The transformation ritual—because of course it needed one, didn’t happen in the next few days. But things were better ever since my agreement, ever since I sold myself to Alaina. The amount of touches she gave me was more than everything she had done beforehand, and I couldn’t help but be even more dependent of it.

Much alike addiction, I wished for more and more with every caress—even a slight rub was enough to make me crave more. Especially when she brought me with her to her sleep. Even if I couldn’t do the same, there was something about being held all night that made my brain purr happily, a satisfaction that made me feel fulfilled.

It was easier to accept the changes, as they were all positives. After the ennui, the boredness of my existence beforehand, these were all completely welcome. I let myself go, allowing whatever Alaina wished out of me to happen, the orders she gave were somehow nothing weird too. That was the one that made me feel worse the most, because I had been thinking the worst about her and here she was, not even trying to take advantage of myself.

“Let’s just talk while I prepare for the ritual, okay?” This was always accompanied by a smile and a rub over my head, one that was enough to send tingling warm from where she touched me to fill all of my body.

But that was a single order to follow, so I always did. I asked her questions, looking curiously over the circles and herbs she was preparing. There were nothing terribly weird, even though tracing the words in the circle made my head hurt despite the fact they shouldn’t be.

Being in Alaina’s basement was weird, as I was never allowed to be here in the past. A place that didn’t really look like any other basement I knew too, with the flooring made of something inorganic. Maybe limestone? They looked like some sort of rock, for sure, if there were one big enough to become the whole floor without needing to be turned to some sort of tiles or bricks. Even so, Alaina continued to kneel on top of them, slowly carving the rocks with each swing of her carving hammer—slowly writing the same sentence again.

While I couldn’t look at them for too long, or even understood what was being said, I had enough pattern recognition to know when the same thing was being made again. The sentence she made was a mishmash of Greek symbols with… Latin perhaps? And ones made of lines and arrows. Those were the simplest part for her to make.

“What language are you using anyway for these scribbles in the circles?” was one of my asked question, in the end. Curiosity found its way into my heart, even though I should have used the time to ask for some other, more important things. Like slowly trying to find if there was a way to come back to life that didn’t involve following Alaina’s orders. Something that would be more permanent than this… ritual.

Alaina grinned wide—because despite everything, it seemed that this whole witch business was something she loved. Like, there was such a difference in the way she talked about her day compared to when she was rambling about the language now.

Not a single language, but instead more akin to an amalgamation of multiple old ones—bastardized into some new form that was an abomination, if any linguistics ever heard of it. But that was how magic worked apparently, by destroying and corrupting existing order into something new and different.

Okay, she didn’t say it was corrupting, but Alaina’s own words made me think of them like it.

“It’s a bit like mixing Ancient Greek with sprinkles of Latin and Sumerian for mine. I didn’t know exactly the language—Elders knew, of course, but I’m still in the rough match-and-patch style right now. Maybe in a few decades they’ll deign to teach me better. I still try to look at what the is known right now, of course. But that would always be worse than from people who had talked it when those were the language people use normally.”

I understood what she meant, of course, but it made my head spun that she was implying that she was—young. That she had hundreds of years ahead of herself still, and this was merely the first few decades of her life. Maybe that was why sometimes she acted so youthful, and at the drop of the hat, able to immediately act like the adult in the room. That was just how she learned. She was young, compared to her fellow Witches, but when with someone like me… well, we would look like an infant in comparison.

“How… old are you, in comparison to them?” I ended up asking, as Alaina stopped carving out the circle, the thing looking so huge when I compared it to my own size. Or even Alaina’s, as she could have laid down in the middle of it and the circle would still be larger. In fact, I would say she was merely as big as the space in the middle of the star within the circle. Everything was a slow process, and Alaina carefully swept away the rock dust she ended up making all over the floor.

