Bred by the Divine

by calledbyflowers

Tags: #f/m #religion #sub:female #transgender_characters #urban_fantasy #weird #choking #cutting #cw:gender_dysphoria #dom:male #f/nb #memory_play #personality_change #violence

A trans girl is impregnated by the Christian God (and this is one of the less weird things that happen in this story).

Contains themes of religion (more specifically Catholicism), breeding, violence, choking, cutting, transgender characters, pregnancy dysphoria, alcoholism, mental illness, trauma, full body control, personality alteration, memory alteration, identity death and some minor essentialism. All characters are either over 18 or transcend our petty human conceptions of space and time.

Maria Saunders had been kicked out of sunday school for insisting that the Virgin Mary was not a virgin. She had been very confused and upset at the time. It just seemed obvious to her. If the purpose of sex was procreation and Mary gave birth to Jesus, then she must've had sex and therefore was not a virgin. This was perfectly logical.

Now, at the time, she had no idea what "sex" was. "Sex" was a black box. It was defined functionally for her, meaning "whatever that thing is that makes babies happen." So Maria was perfectly willing to accept that God was a non-human, incorporeal being who created and maintained the universe, existing outside of it in an absolute way, but if He had a son with Mary then whatever happened between the two of them must've been sex.

As time went on, of course, Maria began to fill in this black box with a very detailed picture of manifold possibilities of acts, most of which had very little to do with procreation. She learned that the purpose of sex was not to create babies but to give and receive pleasure and that she very much enjoyed that.

Still, on some deep level of her psyche those conceptual links were still there. She found that she quite liked when her partners "bred" her, when they called her "fertile."

This was all very well and good until after a particularly good fuck by a dom named Stephen who thought he was a philosopher because he could misquote Heidegger, during which she acted all bratty and sniffed her nose up at his massive sweaty hog and pretended it didn't make her drool and made him beat her black and blue until she screamed from the top of her lungs that she was his "good little breeding slut" and he narrated "filling [her] with [his] seed" until she would become "nice and round and full," something broke inside her mind and the fact that she wouldn't actually get pregnant from all the cum swimming around her guts suddenly seemed oppressive and horrific. The whole world seemed ugly and wrong. There was a crack in reality from which memories began to seep through.

Stephen comforted her as best he could. He held her in his arms and stroked her hair and called her a "good girl" and she resented how good it felt and the fact that this pseudo-intellectual asshole was able to put things together in twenty minutes which she hadn't been able to accept her entire life, but still it felt so fucking good, Jesus fucking Christ, so in the end she just made herself small and let him hold her and stroke her and, all in all, she was a good girl for him.

Maria started hormones a month later and a fog seemed to lift. She realized she really liked girls, if she could be with them as a girl. Moving into sapphic circles, naturally the topic of witchcraft came up, as it does. A lot of lesbians had a fixation on witches, Maria discovered, and she couldn't exactly blame them for it, having grown up Catholic.

The first time she took part in sex magic was with an enby who was obsessed with names and "the mysticism of language" more generally, so much so that they could never settle on a name for themself, changing it every week or so. Naturally this was a kind of "confirmation" ritual (for which Maria chose her mother's confirmation name, out of spite and secret longing), ending with Maria being fucked with a strap-on and choked while her name was shouted in her ears until she couldn't think anything else but "Maria," creating a kind of disturbance in the lawful order of the cosmos where her new name and with it her gender identity were carved in pleasure and pain (as well as on her back with a straight edge, just for good measure).

This didn't seal up the crack in reality so much as widen it (as did further ritualistic sex acts), creating space for a more intense, hyperreality to seep through and animate existence. In her new more broken, vulnerable and feminized form the trees seemed to sing to her and Maria felt herself a kind of pantheist or animist. It was a deep, pre-rational religiosity that filled her, a primal feeling of being spoken to by things which seemed to overflow any conceptual system that sought to encapsulate it. 

Though very motivated, Maria was also incredibly submissive. She liked to say that she was simply realistic. Being in touch now with the divinities, it was obvious that to try to overpower or control them was not blasphemous or immoral so much as it was insolent. Morality was a pretension at best and the deep powers of the world did not pretend.

