Neve’s nerves were wound tight like violin strings. The silence around them was deafening. Well… it wasn’t exactly silence. The alarm was still blaring after all – but the constant repeated noise had by now faded into the background like the sound of the engines of a ship or like the sound of people talking in a busy bar. But it really was the only noise. No doors. No footsteps. No shouts in the distance. There was no one coming for them anymore it seemed. It was impossible to say if they were being watched and assessed from afar while an ambush was being planned or if they had actually managed to kill everyone in this structure. The latter seemed too good to be true.

And then they came to a locked door.

“Fuck,” said Marika.

“Well I guess that settles it. We’re planetside. This isn’t a huge ship after all.”

“Better chances to find something small and agile to fly away with, then,” said the Captain.

“No chances of commandeering and selling it for ten billion credits, then,” said Gunny.

“How do you know we're planetside?” asked the young passenger. 

Gunny scoffed, and Neve couldn’t entirely keep herself from smiling.

“Well,” she said. “Doors on ships aren’t usually built into rock walls.”

Morena blushed. “Oh. I see. Of course. That was stupid. I’m sorry. I–”

She trailed off. Neve smiled. The girl was obviously out of her mind with terror. She had even forgotten to be all huffy and puffy. Neve didn’t see how anyone could honestly blame her. This was all kinds of horrible. No one had ever escaped Darkstar capture and lived to tell the tale. No one got out.

She shuddered as that particular intrusive thought snaked through her mind. It wasn’t the first time she’d had it.

When Neve had woken up in the cage, her head aching, faced with the horrifying sight of one of their brainwashed zealots, she had honestly – shamefully – given up and accepted her fate. The thing with the black eyes had told her that she would soon transcend her old life, and some part of her had been curious how it would feel to have her brain twisted and corrupted by that unfathomable dark energy that had turned entire systems into hordes of pitiless, cruel monsters. Looking at that pale-skinned face smiling at her, it had been almost easy to imagine that it would only feel bad for a short moment. And after that, whatever remained of her would be… happy. Black eyes and pale skin – but a smile on her face.

The memory made her cringe. That had been when she’d been at her lowest point, when all hope had been lost. Of course, she had tried to rationalize away her fears in any desperate way that she could.

She snapped back to reality. Gunny was ahead of her, trying to work the door. She was the kind of woman that knew her way around security bypasses in a way that made Neve’s engineering skills look amateurish. Luckily Gunny was only good at breaking things just the right way. When it came to actually fixing stuff, Neve thankfully had job security.

“Nope,” Gunny said. “It’s all backwards. No clue how any of that shit works.”

“Let me see,” Neve said and stepped up to the panel that Gunny had already helpfully pried open. It didn’t take her long to figure out that she had exactly no idea what any part of it did. The only thing she recognized was that it did – in fact – have wires going in and out of it. 

At least, she thought they were wires.

She sighed. “Yeah. What Gunny said.”

And just as she was done talking, a cold harsh voice filled the air as from some unseen speakers, someone addressed them through the intercom.

“And that is as far as you go, material. A valiant effort, worthy of some of our most valued brothers and sisters. You shall serve well, indeed.”

Morena shrieked, and Neve instinctively took her in her arms. The young woman was trembling with fear.

“Get bent, asshole,” said Gunny.

“How crude. I would call you a blunt instrument, but I can tell that you are much more than that. Already you are without hesitation, without remorse. Imagine the glory you could achieve in our ranks, free from everything that has ever held you back. You have already tasted it, haven’t you? Was it not wonderful? Is it not, still?”

“I prefer to choose whose teeth I kick in myself.”

“For now.”

“Just let us go!!!” Morena whimpered in Neve’s arms. “What are we to you? You… you’re billions, aren’t you? What does it matter to you if you don’t have us?”

“All must see what we have seen. You will understand soon.”

“Please,” she said. “I want to go home.”

“Sweet child, you are home.”

