleasure sucking his wonderful cock as I do when he drives it inside me. The pleasure isn’t physical… It comes from knowing how useful I am as his Fuck Doll. The pleasure of service…

If I'm honest, I love the times I'm only required for a quick blowjob because it means I get to go back inside the spiral...

Other times, I understand that it isn’t my mouth he wants. My mind tells me to I either lie down… Get on all fours… Sit in his lap… I always know how to start… And I’m always wet and ready for him. But other times, it’s not my pussy he wants. That part I don’t know until he pushes inside me. I don’t care either way. I feel just as much pleasure from both, but I know he feels the difference. I love that he does… I love that I can be so useful as his Fuck Doll. Feeling him so hard inside me is pleasure enough.

The pleasure of service is enough.

There are some fun surprises. Sometimes I know I must join him in the shower. I love it when I can be so extra useful while I wash him tenderly. It’s important I take care of him. It’s important I be useful. He doesn’t always want to use me for his pleasure though and that’s also fine. I’m just as happy simply washing him as I am making him cum with my soapy tits.

I know I am his Fuck Doll and a Fuck Doll must be used. I feel so alive when he uses me…

Once he is done, I wait to see if he requires somethings else before I’m free to go back to my spiral. As much as I love it when my mind comes alive for such fun activities, I love my spiral more. Nothing is as pleasurable to me as my spiral. I can’t wait to get back to it.

Because sometimes… I feel extra good… So very EXTRA good…

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t care what position I’m in when I watch my screen. I can be lying down… Kneeling… On all fours… I don’t mind or care. Some times though… My spiral time makes me feel much more than relaxed and peaceful. I feel a… pleasure… A heat… Almost like I feel when my mind is alive with pleasure as he uses me, but… It feels so much more powerful… Like an intense orgasm that just lasts and lasts… But it isn’t quite the same. I never know what he does with me, but I can usually deduce what happened.

Sometimes the spiral fades and I find myself on all fours. I’ve come to understand that it means he has been using my rear end while I’m inside the spiral. I cup my crotch and smile as I feel his seed slowly seeping out of me. Pussy… Ass… Regardless… I’ve felt the same pleasure… The same intense concentration… It’s hard to explain, but it sends me even deeper inside the spiral… To a place where intense pleasure and peaceful relaxation are one and the same…

To a place my mind yearns to reach every day…

I live in mindless bliss until I’m required to do a task. I wake up to do it and then return to my bliss… My screen… My Spiral…

How did my life evolve into this? I think I remember some of it… But then again, I don’t care how. Just that it did.

I live inside the spiral… Looking for dots…

​And I don’t want anything else.

---

A few months ago... Or was it a few weeks?

​I’m a party girl and I have no qualms admitting it. I can also humbly say that my looks always made sure I had plenty of boys around to pay for drinks, invite me to parties, give me gifts… My college years were exciting and wild. But now that college was over, I had to find myself a real job. I admit that I should have paid more attention to the actual class material instead of relying on my looks to get a passing grade, but I always believed that it was best to move forward than to dwell on the past.

Lucky for me, there was always some nerd I could exploit to help me out if I was willing to show him, or her, enough attention. So what if I showed them some skin in exchange for a passing grade? Heck… I even got help from a few dirty minded professors. You could say I was a slut, but I prefer to think of myself as sexually open minded. I just love to explore and experiment.

That’s how I viewed my little encounters with the bright recluse people that helped me. I didn’t see it as fucking a lower class person, no… Instead, I got excited at the idea that to them, I was probably making their wildest dreams a reality.

That desire to experiment is what pushed me to start applying for ads calling for research subjects. It wasn’t my only source of revenue of course, I did get a lot of party gigs as eye candy for a few bars in town. As well as a few energy drinks events and so forth. But… With my life style, I always needed more and more money! College boys are easy to coax and seduce out of their money while mature men, while still willing to treat a good looking girl, are harder to manipulate.

And as much as I knew I could probably find myself a sugar daddy to seduce, I still clung to my freedom. For a few years anyway…

Lucky for me, I had made a lot of nerdy friends that became involved in different laboratories or even became professors at the university. I could always count on them to find me some low level research to join. Nothing too intense mind you. I wasn’t keen on testing out weird medical drugs that would mess with my healthy body.

All in all, I could still party as much as I wanted.

And then Eric contacted me with an easy research gig that paid a lot of money. I mean… A lot! Eric was a science major in… I couldn’t recall… Something to do with frequencies or… Images? I didn’t really remember. He wasn’t that recluse and could even be qualified as good looking. The only thing that categorized him as a nerd was how anti-social he was.

That… And the fact that he couldn’t groom himself to save his life. He had no fashion sense at all! I liked him. He had always been very nice with me. I liked him a lot. I even offered him a treat or 2, but he was a gentleman and always declined. I was a little disappointed because I figured he would probably be a good fuck, but if he didn’t want to, who was I to push things?

When he contacted me with the offer, I wasn’t too sure though. Eric was nice and trustworthy, but I had told myself that I wanted to stay away from any study that involved new drugs. And according to his e-mail, the study included a drug in the testing protocols.

But I owed it to Eric to at least hear him out so we went for coffee to talk it over.

“I’m telling you Trish…” he said. “The compound has already been tested. It was developed as an alternative to some of the more intense anxiety meds.”

I sipped my tea and looked around the coffee shop. I still wasn’t sure. The study sounded so ludicrous!

“Not that I’m accepting your offer or anything… But tell me again what I would have to do?”

He smiled and leaned forward.

“I’m aiming to study the effects of the compound combined with other stimuli.”

“Right… Which means…” I said with I soft smiled.

