Even though Mo had taken a shower already today, the thought of going out to coffee with Nia made them worry they needed a fresh start to be in a fit state to see her. The high they were having made the couch feel so inviting, but there were better things to do now. Something to work for.

Mo went to their dresser and began excavating piles of lazily folded t-shirts. Band shirts here, bedroom-only booze brand tees there, none of it suitable for a date with Nia. There had to be something better in the closet. Browsing through the options, then they remembered.

“I like that shirt on you.”

It was a plain, but nice, red wine colored cotton shirt. Nia’s favorite color. That’s right. This would be perfect. They’d ordered it online after learning that little detail about Nia. They’d worn it one night out with her. At the crowded bar, she wouldn’t take her hand off them all night. Back at her place, she’d let her hands slip under the hem of it, her warm fingers teasing at their stomach, their waist, their nipples. This would be perfect.

To the bathroom, Mo rummaged through their toiletries and body care odds and ends. Freshen up on the deodorant, give the hair another brushing through. Brushing their teeth – hopefully that would get rid of the weed smell. Not that Nia ever minded a good toke, but for a coffee date in the early afternoon, probably not the best move.

The first time Mo and Nia smoked weed together was at a mutual friend’s place, kicking back after a long week with pizza and Kath’s favorite Disney movies. Easy background noise, so easy to drown out that Mo spent the whole time focused on Nia instead. Sitting on an arm of a loveseat, they’d wrap an arm round Nia’s neck and lean desperately into her, draping a leg over hers as Phil Collins echoed through the room.

A rush of pulsing relaxation came over them, their mind cloudy and their body heavy. One of these measured breaths let slip a prolonged hum of serenity. Then they felt Nia’s hand resting on their hip, a finger digging her way under the hem of their shirt and tracing little circles into their skin as they sat together. Mo felt themselves melting into her touch.

Oh God, Mo’s late. Not so late they can’t make it work, but late. They’d spent a little too long idly holding their toothbrush in their mouth, lost in the memory. They quickly cleaned themselves up, threw on Nia’s favorite color, and raced to the door of the apartment.

Where are the damn keys?

Normally they sat on their nightstand but they were missing. Oh God. Mo searched every nook and cranny of the bedroom, nothing. They brought groceries in yesterday, maybe in the kitchen? Nothing. The more they searched the more anxious they became, checking their phone in between failed searches and groaning at the lost time. How could they do this to her? How could they have gotten so distracted? She’d never want anything to do with them if they showed up late for the first time seeing each other in a year.

Mo’s phone light combed the room’s dark corners and hidden spaces. They were lost.

“Relax.”

As soon as Nia’s word came to them, the phone light glistened against the car keys. They clutched them so tightly their fingers stung, and ran out the door. They quickly typed a message to Nia.

On my way!

A hurried drive and finally Mo had made it to Sawyer’s. Only twenty-three too many minutes late. They checked their phone and found a message from Nia.

Sounds good. I’m at one of the tables outside.

They made their way up the short set of steps to the patio area. And there she was. Nia sat with her cup of coffee, a book in her hand. Mo was frozen in place. All they could do was stare at her perfection. Her dark curls, those round glasses that perfectly framed her face. The way her hands held that book, her thumb pressing into the spine, all Mo wanted was to be in between those fingers again. Mo stood slackjawed, until Nia’s eyes lifted from the book to meet theirs. She smiled at them, that bright smile that had drawn Mo in the first time they met.

A quiet, smoky bar. Mo nursed a whiskey sour. They were awestruck by her, but she hadn’t noticed. She was fixed in conversation elsewhere. Mo haunted the bar stools, waiting to see if they could be graced by her presence. They heard that gorgeous laugh in the distance and all the ruckus of the bar dampened in its echo. They had to know her name.

Mo felt heavy, like they still couldn’t find the strength to come closer to her. She set her book on the table and stood. Mo was only able to take a step forward as Nia closed the distance. “Hey, stranger.” She opened her arms to offer them a hug. Their bodies finally met for the first time in an eternity. They felt Nia’s fingers curl into their shoulder blade and let a sigh escape them, their body seeping the tension away as they felt the familiar embrace.

Mo came with her to the table and sat.

“Don’t you want to order something?” Nia’s brow slightly furrowed, her smile catching Mo’s eye again. She looked baffled, surprised Mo could be so unfocused. What were they thinking?

“Sorry, give me just a minute.”

They shuffled out of the garden chair, the sound of metal scraping against the concrete giving Mo goosebumps.

“Do you not want anything?”

