most people didn't try to talk much with jim at work, beyond the most basic small talk - which was fine with him, because he wasn't there to make friends.

there was only one coworker who was a bit more persistent. his name was bill, and he wasn't necessarily intrusive, or anything, but he talked just enough and asked enough questions that jim had actually told him about his photography hobby, although he did go out of his way to only share the pictures he took of bugs, webs, and small creatures he found outside. after learning about that, bill continued to ask to see any new pictures he took just about every day that he saw him.

it felt a bit like he was playing with fire. he kept his camera close every time he was selecting the pictures, always aware of how many normal pictures he had had in a row, and never letting bill scroll through them himself. the last thing he wanted was some random person asking him about the doll pictures. especially the ones involving the doll that looked exactly like him.

the next time he visited adrianus, he had felt strange almost from the moment he stepped in the door. when they welcomed him in, they were already speaking in that voice, the slow, gentle voice that had always given him that tingling sensation in his back. they didn't just take his coat, they slid it off of him, pulling his arms out of it. it reminded him of how they had posed him for those photos before.

he was aware of how odd it was, but that awareness didn't make much of a difference. when they guided him over to the couch, their hands still on his shoulders, hovering over him and murmuring those soothing words, he found himself just following along.

"that's right, just sit back... make yourself comfortable..."

it wasn't quite the same as the other times. there was something different about this, aside from just how sudden it was. it took him a moment to think of it, which was odd, because when he finally did realize it, it felt obvious - in this situation, he wasn't specifically being treated as a doll. in fact, nothing they were saying or doing was especially unusual (for them, at least) - something about it just reminded him enough of the other experiences that he reacted the same way. he realized his breathing had slowed down already, and his limbs felt a bit heavy. every time they had given him any sort of reassurance, the feelings came in waves, becoming stronger.

"very good."

he could only describe the feeling as helplessness. it had happened so quickly, so automatically. was this really hypnosis? had he been conditioned already?

"how do you feel?" they asked, still standing in front of him, looming over him, as he sat back.

"good," he said simply. as if he couldn't think of anything else to say, even as he had been experiencing much more bizarre and complicated sensations.

"that's good," they said. "is it a bit unsettling, how quickly you fell?"

unsettling. was it unsettling?

"it's alright, you know. you can get up on your own, whenever you need to or want to. you may even do it right now. do you want to get up?"

he shook his head, hearing them chuckle to themself quietly.

"well, i would like you to practice it, anyway, so that you know that you can. i won't guide you through it, or tell you exactly when. i want you to simply wake up at your own pace."

his eyes blinked rapidly as he straightened up. "doesn't that count as telling me to? is that really the same as doing it on my own?"

"it doesn't take long for you to regain the ability to argue, does it?" they joked. "should we practice again? perhaps you could just choose a random time to wake yourself up, even as i continue and don't give any cues to."

"that makes sense." he was glad to have an excuse to let them do it again.

"now, i am also going to say things that imply that you will be unable to wake yourself. i want you to notice how, no matter what i say, i cannot physically stop you from doing so, even though it might feel very real when you want it to be. the instant you decide you want to wake up, my words lose all of their power over you."

"alright..."

they started to pet his head, and just that made him shiver. "you're so eager to fall back down into trance, aren't you?"

his breath was shaky and uneven, the anticipation overwhelming him, warmth flooding his body.

"it's easy to tell, you know..."

it must have been, but the reminder made him feel sort of exposed.

"i wonder if the idea of being unable to control it is exciting to you? i wonder if the idea of being trapped in a deep trance, having no choice but to listen and do as i say, is appealing to you?"

his heart pounded. why was he reacting this way? he didn't think he liked that sort of thing, and yet...

"you're already trapped, jim. it's already too late," they murmured, moving their hand down to the back his neck, slowly rubbing it. "just admit defeat, and give into it. that's right... your body just relaxes and goes limp, no matter how much you try to fight it."

it felt more real than he was expecting, and the sensation of his physical tension melting away, even as he had the distinct feeling that it really shouldn't, was...

actually very good.

soon, even the shivering and trembling had stopped, his breathing had become steady, and his body was still. the tingling sensation remained powerful and intense, maybe even more so now that he couldn't twitch and squirm from it.

"that's it... completely helpless. unable to stop yourself from being deeply hypnotized." their voice only sounded nicer the more he heard it. he even noticed the way they enunciated each word, and the low, dark tone.

"and you like it, don't you?" they said in a delicate voice, almost a whisper.

he did.