He knew I didn’t understand any of the medical or scientific jargon. He basically had to fake my homework on multiple occasions.

“It means that I want to test what different doses do and interact while you apply your mind to solving puzzles.”

“Puzzles… Right…” I said. “I feel like this is going to be a lot of work.”

“But the pay is better than any study you might find out there.” He countered with a smile.

“That’s certainly true… How did you manage to get funding like that?”

“Oh…” he said looking down at his coffee mug. “I kind of lied…”

“Really?” I said leaning in. “How naughty of you…”

“I told them that I wanted 10 subjects and they accepted. In truth… I only want 2 or three… When I was building my study, I immediately thought of you and I figured you could use the money.”

So sweet of him… I realized then that I had left a rather strong impression with him. He had never wanted my more erotic attentions, but he was still a man. I smiled as I realized that he had probably fantasized about me.

“That’s incredibly sweet of you!” I said as I placed my hand on his. “I don’t know if I should be honored or insulted though… You know… That you would think I needed financial help and all.”

“What? No! I mean! You should feel honored! I would never assume… I mean to say that I don’t think you were in the streets or anything… I mean…”

“Sssshhhh…” I said as I rubbed his hand with my thumb. “Don’t worry I’m not insulted at all. Just teasing.”

I saw him sighed in relief and I had to hold back a laugh. I always marveled at how flustered and embarrassed nerds got around me. Other girls would get annoyed, but not me. I found it fascinating.

“I can see you went to a bit of trouble to be able to offer this to me. So… I’ll jump in and participate in your study. As long as I can be on the low dose ones ok?”

His smile could have lit up a whole city bloc. That was the other thing I loved to see in my nerdy friends. Making them smile was so easy! Like I was some goddess giving them a precious gift. To me, it was just a smile… Some sexy clothing… A hand job… A blowjob even… To me, it didn’t mean a whole lot, but to them…

It was the culmination of their fantasies.

He gave me the details and schedule for his study and told me to meet him on campus in the research wing. When the day came, I knew he wanted it to be a full 8 hour day so I brought plenty of shakes and health snacks. We met up in his research office, which was a total clutter fest, and he made me sign a bunch of wavers regarding the study and my authorization for the drugs I had to take. A lot of pretty standard stuff I never bothered to read. He started to explain the science behind his study and I admit I didn’t really listen. He smiled when he realized and switched his monologue to explain the basics.

“Ok Trish… What is going to happen is very simple. You will be sitting in a room, completely alone, and I’m going to have you watch a bunch of images. These images will shift every few seconds and your job will be to push the red button when you spot a red dot. And press the blue button when you spot a blue dot. Simple right?”

“This is going to really boring…” I commented.

“But the pay is going to be good! Come on… Being paid all that money just to sit and watch images? Besides… I think you’ll like the images.”

“Why?”
“It’s all going to be tropical destinations! Also some color schemes… I have to test those… But mainly it will be vacation destination and wide open spaces. I know how you love to travel and explore so I thought it would help you a little.”

“Very sweet of you.” I said smiling.

He smiled before he took out a bottle of pills. I could see it was marked with a long case file number. He opened it up and took one of them out.

“Here is your first dose. I want you to take it as you sit down. Once you do, I’ll start the timer and monitor your awareness and progress while you…”

I smiled sweetly at him, which made him realize he was getting into boring details again.

“Right… You don’t care about that stuff! Basically, I’ll be timing your alertness to the dots. The study is to see how the compound affects your response time. So try to stay concentrated and do your best ok?”

“I will as long as we can take a few breaks along the way. 8 hours is a long time!”

“I know… Bare with me until the light in the room turns on ok? At least for the fist set of images.”

“Ok.” I said as I took the pill and followed him in the room next room.

He sat me in a comfortable chair and placed a red remote in my left hand and a blue remote in my right. He then stuck 2 electrodes on my temples and offered me a glass of water. I took the pill and drank deeply.

​He left and a few minutes after, the images started to appear on the big screen in front of me. Dots he said… How big were they even going to be? This study was going to be harder than I thought. The first image was a white sandy beach. God it was so beautiful… It felt like I could almost see the wind move the palm trees… Swaying them… It was fascinating… I looked through the image and finally saw a red dot appear on the white sand.

HA! Easy! I pressed the red button.

The image didn’t change right away. The dot disappeared and the sandy beach slowly faded away and was replaced by a skiing resort. Was that the French Alps? It was sunny and the gleam on the snow looked incredibly inviting. I looked and looked until another red dot appeared on the snow caps to the left.

I pressed the red button.

Again, the red dot disappeared and the image slowly got replaced by an other. After about 5 images, I started to feel a little hazy… No… Not hazy… Just… Lightheaded? No… Calm… Yes… I felt incredibly calm. Peaceful…

It felt pretty good actually. As if my head quieted down to let me concentrate… I smiled as I continued to watch the images, looking for the dots.

Before I knew it, the screen faded to black and Eric came in the room.

“So? How was it?” he said as he removed the electrodes.

“Hmmm…” I said, trying to shake the relaxed feeling from my mind. “It wasn’t half bad really.” I said as I stretched. “Time for the first break I take it?”

“It’s lunch time actually.” He said as he put the wires away.

Lunch? I took out my phone and was astonished! It was already noon!

“I can see you are a little puzzled. It’s one of the side effects of the compound I wanted to test. It does such an incredible job of lowering anxiety that the mind stops noticing little things. One of the reasons for my study is to research those other effects.”

“Other effects?” I asked as I got up and stretched some more.

“Concentration… I’ve found that it actually helps a person concentrate better. As proof of that, your scores today surpass those of people that didn’t take the compound. You managed to keep up the same response times after 4 hours of staring at the screen.”

