“And now you’re going to start to wake up, nice and slowly, as I count up to five. One.”

Warmth. All-encompassing, warm, cosy darkness. That was all she knew, aside from the voice that seemed to be everywhere at once, echoing around the vast void just as it whispered right inside her mind. There was nothing else. She just drifted, thinking nothing, seeing nothing, feeling nothing. She’d lost all sense of time, all awareness of her body, all memory of where she was, what she was doing, even who she was.

It was perfect.

All she knew was the deep warm dark, and that reassuring voice. The words meant nothing to her right now, but she didn’t need to understand them, or even properly listen to them. She just wafted through space, perfectly serene, letting the voice lead her along. There was so little of her left, no body and no mind, but whatever remained was awash with utter bliss.

“Two.”

There was a sensation of rising, of her aimless drifting starting to take her upwards, of the pitch-blackness starting to turn to dark grey, as if illuminated by a light far, far above. Her ascent lacked any urgency - there was absolutely no hurry, no need to rush, no cause for concern.

“Three.”

Things were starting to become more clear now, though. Lily was dimly becoming aware of herself. The first thing she felt was a soft surface below her body - she was lying down, with her eyes closed, and her face slack. As if she were fast asleep - but she wasn’t. She was under hypnosis. She remembered now. She’d been so stressed lately, from work, and college, and moving house... She’d wanted all of it to just go away, even if only for a little while. And she’d remembered a close friend mentioning he’d taught himself hypnosis, back during lockdown, so she’d gone to him for help.

“Just a brain break,” she’d said. A nice, peaceful trance, where she could relax and let go of all her worries, all the pressure on her, and not think about any of it for a bit. She guessed it must’ve worked. She hadn’t been thinking of anything. She hadn’t been aware of anything. She’d let go of it all. She loved it so much, she didn’t want it to end.

Maybe he sensed that. Maybe that was why he was leaving such long pauses between each number. Maybe he was giving her time to accept the end of the experience, coaxing her out of trance gradually and gently. She was grateful for that. Having said that, as the seconds ticked by, her mind was slowly but surely awakening regardless of his counting. She grew more and more aware of herself, her body, her surroundings. Her eyelids flickered, still so heavy.

She still felt that warmth around her. More around the lower half of her body than anywhere else, though.

“Four.”

With a faint groan, Lily wrenched her eyes open, a huge yawn forcing its way out of her mouth. Still not fully awake, she gazed blearily at her friend Reece, sitting in the chair to the right of the bed. He stared back at her with an expression that seemed... a little uneasy. She finally realised there had been a slightly nervous undertone in his voice ever since he’d started to count her awake - a barely perceptible quaver, an off-key note amidst the calm, confident, comforting way he’d been speaking to her all along. What could have unnerved him?

Was it something to do with her? Had she snored in trance, or something? Had she drooled? God, that’d be embarrassing... She reached for her face, wiping her chin with the back of her hand. It was bone-dry. That was a relief.

She still felt fucking great. Totally tranquil. Completely comfortable, even more so than she had been before, with her head and back propped up by a pile of pillows and her torso and limbs laid out on the duvet. She’d felt a little self-conscious sprawling out like that in front of her friend, but he’d encouraged her to make herself as comfy as she could, and she’d felt safe to do so. He was a very calming presence, which must be why he was so good at hypnosis.

God, she didn’t want this to end! She just wanted to keep lying here on the soft, warm, damp bed, and let him lull her back down into the lovely deep darkness -

Wait. Damp?

Opening her eyes fully, she stared down at herself. There was a distinctive dark patch on the front of her shorts, and on the duvet cover around her lower body. She could feel the wetness against the back of her legs.

“Oh. Oh no,” she croaked, closing her eyes again to try and block out the reality of what had happened.

“It’s OK, you’re OK. Everything’s fine.”

“Noooo,” she whimpered, hiding her face in her palms, beyond mortified. How could he say that? Nothing was fine! Why did she - how could she have - this was awful!

