Understanding

Laura’s eyes were wide and black, pupils darker than the unlit bedroom. She lay on her back, long hair haloing her face. Her body moved as Reed moved, rising and undulating as his pace increased.

The tension of orgasm rose in his stomach, and he slowed, putting his hand against her cheek and moving so their eyes met.

When she got close, she’d look up at him, her face open, every twinge of pleasure playing across her face. Alive, her eyes would meet his, as if she wanted to share the sensations her body experienced. It would drive Reed harder, her vulnerability pushing him over the edge.

But they didn’t change, and when he slowed, her body responded with force, pushing up and grinding while her face showed nothing. She stared through him while her body pushed and reached, and she rode inside her body like a passenger.

Reed found his rhythm. Through her flat expression, flutters of pleasure intruded at the edges of her eyes, her mouth forming a soft O. But her eyes never changed, her body moving with wanton, mechanical need.

Reaching orgasm, she arched upwards, face neutral and eyes staring into space. Reed followed her, grunting and clenching his eyes shut. Aftershocks rippled through him, and he rode them, trying to catch his breath. When he opened his eyes, Laura continued to stare, then blinked, and a gentle smile broke across her face.

Reaching up, she put a hand behind his neck and pulled him down. She kissed and pulled him on top of her, his body pressing her into the mattress.

“Right here,” she whispered. “Just for a minute.”

She’d said she loved his body pressing down. It made her feel safe and controlled, especially just after climax, when the world shattered and tried to fly in every direction. She said his weight held her together.

She kissed him again, and Reed rolled beside her, putting a hand across her waist and pulling them together, enjoying how the curve of her hip felt against his hand.

“Didn’t see that coming,” Reed said.

She petted his forearm. “Me neither. Something got into me today.”

“Feel free to let it into you again.”

She smirked. “Right.”

The wave of post-orgasm drowsiness washed over him, and Reed closed his eyes. Laura let out a long breath as her breathing settled into a quiet rhythm.

“Reed?”

“Mhmm?”

“I have to tell you something.”

Reed tensed. “Uh-oh.”

She stroked his forearm. “I saw Evan today.”

“Saw?”

“At the market. His new girlfriend was with him. Tara, or something.”

Feeling like his body no longer had bones, Reed kissed her shoulder. “What did he say?”

“Don’t be mad.”

Reed opened his eyes. Laura had turned towards him, their faces inches from each other. Reed lifted himself onto an elbow.

“What happened?”

Uncertain, she touched his face and looked into his eyes. “You’ll understand.”

“Understand what?”

“He asked me to come back to his place.”

“He what?”

“He invited me back to his place.”

“Ok, one more time. You saw him at the market. He’s with his girlfriend, and he asks you to come back to his place?”

Eyes laden with guilt, Laura nodded.

“With his girlfriend standing there?”

She nodded again, her mouth a tight line.

“You flirted?”

“I didn’t,” she said and stroked Reed’s arm. “I swear.”

“Ok, and after you told him to go to hell, what happened?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t. I just kind of stood there.”

“And after that, you told him to go to hell?”

“I don’t know. I looked at him, thinking it was a bad joke, but he wasn’t joking. He meant it.”

“And going with him meant sex.”

She nodded. “I’ve seen that look.”

“What did his girlfriend do?”

Laura shook her head, eyes faraway. “She just looked at me. Kind of blank, almost like the way lions look on the nature shows. Violet eyes.”

The afterglow of sex ripped away, Reed looked past Laura to the darkened door of the bathroom.

“I said no,” Laura said. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Thought about it, though.”

“I didn’t. I felt odd, kind of blank. He just asked. I didn’t know what to say.”

“You say no.”

“I did, eventually,” she said. “I feel horrible, and I’m sorry. I want you.”

Reed swiped the covers off and got up. Laura reached for him, but pulled away. He reached the bathroom and closed the door. Fuming, he used the toilet then washed his hands, looking at himself in the mirror.

She said no, part of him said, while another part argued that she’d had to think about it. But what if an old girlfriend did that to him? Would he react the way he wanted Laura to? Drying his hands, he flicked the hand towel against the counter.

Opening the bathroom door, he leaned against the frame and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say. I’m pissed, but you did say no.”

She’d sat up in the bed, the sheets drawn up to her shoulders. “I said no.”

