The first sound I heard when I climbed the stairs to the second floor of the dorm room was Kammy's drawn out, directed, "Soooooo...?" She was clearly on her way back from the bathroom, conveniently walking past the stairway door as I came up.

I couldn't keep the smile from my face, but I still responded with, "Jesus, girl, let me get a chair, first!"

"So there is something to tell," she teased as we walked to the lounge.

"There is," I said, joining the small cadre of students sitting about on a Saturday evening. Kammy sat on the couch beside Regina, I took one of the armchairs, Azure and Levinia were on the other couch trying their best to look like they didn't want to drag each other to bed, and in a couple chairs a bit distant, both with laptops in lap and earbuds in ear, were Tabitha and Preiya. Tabitha actually looked like she was asleep, though she often did that; it could be hard to tell if she really was.

Regina looked me up and down, and smirked. "Someone got some."

"Hey!" I felt myself blush as the other four laughed.

Second-year physics major Levinia adjusted her small glasses over blue eyes, her shoulder-length blond curls framing her plain face perfectly. "Rumours spread fast."

Azure, the oldest one in the lounge—finishing up a bachelor's degree in education after her own physics degree—looked at me kindly. "Is it something you'd rather not talk about?" she asked, her voice soft. I'd never really understood her, in three years of sharing living space. She was definitely nice, but there was always something cold behind her dark eyes, some sort of dislike pointed at me for some reason. And yet, there was that compassion there, and it felt like more than just formality. Maybe the slightly older Iroquois just didn't like an Irish girl, but that definitely seemed like too simplistic an explanation for such a complex woman.

I shook my head. "No, it's all good. In fact, I kinda want..." I started, before realizing what I was about to say.

"Yeah?" Kammy said. "You really want to tell us?"

"You want to brag?" Levinia said with a grin. "You know, if we're bragging..." She looked over at Azure, who rolled her eyes.

"I mean, no, that's... I..." I threw up my hands. "Okay, fine, yeah, kinda, I do, but also I want to talk about... other things that went on, y'know?"

Regina leaned in, clearly interested. The others weren't quite so demonstrative, but I could tell that I had the room.

I took a deep breath. "We... we had agreed to go out for dinner tonight, after the excitement last night. I kinda pushed for it, actually, I was so worn and adrenalized from the work and the elevator ride—"

Regina cut me off. "Why would that get you, uh, 'adrenalized'?"

"Complete claustrophobia," Kammy answered for me. "Never goes in the elevator, always takes the stairs. Must've taken you some real courage to get in there."

I nodded. "But, y'know, a friend in need, right? Or I guess a mostly-random stranger who I'd only really run into a couple times and who coincidentally lives in the same building I do, in need. Not to mention," I added lightly, "making myself look like an absolute broken mess in front of a cute guy, so there's that benefit too. So yeah, after all that, tired and worked up, it wasn't all that hard to make sure he had my number and that we would go to dinner. And then as we were texting earlier today, we kind of realized we weren't busy for lunch, so..."

"Right, and?" Regina asked, wide-eyed.

"We got cheap greasy burgers, ate them in a beautiful parking lot—no, I'm not kidding, there's an apartment building a bit uptown that has a fantastic view—and then I wanted to share what my life has been like since I got back to school."

"Okay so—"

"At his place."

That stopped her for a moment. "So you spent the day at his apartment?"

I nodded again, flushing a bit. "And, uh, about half of that was spent talking. And most of that talk was me talking."

"And the other half?"

Kammy smacked Regina lightly on the shoulder while Azure and Lavinia laughed. I said, "Yep, that," trying to keep my composure.

"Sorry," Regina said, "Curiosity got the better of me."

Kammy turned back to me. "So what's been up since you got back?"

I shrugged. I didn't really want to tell everything right then and there, not with people other than Kammy. She was close enough to me that I could discuss the dreams and the voices and such—weird, since I was perfectly fine talking about some of them with someone who was basically a stranger. "It's just been a rough start to the year. Not... not school-wise. Internally. Emotionally. Inspirationally."

Kammy nodded. "Yeah, like when you were screaming in your room?"

"Yup. Getting the demons out, so to speak."

"We all have those days," Azure said with a nod.

"Yeah. Though that was partly a nightmare." I didn't elaborate.

"Must have been something," Kammy said. "You were screaming a fair bit, and then, uh... singing."

I flushed. "That's literal, by the way, Kammy's not being euphemistic." I sighed, trying to settle myself a bit. "It wasn't all the nightmare, I guess. I was swept up in the moment, sometimes I don't really hear myself."

"We all have those days, too," Levinia said, running her hand over her lover's arm. Azure batted her playfully with the back of a hand and we all laughed.