“Listen, hey, listen to me,” Reece continued, hurriedly yet still gently, getting up from his chair and moving closer. “You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about -”

“I wet the bed!” Lily exclaimed, staring at him in astonishment and anguish.

“I know, I know. Hey...”

He climbed onto the bed and laid down next to her, reaching across her to rub up and down her left arm soothingly. He must have been lying in the wet patch, but if he felt any disgust or discomfort, it didn’t show on his face. All she saw in his eyes were kindness and compassion.

“It’s alright,” he insisted gently. “It really is. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I pissed myself,” she sobbed, unable to understand why he couldn’t understand that she had everything to be ashamed of. Tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, she buried her face in the gap between the bedclothes and his shoulder, at once too humiliated to look at him and desperate to be close to him, to feel the warm dark embrace that she’d felt a few minutes ago, even though that was what had caused her accident in the first place...

“Yes, you did. You pissed yourself.” His words were as blunt as hers had been, but his tone was just as soft and sympathetic as ever. “You were incredibly relaxed. Probably the most relaxed you’ve been in years, am I right? You work so hard, mate. You’ve been under so much pressure for so long. And suddenly, all that went away, and you were completely at peace.”

Still face down, she nodded, sniffling. He was quite right. The hypnosis had been heavenly. As if all her cares had washed away. Just thinking about it, recalling how it felt, was making her feel spacey and dreamy again, despite her deep distress.

It dimly occurred to her that under normal circumstances, had she been fully awake, she might’ve run from the room, or burst into tears immediately, or had a panic attack, upon discovering she’d wet herself - especially in front of somebody. Perhaps that was why he’d never completed the count-up. Perhaps that was why he’d counted her up so slowly, too - so she’d have time to process what had happened, and yet be too stupefied to have a strong reaction. Even now, upset though she was, the act of freaking out was difficult, her mind still so sluggish.

“You let go, of all your stress and tension, for the first time in a very long time, I imagine. And because your body was so relaxed, it did what comes naturally. That’s all.”

She stared up at him, wide-eyed. “Has this ever happened before?” she mumbled. “With, with your other subjects, I mean...?”

“Well, this hasn’t happened - but I’ve certainly had people react to hypnosis in ways I didn’t expect. The different ways they behave in trance, or interpret my suggestions... In my experience, most people react similarly, but there are enough differences - between every single person - to keep things interesting.” He smiled. “And this certainly qualifies as ‘interesting’!”

The gentle teasing contained not a hint of malice. She noticed she wasn’t crying any more, and her breathing had slowed down. She’d calmed down, without even really noticing it. Being around someone so utterly non-judgemental, so tender and kind and empathetic, had put her at ease again. This was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to her, at least as far as she could remember, and she was definitely still upset about it... but she wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown any more. She wasn’t too ashamed to look him in the eye. In fact, she felt more or less OK.

Wiping her eyes, Lily took a shaky breath and sat up straight. “I, er, I guess I’d better change my clothes, and my duvet,” she murmured. “And have a shower...” She shot Reece an apologetic glance. “Sorry about your jeans. My boyfriend’s got a spare pair of shorts you can borrow, I’m sure he won’t mind...”

“Thanks,” he grinned. “And listen, don’t let this put you off hypnosis. If you’re prepared to try it again sometime - well, that might’ve been a one-time thing, or it might not, but we can work on improving your bladder control in trance.”

She chewed her lip. “I’ll think about it.”

“OK. No worries.”

No worries. That was how she’d felt, in that deep dark void. She wanted to experience that again, that state of pure, perfect peace...

She was worried about the prospect of peeing again, but he seemed confident they could prevent that. And besides, even if she did wet herself again... it wouldn’t be the end of the world. She’d been lucky enough to have a hypnotist who hadn’t shown her any judgement, disgust or contempt.

All she’d got from him was kindness, comfort, reassurance... and warmth.