shark really had no idea how or when they met adrianus, or even how or when they moved in with him.

usually, they didn't even think about it. it just felt natural to be around him, like they'd been around him forever. like there was never a time they didn't know him. like there was never a time they didn't live with him.

but sometimes it'd hit them. sometimes they'd realize how their memories didn't add up, or adrianus himself would ask if they remembered, and suddenly they'd become aware again, aware of the mystifying fact that they just didn't know.

it wasn't just that they couldn't remember, either. it wasn't that their mind went blank. every time they thought about it, they were flooded with memories, vivid memories, all of the first time they'd seen him, of the first time they stayed at his house. but there were too many memories. first times only happen once. so many different, incompatible scenarios filled their head, a lot of them not even making logical sense, when they thought about it.

they remembered him being their teacher. they remembered him being a family member. they remembered him kidnapping them. they remembered meeting him for the first time at a library, at a party, meeting him through a mutual friend, meeting him through a job, meeting him online. and no matter what time period it was supposed to be, no matter what age he reasonably should've been then, he looked the same as he did now.

but every single one of them felt like a real memory, like something that really happened. just trying to sort through all of them, to separate what made sense and what didn't, was a surreal, overwhelming task. and each memory was hypnotic. the more they thought about them, the more they remembered them, the more they slipped back into that trance that they remembered going into. they remembered the slow, careful, patient way he explained an assignment to them in class. they remembered the way he helped them fall asleep when they stayed over at his house as a kid. they remembered him luring them to an isolated area and brainwashing them. they remembered how soft his voice was when they met him at the library, they remembered him taking them to another room at the party, they remembered their mutual friend explaining that he was a hypnotist to them, they remembered him training them at their job, they remembered the online voice call they had with him before they'd even seen his face.

a part of them had a feeling that none of the memories they had were real, that the more they remembered, the more they focused on these memories, the more the actual memory of what really happened would disappear and fade away.

but they would always get so lost in those memories that they would forget what they were even trying to do. they would murmur something about it, and adrianus would remind them of even more details. he would tell them about a school field trip they went on. he would tell them about another family gathering they went to. he would tell them about another brainwashing session. he would tell them about the different books they read at the library, about a conversation they had at the party, about an outing they had with their mutual friend, about a hectic day at their job, about some of the messages they'd sent each other in a long gone discord server.

and they couldn't help but be pulled deeper into it. the memories all became longer, more elaborate, more real. and they'd only end up that much further away from knowing how they even met the person they were living with, who they shared a bed with, who they had sex with.

deep down, a part of them loved the feeling of not knowing. a part of them loved the butterflies they got in their stomach when the memories came back to them, and for a moment, it really seemed like they could have happened. and they loved the confusion when they realized that it didn't make sense, that it couldn't have happened. and they loved the drop, when they fell into trance while thinking about it anyway, until they completely forgot what they were doing, until they didn't care anymore, and they just continued their life, that natural daily routine with adrianus that they wouldn't ever think to question.