Her hands weaved various herbs together into some sort of circle the moment she was done with that, her hands never stopping in whatever it was that she decided to do. It looked to be as big as the magical circle she had made, and because she had to weave the shrubs together, this probably would be taking twice as long.

Alaina hummed slightly as she rotated the questions over, hands never stopping, even though her eyes looking unfocused. She was thinking, whether it was to lie or counting I didn’t know, but I waited before judging.

“Young. I’m a baby compared to them, Elys. I might look competent here…” She was grimacing, and it felt a bit refreshing to see that she wasn’t fully in control, despite the fact I should be worrying that my transformation was in the hand of someone so green. “But while I’m decent in basics, I’m still studying it all.”

For some reason, this made me trust her further. Because I knew that… Alaina was still there, despite everything, she was still my friend, and she was honest with me. She could so easily twisted her words, saying that she was better, one of the best—but no, she showed her cards. Frowning and grumbling, even as she laid down her weakness right in front of my eyes to see.

Silence settled between the two of us for a while after that. I found myself feeling… okay, comfortable even. I wasn’t even sure of why, considering Alaina was keeping myself on the table, away from all the dust on the floor and the leaves coming off of the herb circle. Watching her, knowing she was there with me, was comforting, and delving deeper to the reasons wasn’t needed at all.

“But the ritual will be okay, right?” I asked her—a mixture of fear and worry, despite the fact I trusted her. That Alaina wouldn’t play with my life. She might transform with into a doll with my agreement, even if it was given when I was drunk, but to kill me? That was a step too far to even think about. I still had to ask though, a quiver of worry infecting the brick of trust I couldn’t help but have when it was Alaina I was talking about.

Her smile was gentle when she turned her head toward me, a proper small one that I knew she gave me whenever I wanted to ask for reassurance. It was the same one as when she was facing her own exam, while I fretted over my soon-to-come test.

“Of course, Elys. Don’t worry your little head about it, if there’s anything I always want to ensure, it’s… you.” Her eyes were like a pool of gold at this moment, glowing with nearly supernatural light that I wished to say made me uncomfortable. Relief flooded my veins instead, the affirmation of how much she cared for me continued to make me feel warm all over my insides.

“Okay.” was the only answer I could give her, “I trust you.”

“Just a little bit more… then you can be a human again, even if temporarily.”

Even though she was so reluctant to do it before, I still managed to convince her to in the end.

Wasn’t Alaina such a good friend?

A few days or maybe even weeks passed ever since the first time Alaina brought me downstairs—and today was finally the promised day. If I still had my body, I was certain that I could feel my heart beating too fast, the blood rushing through my ears so loudly I probably wouldn’t be able to hear anything else. But this wasn’t a musing I had to wonder anymore. Soon, maybe in another hour at most, I would be back.

Even if it was merely temporary, that eventually I would be limited again—that didn’t matter. As long as I could still feel it, even for just a moment. A taste of how it usually was, rather than the change she wrought upon my body.

I watched as Alaina placed the herbs within the magic circle’s groove, the green somehow still so vibrant, as if the plants were plucked off the ground just moments ago. She had painted the star’s groove with red beforehand, and as Alaina started to light up a candle for each of the star’s point—the trembling flame made the color’s gleam, as if those were real blood and not red paint. The writing’s, that looked more like chicken scratch beforehand now made me wonder if the words stretched and changed every time I looked away and back. The shadows were playing games with me, and I really shouldn’t keep my eyes upon them.

I couldn’t help it, though, as Alaina worked on the magic circle, giving them all the few last finishing touches. She was almost done, from what she told me yesterday. Hope burned bright within my chest, ready for me to grasp it—or let it burn to ashes in disappointment. But I was certain that the latter wouldn’t happen. There was no reason for her to lie, so I trusted her.

When she finally stood up, having filled the groove with water and making the herbs float—I was still watching the magical circle. The thing glowed with an almost ethereal light now, a soft red glow mixing in with green and blue. There was something in the air, as if a giant creature had placed its snout in front of us, unseen and yet allowing us to feel its presence. Despite my inability to feel when not in Alaina’s touch, there were heat and wind blowing around me, as if the being was able to touch me right in my soul instead of my cotton skin.

