She kissed me.

Holy fucking fuck she kissed me.

It's not real. It can't be real. Except—

"I kissed you."

Oh. Okay. It's real. Which means the abject terror I'm feeling is real, too.

Because that kiss could mean anything.

It could mean everything.

And I don't know which.

"Why?" I mean it to sound strong, demanding; it comes out weak and scared.

"B-because I, um..." Her eyes dart around the room, not able to hold eye contact. It's such a difference from a few days ago. "I wanted to."

That makes it worse. There is no reason. It's just her and a whim.

I'm just a thing to be used by a human, yet again.

"Am I just a walk on the wild side to you?"

"What? Kam, I—" She reaches for me, hoping to cup my head in her hands. Desdemona did the same. I grab her wrists.

"Why did you kiss me? You don't want me." It's all that goes through my head: these are not the actions of someone who wants to be in a relationship.

But then again, what fucking leg do I have to stand on? My only experience with a relationship—the kind they have here, anyway—is with Desdemona.

Maybe it's knowing that she's out there. That she could come back into my world. That if she found out about Tiana, she'd hurt her. Or me.

My head feels fuzzy, and I'm horrified at the prospect now that it could be real. She might want me.

Except she hasn't said that.

It's still not real.

"I... it's..." Tears bead in Tiana's eyes, and I hate that I'm the reason for them. "I'm sorry. I'll go."

She pulls on the trenchcoat, and I see the tears slip down her cheeks.

I blink, my vision blurring for some reason. She's gone.

I'm such an idiot.

I call the one person I know will answer, every time, and find my way to Rax's place. When I get there, there's no judgment. He listens, staring at me with his dark umber eyes as I pace back and forth.

I'm a mess, but that's no surprise to him.

He's the one who liberated me, after all.

Nobody remembers his name, now that it's been a decade and the human world moved on... but Draxus of Kjel'Doran is a legend. He works the same shit job schlepping shipping containers as I do.

He doesn't complain. "It grounds me," he says. Maybe it's true. I dunno. Seems weird, but what do I know.

When I'm done talking, capped off with my "sooooo yeah! That's about it. I'm stupid, aren't? Yeah. I'm stupid," Rax just eyes me for a long moment.

Then he shrugs. "I already knew."

"Bullshit," I fire back, simultaneously embarrassed that I did such a shit job hiding it and happy he knows.

"Lis is one of my best friends," Rax says, and I can feel the shit-eating grin he's giving me.

"You don't even go to her bar!" I protest.

One of his eyebrows shoots up. "Who do you think is my 'Virgin Drink Night' buddy?"

"Ah for fuck's sake." Knew declining that would bite me in the ass.

"We've been taking bets," Rax says.

I slump, energyless, into a wooden rocking chair. I hate the goddamn thing, but Rax doesn't "believe in couches". "Any number of chairs is far more efficient," he extolled the one time I dared bring it up. We spent the next hour going back and forth about it.

My tail cramps and feels weird almost immediately, but I don't get up. I just sigh.

"How much did you make?"

"$6,239," Rax says.

My eyes go wide at the figure. "Fuck me! That's couch having money!"

Rax lets out a disapproving "hmph!", and narrows his eyes at me. "I'm not going to get pulled in."

"Because I'm right?"

"No, because you're—" I see him winding up, but then he shakes his head. "Because you're trying to distract from talking about you and Tiana."

"You're a crap friend, y'know that?" I grouse.

"Emotionally healthy, you mean."

"Same thing. Enable my bad behavior!"

"No."

"Whatever. It's a moot point. I'm pretty sure we're done after tonight."

Rax shrugs. "Why?"

"What kind've life could I ever have with her? Her bestie is a cop! One that not-so-subtly threatened me today when she came over and dropped the bombshell that Desdemona's getting out!"

Rax flinches.

"She's..." Rax trails off, staring into space, chest heaving with panicked breaths. Desdemona hurt Rax more than she hurt me, and that's saying something from the way she took a crowbar to my psyche.

After a few moments, he takes in a deep breath. He calms a bit. "Okay. She's getting out. When?"

"I dunno. She's up for parole, and she gonna get out." I wave my hand lazily.

Rax stands. "No, she's not. We won't let her." He nods, resolute. "We're gonna fight this."

I shrug. "How?"

"'Two birds', as they say here... but it means we do have to talk to someone."

My blood runs cold. "Who?"