Regina recovered first. "There's a few demons like that I wouldn't mind getting out some days," she said, and I could hear the half-seriousness in her joking voice.

Azure nodded, and the mood shifted. "I've had a few demon-fighting moments in my life."

"Yeah, me too." Levinia's hand made its way into Azure's, and I could feel the love and support there, and I wanted that.

And I felt that Manu might provide it.
my heart burns in me with
the thought that tomorrow might
be bringing new life and
new warmth and new hopes and
the demons inside might burn from
the fire deep in my soul

... everyone was looking at me, and I realized I'd been reciting.

I got even redder. "S-sorry," I stammered. "That's been happening lately, the poetry just—"

"That was beautiful," Regina breathed.

Kammy's head was tilted a bit. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk like that."

"I don't... I don't really..." I caught my breath. My heart was racing. "I don't share unfinished works, you know? I usually edit and polish and... and I usually just share them in writing."

"You should talk more, then," Lavinia said.

There was a weird tension in the air all of a sudden, and I felt like running away.

"Hey," Kammy said, looking at me. "Is everything okay?"

I put a hand to my cheek. It was wet.

I got up. Kammy tried to stand, but I held up a hand to stop her. "Just... Give me a minute."

I bolted to my room, making sure not to slam the door behind me. I looked at the desk. A picture of fire looked back at me. I had flipped past it many, many times, drawn a handful of other images, written short poems based on those pictures, and then flipped back to that damned picture.

I wiped up my face and there was a knock on the door. "I'll just be a second," I said, intending it to be true.

Instead the door opened. "Kammy, it's fine—" I began, turning.

It wasn't Kammy. Azure was framed in the doorway. She stepped inside, closing the door behind her gently.

"Hey."

"Really, I'll be—"

She pointed at my bed. "Sit. It's all good."

One does not argue with that matronly tone. Levinia had said as much, and feeling it directed at me I couldn't help but concede. I nodded, feeling the tears welling up and fighting them back. I sat on the bed.

Azure, as usual, wasn't about to put up with bullshit. "Did your date do something he shouldn't have?"

"What?" I asked. "No, no, he did everything he should, and then some."

"Yeah. It's the 'and then some' that I'm worried about."

I shook my head. "No, no, no no no, really, I initiated everything. I was the one that suggested we go to his place. I kissed him first. I initiated... all the stuff that came after that kiss."

"Then what's up?"

"I don't know!" I said, keeping my voice down but whispering harshly all the same. "It's so... it's frutstrating. I'm happy. I'm happy! I should be... urgh!"

Azure nodded, and looked over at my sketchbook. "That's nice. Didn't know you drew."

"I don't," I explained. "Or I don't usually. Or I mean, I do, but it's just for me, I use it to keep an idea and a moment in place so I can get my thoughts out."

"Is that the thought that you were getting out with us out there?"

I shrugged. "Not intentionally? Maybe? I dunno, maybe it's all related. The words are just slipping out today."

"All today?" She turned back to me, eyebrows raised.

I nodded.

"Even while you were out with..."

"Manu, yeah, even then."

"How did he react?"

I shrugged again. "He loved it. He wanted more."

Azure started counting on her fingers. "So you had a good time, with a supportive date, you got some good sex—"

"That's saying the least," I said with a chuckle.

Azure smiled at me and kept going. "—validation for your creativity, and dinner, and you're home safe, surrounded by friends... and weeping."

I nodded.

"I don't get it."

"You think I do?" I snapped, and immediately shrank back apologetically. "Sorry, sorry, I'm just..."

I didn't know what I was, so I just let that statement trail off.

Azure nodded and turned back to the door. "Come back out, okay?" She paused before opening the door. "Your poetry is welcome."

The door closed gently behind her before I even thought to say, "Thank you."

I sat for a moment or two in silence, maintaining my composure, before getting up and walking to the desk.

I looked at the fire. I picked up my pencil. I put the tip to the page.

I waited.

"What the fuck are you?" I whispered.

I didn't know if I was talking to the paper, to the pencil, to the entity in my dream, or to myself.

I closed my eyes.

I felt a world of heat welling up inside of me. Pure, untamed, unshaped flame, that could be anything. The burning equivalent of a blank page in a sketchbook.

"But I don't know what to do with that!"

I opened my eyes, my vision blurry. I could hear the singing in my mind, not sure if it was a memory or a new song.

I slammed the sketchbook shut, pencil trapped inside, wiped my eyes, walked to the door and opened it decisively. Kammy, Azure, and Levinia, still there, stopped in their conversation and turned.

"You good?" Kammy asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Don't really know what came over me." I forced a smile, walking back to my vacant seat. "Really, I'm fine. Like I told Azure, Manu was a perfect date."