Her question gave them pause. They didn’t want anything they could get in that coffee shop. They slowly sat down again, correcting their posture. The only thing they wanted was right in front of them.

“No, no, I’m alright for now. I’m sorry I’m late.”

Nia shook her head, her lips curling into that familiar sweetness. “Don’t worry about it, Mo. I’m just glad you came. I’m just surprised you reached out.” Nia took a sip of her coffee and Mo followed her hand with their eyes. They watched the cup float up to her lips, the slow tilt, and the slow falling of the drink until it would clink against the metal of the table. They spent so much time staring at her lips the first time they were here.

“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you again.” Those lips spoke a different tune now.

Mo couldn’t put a sentence together. Fragment after fragment flew through their mind, their mouth opening and closing and opening again as they searched for the right explanation of what could’ve taken them so long.

“But I’m glad you did.” Nia did the courtesy of breaking Mo’s silence, and something finally came to them.

“I was just thinking about you.” Formulaic.

“And what brought me into your mind?”

There’s my good toy. The words echoed again in their mind. Mo thought of the way Nia’s words had so effortlessly captivated them that morning. It had been a long time since the thought of her made them so enamored. When Janie came into Mo’s life, and when Janie became their focus, time with Nia became more infrequent, shallow, empty.

“I don’t know. I was just in the shower this morning, and-” She laughed. Oh God, she was laughing at them. Why would they tell them about the shower?

“That’s quite the picture.” Mo wanted to sink into her smirk.

“I promise, there wasn’t anything too special about it.” They raised a palm, as if swearing in court. “Just thought of you while I was getting ready for the day, that’s all I meant.”

She nodded. “I get it, I promise. Just teasing you a bit.”

She was teasing them more than she knew. Mo’s eye was caught by a little tic of Nia’s, where she liked to trace a finger back and forth along the rim of her drink. They watched them do it now the same way they’d been so fascinated with the habit as soon as they had met in person. But they felt more comfortable speaking to Nia now than they did before.

“How’ve you been?” Mo locked eyes with Nia again. “Since we last saw each other, anyway.”

“Well, we saw each other just a couple of weeks ago, you know.”

Mo’s lips parted.

“What?”

“Oh, I saw you out at Country Mile, a week and a half ago probably. You just looked like you were with someone.”

“I wasn’t. Maybe I was dancing with somebody, but I wasn’t with anybody.”

She nodded. “Either way, I figured I’d leave you to it.”

Mo tried to recall what exact night this could’ve been. They’d been to the Country Mile at least a couple of times since their last date with Janie. It was their favorite place to kill a couple of hours, have a couple of expensive shots and dance. How Nia could’ve been there without them noticing, Mo wasn’t sure.

“How are things with Janie?”

Mo couldn’t help but sigh. “Things are fine. They’ve just kind of started to drag. We’re having fun together, but it’s not quite where I thought it would be.” They shook their head, disappointed in themselves. Admitting for the first time to another person just how bored they were with Janie made their heart sink. Verbalizing it made the feeling they had been afraid of real, that they weren’t fully satisfied with the way things had been going.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

They attempted to wave off the shame. They looked down at the table again, at Nia’s fingers. A single digit revolved along the rim of the coffee cup, and Mo’s eyes began to follow it. Just a light movement of the eye, back and forth.

“I wonder what made you think of reaching out to me, really.” Nia spoke with a softer tone now. “What brought me into your mind.”

Mo was following the rhythm of Nia’s finger movement. They stammered as they spoke. “I was just thinking of you.”

Nia’s finger moved, pressing into the table. Mo looked to meet her eyes again. “And I’ve been thinking about you, Mo. I’ve been missing you. But you told me you wanted to take things seriously with Janie.” She slowly shrugged. “And I wanted to respect that.”

“I appreciate that, Nia. Really. But it hasn’t turned out the way I wanted.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, love.”

The term of endearment made them pause. Their fingers curled into their thigh, a tension moving through their upper body. Mo stared into her warm eyes, and felt a need to confess.

“Janie just isn’t as into kink and real dynamic stuff. Not like I am. I think we operate on different levels. It’s not anybody’s fault, I’m just not excited by the things we do. I want more.”

“That’s perfectly understandable. And you’re right, it’s not anybody’s fault. It’s a compatibility issue, one that a lot of people don’t realize they have without trying things out.”

“I’m just having a hard time telling her how I feel. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Nia shook her head again. The disappointment in the gesture made Mo anxious. Mo was a chronic people pleaser, even with people they didn’t share much intimacy. Nia was much more than that. “You’re hurting yourself by not telling her the truth, especially if this is how you feel.”