Maria scoffed at witches who thought they could control or direct powers. They were either just play-acting or eventually found themselves punished for trying to impose their will on things they couldn't comprehend (or else both).

Still, the veil having been pierced, going back to mundane reality was impossible (not that mundane reality wasn't too kind to 6' 1" girls with bulges anyway). Though Maria was tempted sometimes from seeing the glassy stares of her friends who had been taken over by various lesser divinities and lived in a constant state of subservient bliss, she was ambitious. She liked to poke fun at herself by imagining she was a cishet girl who refused to get married unless it was to a Kennedy. Her own mother had always insisted she marry a girl from "a good family" (rich, white, Catholic, liberal in very specific ways but incredibly conservative in others) and given that she had ritualistically identified with her mother in taking her confirmation name she only felt it right (and on some level was compelled) to fulfill this wish, in a modified form of course.

So while other witches tried and failed to dominate and ended up losing their minds, settling down with a nice incomprehensible horror who shaped their reality or becoming a particular pantheon's sex slave, Maria embraced her identity as a slut. She sought out various extradimensional entities with the use of different rituals to make herself "appear" to them as desirable and then she let them use her for fun, satisfying themselves in ways that ranged from surprisingly conventional (the Platonic form of a chair just grew a cock and asked her to sit on it; she would've rolled her eyes but she didn't know what would happen if she pissed off "chairs" as a concept) to stretching the limits of conventional language (the spirit of a single tree in Central Park twisted her through its branches, photosynthesizing and absorbing her consciousness as nutrients until her essence reformed as a seed which eventually sprouted into a sapling with "Maria" carved in it; over several months she relearned her humanity and eventually developed the ability to take on a human shape, but longtime friends said that she was a little more grounded after that, less restless, able to just sit quietly in a way that she had never been able to before).

Maybe it was her time as a sapling or maybe it was turning 30, but eventually Maria began to calm down and become a little more reflective. She thought back about what she really wanted out of life. Certainly, she wanted to submit. Ideally, she'd like to find some powerful extradimensional entity to settle down with, someone or something she could be happy just obeying forever. But also she knew she wanted to have a child, very badly.

She could potentially settle for adoption, of course, but with magic she didn't have to. Plenty of divinities were potentially capable of impregnating her. Hell, even a few humans could weave the weird well enough to do it (not that that really interested her; she had become pretty exclusively xeno/theosexual at this point).

But, she was very motivated. It was time to settle down, she knew, but she wasn't going to settle down with just any power that could knock her up. No, she was gonna go for it. Whether as a final "fuck you" to her mother or a kind of twisted homage, if she was gonna have a kid, it was gonna be with the big guy, the man upstairs, the one who started it all, the original tamer of the weird and slayer of sea monsters, capital-"G" God.

Being spoken to by God was not difficult, of course. Even school children had their prayers answered, if they were truly desperate enough. God tended to like to speak to needy, broken wrecks of human beings. He liked them powerless, unable to oppose Him. She licked her fucking lips.

Maria figured she already qualified as broken (a thought that made her mewl and clench her legs together). She essentially had no life besides getting fucked by abominations, floating around various cults and covens until things got too heavy and she bounced, pretending that she didn't get to like the people who were getting corrupted and consumed (sometimes literally) by various powers, pretending not to be simultaneously jealous and horrified, putting up a mask of indifference while she tried desperately to find some minor divinity to fuck her brains out so she could escape the pain.

Putting it in those terms caused her to decide to quit her plan of getting impregnated by God for a little while and become an alcoholic like a normal person, but she knew alcohol could interfere with her hormones and so instead she checked herself into a mental hospital.

Maria then tried going "straight" for a little while. She got a shitty job she quietly resented. She dated human girls for whom being "witchy" meant lighting some candles and doing tarot cards or some shit. She impressed herself by going almost a year before she started jacking off while imagining the Holy Spirit filling her until she was ready to burst.

Finally, after performing the eucharist with an estrogen tablet one day, Maria decided to just say, "Fuck it. I'm gonna get bred by God and nothing anybody does is gonna stop me."

So she went and fell to her knees right there, hands clasped in front of her, the body of Christ still dissolving under her tongue and said simply under breath, "Oh, heavenly Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I am a broken vessel, unable to be made whole. I live in sin. My flesh is weak and corrupt. I open my heart to you, to be saved. Your errant daughter, Maria."

