Teleporting always has a habit of making me feel a bit sick. It's not why, after blinking a few blocks away, I sink to my knees and barely keep from vomiting.

How was I so careless? I kissed her out of nowhere, and then made it seem like... Like she means nothing to me.

I need to go back.

When I do, though, she doesn't answer the door. I knock and knock for a few minutes, until someone pops their head out from one of the adjacent units.

On instinct, I face away.

Cameras aren't friends. Neither are neighbors. I apologize with my back turned. Whoever's there lingers.

I pull up my coat collar. I'm next to naked underneath this.

Just lingerie that I bought for a date. With Rory.

There's no giddy rush now. I'm not boldly exploring my nascent sexuality.

I only feel shame.

I didn't think any of this through.

I just blew up my life. I'm gonna be sick again.

The moment I hear the door down the hallway click closed — a full minute later as my stomach continues to roil and flip and my thoughts spiral about what I'm going to tell Rory — I blink away.

I land in an alleyway, and my knees give out. It takes everything to brace myself. My head swims.

Dammit.

I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I curl my fist and lightly tap the wall. I want to put my hand through it. I could. Even without the transformation, I'm stronger than most people.

I could get away with it, too, but I'm a hero. I don't break through brick walls because I...

Oh, god.

I wasn't focusing enough when I teleported.

I haven't even thought about thinking about where I land in years. I honed my craft to the point where I could trust my instincts about where I'd land.

But in that moment, I just wanted somewhere safe that wasn't Kam's apartment. And somehow I'm here;

I'm in the alleyway I came to in after Kam devoured me a second time. I'm here because, despite how bad everything got afterward, I felt... safe.

She made me feel safe inside her. I didn't know it was possible to feel so calm while hogtied and spread, tentacles pounding me incessantly.

I could hear her talk with Rory. Snatches of it, muffled but still audible even in the void. I didn't tell her. She'd taken me so well, fucked me so thoroughly with my limbs pinned behind me, that it didn't even occur to me that there were sounds other than my own screaming moans.

It was only when Kam mentioned his name afterward that I remembered.

"I worry about her," he'd said. "She does too much. I just wish she'd find a way to... switch off."

I ripped myself free of Kam's embrace.

Maybe it's only fair she did the same after I...

I kissed her.

I kissed a woman.

After years of wondering, and thinking about it, and contemplating if I just wanted kinky tentacle sex, I had my answer: I'm bisexual.

And the woman I fell for doesn't want me back. Recoiled the moment I wanted more than just the way our bodies melt into each other.

I can't hold it in anymore.

I let out a stifled sob, but I can't indulge in any more. Not all the way. Not ever, not out in public. If anyone walks by, they'd see Magisorcerer Tiana in an alleyway. That's not okay.

My manager and agent would have a field day knowing that it was past midnight and my makeup was smudged.

And if some enterprising creep got a shot of what's under this trench coat, I'd be made a laughingstock. That's to say nothing of how Rory would feel finding out his wife was walking around like that.

Not that I've been the best wife, even long before everything with Kam started.

I give myself another three minutes to quietly sob, then I stop. I flood my veins with ice and summon my will. I'm going to teleport home. I don't overthink it, but I won't have another mistake.

I close my eyes and feel my body meld into the field of magic that carries me away.

To somewhere safe.

I land on a mattress in a dimly lit, cramped one-bedroom far from my house in the hills. I was here earlier this evening, lying inches from where I've landed now.

I grab a pillow that's still damp from my sweat, put it over my face, and scream into it. Why?

Why am I back here?

Please let it end.

And then I remember how tonight went. I remember how sitting right there is more Decay than I've ever seen in my entire life.

I'm scooping it off the sheet before I even consider what I'm about to do. Unlike cum, it didn't sink into the fabric. It pooled on top.

Like it was waiting.

This is self-destructive. I know that even as I bring the Decay towards my lips. It's still warm to the touch, slick and slippery as it slides across my palms. I have to move slowly as to not let it fall.

I can't risk getting any stains on this trench.

Rory will see. I can't have questions.

Then again, why am I doing this if not so concerns like "Rory having questions" will get ripped from my mind along with whatever morals keep me hurting so bad?

My palms press against my chin, and I tilt my head back. Kam's Decay slides into my mouth and up my nostrils.

Warm and welcoming.

Safe.

But something's wrong. It's not like before.

It's bitter and foul and I can't breathe. Everywhere it touches now that it's inside me feels cold. So, so cold that I'm worried I'm going to freeze to death from how cold it is.

That I'm going to die without even realizing it.

And then... I'm okay.

Maybe I'm better than okay. I feel my worries trapped in ice. They fight to be heard, but then freeze. My inhibitions rewire themselves out of existence.

Yeah, I'm gonna be juuuuust fine.

I don't even know what I was worried about before. Heh.

Everything's gonna be spectacular now.

For me.