"Perfect gentleman?" Levinia asked.

"I wouldn't go that far..." My smile widened, this time genuinely. "But to be fair, I was hardly a perfect lady."

"Gonna kiss and tell?"

I was about to, but then realized someone was missing. "Should I wait for Regina?"

"Might be considerate," Kammy answered. "She shouldn't be long."

"Hello everyone!" a familiar voice, not Regina's, floated down the hall, and the heat inside me went cold. I didn't like that it was a friend's voice that did that to me.

"Rita!" Kammy said, her face brightening as she waved.

"Hey Kammy, hi all." Rita walked up, all cheer and light, with a smallish tan-skinned girl in tow. Her companion was about my height, slender in a way I could only dream of, with blonde hair streaked lightly with a variety of other colours. "This is Soleil."

The young woman in the white dress waved a bit shyly. Rita sat down, and Soleil knelt beside her on the floor. I noticed she was barefoot.

Rita kept talking. "I met her in acting class. She decided to come with me this evening."

I looked about. "There's other chairs," I offered.

"Thank you, I like this spot," Soleil said softly, her voice lightly accented, maybe as French as her name. Rita ran a hand through her hair, and Soleil's already bright smile broadened.

"Floors are good and solid, aren't they," Rita said, and Soleil nodded.

"Haven't seen too much of you the past couple weeks," Kammy said.

"Yeah, sorry," Rita replied, still petting Soleil. "Trying to get things properly lined up and such, switching courses, making new friends..." Soleil, honest to God, purred when Rita said that, loud enough to be heard across the table. "I was just showing Soleil around the dorm. She's not living here, but she might stay with me once in a while."

"Hope that's okay," Soleil said a bit meekly.

No one raised any objections.

"We're just about to hear about a date..." Levinia said, turning to me.

I looked at Rita. I saw
I saw the embers there
of works burned;
I saw the sparks there
of works renewed
I saw the fire there
of works to come

"... orrr some poetry," Levinia breathed.

I flushed. "I did it again, didn't I," I said, embarrassed.

"It's very welcome," Azure confirmed her earlier statement.

Soleil nodded enthusiastically. "That's beautiful. And I can totally see that in Rita."

Well that confirmed that, whatever 'that' was. I looked back to Rita, eyes wide, questioning, and she just grinned, and I wanted to slap her. She knew something, and she was doing something with that knowledge, and I couldn't know what it was.

Regina came back at that moment, and broke me out of my half-trance. "Hi Rita," she said, "And hey Soleil! Nice to see you, so, uh..." She sat down where she had been before, on the couch by Kammy. "So. You two...?"

Soleil shrugged and smiled. It was hard not to like the girl immediately, and I could see why Rita took to her.

"You know her?" Rita asked.

"Yeah, she's in the same intro-sociology class as me. Uh... You know Rita's got... um..."

Soleil actually brightened. "Yeah, Emi! I've met them, they're cool. Well, not met, met, but we've chatted a couple times on Rita's computer. They're like really cute and I'm already planning a Thanksgiving trip to meet them and Rita's other friends!"

"Besides which," Rita continued, "Emi's there, and I'm here, and Soleil's also here, and there's something way more interesting about in-person kisses."

Soleil grabbed Rita's hand with her own and brought it lightly down to her lips. "Mmm, yep, much more interesting."

Levinia and Azure had inched closer together, their own fingers intertwined. Regina and Kammy, meanwhile, despite sharing a couch, seemed a little out of place. My eyes met Rita's.

Rita nodded. Permission. Or confirmation.

My voice sounded strange and distant to my ears, but I went on anyway.
Where I spoke, he listened, and there was power in his listening. All the fire of the days that has burned in me was reflected in him, confirmed in him. He bought me lunch, and he tasted like lunch, and together we played in the playground of my mind, testing and trying and seeing what I would do, and what I did was learn. I learned my weaknesses, and my strengths. I learned my creativity. I learned myself, and how my self existed in relation to him, and how he existed in relationship to me,
and when I spoke my poetry, I spoke my power into being
My power shaped him, and shaped me, and we came together, and we came together
And that because he listened, we could burn as one.
Everything strange that there had been in these few days came through because he listened, everything lovely that followed was because he wanted to hear me, and because he wanted to listen and hear and know more and more and more, I could tell him more and more and more
and I could learn more and more and more
Because I spoke
Because he listened
We came together
We burned as one

I opened eyes I didn't know I'd closed. I was the only one with open eyes, at that point. Kammy's hands were moving on her stomach, under her shirt. Regina's hands were planted beside her and she was squirming in her seat, mouth open, breathing heavily. Levinia and Azure were in a close embrace, just a moment away from a passionate kiss, lips just an inch apart, inhaling each other's air. Soleil was perched on her heels, back straight, hands on her thighs. Preiya, across the lounge, was facing directly at me, and wasn't moving except for sliding her feet together, and Tabitha beside her... still looked asleep.

