Whole Milk

Chapter 1

by strawberry

Tags: #D/s #f/f #ownership_dynamics #petplay #pov:bottom #Soulmate_AU #collars #dom:female #fantasy #growth #sub:female
See spoiler tags : #hucow #lactation

Nimapode's Let me Give You Everything led to me TsukiNoNeko's Pull Me Out of This which I devoured in a night. This is in the same universe as those. I believe this will be softer than Pull Me Out of This, but is still going to deal with trauma, specifically eating disorders and fatphobia, and a healthy dose of shame, anxiety, and uncertainty but I'm not planning to explore abuse or weight gain. It'll be a story about these characters learning to love themselves, their bodies, and each other.

Skim or whole, or 2%? Should I even be drinking cow’s milk? Soy, almond, hemp, coconut, oat.

The woman next to me gave me a look as if to say, “It’s just milk, how do you not even know what milk to buy?”

I knew it should be an easy choice, but nothing was an easy choice for me. What kind of milk to buy, what to have for dinner, what to do with my life… For me, every choice was hard, there was so much to consider, so many implications, so many consequences. What if I make the wrong choice? What if I say the wrong thing or buy the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. No, it was worth moving through life with intent, I just need to get a little better at it, that’s all. I just needed to work harder at it.

I don’t have enough information. I don’t know what the right choice is. The anxiety starts to build up in my chest. I’ll just get milk later.

I spent the walk home thinking about all the things I needed to do this week. I needed to reply to emails, to open mail, to book an appointment with my hair stylist. I needed to get my roommate a present for her birthday. I needed to apply for more art jobs. I needed to clean the apartment.

Suddenly I was at my front door. I guess I spaced out.

“Hey Lily, I’m back,” I called out to my roommate as I opened the door. “How’s the track going?” She was an electronic musician, and had stumbled into some new idea right before I left.

“It’s going well! It’s almost done now.” I shook my head, decisions came so easily for her.

I set the groceries down and started to put the cold stuff away. Lily was markless, like me. She didn’t seem to mind though, and said she likes the freedom, the thrill, that she gets to make her own destiny. I’m the opposite. I’ve always wanted a soulmate, ever since I was young. It sounded so nice, to just know, for certain, who you’re meant to be with. I guess I’m just cosmically destined for uncertainty though. It kinda made sense; how could the universe know who I needed to complete me if I couldn’t even decide which milk to buy?

Whole milk. I should have just gotten whole milk…

I finish putting the groceries away, plopped down on the couch, and got my phone out. A new friend request on Instagram from Catherine Bell. The name didn’t ring any… well, bells.

I checked out her profile, she’s cute! A cute futch girl! She’s really lean, and dresses well, looks like she’s a programmer, that’s cool. I wondered why she added me.

Mere moments after I hit accept, I got a message from her.

I think you’re my soulmate. Madeline Riley right?

I scream.

Lily bursts out of her room. “Whoa whoa hey, are you okay?”

“S-s-s-soulmate?” I show her my phone. The concern on her face is replaced with excitement.

“Madeline, this is so exciting! You always wished you had a soulmate. Let me see your mark!”

My phone goes off again, I have a new notification, but we’re too busy looking for my mark to pay it any attention.

There’s nothing on my arms. I rolled up my pants a bit, nothing there either.

“M-maybe it hasn’t shown up for me yet? Do they always show up at the same time?”

Lily scans me up and down. “Take your clothes off.”

“What why?!” I don’t exactly love being seen by people.

“Because we haven’t looked everywhere.”

I gulped. She was right, we hadn’t, and I hadn’t even considered that yet. Sure 23 is old to get a mark, and I know that’s usually when the more… extreme… marks show up, but that’s not me. I mean sure, I read some kinda kinky smut from time to time, but that’s just a fantasy, nothing more. I’d only had a few relationships and none of them had involved kink.

“I guess you’re right.” Anxiety started to swell up in my chest.

I started to pull my hoodie off, revealing my plush figure. I was, I guess smallfat is the term I’ve seen other people use. Mid size? Chubby? I’m not sure, I try not to think about my body very much. I don’t exactly think I’m hideous or anything, but I’ve never really liked my body.

“Anything?” Lily scanned around my body, her gaze making me uncomfortable.

“Nope.” She pulled at my bra a little bit to make sure it wasn’t hiding underneath.

“Do you have to…” I stop myself, knowing that she did, in fact, have to. It could be anywhere.

“Pants too!”

I got up and pulled my pants down. This was so embarrassing. I trusted Lily, she’s a good friend, but she’d never seen me like this before. She seemed completely unphased though, she just saw my body for what it was, just a body. I knew she wasn’t passing judgment.

“Maybe you really don’t have it yet.”

She stood behind me and I swore I could feel her gaze. I hated being so vulnerable, so seen.

“Wait, is that-” She pulled my panties to the side. “Oh, that’s- uhhh…”

Oh god, what did she see. Fuck.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

I heard the sound of a shutter come from her phone. I wrapped myself in the blanket that was on the couch behind me.

“Madeline, I promise everything will be okay.” She handed me her phone and embraced me in a hug.

Catherine Bell’s Pet.

A metallic taste in my mouth. Adrenaline. My heart beating a thousand beats a minute. I was frozen with anxiety. How could this be happening to me? A pet? A pet ? I hated being out of control. I couldn’t stand it. I had to be in control of everything. Everything had to be just the way I liked it. It had to be perfect, it had to be correct and I had to be the one to do it. I needed to be in control.

A pet?

And why was it just text? Weren’t soulmarks supposed to be like, pictures? Or some kind of imagery? This looked… weird. It wasn’t that deep, unreal black that everyone else’s soulmarks were. I didn’t think I’d ever seen one that looked like this: rough, a deep brown with a black outline, it was almost like…

like…

No. Nononono. No. It couldn’t be…

A brand?

What did that mean? A brand? What kind of a pet has a brand? A brand?

Maybe Catherine sent me a picture of hers. I dropped Lily’s phone and grabbed mine.

1 new message from Catherine Bell.

I tapped on it.

It was a picture of her forearm. There among the other tattoos on her sleeve was…

Oh god.

It was a glass bottle.

Owner of Madeline Riley

A glass milk bottle.

Thanks for reading! This is actually my first time writing anything like this, so please let me know what you think.

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