The crowd wants this. They want me and Kam. Together. They know I'm married. They know who Rory is, and their cheering isn't filled with the boisterous laughter of someone's cruel joke landing a little too well amongst a group of like-minded peers.

I know that one from experience all to well.

But then, I bet, so does Kam. No wonder why I saw her flinch when someone shouted that. I felt her tense, even without so much as looking her way. As the crowd continues to cheer, and one second of applause and whoops rolls into five, then ten, I lean towards Kam.

They cheer louder.

"Do you trust me?" I shout over the noise. It's a loaded question. I know that. Kam knows it, too, based on the look she gives me.

But her face softens, and she nods nonetheless. Because maybe this is the way that we can get back to being what we were. I can tell she wants that.

I need it, too.

I raise the mic and take in a deep breath. I don't have to think about Kam's hands on my body to summon the flush in my cheeks. I just have to feel what's already in me.

I clear my throat, and the nervousness isn't an act. "Uhhh, let's continue with the panel!" I say in a voice that's too high.

The act here is to not act about it at all. I'm the Ice Queen, and to everyone watching, this is the first time that Kam has made me fucking melt just by being close to each other.

I look to Kam, who's blinking incredulously at me.

No. Not that. She's marveling at me.

All of this, live on camera.

Rory will see it. There's no denying the way Kam and I look at each other. It's going to crush him. I know that. He's not stupid.

Nobody here is.

They see this for what it is. Maybe they see it as more than it was, but... they like that Kam and I might end up together.

They like me gay. With her.

It's enough that now I do have to act. I have to keep myself from bawling here on stage. Nobody wants that. They love the fantasy of us, and that's a step.

But they don't want to see their heroes fall.

And I'm still a hero. I remember, a little, how much that matters to all of these people.

And I remember why it mattered to me, too. Why I never quit.

It wasn't the money, or the fame, or anything else.

I didn't quit because I was clueless about who I was without it, and because I'd lose the one chance to atone for having all these awful thoughts in my head.

About the burden of it.

I kept telling myself that there would come a day when it would be enough. I'd have done enough for all the moments before when I wanted to go away; when I had doubts and was selfish and people got hurt.

When I would know that I'd done enough good to offset the horribleness of just being me.

I feel closer today to feeling like maybe I've done enough. Maybe if Kam can forgive me, too, then it'll be enough. Maybe I can finally quit. Maybe this could even be my last GirlCon.

I'd let down Alicia, though. I don't know if I can do that. And the fans... except they like me outside of this.

So maybe... maybe it's okay? Maybe it's fine to do this, if they think it's okay. Maybe I could quit, finally.

I could rest.

Kam gestures for me to follow, and I have to resist taking her hand. I want to, though. I want to make it plain and clear that this isn't just an act to me.

It's the truth.

Kam and I go back to our chairs and sit. Sidney looks sufficiently chastened. She set down her mic on the side table next to her chair when we got up.

She thought it would make her appear more pitiable. It didn't. Now that we're settling in, she reaches for it.

A flash of gold, and Kam has it.

It dangles loosely from her coiled tail.

"Okay, here's how this is gonna work," Kam says. "You behave, you get mic privileges. You don't?" Kam pulls the mic away just a bit.

Sidney grits her teeth. I can tell she's already planning her vengeance. Women like her don't enjoy humiliation.

Weirdo.

Sidney nods, and the panel continues with her doing her best effort to not be awful to Kam.

It lasts all of twenty minutes before Sidney can't resist a dig at Kam's 'facial structure'. Kam pulls her mic.

"Okay! Say thank you to Sidney for being such a... moderator," Kam says. Scattered applause.

Sidney doesn't leave, and in the growing silence I step in.

"Audience questions?" I pose to Kam.

"Yeah! Audience questions."

"Hey, can we get house lights on?" I ask. The lights come up, and there's so many people.

"How're they gonna...?" Kam asks. I gesture to the mic in her tail.

She grins and steps toward the edge of the stage. By the time she's there, one of the event staff has already made their way to the front. She hands off the mic to them, and they put the mic in a stand.

Normally, Q&As are time-fillers, for when the questions run out.

Everyone's curious, though.

"How do you two know each other?" is the first question.

"Well, she almost swallowed me with her tail a decade ago," I answer.

There's shocked giggles from the crowd.

"Hey!" Kam exclaims before turning to the audience. "It was in the middle of a battle!" There's laughter in her voice.

"See?"

The crowd loves it, laughing along with Kam. There's a few more questions for me after that. About what it's like being a Magisorcerer, and my responsibilities. The staffer who brought out the mic stand signals that I've got time for one more, and the last question doesn't disappoint.

"So, um..." begins a mousy looking girl with brown hair. "Back to you two. Um. Are you two... friends, or...?" She lets the implication hang.

"I think, um... well, I think..." Kam splutters.

I cut in. "I think Kam's pretty cool." The way I'm eyefucking her leaves no doubt as to my meaning.

Kam looks to me, and we're locked in that same trance as before. Heated. Intense. I see her tail twitch. "Thanks everyone," she says. "Show's over."

We head backstage. The moment we're in the dark, I start to whisper.

"My greenroom is—"

"That was incredible!" Jessica cuts in. "You're trending!"