Pressure pushed me back down to the table, despite my immobility. My mouth trembled in a simulated sense of fear—I didn’t feel it, but I knew that feeling was what I expect to feel in a normal situation. I kept myself silent as Alaina lifted me up, though, even as she brought me closer to the source of whatever caused those stress and tension. Even though I couldn’t breathe, my chest still felt tight, as if I had someone pressing down on me. Squeezing me without allowing me any sort of respite at all.

I sought comfort from Alaina’s touch, the way she always kept me against herself in such a gentle way that I could still feel her… but knew she wasn’t pressing me so hard I felt trapped. The right balance that made me feel happy and comfortable around her.

For a moment, I was fine—all until the moment Alaina placed me in the middle of the circle, and I almost swore that I could feel electricity arcing right within my limbs. My body and nerves all burning as if they were there and not gone.

Attention bore down upon me, not as strong as it could have been, with half of it being sent to Alaina—and she didn’t seem to even care about it. Or maybe she didn’t notice? I didn’t know, and that was an uncomfortable feeling. Alaina looked upon me with concern though, eyes frowning and making me wish I could have assured her as well. She never felt that for herself, always me, and I wished it wasn’t so. That might be why this whole thing happened.

“Are you sure, Elys? This is the last chance for you to back down, and just stay as my beloved doll.” She whispered, her hand caressing my face and giving me a few more comforts despite the situation going on within my plush body.

She was giving me a choice, one that I could grasp. But I was stubborn, and I couldn’t help but give her the only answer I had.

“Yes. I need to get my body back, even if it was merely a few minutes—even if it was a second.”

No more words were exchanged between us, and Alaina gave me a nod in understanding.

Soon.

I watched as Alaina finally let me go, leaving me in the middle of the circle as she backed out of it—and I could feel the attention of whatever’s being called focusing on me, no longer being split between the two of us.

“This will be okay, right?” I couldn’t help but ask, my voice a whisper, as if I was afraid whatever’s scrutinizing me wouldn’t be able to listen. I could feel the interest, the look it was giving to me. I wanted to run off, but there was nothing else I could do, except to stay and trying to hold on the best I could.

Another gentle smile came out of Alaina, her hand lifting for a moment as if she wanted to touch me to give me reassurance before she let it fall again—she was too far for that to work. “Yes, Elys. Unless you want to back down. It’s still not too late.”

I could. But I’d rather try it than nothing else. “Okay… okay. I’ll be fine.” I whispered, glad that I couldn’t panic, couldn’t feel the way my chest would tighten over as worry started to encroach my mind. None of that happened, leaving me only with the simulacrum of calm. Which was better, if I was honest.

In some ways… this change showed that being non-human had its advantage.

I stopped dwelling in my thoughts when Alaina took out a grimoire, the book looked thick with incredibly beautiful binding. Even with our distance, I could see the way the leather gleamed under the basement’s light. Metal lined up the edges, forming intricate patterns over the cover. It was beautiful and fragile, with Alaina carefully turning the pages—searching for the right one to read.

When she finally stopped, Alaina stood up a little straighter, her eyes flicking up to look at me once more. As if she wanted reassurance that I wouldn’t change my mind. But when she saw me not budging, she looked back down—and started her spell.

The creature’s focus immediately turned toward Alaina the moment it happened. Its focus merely leaving very little amount of it in the background, as the rest was completely pushed onto Alaina. She didn’t seem to care for it, as she straightened her body without a tremble to be seen.

When I heard the spell, though, I could hear the difference from how she spoke. Each word that came out of her throat was a guttural growl, mixing in with gravels and rocks slamming together. Heat pooled all around my body in response, starting from my stomach as Alaina continued—her eyes no longer looking at me but completely on the page. She was keeping pace, the snarls and words that clawed the inside of my ears and mind seemingly forming some sort of melody. One that lengthened and followed one another as if they were a rope made out of words.