“That’s amazing.” I said, not fully understanding what he was trying to say, but he looked happy with my results and that made me happy.

After a good sized lunch where we talked about the good old days, he gave me another pill and I sat myself in front of the screen. Like earlier in the day, the vacation scenes came and went as I looked for red and blue dots. Again, after about 5 images, I felt light and calm as the compound worked its magic. I soon realized that Eric was right, this drug did make it a lot easier to concentrate on the images and find the dots…

But he didn’t mention how relaxed it made me feel. Like my body was floating on some soft and fluffy cloud… Far above everything… Nothing seen to reach me here… I was free from any and all distractions as I looked for the dots.

Until the screen faded to black and Eric came back in. We talked about my impressions of the test and I told him how good it made me feel. He said it was normal since it was fore and foremost and anti-anxiety drug. He was extremely pleased with my results. He told me he had never seen such quick responses before. I was a bit of an over achiever he said. He was happy to say I could go to phase 2, which we scheduled a few days later. Phase 2 meant more money and another relaxing session.

As I went home and thought back to the test, I was amazed how zoned out I was. Even as I stayed concentrated and alert. Such a strange state of mind. I smiled as I thought back to how sweet Eric was to have thought of me for this study. Sure he assumed I hadn’t found a proper job yet, but then again… I never gave off the career girl vibe.

Eric… He had matured quite well. He still had no clue how to dress himself, but I could see incredible potential hidden away under his lab coat.

When the day finally came for me to go do my second test, I decided to wear a slightly more revealing outfit. I couldn’t see why he couldn’t get a little extra as he worked. Heck… It was probably why he thought of me for this study. I could picture him watching me as I concentrated on the images. He didn’t have the benefit of the compound after all. He had to sit there and monitor my responses as the slow images faded and changed. HIS job must be so boring!

So I wore a tight tank top and some very short shorts. At least he’ll be able to enjoy my curves a little as he works.

I smiled with hidden satisfaction when I got to his office and noticed his wandering eyes. Good. It meant I had chosen well. I took the pill and sat down. His roaming eyes made me feel all warm inside. Would he get distracted though? Would he zone out as he tried to imagine what lied beneath my clothes?

I pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on the screen. I found myself being excited… I searched and looked for the dots while anticipating the drug to kick in. I remember it feeling so good… I couldn’t wait to feel it again. When it finally did, a wave of pleasure I hadn’t felt the other day washed over me. My body relaxed so deliciously as my mind pushed out all remaining thoughts from my head… The dots… I had to concentrate on the dots…

Like before, I zoned out as my mind explored each image. Blue… Blue… Red… Red… Blue… Red… Red… Blue…

Until it was all black and I took a deep breath. God I felt so rested… Eric came in and we talked about the images and the compound while we ate. He was worried about me, which was very sweet of him. Some time about neural responses and conditions… Or Conditioning? I didn’t follow and assured him that I felt incredible. I was more than willing to continue.

So we did. I took my pill and sat back down. Even if I was relaxed and calm, I felt like I was getting better and better. Faster even… Each dot was so easy to discover and identify.

Eric was really happy with my results and said that phase 2 had 2 sessions to do before it could be conclusive. And further more, they needed to be pretty close together. I almost told him I was more than willing to come the very next day, but he asked me for the day after and it was just as well.

The next day, I found myself looking up vacation destination on my computer. The images didn’t calm me as much, but they felt familiar and good. I couldn’t wait to do another session. That night, I had plenty of dreams about exotic places… About dots… About Eric…

He was such a good guy. So patient… Understanding… Trustworthy…

He never even commented on my outfit! As I stood naked in front of my closet on the day of the study, I had a mischievous thought. I decided to wear mostly the same outfit as the last session, but… I didn’t wear any panties or bra!

That should make him notice my curves a bit more.

The day went by so fast… I saw with glee that his eyes had trouble focusing on the tasks at hand as he admired my very generous tits. Good for him! He didn’t get to enjoy them back in the day, it was only right for me to give him a little extra for all his hard work.

When we sat down and talked about both my sessions, he got really excited and told me I would be the perfect test subject for phase 3. When I asked, he said that it involved a sort of reversal in the images combined with… Protocols? Insertions of directives? I didn’t really understand what he was talking about. Or care for that matter… I only cared that I was good enough to get to phase 3!

And experience the deep relaxation that would surely come with it.

It was scheduled for the week after and I spend the whole time leading up to that day debating what Eric would find more attractive. How I could best put my body on display for him while I enjoyed his test. I felt it was important. I needed to make sure Eric would always want to use me as a test subject. I craved the bliss his test put me in. I had never experienced anything like it.

That weekend, I went out partying to get my mind off Eric and his test. It usually gets me so excited and happy! But my heart wasn’t in it at all and I came back pretty early. I realized that what I really wanted, was to sit back and pop one of his pills as I watched his lovely images.

So I had to dress to impress if I wanted to make sure I could. I knew I couldn’t just tell him how the drug REALLY made me feel. What would he think? Would that disqualify me from his study? No… I just had to make sure that regardless of my results, Eric would be inclined to keep me on. If only to have and excuse to leer at my curves.

I ended up wearing much of the same attire I use when I’m going out at the bar. Not a slutty outfit per say… But…Something sexy that almost always got me a guy to bring back home. I got all warm when I noticed Eric’s eyes look me up and down as I stepped in his little office. Seems I was on the right track!

“You look… stunning…” he commented as I sat down.

“Thank you! I felt like dressing up today. I hope you don’t mind.” I said as I did a little twirl to show off.

“Not at all…” he said before taking a deep breath. “OK! So phase 3 is a little different.”

“I think I remember you mentioning that last time. So what do I have to do now? More dots?”