Marika rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Of course you were going to say that. Fuck you. What are you even doing, stalling us? Are you sending in more of your crazies? We already killed more than twenty of them. Just let us go, and we won’t kill another dozen of you just so you can have the four of us. You know, I’m no mathematician, but that sounds like a lot of sunk cost.”

“You are blind, and deaf. I already told you: All must see what we have seen. There is no higher call than to make others understand, no matter the price. There is only one way for you to go: Through the sanctum of the void. You will feel the light of the Darkstar burn away your old selves, and you will know the truth. Beyond the sanctum lies an exit. You are free to use it – but you won’t.”

And with that the alarm turned itself off. The silence felt deafening.

“Nope. Not gonna happen,” said Marika after a moment. “I’m not going to play your games.”

“Then you choose to die of thirst and starvation,” said the cold voice. “It would be truly regrettable. So much senseless pain. Surely, you do not truly want it to end that way.”

“Fuck you!” Marika screamed. Her face was a grimace of utter rage. “We’re not gonna offer ourselves to you!!! We’d rather die!!!”

Her scream echoed through the hallway, and what followed was a moment of heavy silence. They all looked at each other. Neve’s heart was beating. She looked at them. Marika looked livid. Gunny was always hard to read, but she looked thoughtful. Morena looked just miserable.

“Is that so?” asked the voice mockingly, and another deafening silence followed.

Marika looked around, suddenly looking unsure.

“Gunny?”

Gunny shrugged. “Didn’t get me the first time. Just focus on your anger and push through. We can do it.”

She looked at Neve and Morena, who was still quietly sobbing in Neve’s arms. Neve was about to speak, but Morena spoke before her. “Please. We have got to try. I– I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!!!”

Her voice broke, and she pushed herself into Neve’s shoulder. Neve felt her tears falling onto her skin. She looked at her captain, and met her stare. She took a deep breath and thought back to the painful memory of the moment when she’d given up. It had been so easy to tell herself that it wouldn’t be so bad. And try as she might to deny it – it still was.

She looked at Marika with a heavy heart. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t want to die either.”

Marika looked incredulous. For a moment she seemed lost for words. She shook her head, and began pacing up and down in one spot, mouth half-open as if to speak but unable to get anything out.

Finally, it broke out of her: “Are you guys serious?! The moment we walk into that room, we’re gone! How can you possibly consider that? That’s fucking worse than dying! Do you know what they’re going to make you do?! Do you have the slightest idea?!”

She was breathing heavily. “If you think for one minute that you can push through it and not become like them – you’re wrong! You can’t just decide not to let it affect you.” 

Gunny was about to speak, but Marika cut her off. “Gunny – Sorry. I love you, but there’s always been something wrong with your brain.” 

Gunny shrugged and gave a non-committal nod. “Fair.”

Marika looked at Neve again. The captain didn’t look angry anymore. She looked afraid.

“Neve… please. There’s got to be another way! You and Gunny can figure out that panel. I know you can! We’re gonna get out of here! We don’t have to play by their rules.”

Neve took a deep breath. Marika was obviously grasping for straws. It was clear that whatever twisted way the Darkstar were thinking didn’t care about losses. If they tried to escape any other way, they were going to get ambushed and overwhelmed. 

Gunny was immediately back on the panel. She seemed glad for something to do. Some absurd part of Neve thought that she would indeed make for an excellent puppet of the void-touched.

“Come on, let’s just work the problem!” Marika pleaded. It broke Neve’s heart. She truly wished there was a way, but she knew there wasn’t.

“They’re watching all of this,” Neve said. “Even if we break through that door, what then? There’s only going to be another door. Another game. Another wave of zealots throwing themselves at us until they drag us back kicking and screaming.”

“Yes! Exactly! At least we’ll have taken out another handful of those assholes! At least we’ll have died fighting!”

“I can get behind that,” mumbled Gunny.

Marika looked at Neve, steel in her eyes. Neve took a deep breath. She was tired. She was scared. Part of her knew that it would be so much easier to simply give up. It would all end the same way. But Marika was right, too. It might have already been decided, but at least they could go out swinging. And it was clear that by whatever twisted logic the dark energy had burned into their brains, the Darkstar really didn’t want to kill them. Were they really willing to send follower after follower after them just to get them alive?