Reed exhaled, still angry. He went to the bed, slipped under the covers, and lay on his side, facing away from her. Staring at the wall, the argument from the bathroom continued in his head.

“Reed?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“I need to admit something else.”

He closed his eyes and sighed.

“I thought about it afterward.”

His anger rising, Reed didn’t speak.

She touched his shoulder, “Not with him. I was feeling so guilty, but when I started driving home, I got this image stuck in my head. I imagined Tara, me, and you.”

Reed turned on his back. She looked down on him, her face fearful.

“It was so hot. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was like a song that gets stuck in your head. You, her, and me all twisted together.”

She bit her lower lip to keep it from quivering.

“I just wanted it. I was going crazy until you got home.”

“Three-way with Tara and me?”

She nodded.

“Is she pretty?”

Laura nodded. “Bright , violet eyes, and her energy… Dark, like she was angry and hungry at the same time. I thought she might eat me or make me come until I passed out, and I wasn’t sure which. You’ll understand.”

“I will?”

“If you saw her, yes.”

“Wait, I will understand?”

Laura blinked. “You would understand, I mean. If you saw her.”

She reached for him, closing a hand over his shoulder. Her touch was tentative, then became insistent. She bent forward, her eyes seeing something beyond him. She kissed him hard as she swept the covers off and straddled his waist.

Her hand went to his crotch, and a primal sound came from the back of her throat, impatient and needy. She stroked him, letting her fingertips scrape along his sensitive skin until he winced. Soon erect, she guided him inside and began to grind, leaning back and bracing an arm on his leg.

No smile, she rode him with blank eyes. As they continued, the sheets got tangled in Reed’s legs, and he tried to pause, but she gripped his leg with nails digging into his skin and continued, not allowing any interruption.

She orgasmed, then became frantic, climaxing again. Looking down, her eyes narrowed as she watched Reed beneath her. Pace unchanged, she looked down as though she dared him to move.

With eye contact, Reed felt his desire lift away, as if it were being extracted. In an instant, his body clenched. Her rhythm didn’t change. Reed shuddered with aftershocks, and she continued until he softened.

She eased off him and settled onto the bed. Reed caught his breath.

“Thought about it all afternoon?”

“Yes,” she said.

They lay beside each other. He closed his hand over hers. She didn’t react, her breathing settling. For the second time, Reed felt the wave of post-orgasm drowsiness and fell asleep.

Hearing a faraway buzzing, Reed’s dream slipped away, and he opened his eyes. He was lying on his side, facing Laura’s side of the bed, but she wasn’t there. He looked at the bathroom door. It was closed.

Breathing and a small cry came from inside.

“Laura,” Reed said. “You ok?”

The pace of breathing increased, and a faint buzzing sound came from behind the door.

He sat up. “Laura?”

The breathing stopped, and a grunt followed. The buzzing continued, then snapped off.

The toilet flushed, and water ran behind the door. When it stopped, the door opened, and Laura stepped into the bedroom. She saw Reed and stopped. She held a small vibrator. He looked from it to her. She met his gaze, but did not react as she went to her side of the bed and put it into her dresser. She looked up from the drawer and saw him.

She nodded as though they passed each other in a crowd.

“Reed,” she said as though repeating something she’d once heard but didn’t understand.

He reached out and touched her arm. She looked at it.

“Laura.”

She continued into the bed, leaving Reed’s hand hanging in space. She lay on her side, facing away.

“I’m fine, Reed.”

Her breathing settled into the rhythm of sleep, and he touched her shoulder, giving a gentle shake. She did not respond.

He sat next to her. Warm and kind, Laura wasn’t like this. Lying down, he spooned against her and circled an arm around her waist, pulling her against his chest. She slept, her breathing steady.

When Reed opened his eyes, her body was still cradled against him. Her breathing continued with its gentle rhythm. He squeezed and kissed her cheek. She slept without interruption.

The shades were pre-dawn gold, and when he looked over Laura’s shoulder, he saw it was time to get up. He squeezed her again and rolled away.

After he’d showered and dressed, she continued to sleep. He knelt beside the bed, his face close to hers. Her post-grad classes that semester were all in the afternoon.

“Have to go to work,” he whispered.

Her breathing continued, face a placid mask. Distressed, he waited, but she didn’t stir. He rose, gathered his stuff for work, and left, locking the door behind him.