“Not exactly… The way this session will go is… A little different… To be honest, you are the first one to reach this phase.”

“Really? How awesome am I huh?” I said as I sat down, making sure to push my chest out.

“You are incredibly awesome…” he said as his eyes roamed down. “So… The images won’t be fixed this time.”

“Oh?” I asked, a little disappointed.

“The fact is… The red and blue dots will be plainly visible in the center of the screen.”

“Ok…”

“Your job will be to constantly fix the dots and signal if they switch places, or if they disappear.”

“Disappear? That sound rather easy.”

“It is… But they won’t disappear for long… Some times it will be for a split second. Even the switches will be rather fast. This phase will really test the limits of your concentration. Your job is to press the blue remote if you believed they switched and the red remote if you think they disappeared.”

“Got it.”

“One other thing. As the session goes on, you’ll notice images… colors… Flashes… All on the edges of the screen.”

“Ok… Why?”

“They are designed to distract you. Make you concentrate on them instead of the dots.”

“Oh I see… The first phases were a sort of where’s Waldo. But now… It will test how easily I can get distracted.”

“Wow… Exactly right! Seems you are listening to me even if you don’t care what I’m saying.”

“Hahaha! Seems so! Must be because you explain things so perfectly to me.” I said with a wink.

“Must be…” he said. “Oh and one other thing… You might notice that the dose has been adjusted a little. Nothing to worry, but this stage requires a larger dose. Is that ok with you?”

More relaxed… HHhmmm…

“Not a problem Eric!” I said with a big smile.

With that, we went and set up in the next room. This time he gave me 2 pills, which I swallowed before settling in my seat. I noticed his lingering eyes and it made me feel very good. The screen came on and the dots were large in the screen. Red on the left and blue on the right.

I applied my mind to them and watched. Click… They switched sides for about a second. Easy. I felt the drug kick in not too long after and I felt exhilarated. The wave of calm was nothing like it was before. It was stronger some how… But it didn’t make me drowsy.

Just… Relaxed…

My idle thoughts disappeared as I watched the dots. I knew he was going to try and distract me from my goal so I told myself to only notice the dots. Red and blue… Blue and red… Click… Click… I was vaguely aware of things moving around at the edges of the screen, but I ignored them. Only the dots mattered.

I worried it would be less relaxing than the resort images, but I was so wrong. It was so… Peaceful… This ended up being much better! So simple… Easy… The swirling forms and lights at the edges of the screen didn’t bother me at all. If anything…

They seemed to help.

The motion seemed to turn in such a way that didn’t distract me. No… It helped… It made sure my eyes slipped down to the middle of the screen. Like the screen was pulling my gaze in… Towards the dots… Falling in them… It was so easy to notice when they changed!

And so relaxing…

I was so sad when the session finally finished. We spoke at length about the test and I didn’t dare tell him that the ‘distracting images’ actually made it easier to concentrate on the dots… I didn’t want him to change things up and make it harder for me. I didn’t want to fail and be kicked off the study.

I HAD to stay in the study.

My sadness evaporated as he asked me if I was free for another test the very next day. I tried to hide my emotions as I calmly told him I would be delighted. The next morning, I tried another sexy outfit I hoped would catch his eye. Which it did! His eyes barely looked up in mine as we talked about the test I was about to do.

Something about implantations and deep cognitive… Conditions? Conditioning? I didn’t really listen. I just wanted to start!

He finally showed me to the room and I sat down, popped my pills and stared at the screen.

God I loved this first part… Feeling the compound wash over my mind as the dots shifted on screen. So peaceful… Relaxing…

If I wasn’t so relaxed, I would have smiled when I realized the swirls did an even better job of making me concentrate on the dots. Which was a good thing because the dots were smaller than the day before.

Sadness and excitement followed each other as the test ended and Eric asked if I was willing to come the next day for another test.

I tried to find new outfits to wear that would insure Eric would keep me on the study. It was a sort of routine now. All week I went to his office. Every day… I just couldn’t get enough. The state of mind I reached as I watched his spinning dots while the drug coursed through my vines was addicting.

And then I panicked. Friday came along and I expected him to ask me if I minded doing tests on the week end. But he didn’t… To my horror, he had the worst news I could possibly imagine!

“WHAT?!?” I asked a little too loudly. “What are you saying…”

“I’m saying the study has concluded. You’ve exceeded all my expectations! Your results are simply phenomenal!”

“But…” I asked, suddenly wrestling with my desire to continue the sessions and my desire to keep my addiction to it a secret.

“You’ve been so incredibly good…” he said as he seemed to think about something. “It makes me wonder…”

“What?” I asked, very curious to know what he was thinking about.

“Well… The funding for my study is complete, but I feel like there is more to this research…”

“More?” I asked, suddenly hoping there was more to test I could do. More to experience…

“Yes… Your results are so astonishing that… If you were willing… I would like to explore it further. But then again… I can’t expect you to continue with this without having a pay check to show for it. That would just be wrong.”

Oh god… I wanted to continue so bad…

“I’m…” I said, trying to find a good reason for wanting to continue. “I’m willing to explore it some more if you really think it would benefit your research. We are good friends after all… I’m sure we can think of something…” I said, not really caring about the money.

All I wanted was to watch the spinning dots and relax.

“We could certainly find something… I could probably play around with the budgets… But regardless… I can’t do it here. It would have to be at my place. I can’t do un-sanctioned research on university grounds.”

“I understand completely.” I said with a smile. “And you could do it? At your place I mean?”

“I’d have to rig things up, but yes… I could.”

“Excellent! So… When can we start?” I asked in my perkiest voice.