Mo stared deep into her, begging for understanding. “I know. It hasn’t really occurred to me until recently. We haven’t seen each other in a few days. I think I do need to tell her.”

Then, somehow, they heard it. Just that little sound of the oil of the skin against the cup. Mo found themselves staring at Nia’s finger again. “You’re neglecting your needs, Mo. I’ve been doing the same thing lately, honestly. Patrick and June have been getting closer.”

Patrick and June. That’s right. Patrick was Nia’s partner, June her meta. “And I love that for them, I do.” Nia continued, her finger slowly stroking circles along the cup. “I feel what you’re dealing with, Mo. I’m craving something I’ve been missing for a while. Patrick is great, but I need something all to myself, you know?”

Mo nodded absentmindedly, their eyes drawn in to Nia’s hand. They felt something against their leg. Nia was brushing against them, her leg grinding softly against theirs.

“And I can’t help but think that we’re here together for a reason, Mo. That you asked me to come here today because we both want something, something that we can find in each other.” Her voice was a harmonic calling in Mo’s ears. They slowly leaned forward, inching closer to her as she spoke.

“And we both know the best ways we satisfy each other, Mo. We know each other like no one else does.”

Mo’s mouth hang agape as they stared into the pool of coffee. Mo was being strung along, their concentration wrapping around that finger they craved so much. All they were able to think about was that hand touching them. Feeling Nia’s hand around their throat, her fingers in their mouth, her grip on their hip. They needed to touch her. The friction of her leg against theirs kept them grounded as they stared at her hand.

“And you’re already slipping.” Nia’s hand moved from the cup, and Mo’s fixation was interrupted. Her foot retreated from their touch as well. Mo was alone again. Disconnected.

Their eyes met Nia’s again. Mo had firmly lost the train of thought. They were so close to reestablishing that monumental connection. Mo felt a rumbling sensation of pleasure within them. Just being that close to being fully within Nia’s control again made them feel rejuvenated.

“Sorry, Nia. Just got a little lost there. I gotta be honest, I did smoke this morning before I knew we were going to meet.”

For some reason, that made Nia smile.

“I figured. You’re usually a little absentminded when you’re coming down.”

Mo felt themselves blush. Or maybe they’d already been blushing. For how long?

“Mo. Why did you ask me out? Tell me the truth.”

“I miss you.”

Immediately, Mo blurted out the first thought that came to their mind. They wanted to apologize for being so blunt, to cushion the simple expression of such a desire with an acknowledgement of the practical limitations of such a primal thing. That it still wasn’t a good time for them to be in a relationship or even to play together with how Mo’s relationship with Janie was going. But there was no way to soften this confession.

Nia just smiled. That gorgeous smile that always took Mo’s breath away.

“I appreciate that, Mo. But if you’re taking things seriously with this other person, then I’m not going to let you put me in the way of that.”

Nia reached forward, taking Mo’s hand in hers. She squeezed their hand reassuringly. “I do think we could still have a lot of fun together, Mo, but you have a relationship to tend to, and so do I. I’m not going to be your side piece just because your girlfriend isn’t kinky enough.”

Mo’s fingers clenched around Nia’s, savoring that touch. They stared into her apologetically. “I didn’t mean anything like that, Nia, I just-” they trailed off.

“I know what you mean, Mo. I know what you want.” The certainty in Nia’s voice shook them. “But right now, you and I are not going to be playing.”

Then they noticed it again. She was using her free hand to begin tracing those alluring circles in that dark coffee cup.

“If you want this, you’ll have to work for it.”

Mo was caught, already. Transfixed. They nodded, their fingers in Nia’s hand becoming limp. She squeezed them again. “And you’ll happily work for it. You’ll do anything to prove yourself worthy of me. Won’t you, Mo?” An angelic call to action. Mo nodded repeatedly.

They would work for her. They’d tell Janie they were done. They’d come back to Nia. They’d be open for her, earn her trust, get back in her good graces. Anything to guarantee they’d get to feel the sweet release of her hands on their body, her words in their ear.

“I’ll talk to Janie.” Mo finally mumbled. Nia’s finger came up from the coffee cup. She pinched their chin with her thumb and index finger. Their lips parted eagerly, desperately.

“Come find me when you’re ready for me, Mo.”

Her touch faded, metal scraped against concrete footsteps faded into the distance, but Mo simply stared at Nia’s unattended coffee cup. It took Mo more than a minute to realize Nia had gone.