She held the center of his thoughts on the subway and as he rode the elevator to his office. He found himself staring out the window and wondering what she was doing. As he did, he thought of Evan and realized he was looking towards the university. Evan was still a post-grad, like Laura, and he would be on campus.

“Reed,” a voice said from behind.

He turned. His boss, Adrian, held a folder.

“You with us today?”

Reed extended his hand to take the folder. Adrian pulled it away, then looked over his shoulder. He went to the office door and closed it.

“Need you to witness a signature. We’re terminating Marcus’ partnership.”

Reed sat up. Marcus was a senior partner. “What?”

Adrian lowered his voice and leaned over the desk. “For cause.”

“What’d he do?”

“Let’s just say he was advised that his behavior in the office was unacceptable, and it did not change.”

Adrian put a finger to his lips and beckoned, then opened the door and guided Reed to the partner’s suites.

Adrian slowed his pace as they approached a closed mahogany door. A faint, rhythmic grunting came from inside. Adrian continued to his office, standing outside the door and dropping his voice to a whisper.

“That’s been going on since he gave the commencement at the law school. Didn’t think the old guy had it in him.”

“What’d he say?”

Adrian shook his head. “Thousand-yard stare. Told us that we’ll understand. No argument, just nodded and left.”

“His secretary complain?”

Adrian shook his head and pointed to his office door. Reed narrowed his eyes. Adrian pulled the door open.

His office had a round meeting table near the desk. A middle-aged woman sat in a chair. She turned her head and watched the two men enter. A pen and a contract with blueback stapled to it rested before her. Her eyes found Reed; he flushed and swallowed at the erotic charge that went through him.

“Dolores,” Adrian said. “You remember Reed. He’s going to witness your signature.”

Dolores looked at the contract like she’d never seen paper; she’d been a legal secretary for almost three decades.

“You understand that this will protect you and the firm against a suit since you say the relationship was consensual,” Adrian said.

Dolores reached for the pen.

“Dolores, you might want to consult your own attorney. The terms are generous, but you should have someone advocate for you,” Adrian recited, glancing at Reed.

She signed and set the pen aside. Adrian beckoned as if her signature might vanish. He handed the pen to Reed, who signed the witness line.

When he set the pen down, Dolores’ hand slid and covered his. Reed gasped, and Dolores looked up, her eyes staring through him.

“You’ll understand,” she said.

The eyes. She looked like Laura; despite her age, her hand held the promise of infinite sexual energy. Reed snapped his hand away, rubbing it like it had been burned. She looked at him, neutral, blank, and irresistible.

The university. Evan.

“I have to go,” Reed said.

Dolores nodded, then turned to Adrian. She closed both hands over his. He looked at her, and his mouth fell open.

Reed went to the door, found the elevator bank, and took one to the ground floor. At the corner, he passed a couple making out against a lamppost. He lifted a hand for a taxi, and while he waited, the man’s hand slid under the woman’s skirt. She lifted a thigh over his hip.

A cab slid to a stop, and he got in. A woman was already in the back seat. She stared ahead. Reed looked from the woman to the driver.

“Too many callouts this morning. We’re doubling up,” the cabbie said.

Frowning, Reed slid into the back seat and gave the driver the address.

The cab slid into traffic, undulating over the bumps. Reed checked his watch and looked out the window. They’d traveled a dozen blocks when he felt eyes on him.

He turned. The woman in the seat next to him stared. Wearing an expensive black suit with black gloves, her hand had crept across the seat and rested inches from his leg.

Her other hand had drifted under the jacket of her suit. It massaged her breast, the fabric shifting and pulsing.

She looked through him, her red lips parted, her breathing labored. Her reaching hand found his leg, fingers crawling along his thigh like a spider.

Frozen, he looked from her hand to her face. The eyes continued to stare through him, but as he met them, a wave of desire washed over him. She wore stockings, not hose, and he looked at her skirt. Fascinating. Wool, nylon, and her skin together. Combed, smooth, and irresistible. He reached.

His hand slid across the seat and came to rest on the smooth nylon. So hot, and it was the beginning. She had so much more. Needed to see, needed to feel. He lifted his eyes to her, and they stared at each other.

He swallowed and leaned towards her. She mirrored the motion, her mouth inviting.

“That’ll be $18.50, mister.”

What? $18.50? Her hips moved, inviting. He felt the skin of her thigh and hooked a finger under the top of the stocking, feeling the violation of reaching beneath her clothes.