And Rita.

Rita.

Her hand was still on Soleil's head, fingers curled as though gripping. Her other was on her breast, clearly pressing.

My mind was on Manu. He, his actions, had inspired me, had thrown gasoline on that fire that had come to me when Rita had first met my eyes, followed by the dream of a forest.

There were eight women in the room with me, and I was sitting there wondering if I could slip into my room and fantasize about the incredible sex I'd had only a couple hours ago and get off again without breaking whatever spell had come over them all.

I saw Rita's eyes open.

There was that deep, deep fire there, that I hadn't seen since the day I'd returned to the dorm, and it was blazing. Consuming. I was pulled to my feet, drawn by that heat that I could feel through my eyes. Rita's fingers uncurled and she took a long breath.

She didn't move, except to raise a hand. My body locked in place, my joints burning. I fought to take another step. I couldn't.

"It is not time," she said, and in the room, her voice was her own, but in my mind, I heard a full choir singing, and the fire behind them crackling. My body reacted in a bizarre mix of fear, disappointment, and arousal, all warring for dominance in my paralyzed form.

And then, "We cannot call one such as you."

Like a puppet with the strings cut, I fell backwards into the chair, collapsing limply. I wasn't exhausted, but my body was reacting like I was. My head lolled before being pulled back up by some unseen hand to look into Rita's eyes again.

Her voice, this time, didn't echo or sing in my mind, but I heard it clearly through the memories and the magic and the flames and the words that wanted to force their way to the surface. It was simple, almost sad.

"I'm sorry."

Kammy moaned, drawing my attention, shattering my moment. "Oh damn, was he really that good?" she said.

"Must have been," Azure said, as though she hadn't just been mashed up close against Levinia. I looked, and they were still entangled. No one seemed to think that was unusual.

"I need to find someone like that I think," Regina agreed.

Soleil was the next to speak. "That feels like you," she said quietly.

"Shh," Rita replied, in comforting tone. "We'll talk later." Then she looked at me, and her tone was... less comforting. "So will we."

My fire went cold and I didn't know why.

Levinia sighed happily in Azure's arms, her head resting on her lover's chest. "I want to write like that someday," she said. "And hear you write like that more." She was talking to me, not Azure, I could tell.

"Thank you," I replied, feeling that praise genuinely. That was nice. I didn't feel the usual urge to self-condemn that I did in the face of compliments. "I, um..." I wanted to say something deeper, but I couldn't think of anything.

"Where did that come from?" Kammy asked.

I shook my head. "That's the thing. That's... the whole thing, really. This stuff has just been coming up this year. Something's clicked, something's fallen into place and the right words just bubble up when I..." I was going to say, 'when I want them,' but that wasn't true. "uh... just bubble up whenever. Which is part of what Manu found so... attractive."

Levinia slid to the floor, and Azure starting playing with her curls. "I could see why," the physics major said. "Someone talked to me like that—someone talked about me like that—and I'd jump her like in an instant." She snapped her fingers for emphasis. Azure cleared her throat. "Uh," Levinia added, "if I wasn't already taken, of course."

"Of course," Azure snarked back, starting to braid her girlfriend's hair.

"So you did poetry like that with Manu in the room and—" Regina began.

"Yup," I interrupted.

"And so when you said 'we came together'—"

"Yup," I confirmed.

"And 'burned as one,'" Kammy concluded. "I think your dry spell might be over."

"Yup." I was beaming, and blushing, and I could feel it, and a strange sense of normalcy settled over the room.

"Alright, mystery solved," Regina said, standing up, "and I wanna go check out one of the campus church services tomorrow early so I'm heading to bed now."

I looked over at Rita, and a flash of insight passed between us somehow, and I knew that Regina also wanted to go to bed early to have some time by herself, where she could take the heat I'd inspired and turn it into the release that she hadn't had since arriving—

"Good night," I said, feeling myself getting warmer, and redder. "I think, maybe, I've had enough for tonight myself." I didn't have the luxury Regina did. The walls were too thin.

"Yeah, you get your rest, you've had a busy day," Kammy said with a chuckle.

Good-natured ribbing followed as I made my way to my room, and it just made me smile (and blush) more.

I closed the door behind myself, and looked over at my desk.

My sketchbook was open. The pencil was sitting there, right there, on the picture of fire.

I had expected it. Somehow, I had expected it.

I didn't need a shower. I'd had one after making love with Manu. Part of me felt like I wanted one, but another, heavier part was drawn to my bed, and the darkness swallowed me up before I could really consider it further.