"tell me that you like it."

his lips didn't move.

"you feel compelled to tell me that you like it."

he pushed himself up, his eyelids fluttering. "i like it," he said, before feeling more normal and alert again, and realizing what, exactly, he had done.

"that's interesting," they responded, in their normal voice, backing away and taking their hand off of him. "you were trying to wake yourself up, but you still said it."

"i didn't really think about it."

"is it difficult to speak when you're like that?"

"yeah, i guess so. it felt like i couldn't move. it was hard to... find where my mouth was, or something."

"that's very funny. so you didn't even choose to wake yourself up, you just did so because that was the only way you felt you could follow the suggestion?"

"it... it seems like that's what happened," he said. "i guess that still wasn't really good practice."

"well, that's alright. you did just fine. we can practice it again later." they sat down next to him. "was any of that too much? i may have gotten a little carried away. i wanted to demonstrate that you always have the ability to resist, even if i tell you otherwise, and i suppose i also thought that, if i pushed things a bit, you'd feel uncomfortable enough to want to wake up. but it may have been better for me to start with something more gentle."

"...it was fine."

"i'd like to hear more of your thoughts on it."

they always knew how to get better answers from him. at least it was more natural to avoid eye contact when they were sitting next to him, rather than standing in front of him.

"i really did like it," he said quietly. "it was weird, it was different... i guess i was surprised. you're always really gentle with it, so hearing you say things like that... it was..."

"was it exciting?"

"...yeah, i guess so."

"i wondered. you certainly did respond to it. i just like to check, because some people really do find it hard to resist. and even if you like it in the moment, you might not be happy about it after the fact."

"it really is fine. it's embarrassing, but..."

"but you have to admit you like it if you want me to do it again, don't you?" they said softly.

how many times had he blushed around them? it was getting ridiculous. "i wouldn't mind it."

"of course you wouldn't." they stood up. "well, we can also practice getting you to talk, later. for now, let's go eat something."

it was all the more surreal when they talked about those things so casually.

as they had their tea together, a question was on his mind.

"you know, you're always really concerned with me, and what i want, and what i feel..."

"your comfort is very important to me."

"but what about you? i mean, what do you want?"

"well, there isn't much of a need for me to tell you what i want, is there? because if i want something, i simply do it. or ask for it, if i need to."

"so what do you... get out of all of this? i mean, the doll pictures, and the hypnosis stuff, and everything... what do you like about all of it?"

they leaned on the table, resting their head on their hand. "i just find it fun. are you expecting some other answer?"

"no, i just..." he took a sip of his tea, trying to give himself more time to think of what he was saying. "why are you doing this with... me?"

"you want to know what i think of you?"

"i... i guess so."

they smiled. "i like you. i like that you're so serious about everything. you're very willing to absorb yourself in something, to put all of your focus into it. it's part of what makes you so fun to work with. with both photography, and hypnosis."

"well, thank you..."

"you're very cute, jim."

he stared at them for a moment. "do you mean that in a... romantic way, or..."

"hmm. i wouldn't say it's entirely romantic, though i also wouldn't say it's entirely platonic."

"do you mean that it's something in between, or... something else?"

they laughed quietly. "i have quite a lot of different feelings for you. but it doesn't feel very productive to describe the feelings themselves. do you just want to know what sort of relationship i desire with you?"

"yeah, i guess that's... yeah."

"there's no need to be so shy. really, i am happy with what we have right now. i don't want something like a typical romantic relationship."

"is there any particular reason why?" he realized he must have seemed a little too interested. "not that i want that, either..."

"well, i suppose i can just be honest." they tented their fingers. "i don't want intimacy to be the expectation. i want it to always feel a bit strange, when i get close to you. now, of course i don't want to actually make you uncomfortable, but, i think it's fun if it almost feels inappropriate. if i am being just a bit too familiar, just a bit too affectionate. do you understand what i'm saying?"

"i do. i guess that's sort of the vibe i got, but..."

"do you dislike that sort of ambiguity?"

"no, no, i just..." he tapped his fingers on the cup. "i was just wondering."

"and what about you?" they asked. "is there a reason you're so permissive with me, that you don't mind me petting your head and telling you to be my doll?"

jim really didn't know how to respond to that. "i... you never... it just feels... it just happens."

"i wonder if that sort of thing would 'just happen' with someone you didn't consider particularly attractive."

"i never said i consider you attractive."

