Laura exercised on her indoor bike. It was 4 AM. She couldn't sleep.
To say she was excited to see her next patient was an understatement. A "guy" questioning his gender.
Laura's mind was already racing. But she knew she was getting ahead of herself. She wasn't stupid. She knew that the next week or two would be a tightrope walk.
Laura slowed down and eventually climbed off her bike. She took a sip of water, not wanting to have to wake up to piss, before getting back into bed.
Alex walked into the Behavioral Sciences building on campus. He'd never been inside the building, and he quickly realized this was a problem, because the Behavioral Sciences building didn't seem to contain any right angles.
Alex anxiously checked his phone for the time, constantly, as he slowly neared his way towards his therapy appointment. He eventually found himself outside of the room, three minutes late.
The door was open, and he could see a woman inside. She was in her late 30s, and dressed in what could be called business goth attire.
When she stood up from her chair, Alex realized the therapist was a few inches over six feet tall; she dwarfed him.
Alex nervously entered and sat down. The therapist walked towards the door and locked it shut.
"i'm sorry i'm late" said Alex.
“It’s ok”, Laura began, moving back to her chair. “We can take as much time as we need. This is your first session, after all. I wouldn’t mind telling the next patient to reschedule.”
Alex looked at his hands. “really, it’s fine . . . i’m . . . i don’t want to cause any problems.”
Laura put the end of her pen on her lips as she studied Alex. He was thin and nerdy looking, drowning in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. His hair was long and unstyled. He gulped as she looked at him.
Laura wasn’t stupid; unlike most cis women, she didn’t view transfeminine people as inherently predatory or threatening. She viewed people like Alex as prey.
“So, Alex, what brings you here?”
“well, i, uh . . . doesn’t your paper already say why i’m here . . .”
“Because you’re questioning your gender. Is it really that hard to say?”
“y-yeah . . .”
“y-yeah . . .”
Laura grinned. “It says here you have ADHD and autism. Would it be fair to say you have problems with executive dysfunction?”
“Did you have a hard time scheduling this appointment? I know there’s a lot of paperwork involved.”
“it was kind of difficult. i wish it wasn’t so complicated to do all of this . . .”
Laura held each end of her pen between her two hands. “Well, you’re here now. So clearly you managed to power through it.”
"Would you like it if I called you a good girl? How does that make you feel?"
Laura struggled not to laugh at Alex's reaction. He eventually pulled himself together.
"um, i, i guess that could be nice. i'm not opposed to it."
Laura nodded. "Alex, I wonder about the effectiveness of this session."
"but we've only been talking for a few minutes."
Laura nodded. "Yes. But Alex, I care about you. I care about all of the students who come in here. And I'm worried I won't be able to help you."
Laura pulled her DSM-5 manual off of her shelf. "This book, these guidelines, are full of shit. There's nothing I could really do, as a licensed therapist, that could help you. But, if we started meeting outside of this office, I could really help you. We could get to the core of your gender dysphoria."
Alex's critical facilities were being disrupted by his immense attraction towards the beautiful and tall woman currently speaking to him. All he knew was that, if he said "yes", he'd get to spend more time with her.
"y-yeah i'd like to have private sessions with you."
Laura grinned. "Excellent. You're very smart, Alex."
Laura finished looking at trans reddit and trans twitter for the evening. She was nothing if not engaged; she was beyond being merely a chaser. She was a fanatic, albeit a very quiet and private one.
Perhaps it was the same instinct that made her become a therapist in the first place that made her study the transfeminine mind so intently. Ever since that fateful encounter in highschool, she'd "loved" trans girls. She had many deep metaphysical ideas and theories about them, each more cumbrained and depraved than the last.
It was easy for her to have a casual hookup whenever she wanted. But that wasn't enough anymore, and she had much bigger plans. Ones that would give her so much more control and power than any consensual relationship possibly could.
Alex got off the subway and looked around for his therapist; his first instinct was always to assume something was going wrong. He didn’t think she would be there.
Once he got through the turnstile, she approached him, dressed in much more overtly goth-y clothing than before.
“Was your trip on the subway ok?”