Well in that case who were they to deny them the opportunity?

“Yeah, me too.”

She tightened her hug around Morena, and then let go. The young woman looked at her, tears in her eyes. She looked utterly devastated. Neve winced. Of course, the kid wasn’t going to fight. She looked barely able to keep herself from curling up on the floor.

But Morena surprised her.

“Yeah,” Morena said, “Me too. Let’s give those motherfuckers some hell.”

Marika’s lips twisted into a grim smile. “Okay, let’s get to work then.”

Gunny had trouble concentrating. That hadn’t happened before. At least not when she was sober.

Was she sober, though?

Her thoughts kept returning to the light that had attempted to override her mind. She couldn’t really say that it was unexpected. Anything powerful enough to completely bend someone to its will was bound to leave an impression after all.

The whispers weren’t helping.

It was distracting. She could almost taste it still, and she simply couldn’t deny how good it felt. That light that had opened her mind and made her so much better. She had been able to take out twenty of those fuckers. Twenty two! That was absurd. That shouldn’t have worked. But it had. Because the light had shown her the way. It had been so good. She remembered it more clearly now. How it felt to let herself be drawn in. How certain she felt. How safe. She had never felt safe in her life. Not even as a kid. It had felt so good.

Something stirred in her chest, and when the moment was over, it was still there, and she recognized it. It felt warm, and powerful, and good. Like the light. Like the dark energy that had turned her eyes black and made her strong. The dark energy that had tried to show her the truth. The dark energy that she so nearly had given everything to.

She remembered more clearly, and she felt like she could almost see the light right now. She closed her eyes for a moment, and she could swear it was right there. She knew to be cautious, but surely it couldn’t be harming her. She had already defeated it after all. No. This was part of her – the part of her that had beaten it. She should embrace that part of herself. It was the part of her that made her stronger and better. The part of her that had blackened her eyes.

“Gunny, can you hold that up for a minute?”

She snapped back into the moment, and lifted up the thing that looked so much like a cable but also not really.

She was having trouble concentrating. That hadn’t happened before. At least not when she was sober.

Was she sober, though?

Marika wasn’t letting the dark thoughts take hold. She busied herself walking up and down the hallway they’d come from, making sure that she never went out of sight of the group. They were not going to get her on her own. But she also wasn’t just going to sit there while Neve and Gunny worked the door. She was listening for footsteps, and looking for access panels and hidden cameras and air vents – anything to possibly give them an edge.

It wasn’t much of course. She couldn’t go far. She didn’t dare walk through any doors for fear of being locked in, but she was able to look into some of the rooms that line the hallway close to the reinforced door at the end. One was another holding cell, another looked like a supply storage, a third seemed to be entirely empty save for a turned-off viewscreen at the far wall.

She circled back with a sigh. Who was she kidding? She was killing time. It made her feel useless. She missed her ship. She missed being in control of something, anything. She looked at the other three, her heart heavy. Even her plan seemed to be something that the others just went along with out of a lack of better options.

She was just about to join the young unlucky passenger on their journey and sit down on the floor when she changed her mind and began pacing up the hallway again. No. She hated this. Someone was watching them and just letting them hack away at that panel! They were being played with, and she wasn’t having it! And even if she was just going to meaninglessly patrol this small insignificant section of corridor, she was still going to do it because at least it was doing something. If they decided to change their minds and come after them, she was going to hear them coming that much earlier. Two seconds. Five seconds. It didn’t matter how little. It was something. Something that had carved out of this situation for herself. Something to keep those sick fucks from… having them.

A wave of disgust went through as she remembered what the void-touched in her cell had told her. She hadn’t told the others. She had tried to forget it herself. But she hadn’t. How could she?

‘You’ll breed excellent warriors.’

She gagged. The involuntary image of being impregnated by one of those monsters was enough to make her dizzy. She gasped for breath, trying to get the thought out of her head. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This couldn’t be real!