"oh, i know."

they were both silent for a moment. he couldn't manage eye contact with them, but he did look over them.

adrianus was always dressed nicely, their appearance felt very deliberate. they were tall, they had nice hands. their eyes were sort of intense. their voice was good.

jim wasn't really sure what he considered attractive, or what exactly attraction was supposed to feel like. he didn't think he was incapable of feeling it, though he had wondered in the past - it was more like, even if he did feel it, everyone else was aware of it before he was.

all he knew was, if someone had just asked him if he was attracted to adrianus, he wouldn't have been able to give a straightforward answer.

"well, i don't mean to put pressure on you," they said, finally breaking the silence. "you're just fun to tease. it's fine if you have those sorts of feelings, but it's also fine if you don't have them at all. we're just friends, aren't we?"

"we are."

"that's right. so you can just relax. you don't have to worry about it."

he recognized the phrasing as sort of hypnotic, but their tone was normal. still, the thought that he was always being guided around by them, even in regular conversations, was interesting.

he wondered if he should have found it creepy, if it should have worried him.

it didn't.

they decided to practice the hypnosis again a little bit afterward, though adrianus had put some cookies in the oven that they were going to check in about 10 minutes, so they would have to be aware of that.

"what time is that going to be then?" jim asked, raising his wrist and pulling back his sleeve.

his watch wasn't there. he must have forgotten it.

"hmm, it should be around 5:50," adrianus said, looking at the clock on their wall. "though it's not your job to be concerned with the time right now, anyway, is it?"

"i guess not." their comment gave him a subtle, eerie feeling. did they notice he didn't have his watch?

"i set an alarm, so i won't miss it," they said.

"that's good."

maybe the timing was intentional. they might have thought that the alarm would be a good way to indirectly wake him up. it could have reassured him that he could wake up in the same way if something like a fire alarm went off, for instance.

"now, i wonder what sort of tone you would prefer for me to use this time?" they asked, creeping closer to him. "something soft, and gentle? or perhaps something a bit more controlling? i'll let you pick this time."

"...either is fine, really."

"you are going to pick one for me."

"controlling," he said quietly.

why did he always go with the most embarrassing option? they only told him to pick, they didn't make him choose that one.

"you really did enjoy that, earlier, didn't you?" they teased, in that slow voice.

he already felt like he was floundering in their grasp. it was as if the blood rushing to his head was cooking his brain. "i... i mean, it was..."

"oh, don't worry. i know." they loomed over him, placing a hand on his shoulder, looking right into his eyes. "i know exactly how you felt about it."

he had always doubted it. before they started with anything hypnotic, he had always felt like there was no way it was going to do anything, that the last time they had done it, he must have been mistaken, he must have just been playing along.

it was in moments like this that he remembered. even though they hadn't really done anything yet. he was already listening.

"why don't you sit back, so we can begin?"

he stepped back toward the couch, still facing them as he sat down. his eyes were wide.

"i wonder if you know how trapped you are. it's like that picture, isn't it? your favorite picture."

it immediately flashed into his mind. he had spent enough time looking at it to remember every detail.

"think of the situation being depicted there. you're ensnared in silk. caught by a spider. with a dazed look on your face, and a perfectly limp body that just seems to... slump over. just like that..."

he felt himself fall back a bit more.

"as if you've been bitten, and venom is spreading through your body, making you feel warm, your mind feeling hazy..."

it was as if it was happening to him as they said it. a strange, almost dizzying sensation rushed through him.

"even if you could break free from the web, even if the spider released you, it wouldn't really matter, would it? you still couldn't move." they leaned closer. "but, you know, it goes even deeper," they murmured.

even deeper.

"because that's not really what's happening, is it? even if it weren't for the web, or the spider, or the venom, you still could not escape. because you're really a doll, aren't you?"

the dizzying sensation had been replaced by a sort of blankness, a heaviness.

"that's right... just a doll. just something to be posed, dressed up, to have its picture taken. trapped in that situation purely because i wanted you to be. made to experience whatever i wanted you to experience. because that's what a doll is for."

every word felt good.

"and still," they said darkly, "it goes deeper. do you know what's more helpless than a doll?"

even if he had known, he couldn't have responded.

"i'll tell you. it's the little shutterbug behind the camera, who has been trapped since long before the doll had even existed."

his heart pounded. he couldn't think of all of the implications of what they were saying, but the words still sent shivers down his spine.