He laughed and let his eyes roam my curves. I had been right to wear sexy things for him. I was sure it help convince him to continue the study. We talked about logistics, but my mind wasn’t really paying attention.

I was going to be able to feel it again and it was all I really cared about.

I was extremely happy when he said he would be ready as soon as Sunday morning! I was almost giddy when I got home that night. My body and mind felt alive as I realized how warm I felt at the thought of sitting in front of his screen again. I couldn’t wait! Saturday was a long day though… No drug… No swirling dots… So I decided to go shopping. With all the money I earned from the study so far, I could indulge myself!

As I went through the stores, an idea bubbled up in my mind… It would be so bad of me… But then again… He was offering to go through the trouble of doing everything from his home just so we could continue. I felt it was important that I work just as hard to offer him a good view. I just HAD to up my game. I concentrated on buying sexy lingerie… Sluttier outfits…

I had to make sure he would keep me on this extended study. We’d be in his home after all… I could be bold and decide to wear a lot less… That would certainly inspire him to keep doing the sessions.

So when he set me up in a private room in his home, I smiled and undressed down to my underwear. My VERY sexy underwear. With enormous satisfaction, I saw him swallow hard as he noticed my outfit. I sat down and he was almost trembling as he installed the electrodes on my temples.

And I could see a delicious tightness to his pants. Good, he was enjoying the show…

He gave me pills and I took them in one go. I settled down and watched as the dots appeared and slowly started to rotate… The wave of calm serenity took me away and I sighed as I felt the pure bliss of it all wash over me. God I loved this feeling…

To my great delight, he told me that he could set it up with a remote feed to his office if I wanted to do sessions during the week while he was at work. I almost jumped in his arms! It’s like he thought of everything!

Day after day, I would go over to his house before he left for work. He would set me up, leer at my newest outfit and leave for work as the swirling image took me away. The double dots had been upgraded to a single dot now. So small in the middle of a spiral. God I loved this newest session…So Inviting… So peaceful…

It made my mind so clear. So rested. I didn’t feel sad when this one stopped and faded away. I felt rested. Excited… Eric told me that his private study was going to be less of a hassle for me. That I wouldn’t feel that much of a difference, but behind the scenes, he was getting all kinds of data on programs… Or was it reprogramming? I didn’t really listen or care. The only thing I knew was that his home sessions felt even better and I didn't need to push buttons anymore. I just had to relax and watch...

Eric worked long hours and his sessions adjusted themselves accordingly. He was so good that way… The video would stop just in time for me to go and make myself lunch. Once that was done, I would go straight back and cue up the next video as I took my pills.

The videos always seemed perfectly timed. When the afternoon one stopped, Eric had just gotten home. As the week went by, I started to stay over for supper to talk about my sessions. I was the one to offer of course. Part of me wanted to extend my time with him so he would fully appreciate my outfits. And of course, I brought the extra food as to not make him worry about feeding me.

I was dreading the weekend though, I couldn’t expect him to allow me to do sessions while he was off. He needed to relax, not work more hours… But as the weekend came around, Eric told me he had a lot of paperwork to do. He said it wouldn’t bother him if I wanted to do more sessions. Since most of the paperwork in question was about my study results anyway, it was fitting that I continue.

I was so glad!

That Saturday, I felt extra naughty when I dressed to go see him. I put on lingerie I had picked up in a sex shop. It was a lovely set that did a poor job of covering me up. I just knew he would enjoy it! But instead of wearing clothes over it, I just put on a long coat and went to his place. I didn’t wait to get in my special room and took off my coat as soon as I entered his home. I felt warm all over as he commented on how sexy I looked. I didn’t mind dressing up for him. It was the least I could do for all his hard work.

That Saturday, as I came out of my relaxed state to eat lunch, I searched him out. I felt like I needed him… I wanted him to see… Something… I wasn’t sure what…

I didn’t find him right away and ate alone. But as I cleaned the dishes, he came in the kitchen and smiled.

“How are the sessions going Trish?” he asked as he opened the fridge to get a drink.

“Marvelous! I feel like this compound of yours works miracles…” I said. “I can just relax and keep track of the dot with no effort at all.”

“Interesting…” he said as he took a sip. “Seems it is really opening up new pathways in your mind. Freeing them up from the hassle of pointless musings.”

Pointless musings… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. I felt like that was important…

He was eliminating all that noise inside me head… It felt so good… SO VERY GOOD. I needed him to continue… I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t stop my sessions.

And just like that, I knew exactly how.

I finished drying the plate I had used and placed it in the cupboard. Then, in one smooth motion, I put my hands behind my back and undid my bra clasp. I removed it and turned towards him, letting it fall dramatically to the ground.

“Speaking of pointless musings…” I said as watched his eyes glue themselves to my chest. “I know I’ve been a little tease… You must have been wondering what my tits look like… I mean… I’ve been putting them on display for you, but I haven’t shown them to you. And you being the gentleman that you are… You never asked to see them either. So here… No more pointless musings for you!”

He swallowed hard as he listened to me. Perfect… This should tell him how willing I truly am. I wanted him to understand that I didn’t mind it at all if he leered and examined my tits. If he liked to see them, he was welcome to.

Right then, I decided that every afternoon session would be topless. For his enjoyment… Just to be sure he wouldn’t stop our sessions…

After that, my days became blurred together… Yet… My mind felt crystal clear. It was so strange in a way. The feeling was intoxicating. I’m not exactly sure when, but at some point, the room where I watched my swirls had a bed installed in it. It seemed so inviting too… Once I had made supper for us and cleaned the dishes, I always came back to my room to get my things before I left. The bed made me realize how much time I was wasting…

Dress up… Take the bus… Go home… Clean the apartment… Sleep… Dress up… Come back… It was so tedious…

So I decided to ask Eric if it was ok if I started to crash on the extra bed for a few nights. He said he didn’t mind. He is so sweet that way…

My days became much more productive. I would get up and put on a pair of panties, nothing else. Why bother if I was going to remove my bra in the afternoon? I would do my morning session, come out of it to eat and go back to my afternoon session. And now that I slept over, Eric suggested that I could do evening session!