“Hey. $18.50.”

$18.50. Reed shivered. The cabbie looked back through the plexiglass shield. Reed gave him thirty and backed out of the cab.

Her eyes stared. She needed him. He needed her. Laura, Reed thought. No, her. Now. She wanted it. He wanted it, feeling sweat on his forehead. She needed it. He needed it.

“Close the door, buddy. Let’s go.”

Absently, his hand gripped the edge of the cab door and pushed it closed. The car moved off. The eyes looked at him through the back window, and he stared back until the cab turned a corner.

Someone brushed past on the sidewalk, and Reed realized he’d been staring. He checked his watch. Twenty minutes since he got in the cab. The ride would have been ten. Ten minutes staring. What had he been thinking? Black stockings, poster bed. A deep need gripped his chest. He thought of Evan; he’d started this with Laura.

Breathless, he turned towards the campus and passed under the arc extolling the value of reason and restraint.

Evan was a physics post-grad. Reed headed towards his building, not sure what he’d do if he found him.

Students lay on blankets in the quad, and Reed remembered his and Laura’s spot near an oak tree. They’d had their first kiss there.

As he approached, a purple-and-white blanket lay near their spot. School colors. A coed's bare legs were spread. Reed looked away and increased his pace.

He found the sleek chrome-and-glass physics building and, unsure where to go, entered the main lobby. A class looked to have just let out. A mass of students stood together in small groups.

A moment passed. There was no sound, and no one moved.

The students stood in pairs and trios. They stared into each other’s eyes, hands moving over bodies in languid movements.

Reed stopped. The only one standing alone, he waited for a pair of eyes to find him, remembering the woman in the cab. No eyes shifted; they stared through each other, and in the depths of his mind, images tried to intrude. Touching, kissing, lingerie, leather, heat…

Careful to avoid eye contact, he navigated the labyrinth of students without touching anyone and passed through the open doors of one of the lecture halls.

Finding it empty, Reed descended the stairs and exited through a door at the back of the classroom.

Students, frozen in the same glazed communion, dotted the hallway. But, he’d found some professor’s offices. Moving silently, he dodged the students and read the names on the placards.

He didn’t find Evan’s name and felt a moment of despair until he stepped into the open doorway of a faculty lounge.

Evan sat on a cheap couch. A coed knelt on the floor before him. His legs were spread, and she ran her hands up both his thighs.

“Evan.”

In slow motion, his head turned and lifted.

“Laura left,” he intoned. “She’s waiting.”

“What-“, Reed looked to the coed. She’d fixed him with her gaze. He felt the image in her mind. Reed could sit. She wanted to touch him. She needed it. Reed took a step towards her, then felt Evan’s hand on his forearm.

“She’s waiting, Reed. Tara likes her. You’ll understand.”

His face seemed to tremble between blank and a desperate fear beneath.

“What did you do?” Reed said, trying to ignore the images intruding from the coed. She clasped his hand, and his nerves ignited. He imagined her legs wrapped around his hips. Reed shook his hand away, but she clung to him like discarded tape. Her legs around his hips; she’d clench and never let go.

The image vanished. Evan had touched the coed's chin, turning her head back to him. Her body reoriented itself, and their eyes drowsed in sync as they locked together. The struggle on Evan’s face was gone.

“Laura,” he droned. “Before she gets there.”

“She?” Reed asked. Evan and the coed stared.

“Evan,” Reed said.

His face engrossed, he did not respond.

Returning to the hallway, Reed tried to recall the campus map. He bumped into a staring couple. Their eyes turned towards him, and he ran.

Feet slapping against the floors, he raced up the hall and burst out. He recognized his old dorm and remembered the cab stand on the corner behind it.

Staring students lined the sidewalks, and cars had stopped moving, standing with doors open and waiting at crooked angles.

He reached his old dorm. The doors stood open. The lights inside had gone out, turning the corridors into dark pits. Lifting his eyes, Reed noticed the street lights had gone out. It would be dark soon. He ran.

A single cab waited at the cab stand. The driver stood by the fender, hands on his hips, as he surveyed the scene around him. He shook his head.

“Please,” Reed shouted as the cabbie moved to get into the car.

“I’m off, buddy. This is crazy,” the cabbie said.

“No,” Reed shouted and broke into a sprint.