I couldn’t see it forming. My eyes were unable to see anything else, except for the glow coming out of Alaina’s eyes. The gold was even stronger now, so bright and gleaming as if it was a freshly polished coin reflecting off the noon’s sun.

Warmth spread into my limbs, wherever the binding of words went around it. Everywhere it touched, it bound, I could feel the heat pouring there. They were something I sorely missed and desperately hold onto as Alaina continued her spell, her ritual. The fire blazed stronger, the candles burning brighter all around me. But I knew they weren’t the cause of the heat within my body, no. Those were all from myself, a strengthening feeling as my body started to change—a ripple that started from within.

One moment, I felt nothing.

Then I felt my heart beating, the thump loudly proclaiming its existence within me—and that was merely the start. The beginning of the change, as cotton gave way to flesh and bones. Skin, of course, covered me instead of leaving me be, but they too covered all over my body.

For the first time in days or even weeks, my lungs filled with scent and smells—even if all I could scent was the musty smell of a dusty room, coupled with the smoke coming from the candles. Not too strong, but noticeable enough despite everything else.

I shivered as I felt cold wind caressing my open skin, the feeling itself feeling incredibly off and something I had forgotten. There was comfort, in being a doll, after all. The silence, the way my mind would work the way I wanted it to be. Emotions that were no longer there…

To be human again was so different. My heart beat strongly in my chest, the thumping distracting me every few seconds—and the rush of blood in my ears was so loud. Even the feeling of the air moving through my nose into my lungs felt different. Everything was so new, so weird, and I didn’t know what to feel about it.

I lifted my hands for a bit, clenching and unclenching them, understanding the slight pain as I let my blunt nails dug into my palm. New and yet old. Something I had felt before, but after weeks without that sensation—I couldn’t help but think of them as unfamiliar.

“How is it, Elys?” Alaina’s voice was soft, her hand suddenly within mine and letting me feel her softness as our skin met. She was standing in front of me now, and I didn’t even know when she had stopped. The candles were probably extinguished as well, the acrid scent of smoke was a little thicker for a while now—as well as the fact the room had gotten a little darker. “Are you enjoying your body?” Her eyes were still glinting, what did it mean, I wasn’t sure, but I knew I had to answer her.

The rope tightened within my body, scraping against my lungs and organs. “Y-yeah. Feels so… different, though.” Honesty split from my throat, even though I didn’t want to say those just yet to her. I wanted time to dwell upon them, to just think things over. And yet I had said them, and I didn’t even understand why. “Did you… do something?”

My chest felt like it was being squeezed, and I didn’t like it. Somehow, despite the fact I had gained back my flesh and blood just for a few minutes—I already missed the time when I wouldn’t be disturbed by all the negative side of this kind of body.

Alaina was still smiling, the edges of it becoming a touch sharper when she heard my answer and question. There was something I was missing, and yet—she merely stood up a little straighter, and instead of answering my question…

“Kiss me, Elys.” Fondness filled her words, as if she didn’t say something that made me jerk in surprise. There wasn’t any understanding filling me as I looked at her, standing still as my body and mind were torn from what I should do.

I had promised her on following her orders when I become human again, but for her to ask me that felt so wrong. After all, I never had thought of her in that kind of light. Not because I didn’t like women, but I just found that I preferred our closeness, the comfortableness I always wished to have whenever we couldn’t meet one another when we were busy with work or whatever else.

And yet my heart beat faster at the thought of leaning close, of pressing our lips together—the heat that had been in my body burning stronger within my gut.

Even my body was about to move forward, to obey that little order that shouldn’t be too hard to do. I could just think of it as a payment, as well as just us being a little more intimate than usual. And yet, my stomach churned, and I ended up curling into myself in response. I didn’t want to, and gripping my own body was the better option.