I was so happy I could extended my sessions like that! And those extra sessions were so much more… Relaxing… Inviting…

Eric really seemed to enjoy them too.

I’m so happy Eric likes my body so much. I'm sure it’s the reason why he offered to let me sleep over and do evening sessions. He likes my body so much that he started to stroke himself while I watch my evening spiral. He even cums! Such a naughty man… He tried to hide it from me. Act like it isn’t happening… But I know… I found a bit of his spunk near my chair as I came out of my session. I smiled as I cleaned up the mess as well as the rest of my room.

When I asked him about it, he apologized again and again. Which made me laugh. Why else would I be topless all day for him? I WANTED him to get aroused by my body.

After I re-assured him that I didn’t mind, he commented how open minded I was and how he loved that about me.

Open minded… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

Suddenly I had a clear thought bubble up in my mind. It would certainly be less of a mess for me to clean up! I told him that the next time he felt like he couldn’t hold back from masturbating while I watched my swirls, that he could just go ahead and cum all over my tits.

That surprised him! Which made me happy. When he asked why, I told him that I always took a shower after my last session anyway. Way easier to wash off his cum from my tits than the carpet!

He laughed and said he would consider it.

I didn’t mind at all. If he needed to release the tension, he was more than welcome to! Besides… It was hot to know he was masturbating next to me while I relaxed. The very next day, as I came out of my evening session, I looked down and smiled at all the cum I saw there. Such a naughty man…

My days blurred together as each evening I found cum on my chest. I’m not sure how many days passed before things changed… But I found myself coming out of my evening session while he was stroking himself right next to me. That was new! I had never seen him in action, so to speak… I always found his spunk after he came. But he hadn’t cum yet…

He was stroking himself fast… He was about to blow his load!

“Fuck you’re sexy… Suck it and swallow.” He said.

Suck it and swallow… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

And it was. He wanted me to suck his cock… Drink his seed… Of course I would. I opened my mouth and felt his hand grab my head. I didn’t resist as he pushed me down on his cock. I was still a little out of it, but I managed to suck a little before I felt his cock swell with need. He came down my throat… It felt like gallons… Again and again… Spur after spur…

Until he was done.

As I sucked up and cleaned off the remaining cum around his shaft, I was hit with a very strong realization: why was he masturbating when I could suck him instead? Suck and swallow…

I told him that if he could wait until my session was done, I would be more than happy to suck him off instead of him needing to jack off. He smiled and thanked me for the kind offer. Eric was so nice…

His cock was waiting for me when I came out of my next evening session. I barely participated. He came pretty fast and I didn’t get to suck him at all. Which made me a little sad because I really wanted to be able to do a proper job and show him how talented I could be.

But evening after evening, it seemed like he was masturbating less and less before I came out of my session because I sucked him for longer periods. Which was good because more and more I could suck him properly.

Suck him and swallow...

I’m not sure when exactly, but at some point I stopped wearing panties all together. I’m not sure why I did… It was so natural and it seemed to inspire Eric even more. So I stopped bothering with them. Night after night, Eric held out longer and longer… Giving me a chance to really suck him. Suck him and swallow… Not just swallow…

I always loved giving head. I loved the way it seemed to please the man I was with. Like I was fulfilling his fantasies. It made me feel privileged to me able to give that to them. It fascinated me. But with Eric… It didn’t just feel like I was helping him along. No… It actually felt good… Beyond the taste and the arousal… It gave me a deep feeling of satisfaction to be able to do this for him. I found myself enjoying it a little more each time. He worked so hard after all, what was a little head to help him unwind?

One evening, as he came down my throat, he commented on how much he loved to use my mouth… How good it felt around his shaft. He moaned and told me how he couldn’t believe how useful I had become.

Useful… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

I was useful… He used my mouth to relax… I loved being useful to him… I WANTED to be useful to him. Here I was, taking up one of his rooms, living with him… And I wasn’t doing my part at all. I longed to stay in front of my spiral… Feel my mind calm down and relax… I was spending do much time indulging myself that I had forgotten how wrong it was for me to live in his home while doing nothing! I was sleeping… Eating… Without even pitching in for the monthly bills!

I needed to be useful if I couldn’t pitch in…

The next day, my session stopped about half way. I found it odd, but then I realized it gave me the perfect opportunity to be useful. I busied myself around his house. I cleaned as much as I could for about half an hour. All the while, I felt this growing urge to finish my session. Like it had been cut short and I didn’t get the full effect. I couldn’t wait to go back in my room, which I did minutes later. After the lunch break, I spend about an hour with my spiral before it stopped and I understood it was my window to do something else. As soon as my mind came back to life, I knew exactly what I should be doing. After all…

I can’t be useful if I’m not healthy.

So I went to his basement and trained with his equipment. I knew I had to stay in shape if I wanted to be useful. It was basic logic. I can’t help around the house if I’m sick. I had to stay in shape if I wanted to stay with him and be able to do my sessions. Like before, I felt the urge to stop and go back to my room. But I knew I couldn’t until I had done a full workout. How could I ever hope to be healthy if I cut my workouts short?

Once I was done, I took a quick shower and went to relax in front of my spiral. God this felt so good… My mind calmed down and relaxed as I watched the screen. Which made me realize that somewhere along the road, I had stopped taking the pills.

