“Cammy, c’mon, wake up, I made pancakes.”

“Hnnmm? What time is-” I flinch, as the unbelievable situationship’s course of events come to me.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. You’re safe, it’s okay, Camilla”

“You said you were being so kind ‘because I’m no longer a threat’, is that really all there is.. between us? As nice as it was, was our entire relationship… fake? You just… lied?”

“Awh, Cammy… I- sigh can we talk about this over breakfast? I could use some comfort food.”

“Y-yeah.” We move to the small breakfast nook connected to her kitchen, where she served, as promised, fresh buttermilk pancakes.

I gotta be honest. They look really tasty. We start to eat and, after a few minutes of just enjoying the food, I speak up. Well, speak up might not be the right term. I’m very quiet, and reserved, barely mustering the emotional energy to handle what awaits

“I didn’t lie about how I feel. Not entirely. It’s… hard to explain because I barely understand it myself.” Camila makes a small sound of acknowledgement, waiting for me to elaborate. “9 years ago, when we were freshman, I approached you because… well, I thought you were pretty, and I flirted a bit…” “Which led to me picking up on the fact that you’re gay… and we both know the rest, I suppose, right, Heather?” “Pretty much. I… did all this at first as a way to make sure you didn’t hurt anyone like you did to me… I saw how little you’d changed, and, well, I figured the best way to get one over on you was to make you feel like the girl you bullied.” “And then, well… it was originally me acting, but at a certain point, I started seeing the pretty, excitable girl I swooned over all those years ago… and, I felt bad about how your feelings toward me, and willingness to be with me wasn’t consensual, and, then you had that nightmare…” Camilla is completely quiet, albeit slightly red in the face. After some quiet time just finishing breakfast, I took our plates to the sink. “I need some time to just… think. Everything is a lot right now, emotionally.” “Of course. I’m gonna go run some errands, make yourself cozy wherever. You have my number, right?” “Y-yeah.” Camilla stammers, briefly, then sighs. “C-can you stay here, actually?” “Oh! Yeah, sure! Of course!”

I try to hide it but I’m choking back tears, right now. I was so confident, before. I was the popular girl in highschool. I made fun of the weirdo kids, because they couldn’t live like the rest of us… Like Heather. . .

As horrified as I would be to admit it, just a month ago, I think, time is still kinda fucked from the memory… voodoo.

I think I love Heather. And I know she made me have a crush on her. I’ve pieced that together. But. . . I don’t want it to stop

It would be so simple, to go back to my old life… So much easier.

My vision is swimming, and I faintly call out to Heather. I don’t think she saw my face, or heard my quiet sobs, because she came over with a lighthearted, inquisitive face. Damn it, she’s cute.

“What’s up?”

I pull her into a hug, which, based on her gentle yelp, wasn’t what she was expecting at all.

…and start bawling.

“I just, everything is so complicated and, and, I, you’re so nice to me, and I still really love you but I remember how awful I was and how much I hurt you and how I wish I wanted to go back but I don’t wanna go back because that’d mean being a horrible person to people who probably feel as bad as I do and I don’t wanna do that and then I’d lose you and then, I-”

“Hey, hey, slow down, Cam.”

She lays roughly on top of me, on the couch, wrapped around me.

“It’s gonna be okay. Take your time.