Alex nodded. “y-yeah. sorry i’m just a little anxious i guess.”
Laura gave her subject a gentle pat on the shoulder. “There’s no reason to be anxious. My apartment is nearby; soon you’ll be sitting on my couch with a nice glass of water. Ok?”
Alex nodded again. He didn’t know how to tell Laura, but he hadn’t just been worried he wouldn’t be able to find her. He was also worried about how he would act around her; she was so, to put it succinctly, filled with appeal to him. And he was worried he’d get an embarrassing erection or something.
It wasn’t long before they entered Laura’s apartment. It was a spacious one bedroom place filled with expensive looking gothic decor. The therapist motioned towards her couch, and Alex sat down, with Laura sitting on a nearby chair.
The questioning boy nervously looked down at his feet. “so, uh, what are we doing today?”
Laura smiled. “We’re going to do some exploratory questioning, and we’ll possibly do an embodiment exercise. Depending on a handful of factors. But don’t worry; we’ll go at the appropriate pace.”
Alex nodded. “gosh i, i just feel so anxious. i never really talk about this stuff with people.
Laura’s face adopted a concerned look. “Alex, I need you to remember something. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. You can put your complete trust and faith in me. Do you understand?”
Alex took a deep breath. “yeah, yeah i understand. sorry.”
“It’s ok. There’s nothing to be sorry about here.”
There was a brief pause, before Laura made a triangle shape with her fingers and thumbs. “I’m going to put you into a relaxed state, and then, I’m going to ask you a series of questions. I don’t think it will take very long for us to get to the bottom of your gender questioning.”
Laura turned on some quiet ambient rain sounds on her speakers. “I want you to lean back, and close your eyes. You’re going to count down from twenty with me, ok?”
This began a long process of Laura putting Alex into a deep and relaxed state. Slowly melting away the barriers and walls around his mind.
. . . “Thirteen. You’re not worried. The tenseness is leaving your knees. There’s no tightness in your legs. Twelve. Your shoulders are loose. You’re sinking further and further back into the soft couch.” . . .
Alex could feel his entire body losing any feelings of resistance, any feelings of stress or worry. This felt a lot like hypnosis, and he didn’t know therapists did hypnosis. Then again, Laura said that traditional methods wouldn’t really be able to help him. He’d agreed to this.
Eventually, they counted down to one. Alex was now very pliable, and he wouldn’t question certain lines of questioning the way he would if he was more lucid.
“How do you feel, Alex?”
Laura smiled. She reminded herself she needed to work slowly, steadily. Even if her prey was in an especially prone position.
“When did you first start questioning your gender?”
A small tenseness started to appear on his brow.
“It’s ok Alex. There’s nothing to be afraid of here.”
“sorry . . . it’s just weird.”
Laura crossed her legs. “I don’t mind. If anything, I’m hoping you are transgender. I’m a very receptive listener.”
Alex swallowed. “when i was fourteen, i started getting really into Sloane Sett and her music. i got really obsessed. i hyper-fixated on her and stuff.”
“Why did you do that?”
“i . . . she was feminine in a way that appealed to me . . . she made me . . . i felt a connection i didn’t feel looking at most other women. i found something to identify with. it still felt kind of creepy though, like i was a stalker.”
Laura smiled. “It’s ok, Alex. This is a natural way for gender feelings to manifest. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I’m actually quite a fan of Sloane’s music as well. She’s hot, isn’t she?”
Alex let out a weak chuckle. “y-yeah.”
Laura took note of the tent that had started to appear in his sweatpants before continuing.
“Do you have any friends?”
“no. they . . . they all knew that something is wrong with me, even before i did.”
Laura grinned. It seemed nobody would be there to help Alex after she had him in her grasp, but she needed to keep searching. “Nothing is wrong with you. Some people are just different.”
The therapist knew that there was another potential obstacle; the bond between a fag and their mother was very sacred, after all. When it existed.
“Are you close with your mom?”
Alex shook his head, as much as his relaxed body could. “no . . . my mom always wished i was more masculine. i’ve always envied people who had good relationships with their moms.”