Yet... I felt the calm wave of relaxation wash over me just the same as the spiral spun and twisted in front of me... The thought didn't bother me because I instantly thought that it was probably the next step in his special study.

When I came out of my room that evening, I had just enough time to prepare supper for the both of us. Since he always worked so much, it was only natural that I cook for us. I smiled as I sat down in front of the screen after I had cleaned the dishes because I knew I would be sucking Eric’s cock when I came out of my relaxed state and I couldn’t wait to do it.

Which I did.

But something was a little different. As I focused my eyes on my surroundings after the spirals stopped, I was a little surprised not to have his cock in my face. He must be preparing his work day for tomorrow… I got up and went to find him. As I thought, he was in his study and was pouring over mountains of paper. He briefly looked up at me, but didn’t stop his pondering. Poor Eric… He works so hard… I looked at him and knew that I had to blow him. I knew, deep down, that it was exactly what he needed right now. So… I approached him slowly and kneeled next to him. At first, he didn’t register and just examined his readouts. But after he was done with one page, he put it down and looked at me.

I smiled.

“Please…” I said as I placed my hands delicately on his thighs. “Let me help you relax.”

He smiled and made room between his legs. I took my cue and slowly caressed his legs until I reached his zipper. I undid it slowly and was extra careful as I took his half erect cock out in the open. I looked up and licked my lips as I saw him lean back. His eyes looked at my naked body and I felt his cock stir and harden in my hand. I started to stroke him ever so slowly. It made me feel so good that he could admire my body like this. I felt so warm inside at knowing I could inspire him this way.

I never broke eye contact as I kissed his shaft.
Licked his growing length…
Tasted his precum…

By the time I finally took him inside my wet mouth, he was hard as a rock and moaning. Good. I wanted him to enjoy my mouth as much as possible. It was important. I needed to be useful…

To my surprise, I felt my mind relax as I busied myself around his manhood. My mind thought of nothing else as my lips kissed and tasted him. Time meant nothing to me…

Almost like the spiral...

When he finally came, I felt a spike of joy and elation that tickled my mind in the most delicious way. I had relaxed him… I had been useful… I looked up at his face and could immediately see the difference. The tension was gone… He was smiling.

I was starting to love that smile…

The next few days were a blur, but at the same time, it was punctuated with my new routine. And since Eric seem to be working a lot from home now, he didn’t have the time to wait for me to come out of my session. I had to go look for him instead. I knew he still wanted to use my mouth and had to make sure he could.

I had to… Because I knew in my bones that he wanted to.

Besides… Sucking his cock and swallowing his seed made me so calm and relaxed. It was almost like I was extending my session as I serviced him. It felt so good to be useful to him…

One night, we were both relaxing as I gave him his evening blowjob when he spoke up.

“Everything is going so well… But I need to know if the last part will work…”

I sucked slowly as I heard his words, but I wasn’t really listening. I was sucking his cock and nothing else mattered. I had to suck and swallow. I had to be useful...

“With all that has happened since you started this wonderful study, I feel you would simply love it. Especially since it would make you so extra useful.”

Extra useful… I was useful to Eric and I loved it. Yes… What ever he was talking about. I would love to be extra useful.

“So here goes nothing really… Trish… You are my Fuck Doll.”

Fuck Doll… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

I stopped with his cock still inside my mouth. Fuck Doll… It was so clear to me now. That was how I could be most useful. It made so much sense now. I sucked up and let his cock out of my mouth with a pop.

“Say Eric…” I said as I looked up at him. “I know you find my mouth useful and pleasurable… And I know you’ve refuse my offers before… But… I feel like you should enjoy me more.”

“Meaning?” he asked.

“Meaning… That I wanted you to know that you can fuck me as well. Which ever you want really… I wouldn’t mind.”

“So you want me to fuck you?”

“I would. If that’s what you want to use me for of course. I want to be useful to you in any way I can.”

My hand slowly stroked his cock as I watched him think about it. I wondered briefly if he would even want to fuck me. Was I healthy enough? Did I look sexy enough? Was I even his type?

But all those question melted away as he finally answered.

“Straddle me.” He simply said.

Straddle him… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

Yes… It was important… Very important. He understood he could fuck me. When ever and how ever he wanted… I was a Fuck Doll and he knew it now. I got up and did as he asked. His cock soon found my entrance, which I was surprised to find was already wet. He slipped in as I let my weight push me down around his shaft. His cock impaled me completely…

His cock… Inside my pussy… Yes… This felt so fucking good… So right…

Fuck Doll… I needed to be his Fuck Doll…

Because a Fuck Doll is so usefull… A Fuck Doll can be fucked whenever and however it is needed… Eric needed a Fuck Doll... He worked so much... How would he be able to relax without one? A Fuck Doll... Yes... I would be his Fuck Doll...

“God you feel so good...” He moaned as his hands found my tits. Squeezing them so expertly…

I could only moan as I felt his cock start to move in and out… My mind lost focus as the pleasure spread inside my body.  

“Hhmmm…” he moaned. “Time to see how well the programming really worked…” he said.

But I wasn’t really listening. My mind was alive with pleasure as my body felt on fire. Such delicious fire… I could feel the familiar climb as I aimed to reach for my release…

“A Fuck Doll doesn’t need to cum. A Fuck Doll only feels the pleasure of service.” He said.

My mind dispelled the haze of pleasure as his words filled my mind… Making it so crystal clear.

Pleasure of service… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

Yes… A Fuck Doll doesn’t need to experience orgasms. It only needs to be useful… The pleasure of service is pleasure enough… Just knowing how useful I am… I’m a Fuck Doll and I could feel the exquisite pleasure of service…

I didn’t want an orgasm. It wasn’t my orgasm I needed. It was his.