That was the reason why they could never give up. Any chance, no matter how small, was better than that. Any chance to get out – or even of getting killed, was preferable. 

Fuck. Please just get this door open!

Gunny had trouble concentrating. That hadn’t happened before. At least not when she was sober.

Was she sober, though?

Neve was doing almost all the work now. Gunny didn’t mind. She’d never really understood what she was doing anyway. It had always been pure gut feeling – and her gut feeling didn’t work here, with this alien tech. Why bother? Let the engineer be the engineer.

She watched Neve work, and thought about what she had said before the captain had convinced her to keep fighting. Neve had given up for a moment there. In that moment she had been ready to walk into the light and accept her fate – accept her defeat.

Gunny hadn’t even considered that as a valid option until today. But the way Neve had said it so calmly had made it sound almost reasonable. The scared kid had sobbed and begged, of course. She was the kind to do that kind of thing. Some people simply were that way. But Neve… Neve was reasonable – and Neve had said that she didn’t want to die, fully knowing that the logical consequence was letting herself be brainfucked by the Darkstar.

Gunny knew that it would feel good. Very good in fact. She’d been there. On the edge of understanding, ready to jump, until she had remembered herself. She imagined Neve in that place, and Marika, and the kid. They would all plunge headfirst without thinking, that much was for sure. Their eyes would turn black, and their skin would turn pale, and their faces would twist into zealous smiles because there would be nothing left in their heads but glorious seething truth, the truth that Gunny had been so close to embracing.

Gunny didn’t want to die either. In fact, she had a very strong will to survive. There were plenty of broken bones and bullet holes in other people’s bodies to prove that. Until now, that had always meant fighting to the last. It had meant distrust and paranoia and being always ready to deal violence. Giving in was something naive people did.

Neve wasn’t naive. The void-touched didn’t want to kill them. They wanted to make them see. Make them see the truth. Make them better. Embrace them. Join them.

She couldn’t bring herself to hate them anymore. That was odd – but after all she had been changed. She’d never denied that. Maybe that was part of being stronger, too. To be more accepting. More reasonable, like Neve. More willing to accept the truth. She had always been stubborn. She knew that. She closed her eyes. It was hard to think. She saw the familiar light in her mind, and it gave her comfort. She remembered it so clearly. She had been so close. She had wanted it so bad. Until her stubbornness had ruined it and pushed her away from the edge and into their faces. All they wanted was for her to see the truth and serve happily and zealously like they did. And she had killed them. She had run away from the light, and missed everything. She wanted it back. She needed it back. She realized that now. It was always going to happen. It was still going to happen. How many more would she kill before they overwhelmed her? All they wanted was to make them see what they had seen. Make them see what Gunny had seen. Gunny had seen so much of it. Almost all of it. She was going to see it again. It had been so beautiful.

Yes.

She was going to see it again. And the others were going to see it, too! 

They needed to see it, too! The truth! The light! She was seeing it now, behind her eyelids, in her mind! She was seeing it so clearly! And she was going to show them! 

They were going to see what she had seen!

Morena felt…

She didn’t know how she felt anymore. It was all too much. She was naked, in a Darkstar base, with three other naked women she barely knew. One of them had black eyes and looked disturbingly like the bent and twisted monsters that had captured them in the first place. She was working with Neve on the panel and they had been at it for almost an hour, now. The scary voice on the intercom hadn’t spoken again, but she had to assume that they were still watching everything that was happening.

Morena had had some time to calm down, and fall back into panic, and calm down again – several times over. Things were absurdly quiet and there was way too much time to spiral into horrible thoughts. Her mind had gone off wandering and wondering how all of this was going to end. The thought had sent her nearly hyperventilating the first time her mind had gone there, but by now the edge had worn off.

This was it. This was the last day of her life. For a moment, the floor seemed to fall away beneath her, but it felt less bad now than it had earlier. It was terrible of course, but she had found a strange sense of acceptance. A fragile one, but a real one. After all, this happened to everyone eventually. Just not so soon. And in the end, she would always be gone forever, and it wouldn’t matter how long she’d been around.