Laura swallowed. “I certainly wouldn’t mind helping.”
There was a pause. Alex didn’t seem to parse anything unusual from the comment.
The goth leaned back in her chair. “I want you to collect your memories of this conversation, and imagine yourself placing them in a special box. Can you do that for me?”
“Think about grabbing them, each of them pink and shiny. And put them in a box. And I want you to close the box, and hide it away under your bed. Can you imagine yourself doing that for me?”
Alex seemingly did nothing for around twenty seconds. “ok.”
“When you come up, I don’t want you to remember anything we just talked about.”
Laura offered to drive Alex home from the apartment, and he accepted. They sat in the parking lot of a fast food place, and Alex ate a hamburger as the therapist watched him.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Alex. With your questioning. After our exploratory session today, I think it’s safe to say you’re a girl.”
Alex felt a lot of relief, hearing that from somebody else. Being given permission, being told it was right to transition. “it’s amazing to hear that.”
Laura watched Alex start to freeze, before eventually starting to cry. She leant across the armrest and hugged the goth woman.
“t-thank you! thank you so much!”
Laura gently stroked Alex’s hair. “It’s ok. I always wanted to help you. I’m so glad I could help you with this.”
Alex went from sobbing to sniffling, and he began to eat again. “i guess this means i won’t see you again. what would’ve happened during the embodiment session?”
Laura shook her head. “Oh, I still am planning on seeing you again in three days. There’s a lot of work we still need to do.”
Alex sniffled. “thank you.”
“But I can’t tell you about the embodiment session in advance. It would disrupt the method if you knew what was going to happen.”
Alex sighed as she stared at her ceiling. She had an essay due in four days that she hadn't even been able to start, and also she was lonely.
She knew that nobody would ever want to be her friend, much less her partner. Who would ever want to date a trans girl?
She was alone. All she had was her therapist, but that was only temporary. And someday, Laura would be gone, just like everyone else.
Alex found herself in Laura's apartment again. The older woman pulled a small box out of a bag, with a picture of a woman with black hair on it
"Are you ready for your embodiment session?"
"what are we doing?"
Laura approached Alex. "I'm going to help you look the way you always have dreamed of looking. And we're going to start by dying your hair black."
Alex hugged Laura, which the therapist wasn't expecting. "thank you! i'm nervous but also really excited!"
"I'm glad you're excited. Come on, let's get started."
. . .
Laura gently brushed the black dye into Alex's hair. "So, I bet you're struggling, aren't you?"
"yeah. there's a lot of stuff i need to do."
"I can get you an estrogen prescription soon, so you don't need to worry about that."
"What are you studying?"
"i'm studying art. i want to be a concept artist someday."
Laura made a sweet but pitying sound. "That's rough. Creative industries are so hard; they always treat it like a privilege that you get to be there, and they work you into the ground."
"that's what i hear . . ."
"And they're so competitive. It would be difficult for someone with executive dysfunction to ever make it in a cutthroat environment like that."
"yeah . . ."
Laura was almost starting to feel something resembling guilt, but mostly she felt excited. "And those industries are always so male dominated and regressive. A trans girl like you probably wouldn't even stand a chance."
Alex sighed. "i . . . i've thought about it a few times . . ."
Laura stroked her quarry's shoulder. "It's ok. I'm sure you'll figure something out. Even if it will be difficult, after leaving the structured world of higher education."
Alex stared at herself in the mirror silently for a few minutes in contemplation. A subtle smile began to appear on Laura's face.
. . .
After Alex got out of the shower and dressed into her old clothes again, she walked into Laura's living room. The goth promptly led her into the bedroom.
“I have some special clothes for you; take a look.”
Alex looked on Laura’s bed, and saw leather pants and a latex tank top.
“Wow! i get to wear these?!”
Laura smiled. “Of course. I got them just for you.”
Alex picked up the latex top. “this looks almost like the one Sloane Sett used to wear, around 2007!”
Laura moved behind her project, and put her hands on her shoulders. “I know. I’ll help you put it on. This might be a little awkward.”