“HHhmmm.. Fuck you feel so tight!” he said as I bounced up and down.

Suddenly, my mind felt clear as the pleasure grew again. But this time, I was still in control. I HAD to control it… Keep it in check. My pleasure was trivial… I had to be the best Fuck Doll I could if I wanted him to enjoy me… If I wanted to be his useful Fuck Doll...

It still felt incredible… Like I was alive in a way I had never experienced before.

I loved it.

He finally held me down on his shaft and I could feel his cock swell with his release. I moaned as my body threaten to push pass my control and cum as I felt the delicious elation of reaching his release. But I held firm. I didn’t cum...

I only felt the pleasure of service…

Once he calmed down, he grabbed my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. We had never kissed before and it was exhilarating. Not because I wanted to kiss him per say, but because I could offer him my lips as a whole new way of pleasing him with my mouth.

Once he broke it off, he caressed my cheek as he admired my face. I smiled.

“Did you cum?” he asked.

“No!” I said instantly. “Of course I didn’t.”

“Does it bother you? You know… That I came before you could?”

“Don’t be silly!” I said with a smile. “I don’t need that type of pleasure. Not if I can be useful… The pleasure of service is enough for me.” 

“Don’t you feel frustrated? Sexually I mean…”

“Maybe a little… But… No…” I said as I pondered his question. “I just feel… Aroused… Wet… Ready… I need to be ready if you wish to fuck me again.”

“I see…” he said, still looking in my eyes. “It worked then… Incredible… Which means… You would be ready for the final step.” 

“What final step? More sessions?” I asked with glee.

“Something like that…” he said as he took my face in both his hands. “I have a present for you, but I’ll only give it to you if you accept. Understand?”

I just nodded. A gift? This was new… What could it be? I watched him take a deep breath before he spoke.

“Fuck Dolls needs to be claimed and owned.”

Fuck Dolls need to be claimed and owned… The words seem to echo in my mind for a brief second. Like it was really important…

Of course they did… I was a Fuck Doll and… I needed to be claimed! Owned! It made perfect sense. A Fuck Doll needs an Owner… A person that can use her how ever they want. Because they own them… An Owner… A person that had every right to use and change me… God… That was the best way to be useful to Eric… To be used by Eric… I wanted that… I wanted him to claim me… To own me…

He let go of my head and reached behind his chair. I watched him bring out a box. He held it up to me and motioned for me to open it. I opened it slowly and was almost giddy when I saw what it was.

It was a collar. A thick leather collar… And on it… Embroidered in big bold letters… Were 2 words I couldn’t believe. Didn’t dare to believe… It read: FUCK DOLL.

“If you want… I can claim you as my Fuck Doll. You just have to wear this and it will mean that you are my Fuck Doll.”

A Fuck Doll needs to be claimed… Owned…

I smiled and took the collar from the box. Without any hesitation, I placed it around my neck and secured it. I looked down and his smile was all I needed to feel happy. He knew I wanted him to own me. I wanted him to be my Owner.

“Good… Now my Fuck Doll…” he said and I felt a hot shiver go down my spine as he called me his Fuck Doll. “Kneel down and clean my cock until it is hard again… Suck and swallow…”

I needed to be useful… Suck and swallow… I needed to be used… Suck and swallow… I was his Fuck Doll… Suck and swallow… I was the Fuck Doll he owned… Suck and swallow…

I removed myself and kneeled between his legs. I licked him tenderly as I finally understood my place. Suck and swallow… I didn’t need to look for a job anymore… Suck and swallow… I didn’t need to find my own way in life… Suck and swallow… I was owned now… A Fuck Doll… My Owner’s Fuck Doll. Suck and swallow… My mind drifted off as I nurtured his spent cock. I didn’t mind that I was tasting my own juices… Suck and swallow… I’m serving and pleasing him and it was all that mattered… Suck and swallow… A haze clouded my mind as I serviced him…

​How long did it take him to get hard again? I didn’t know… Or cared…

My pleasure was in service…

My life was his pleasure now. I was his Fuck Doll and it made me useful. I was owned.

It wasn’t long after that he informed me that my sessions were going so well that I had reached a restful trance? Rejuvenating wakeful sleep? I didn’t really listen to the details, but he said that it meant that I could look at my spiral all night. That my body and brain had adapted to it so much that it was basically as if I was sleeping. 

I only understood that I could watch the spiral all night… Feel relaxed and calm all night…

That I could spend every free minute captivated by my spiral. I only had to watch and serve him. Nothing else mattered. Watch… Eat… Watch… Fuck… Watch… Clean… Watch… Eat… Watch… Train… Watch… Suck… Watch…

My life became a delicious haze of mindless hazy bliss as I sank into my spiral. I was so thankful to Eric for being able to offer this to me. To be able to make it so that I could do my menial tasks while still being hazy. That I could be useful and work perfectly for him while my mind basically went on autopilot and I could still feel the relaxing fog of the spiral.

I was so thankful that the only times my mind awaken from the exquisite haze was when he needed me for his pleasure. I embraced every crystal clear moment the spiral awoke me because I knew it meant that Eric, my owner, needed me for his sexual pleasure.

And since I was HIS Fuck Doll, I dove in to my useful task with as much abandon and enthusiasm as he required. Which meant that some times, he would simply wish to experience my talented mouth as he worked or entertained himself. While on other occasions, he needed me to be the sensual and passionate of lovers as we fucked in his bed for hours.

Regardless of what he required, I loved spending my only wakeful moments servicing him with my healthy and sexy body.

The rest of my time was spent in the spiral’s embrace… Which in truth, never really left me, even when I was needed.

My life was inside the spiral... Looking for dots…

And I loved it.