In a way, she wouldn’t even be gone. They weren’t going to… kill her. Just… make her different. Somehow. Maybe she wouldn’t even feel that different. Weren’t they always talking about how they were going to ‘make them see’? That didn’t sound so bad. Maybe there actually was some universal truth that the human mind wasn’t built to understand on its own. Maybe everyone else was wrong? Maybe the void-touched were right.

And then she remembered the mad grin and the black eyes of her captors, and the suddenly rising panic in the back of her throat made her dizzy again.

She sobbed, and tried to take deep breaths. That had helped the last time. It did this time, too. She thought of her father. She thought of the friends she had left behind what felt like a lifetime ago. Things had changed so much so quickly. One day, everything had been as it always had been. The next day she had been whisked away in the dead of night. She had nearly died. Others had not been so lucky. And then she had ended up in transit on the ship of captain Marika. The first day on board had been horrible. The second day had been even worse. But the third day had been better, and the fourth better still. 

She had found herself feeling almost normal, and she had realized that despite everything the world hadn’t ended. The worst possible thing had happened, and she had continued to exist.

And then the ship had broken down and they had been captured by Darkstar-worshipping zealots.

So much for that.

But maybe this was going to be the same way. It had to. She would continue to exist. Things were going to be different. Very different. But the universe would continue, with her still in it – despite everything.

“Holy shit, I think I got it!” said Neve, and they all looked to the door. There was a small percussive sound that sounded more like Neve had broken something than as if she’d activated a function of whatever that thing was supposed to do – but then there was a whirr and the heavy door unlocked with an audible click. A light turned green above it.

Gunny was immediately on her feet, stun baton and gun at the ready. The captain wasn’t far behind her. 

“One,” Gunny began, wild energy in her black eyes. She looked so scary. Seeing her naked was still weird, but it made clear just how muscular and strong she was. Morena was so glad that she was on their side. 

“Two.” The captain had taken the other side of the door. They both looked ready to charge.

“Three,” Gunny said, and she and the Captain began charging as the door opened. It was a strange moment. Gunny looked almost like she had misjudged her step, and she was almost running into the captain instead of through the door. It was unexpected because she usually seemed so– wait, what was happening?

The captain was screaming. Why was she screaming? Morena couldn’t tell what was going on. It took her almost a second or two to realize that Gunny had rammed her stun baton into the side  of the captain’s torso. The captain was on the ground, twitching and groaning in what seemed like excruciating pain.

“Gunny! No!” It was Neve, the engineer. Her face was grief-stricken as she was watching her shipmates, possibly her friends, stab each other in the back.

Gunny made a quick movement, turning herself halfway around and shifting her feet, until she could see all of them.

Then she picked up  the stun baton and gun that the captain had dropped, and tossed them through the door and into the hallway beyond.

Morena was still stunned into silence, and all she could do was watch as her head spun wildly. Why? Why was any of this happening? Hadn’t they all decided to try to fight?! Gunny had been the first to agree! It made no sense. Why was she doing this?

The baton and the gun clattered down the hallway floor and landed at the feet of a phalanx of zealots. At least that was what she thought that was called. Phalanx. She had read that word once in some ancient story about wars on Earth before it had been unlivable. They were standing shoulder to shoulder, armed with stun guns, two or three rows deep. They weren’t moving. Apparently, they didn’t need to. It finally dawned on Morena: Whatever had happened to Gunny had finally made her… change. 

The next thing that happened confirmed it. Gunny turned to look at Neve, who was staring at her looking utterly betrayed and dejected. Gunny shrugged. “You get why I had to, don’t you?”

Neve sighed, and nodded. A tear ran down her cheek. “Because you need to show us what you have seen,” she said, her voice heavy with bitter resignation.

Gunny’s face lit up with a smile. “Good. I’m glad you understand. And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t have mattered. But this way is easier. You really need to see.”