The therapist pulled out a bottle of lube and motioned for Alex to remove her shirt. The latex top had a zipper on its front, which certainly made it easier to put on, but there was still a little work that needed to be done.
“I just need to rub some of this on the top and on your torso. Don’t mind me.”
Alex began to feel Laura gently caressing her body, slowly and delicately moving her fingers across her skin. The younger girl began to awkwardly bend as her girlcock started to harden; certainly an unwanted reaction during this moment that Alex knew was definitely not supposed to be sexual.
After a few minutes, Laura effortlessly slid the latex onto Alex’s torso, and zipped it up.
“There you go. Now we just need to get the pants on.”
Alex anxiously ran a hand through her hair. “uh, i . . . i, uh . . .”
Laura smiled. She tried to make it look sweet, but anyone less clueless than Alex would’ve known exactly what she was thinking. “Don’t worry; it’s natural to get hard when you’re excited about something. It’s not always sexual; the wires can just get crossed. I understand; I’m a therapist, remember?”
Alex nervously laughed. “y-yeah.”
She removed her sweatpants and began to slide the leather pants up her legs. Laura handed her a studded belt, which she put on, and then the older woman circled around her and fastened a collar with a large ring to her neck.
Laura began to massage Alex’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s move to my vanity over there. I’ll help you put on some makeup.
. . .
Laura spoke to Alex as she gave her smoky dark purple eyeshadow and black lipstick.
“I know you don’t think you’re special, and I know most other people don’t think you’re any good. But I want you to know that I think you’re special.”
Alex was enraptured by the sight of her transformed self; she felt a kind of elation and euphoria, a kind of true happiness, that she’d never felt before in her entire life. It helped that she was spending time with Laura as well, even if Alex knew it was never really going to amount to anything.
Laura eventually put the cap back on her lipstick. “We’re done. Look at yourself in my mirror.”
Alex stood up from the vanity mirror, and looked at herself in the large body length mirror.
“i . . . i . . . oh my gosh . . .”
Laura stood behind Alex, and placed a seemingly chaste kiss on the side of her head. “You’re such a pretty girl. You’re so precious, Alex.”
Tears began to fall from Alex’s eyes, which was ruining her mascara. But that hardly bothered her.
“you made me so pretty!”
“It was easy, because you’re such a cute, adorable princess.”
Alex hardly knew what to do with herself; she felt like she was about to explode with pure joy. And she was starting to think that maybe Laura liked her! But Laura clasped her hands together and sat down on her bed.
“Well, I guess that’s the end of today’s embodyment session. Will I be seeing you next week?”
Alex felt a sense of deflation. “oh, yeah! of course . . .”
Laura smiled. “I’ll send the campus pharmacy a prescription of estrogen for you soon; you should get an email. And then you can start to fill out that top.”
Alex put a finger in the empty space in her top where her breasts would be. “yeah . . . i guess i have a long way to go . . .”
Alex sighed as she stared at her ceiling, again. Was it even worth it, to finish her degree? How much use would it really have? Shouldn’t her art just speak for itself?
It’s not like she’d ever be able to get a job anyways . . . the wiser choice was probably just to give up on that. But she didn’t know what else she should be doing to survive.
It was probably worth staying in school a little while longer, so that she could keep getting therapy sessions with Laura . . . or did it not matter, because she was seeing Laura outside of the campus therapy program?
Alex was too tired to think about that at the moment. She decided to ask Laura later, when their next session came around.
Laura zoned out at her desk and thought about that special day from highschool.
The fragile featured and androgynous "boy" from her physics class, walking near the tracks after classes, imagining what it would be like to be a girl during the school day.
She was so afraid when Laura saw her. So afraid Laura would say something, tell anybody.
Laura certainly had manipulated that fear and anxiety to her advantage; that girl did everything Laura wanted in order to keep her secret hidden.
Laura wasn't stupid. She knew she had nothing to be afraid of.
When Laura arrived at the subway, she noticed that Alex was dressed in the latex top and leather pants she'd received during the previous session.
"t-thanks again for the clothes!"
Laura gently stroked Alex's hair. "Of course."
Eventually the two arrived at the apartment, and Laura sighed as the therapy session began.