Maria tensed up, eyes locked shut, clenching her legs and waiting for the Holy Spirit to fill her. She kneeled there for awhile, shaking slightly as she tried make to herself as desirable as possible to God, repeating to herself just how needy and broken and dependent she was, how much she needed to be saved, how she was empty and needed to be filled with holy light.

Eventually she sighed and stood up. Recalling that God preferred a clean host (which seemed contradictory to her, given His other preferences, but she was in no position to judge), she took a quick shower, crying that she was "a dirty girl who needed to be purified," and took an old razor and began shaving, starting with her face, going over and over her flesh until it bled and she screamed and cried in anguish, saying "this blood is the sin leaving my body. The hair removed is the layers of repression and resistance to the entry of the divine."

She fell back down to her knees in the shower, almost slipping, then she just kneeled there, letting the water run over her face as it bled, stinging her. "God Christ!" she yelled, "Your unworthy servant has wandered off and become lost. She seeks reptentance, to return to the flock!"

Stumbling out of the shower, still wet, a haze came over Maria and she almost fell again, grabbing onto the door frame as she made her way to the cabinet where her old summoning materials were kept. "I shall burn these unholy things for the Lord," she mumbled, clutching her head as she pulled her things out, reaching around inside for a fresh straight edge.

"Shall she further purify herself in blood to prove her devotion?" she said, beginning to feel lightheaded (she hadn't lost that much blood, had she?).

Looking down, Maria was stunned to find that all the materials she had collected were arranged in the shape of a cross. Pulling the cabinet drawer out suddenly, they seemed to keep their shape despite the vigor with which Maria had grabbed the drawer. Shaking, suddenly feeling like a child again in the darkness of extramundane existence, she reached into the drawer and pulled out the crucifix. It was now solid gold with a flanged tip on the bottom, a black beaded cord at the top.

She stared in awe at the object, transmuted by the divine will, and knew immediately what she had to do. Taking a deep breath, Maria did the sign of the cross and plunged the crucifix dildo into her, feeling it smoothly penetrate and reshape her, her flesh melting at its approach and reforming itself into wet, meaty folds ready to accept the blessing of the Lord.

Tears were streaming down her face as she thrust the glistening object in and out of her new moist hole, feeling tingles of pleasure work their way through her body as she grew warm.

Maria bit her lower lip. "Thank you, God," she muttered, fumbling around in her daze as she tried to work out where to best touch herself to make her feel the most righteous pleasure, but it seemed as she did so that her new vagina continued to rebuild itself, expanding and then retracting at her touch, leaving her always uncertain how to continue to maximize the waves of heat running through her body.

And the waves of heat entered her as light, the light of the divine. It was a blue light, but she didn't know how she knew that, since it was inside her. But she felt the blue light being sent deeper and deeper inside her with each thrust. It flowed through her, rejuvenating her aching limbs, removing her pain, making her feel cleansed and healed and loved.

She started shaking and crying louder, screaming now, "Thank you, God! Praise you, God! Oh, thank you, heavenly Father!" as she went faster and faster, sending the Holy Spirit through her, allowing it to circulate through her and transform her, those last few annoying "masculine" features being removed, bones cracking into place and the pain was so incredible, felt just so freeing.

The holy light which was the Holy Spirit and which had entered her and was sending waves of pleasure all through her body, changing her and making her tremble in awe before the power of the divine, was also a holy fire which burned her, burning away the past.

Her flesh was wiped clean. Her mind was wiped clean. Old tattoos faded away. Old memories turned to dust. People she had loved, people she had lost, all gone. The holy fire flowing through her, the holy ecstasy between her legs, destroyed it all. Some part of her cried out, sad to see it go, but another part of her was relieved to have that pain gone and she cried out to the Holy Spirit inside, "Thank you, Almighty!" as she forgot what she was thanking Him for.

The only thing that remained on her perfectly clear, perfectly smooth skin was a scar on her back, the word "Maria," which withstood the holy flame, being embedded deeper in her soul, deeper in the fabric of the weird, than the Holy Spirit did touch. So she was Maria, always had been and always would be, ever since she had performed that ritual which she could no longer remember but which she still felt the effects of.