Collapsing against the fender, Reed found the cabbie's eyes, relieved when they glared back.

“Get off my cab!”

“I’ll give you anything,” Reed said and fished in his pockets for cash. He held up everything he had, not caring.

The cabbie jerked his head. “Let’s go.”

Sighing with relief, Reed got into the front.

“Thank you. Thank you,” Reed said, trying to catch his breath.

The cabbie looked at him, eyebrows raised. “Where’re we going?”

Reed gulped air. He gave the address. The cabbie thought, then put the car into drive.

In his element, the cabbie navigated the stopped cars and random groups staring at each other. A couple was having sex in the bed of an old pickup. The cabbie shook his head.

“Been seeing it coming,” he said to himself. “You see it all driving a cab. Learn to ignore most of it.”

His eyes never left the road. “I’m not a prude, understand. Pretty girl turns my head like it would any guy.”

He ignored a red traffic signal and accelerated through the intersection. “But, you keep hearing things.”

Reed imagined Laura lying so still in the bed. Evan could have come, or Tara could have come. But hearing a voice with emotion, even anger, felt like breathing. “Hearing what?”

The cabbie glanced at Reed and returned his eyes to the road. “Tone at first. Drunk sounds a certain way. High is something else. Never heard this.”

He spun a finger near his ear. “Like the words wanted to be repeated.”

“What words?”

“You’ll understand.”

Reed looked across the seat. The cabbie nodded.

“College students at first. They’d come out of the club, not high, not drunk. They’d just stare at each other. Whole ride like that, then I’d ask for the fare, and they’d stare through me and say it.”

“You’ll understand,” Reed said.

“Yeah, but empty, like they were at the bottom of something and were inviting you down.”

Laura’s eyes had looked like that. She stared up from the bottom of something. He replayed her words. Had she said it?

Twilight had descended when they reached the residential streets in Reed’s neighborhood. The cabbie eased the car to a stop in front of the house. Reed looked up the driveway. All the lights were off.

“Hey, how about you and me just go. You’re the first real person I’ve seen all day,” the cabbie asked.

Reed shook his head. “I need to get Laura.”

“You sure it’s still her?”

Reed nodded, not sure, but it was Laura. “Has to be.”

Doubting, the cabbie extended a hand. Reed took it.

“Look after yourself. I’m not waiting,” the cabbie said.

“You too,” Reed said.

Reed got out and closed the door. The cab moved off.

Taking a breath, Reed paused before going up the driveway. No sound. No light. Inserting the key and turning the lock, he pushed the door open.

Laura sat on the couch. She looked up, and her eyes brightened. She came to him, closing her arms around his neck, holding him tight. She kissed his cheek.

“I was worried,” she said.

“Me too,” Reed said.

“Been thinking about you,” she said.

“Me too.”

She made a flirty smile and tossed her head towards the bedroom, tugging him towards it.

Reed ran a hand along her flank, and she released her hug and took his hand, leading him down the hall.

They reached the bedroom, and she turned and kissed him. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Didn’t think you would understand.”

“Still don’t.”

She nodded and looked to the bathroom, the expression draining from her eyes.

“You need to meet someone,” Laura said.

A woman stood in the doorway, compact and still.

Laura’s voice became flat. “This is Tara. I told you about her.”

Tara walked towards him, her motions deliberate. Her face emerged from the gloom.

She met Reed’s eyes, then looked over his body before returning to his eyes. He blinked. Eyes were wrong. Slit pupils. She blinked, lids from the sides. Magenta that reflected like chrome.

He blinked. He wouldn’t stare.

She touched his hand.

The pupils changed, widened. Just look, a voice said. Discover the eyes, just for a minute. They were terrifying and beautiful. How did the pupils flutter at the edges?

No. Don’t stare. But he wanted, needed. Empty, he needed so much. Tara was nodding. No, he was nodding. He was falling. So, so easy.

“No,” Reed whispered.

He tore his gaze away and looked to Laura. Her eyes had become bottomless. She touched his chin and pushed, guiding his gaze to Tara.

“They’ll show you,” Laura said, her voice far, far above him. “You’ll understand.”

He realized he was nodding. Tara was nodding, taking, consuming. Reed was falling again. He reached, and there was nothing to stop him.

“Hungry and angry,” Laura droned. “I told you.”

“You’ll understand,” Reed replied.