"that's right. it's you, jim." they ran their fingers through his hair. "the one taking pictures representing his own helplessness. staring at the frame. getting everything just right. the doll can't feel anything. but you can. as you watch me hold it, and move it, you see yourself being manipulated. and you feel it, deeply."

he could remember it. he did feel it. when they pet the doll's hair, the way they were petting his now.

"do you understand? it was never about the doll. what do you think that picture really means?"

he could only sit there as they continued to gently touch his hair. he had a passing awareness that he could wake up, if he wanted to. but he didn't. he was going to wait for the alarm.

he wanted to hear everything they had to say.

"and you're allowing me to tell you all of this, without any argument? i do wonder how you'll respond when you wake up."

the alarm beeped, and jim opened his eyes. adrianus still stood there.

"i'll take care of it. you can just stay here and continue to relax, alright?"

they left. it sounded like they expected him to go back into trance on his own. he supposed he was perfectly capable of resisting, after all, because he refused, thinking that it wouldn't be very interesting without them talking to him.

instead, he took a moment to consciously appreciate everything they had just said. the idea that he was more helpless than the doll. it didn't entirely make sense, when he thought about it.

as he pondered the meaning of it, they came back, sitting beside him. "alright, that's finished. i see you're awake. would you like to do it just one more time?"

"sure, i guess," he said.

"not a very enthusiastic response."

"i want it."

"and what is it that you want, exactly?

"i want to... you know."

"be more specific."

"i want to be hypnotized," he muttered. it felt strange to say.

"look me in the eyes and say it."

how did they keep doing this? every time he was determined to be calm about it, they found some way to completely throw him off.

still, he did as he was told. "i want to be hypnotized," he said.

"very good. now say it again. keep looking."

he felt ridiculous. "i want to be hypnotized."

"you are being hypnotized."

"i am... being hypnotized." he didn't know why he repeated it, when they hadn't even told him to.

"that's right."

his mind already felt fuzzy. staring into their eyes was also much easier than he had expected.

"that's all it takes, isn't it?" they asked, in their usual voice.

he blinked, looking away.

"ah, there you go. you did it on your own this time."

the next day at work, jim had remembered that he hadn't taken any pictures of the dolls in a while, though he had continued to take pictures outside, and had even taken some before arriving at adrianus' house. since he hadn't taken any doll photos during that visit, it meant the most recent picture would have been safe.

that was what he thought when he showed bill, but instead, he saw a picture of the doll of him, slumped over on the table.

"sorry, i- i don't know how that got there," he said quickly, realizing as he said it that it sounded like an extremely stupid excuse.

"oh, do you like dolls?" bill asked. "did you make that yourself? or customize it? it looks good!"

"no, it's someone else's." it would have been much more normal for him to lie and say it was his, but he told the truth without thinking. "it's a friend's," he added, as if that somehow made it better.

"that's cool!" bill responded, seeming completely unfazed. "it'd be kind of fun to have a doll of yourself. i never thought of that before."

it definitely wasn't the worst reaction he could have gotten in that situation.

still, the mystery of the picture itself had bothered him. he hadn't taken it. he couldn't have taken it. apparently, it had been taken at around 4 pm.

the fact that it was just slumped over, without any props, and without being held up, made him think it must have been adrianus who took it. but still, how could they have run off with his camera without him noticing? the only time they had left for long enough to do something like that would have been when they were getting the cookies out of the oven, which was at around 5:50 pm. assuming he was remembering correctly. did he check the time himself?

no, he had forgotten his watch. he had lost it somehow.

it came to him. he remembered a different visit, a week or so before then. adrianus was asking him about his watch, asking him why he wore it. he just told them that he liked the way it looked, and it was easier than pulling out his phone, especially because it was easy to get distracted after doing so and completely forget what time it was afterward. at the time, he thought it was strange to ask about - what else would anyone use a watch for? but now, he wondered if they were just making sure he wouldn't be distressed if he lost it for a while.

he texted them about it, and got a prompt response. they apologized, telling him that they had taken it when they took his coat off, solely for the purpose of tricking him about the time.

"you told me that you wouldn't mind it if i messed with your memory a bit, but i wasn't sure if you really meant it. i thought that the experience of seeing a picture you didn't remember taking would be similar to something one could do with memory play, without actually having to tamper with your mind too much. it was a way to give you just a taste of it," they messaged. "i didn't imagine you would accidentally show it to your coworker, though. i apologize for that."

he could have been mad about being tricked, or embarrassed about bill seeing the doll, but more than anything, all he could think about was how they had pulled off his watch as soon as he had arrived at their house, and he hadn't even noticed.