As she kept pumping the crucifix into her, Maria felt herself scream and moan as she orgasmed, but she kept going harder and faster. Or, rather, it went harder and faster, as she found that she no longer had any control over her body, the Holy Spirit moving her to fuck herself (much more expertly than she could herself at that moment, being drunk on pleasure and unfamiliar with her new machinery, which seemed to have mostly settled into place now). She giggled and moaned again.

Now that she had been wiped clean, holy fire cleansing her of all but her name, the waves of pleasure began to lessen in intensity, pulsing more regularly, filling her mind with a comfortable haze as she just fucked herself silly, a dopy smile on her face.

Over time she settled into the rhythm of pulsing pleasure, riding the gentle waves, letting the last traces of thought be carried away out of her, leaving her totally blank and empty, just that one word "Maria" floating around her head, first in a voice she had heard before but couldn't quite place, then in one she had never heard before but knew immediately.

"Maria," He said.

"Yes, Father," she whimpered, the Holy Spirit momentarily allowing her use of her mouth (the thought of that made her twitch).

"You are a sinful and unworthy creature, yet I have granted your prayers."

"Yes, Father. Thank you, Father." Tears formed in her glassy eyes.

"You have been wiped clean, made pure and able to receive the divine seed."

She was weeping softly now, just so happy to be able to please her Lord, not even remembering or caring if this was what she wanted to begin with.

"As you feel yourself filled with the divine seed, feel how it fills the empty space that I have created both between your legs and in your head. Feel how you get pumped full of white hot thoughts, ideas and memories of who you are, who you always were and who you always will be. Do you understand that, my daughter?"

Maria was just a blubbering mess. "Yes, Father. Yes, Father. Thank you, Father," she said.

He chuckled and it shook through her and she melted and he came, burning hot blue jizz exploding into her fertile womb. Maria giggled. "Thank you, God!" she shouted.

And His cum was a word, the word "expansive," which took root in her mind as the cum took root in her womb. It ingrained itself in the core of her being. She was Maria and she was expansive.

"Open to all external realities," He explained, "Ready to be filled by commands, submissive to all beings in the universe and especially to Me."

Her mouth fell open in drooling acceptance, before being shocked as He came again, the word "quiet" which made her burble and mewl because she thought it was so cute, the idea of being a quiet girl.

"Gentle and soft, even her loudest thoughts no more than a whisper on the surface of the lake of her mind, not disturbing others and allowing herself to be disturbed easily, to be overwhelmed and commanded by the slightest noise."

The word reverberated through her expansive mind, all her meager thoughts seeming so quiet now, her mind almost silent, until her world was torn apart in another torrent of cum, the word "warm."

"A mind, fertile like her womb, a place where ideas and purposes are safe to grow and to be nurtured, so they may be born into the world as service"

She accepted the explanation and let the words grow inside her, ready to fill her expansive mind with a new concept of self, before her quiet was again interrupted by His outburst. "Self-contained" was the word.

"A pure mind, not able to be contaminated by dirty things, protected from sin and infamy."

And the new Maria, quiet and expansive and so very warm and fertile inside, just felt nice and cozy, knowing that her mind was self-contained, free from the possibility of corruption. She felt so protected, like she was being held in the hand of the Lord.

"Empty of itself" came the next stream from the crucifix and this one needed no explanation, it being so obvious that Maria was empty until she was filled with the words and the cum of the Almighty.

Then, finally, with the pounding already starting to slow, came the last burst, an explosion that wrecked Maria as it gave her back control of her body, leaving her sputtering and trying to regain her balance as she fell back, cum now spilling out of her, the words "mistress of itself" joining the others in her womblike mind.

As she fall back the crucifix fell apart in her hand, turning back into the various materials that had formed them to begin with and what they were was a mystery to the new Maria, a good Christian girl who found herself silently horrified at the array of dark objects in front of her.

She rose to her feet with a start and decided that she would have to burn them, vile things, to protect others from their wickedness. She herself was righteous, she knew that their influence would never penetrate her.

Looking down, Maria rubbed her stomach reverently, already feeling the life growing inside of her. It made her want to cry. She had no idea how she knew she was pregnant or who the other parent was or why she had never thought this day would truly come. Nor did she care. She was just happy to be a mother.


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