"Here honey, have this." I was briefly upright, changing out the new calves' iodine patches, when some calloused hand brought a mason jar in front of my face. I sat transfixed for a moment at the slightly-yellow milk sloshed back and forth, back and forth across the glass.
"Oh! Um, Ma'am, what is this?"
"Beestings!" she smiled. "Colostrum, more formally. First milk from the mama cow after the calf is born, gives them nutrients and helps them digest that milk. It's for growing up niiiice and big."
I snapped out of my reverie and looked up her arm, her flannel shirt flecked with dirt and hay. "Oh I couldn't! The calves need this!" I yelled, briefly rousing Bess. The farmer's eyes sparkled.
"Those little angels have gotten plenty. I know you don't like talking about your health matters, but sometimes people use this to heal what ails 'em. Besides," she turned to the cow and her two calves her voice thickening with sentimentality, "you're family to her, she wants you to have it."
I reclined back down against the new mother and tried to look at her. Really look at her. How could anybody be sure what she thought of me? Her huge brown eyes poured out of her head at me; she blinked slowly, methodically, but at ease. Against her soft pink belly lay her two newborns, and against her haunches lay me. Was I family to her? She closed her eyes thoughtfully again. I closed mine, too.
Suddenly the glass was in my hands and my hands were at my lips and i heard "there you go, honey" and i felt my? hands tilt the glass and the thick liquid touch my throat with this most amazing taste less sweet than regular milk but so, satisfying.i felt that funny feeling in my stomach again...
After what felt like ages I let the glass down. I'd felt... thought? imagined? that the farmer's hands had been guiding the glass to my throat, but when I opened my eyes (when had I closed them?) the farmer had her hands in her pockets. She towered over me warmly and expectantly. I let myself remember that she was quite beautiful.
"So?" she grinned, "whaddaya think?"
"It was... good! I, wow." I felt dizzy and euphoric. "Thank you" I said to the farmer, who smiled without blinking. "Thank you" I said to the cow, who blinked without smiling. "I um... this iodine patch is all set, do you mind if I..."
"Of course, honey." The farmer took the patch from my hand, patted my head, and drew her coat around me. Again I felt that sweet warmth. "All that protein would put anyone to sleep. Just get some rest" she laughed, and I nodded. I fell back into the soft fur as she walked away.
Last night I'd blacked out after my... incident in the bathroom. When I'd come to, it was night. There were somehow two milk bottles empty beside me. It was terrifying; I'd never lost time like that before. Not once. To my great relief, my roommate had been in her office or the bedroom the whole time. I didn't even have to see whoever she brought back that night. I'm sure they had plenty of fun in the upstairs bathroom... After I cleaned myself up and changed clothes, there wasn't any energy left to worry about it. Sedated and bloated, I collapsed right onto the air mattress once it finished inflating. I figured whatever I was feeling would sleep right off.
When I woke up prone 10 hours later (do I usually sleep that long?) my head was clear but my back was screaming. Fuck. Each tiny movement blasted the pain into other joints and muscles, so for about half an hour I could only lie there whimpering. A familiar feeling, worse than ever. 'I'm declining, huh. That sucks.' I sighed. 'Guess everything's going to shit.' I gathered my strength to release the air valve; with a hiss my body dropped to the floor, a cushion of air surrounding my prone form like soft flesh... 'til the air ran out and the tough floor pressed against my breasts. Ow, owowowow, why were they this tender. I rose to all fours wincing, and stood only with difficulty. The sedated feeling had clearly passed, but I still felt bloated -- not full, though, weirdly. Somehow I was *ravenously* hungry. The craving dragged me out of the living room to my painkillers, my coffee, and whatever meal my roommate had prepared for her and her lover, leaving the leftovers to me.
What had happened last night? I tried to rationalize things while raiding the fridge further, even after polishing off my portion. The more I tried to think about it, the more the details hazed out in my memory. I heard a voice inside the back of my head gently telling me not to worry about it. Most people would see cumming so hard they blacked out as a good thing, wouldn't they? Sweetie, honey, just relaxed. After a while of grazing I half-relented: I'd try not to worry further, but I'd see my doctor about it. I ordered takeout for lunch (were these portions always so small?) and slung on the farmer's jacket (was it always this tight?), and I headed out into the afternoon towards the farm.
After drinking that colostrum I passed out. Strange images passed through my mind. I dreamed I saw the calves get up and dance around on their hind legs, mooing musically. I sang along with them peacefully. I dreamed I heard the farmer, cooing tenderly and milking Tess a ways away. The barn glowed between us. I dreamed the flannel-lined coat wrapped around me like thick fur. I rolled around in the hay bales scratching myself. I dreamed I saw the farmer bottling the raw milk nearby, dripping tinctures into cool glass bottles marked Human Kindness. Sweet, sweet, human kindness. I dreamed my wife was licking at my breasts playfully, like she used to do, when we were in love, and I left myself ache back to those times, I couldn't resist, it felt sooo goooood--
I awoke to one of the calves nuzzling at... oh!! I pulled away and wrapped the coat around the huge wet spot the calf had left on my nipple. "No! Oh, sweetheart, no, I'm not..."The calf cocked her head, confused, then brightened up and ran off. I sat up. It was night. "Shit, oh, oh no."
"You okay honey?" I heard the farmer's voice call across the barn.
"Uh, yeah, fine! I feel great, actually" I stammered out. I wasn't completely alert yet, but all the pain in my back had vanished somehow. I *did* feel great.
"Attagirl! You were curled up there so comfortable, didn't even wake up when I moved ya." When you... what??
I began to check my surroundings; Bess was up elsewhere, munching on hay while her calves fed from her udder. It looked peaceful, didn't it? Must be nice... I snapped back to myself. I'd been moved onto a blanket atop a hay bale.
"I'm so, so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep or get in the way of your work like this..."
She laughed her chiming laugh again, closer now. She plodded across the barn and swung into view around a beam. "You don't need to apologize for taking a nap, honey! The calves even got up and cuddled up to you for a while there, it was precious beyond words." I blushed furiously and tightened her coat around me.
"Thanks, thanks. I guess I... yeah. It's late though, I should get going, um. My w... roommate will worry."
"Oh. Are you sure?" I put her whole face into view. The shadow curled around her laugh lines, the gray in her blond hair wisping down across her eyes. She looked worried, maybe something... else? I couldn't tell, my head was still swimming. She continued obligingly: "I can put you up in the living room if you like. Oh! Or it's warm enough, you could sleep in the hay loft if you like."
"No, I... um, another time, maybe." Fuck. I lost myself, and now I was disappointing her. How do I... I piped up: "Do you, um, need any help tomorrow?"
She stared into space for a second, then snapped her eyes back to me, grinning her grin. "Yes, actually! Bess isn't used to being a mama and seems especially comfortable with you around. I know three days in row isn't our usual deal, but it'd be a great help to us." She nodded enthusiastically as she spoke.
"Alright, I'll be back tomorrow, Ma'am."
"Wonderful, honey. See you then!" In this still-floaty state her praise felt especially good. It felt hard to leave. But something insistent in me was dragging me home. What a bother... I shook my head. It isn't right to impose.
"See you then, Ma'am." I bowed my head slightly and stumbled off toward my scooter. As the engine turned over I felt eyes on me from inside the barn, but when I turned around, it was just Bess and Tess, blinking thoughtfully at me. I blinked back and rode away. Her coat, still wrapped around me, whipped in the wind.