"Alex, I have some bad news. I don't know if I can be your therapist anymore."
Alex froze and tensened. "Why not?"
"Because . . . I'm starting to feel an attraction to you. And there would be a conflict of interest if I kept acting as your therapist."
Alex felt butterflies in her stomach, but it was different than any other time. This time someone actually said something nice to her.
"y-you, you're attracted to me?"
Laura smiled. "I'm sorry, Alex. I hope you understand why I can't help you professionally anymore."
She stood up, and started to cross the room. She sat down on the couch next to Alex, and put a hand underneath her chin.
"But unprofessionally . . . I think I could help you a lot."
Alex let out a whimper. "y-you like me?"
Laura leant forward, and began to kiss Alex's lips. She placed her hands on either side of her quarry's head, and felt her whimpering and quavering and melting beneath her.
The therapist abruptly stood up, and walked away from Alex. "I'm so sorry, that was incredibly unprofessional of me! I shouldn't have done that."
Alex stammered. "w-wait, but, the unprofessional-"
Laura turned around. "I could stop being your therapist, and we could start dating. But there's one more thing we need to do first."
. . .
Alex felt herself going down under again, her consciousness becoming hazy and foggy. Susceptible to new suggestions and ideas, an eager sponge. Defenseless and unable to parse much of anything.
She started to imagine herself on a grass field. She was wearing a cheap dress, and she could see a running track starting to emerge before her.
Alex started to see a woman in the distance. She almost looked like Laura, but much younger. She was surrounded by shadows.
Alex tried to say something, anything, but she found that she couldn't. Words would not exit her mouth, as much as she tried.
The entity got closer. "You should've told me you were a sissy. I would've helped you~"
Alex found herself lowering onto the ground, moving onto her back. Lifting up her dress and exposing her asshole.
"If you don't do what I say, I'm going to tell everyone. Everyone will know what a faggot you are. Not just a queer, but a slutty cocksucking girly girl. They'll kill you."
Alex could feel the darkness and shadow entering into her, could feel a kind of guilt and fear building up. She began to cry as she felt herself getting violated.
She kept trying to scream, kept trying to shout for help.
Alex felt her body shaking, and she began to gradually wake up. Laura was holding her.
"Are you ok? Are you alright?"
Alex whimpered, and gasped for air. When she spoke, she found her voice was pitched higher than usual. "i, i, M-Mommy! Please hold me!"
Laura kissed Alex's forehead. "It's ok, Mommy's here for you. You're my special sissy girl. My special little faggot girl. You know that, right?"
Alex hesitated. She felt kind of sick, but . . . there was no hope outside of Laura's embrace. No future for a born failure like herself. "Mommy . . . i'm sorry Mommy." She couldn’t understand why she kept saying “Mommy”, but it just felt natural now. It was like she’d forgotten half of her entire life in only a few moments.
The older goth slowly placed a kiss on Alex's lips. "It's ok. Mommy will always love you. How about we order something to eat, and we can cuddle on the couch?"
6 months later
Alex woke up; she'd held her Mommy the whole night. She could feel dried precum on herself and her Mommy's thigh.
Laura placed a kiss on her forehead. "Good morning princess. Did you have good dreams last night?"
"no . . . but i'm awake now, and you're here to keep me safe!"
"I'm always going to keep you safe. Always going to make sure nobody ever hurts you. Because you're my adorable little sissy girl, isn't that right?"
Alex nodded, and gave her Mommy's thigh a gentle grind.
Laura reached her fingers down, and touched the empty scrotum that once had held her plaything's testicles. She looked into Alex's eyes; they were mostly vacant, but still filled with an eagerness to please her.
The older goth gently wrapped a collar around Alex's neck, before attaching a leash and leading her toy out of the bed and next to the fridge. Laura pulled a bottle of milk out, and then knelt next to Alex, placing the rubber nipple into her mouth.
"Mommy will always love you. I'm never going to abandon you like everyone else did. You'll always be special to me."
Alex cried as she drank her milk. Her life had been so terrible, but at least she was safe now. Her Mommy would never do anything to hurt her.