Pain formed up within my brain, and my body sweated uncomfortably as well. The heart merely continued its beating, a little faster, but nothing else I could feel. Focusing on the way my lungs swell and deflate was another distraction, but not one that could help forever—especially not when Alaina stepped closer.

No tap of heels against the rocks, but her feet were suddenly there and her palms were against my chin—I ended up looking right at her face, and everything suddenly felt so, so much harder with this distance. I merely needed to lean forward, and I could kiss her. In fact, maybe Alaina would do it so she would kiss me instead?

My head swam in the possibilities, as I did my best so stay still, so there would be nothing else I ended up doing. I… didn’t want to. I knew that meant I disobeyed her, that I would become a doll again as punishment. My heart ached at that thought, a twist that made me want to puke, but all I could feel was more nausea swirling in my gut.

“You can still kiss me.” Alaina’s tone brooked no other possibilities, despite its gentleness. She was being kind, giving me another offer, so I wouldn’t end up breaking her orders. Her hands felt warm against my skin, nails slightly running across my skin in such a light touch that I ended up shivering under her.

A nod.

I just needed to give that to her. Then I could take a few moments to steady myself, then lean forward and—no. No that was just too much. Even if I was okay with doing it—I’d rather not do it under her orders. It would be better to just kiss her on my own will, which should happen if Alaina had anything to do about it.

All I could do was give her a shake of my head, my stomach cramping and clenching in fear of how she would answer me—her hands fell off my face, and I immediately missed the warmth. Despite everything, I was anchoring myself toward the physical touch she gave me.

She backed away, and her presence wasn’t as much as before anymore. And yet, I felt disappointment thrumming within my body upon seeing that action. What did I even want? This all felt like I was trying to be contrary, merely refusing Alaina because I was being selfish—especially when I heard the disappointed sigh coming out of her.

“Then there’s no choice here. You could have ensured to make things easier for yourself, but you always had to pick the harder road…”

Alaina lifted her hand from afar, and my eyes were stuck following her movement in slow motion. I should have said something while she was doing so, before she would do whatever action that would turn me back to a doll.

A snap of her finger.

That was the only thing she had to do.

One moment, I could feel my whole body—and in the next breath… The changes started. At first, my fingertips felt numb, unable to be moved even merely an inch. The feeling crawled through my hand, my wrist—before completely covering my whole arm. It never stopped, even as I let out a gasp of fear, of my heart twisting because I didn’t want to become a doll anymore.

I just wanted to stay like this, as a human.

Not a doll. Never a doll.

The change continued without regard of my wishes, and Alaina’s eyes never moved away. All I could do was look upon my body with fear as the transformation took more and more of my body in exchange for becoming a plush.

Changed parts couldn’t be felt anymore, and slowly my awareness was being shaved off. The knowledge that the room was slightly cool against my skin was gone, the certainty that I was standing on the rocks, of the roughness against my feet—none. There was nothing, as my body was altered without end.

In the end of it all, I had none. No more lungs. Or heart. Or skin. All of me was cotton, and I should want to scream. But all I felt was apathy filling the whole of me. I missed not being a doll already, even though being a plush was something I had gotten used to. It was… comfortable, in some ways. Easier, in others. And yet, I still wished I could have stayed as a human longer, but that whole thing was hinging on the whole ‘obeying Alaina’ condition, and I wasn’t sure if I could do that.

And yet, Alaina still picked me up, squeezing me close against her body—allowing me to remember that momentary feeling I had beforehand. The warmth of her body and to listen to her heartbeat instead of my own.

The rhythmic thumping calmed me down, leaving me wishing I was able to hold her tight. Alaina had been doing that, but that was different from me doing the same thing.

“Next time, I’m sure you’ll do better.” Alaina whispered, and I couldn’t find it in myself to try refusing her.

But I certainly wanted to continue staying as a human, right?