2005

Seth heard the front door of the two bedroom apartment open as he finished brushing his teeth. He was frightened for a moment; it was almost midnight, and he started to get jumpy at night. He rinsed out his mouth and looked into the living room, and saw it was just his mom.

Lynn was unpacking some groceries on the kitchen table, pausing to rub around her eyes. She sighed as Seth finished up in the bathroom.

“Seth, you’re supposed to be in bed already. Midterms are starting the day after tomorrow.”

Seth sat down on the couch. “Sorry. I was having trouble with my math homework, and I waited a while to have dinner because I didn’t know when you’d be coming home.”

The mother began to load some perishables into the fridge. “I’m sorry, I spent all day trying to find some precedents relating to some music rights stuff. And I still had to get groceries.”

Seth looked at the floor. His mother had been a legal clerk since she’d graduated from law school, which had happened around the time he was twelve. Six years later it still felt like he’d barely seen her. He didn’t feel like it was his place to be upset about it; it was just a fact of life. His mom was always busy studying things. His dad was dead. Nobody was happy.

Lynn finished putting away the groceries. “Please go to bed. After you finish midterms we can go out and get some pizza, ok?”

Seth went into his small bedroom, messed around for 90 minutes, and then went to sleep.

The final bell of the school day rang, and Seth prepared to leave his literature class. His teacher spoke up.

“Seth? Can you stick behind for a minute?”

Seth became filled with fear. He didn’t like talking to people unexpectedly; his long black hair was practically a shield he hid behind.

Mr Williams sat himself down at the desk next to Seth’s, and put his hands together. “How are you feeling about your midterms?”

“I feel ok.”

“Listen, Seth. You’re a really smart kid. But I also know that you sometimes half-ass your work because you just can’t be bothered to do it correctly.”

Seth chuckled meekly. “Yeah.”

“It’s not funny. You’re going to want to get a good job someday, and you won’t be able to if you don’t get good grades now. Promise you’ll apply yourself this week.”

“My mom studied her ass off her whole life, and now her job is to keep studying all day. When does it end?”

Mr Williams sighed. “You don’t have to get a job like that.”

Seth stood up from his desk. “Well, I don’t want to work.”

“Seth, you’re not going to make it big as a musician, and then you’re going to regret that you didn’t apply yourself when you had the chance.”

Seth walked out of the classroom. He knew there was a nugget of truth to what his teacher was saying, but nothing about his potential future made him feel good.

Seth played his guitar quietly until his phone began to ring. He opened his phone and answered.

“Hi mom.”

“Hey. Please don’t eat anything. I promise I’m coming home early, and I have a special visitor with me joining us for dinner.”

Seth didn’t think much of the potential visitor. “Ok mom. See you later.”

Seth was surprised when his mom actually did come home before the end of the day; it was only 5:30 when he heard the front door open. He put down his guitar and walked into the living room, to find his mother standing next to another woman.

The guest began to remove her winter coat, revealing that she was wearing a black tank top and leather pants underneath with a studded belt. She had shoulder length crimson hair, dark eyeshadow, and a very toned, lean, and sinewy figure. If Seth had to guess her age, he’d probably say late 20s, but she was in her mid 40s.

Seth felt excited to be in her presence.

Lynn began to wash her hands. “Seth, this is Sloane Lone. I’ve been helping her at the office the past few days.”

Seth thought the name sounded familiar, but he didn’t know who she was. Sloane walked towards him and shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Seth. How old are you?”

“Eighteen.”

“That’s good. Your mom tells me that you enjoy playing guitar?”

“Y-Yeah. Do you play guitar?”

Sloane seemed offended by the question. Lynn spoke. “Seth, why don’t you show Sloane your guitars while I get dinner ready?”

Seth could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. He’d never really been good at talking to anyone, much less women. “Y-Yeah, ok. My room is right over here.”

Sloane studied the guitarist she’d been told about as she was led into his room. Seth was pale and consumptive, the image of a lead guitarist. His hair was long and black, his body emaciated from years of ineffective ADHD medication. His pallid skin belied his lacking social life, his shy and timid nature.

At just over five and a half feet tall, Seth felt very average, but he didn’t really understand how he looked to other people.

Sloane seated herself on Seth’s bed. The curtains in the room were closed, and her host had a small ambient light on top of a counter barely illuminating the dimly lit space. Sloane noticed that Seth didn’t own a proper guitar amplifier, but instead had a digital effects pedal macgyvered into a small stereo on his floor.

Seth grabbed one of his two guitars and stood up. Sloane casually patted the spot on the bed next to her, and Seth sat down to her left.

He gulped and began to speak. “W-Well, this is, um, a Pacifica I bought used for about $350. I prefer this to my other guitar because it has a Floyd Rose on it.”

Sloane was smiling; being in the presence of someone happy made Seth feel uncomfortable. “Are you going to play something?”

“S-Sure . . . um . . .”

Seth began to improvise with some scales. His hands were shaking and his palms were starting to get sweaty. After about a minute he stopped to wipe some sweat off of his guitar neck with his shirt.

Sloane spoke. “I love getting sweaty when I’m playing shows. It makes me feel like I’m connected to the music and to the audience.” She gently scratched the nape of Seth’s neck and continued to speak with an innocent tone. “It’s great when my hair starts to stick to my face and my neck, and my entire body is practically shining underneath the stage lights.”

Seth dropped his guitar pick. As he leant down to pick it up, his mom called from the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready!”

.  .  .

Sloane sat across from Seth at the small kitchen table. It was the first time in almost two weeks that Seth hadn’t eaten dinner alone.

Lynn spoke as she dished everyone their food. “It’s really nice to have you here; a client has never offered to visit me outside of the office before.”

“Well, that’s really unfortunate. I would feel awkward if I let you do all this work for me and I didn’t even take some time to hang out with you. And, you know, I’m glad I managed to get you out of that office. My lawyer is really working you to the bone in there.”

Seth spoke cautiously, not sure if he was about to ask a rude question. “Are you suing someone?”

Sloane sighed. “I’m suing my old label. They own the masters to some of my albums, and were supposed to give them to me after a period of time. And they didn’t. It’s preventing me from getting most of my residuals. It’s kind of related to licensing stuff . . . it’s complicated.”

Lynn spoke. “I’ve been getting some good research done this last week; I think we’ll be able to set all of this straight.”

Sloane’s posture became more hunched, and she stared at her plate as she ate. “The entire music industry is operated by vultures. Parasites. Scumbags.”

They ate in silence for a moment, before Sloane spoke up again, sensing that she’d made the space awkward. She smirked before she spoke. “So Seth, I bet you get a lot of girls with that guitar playing, huh?”

Seth blushed. “n-no . . . no, not really . . .”

His mom adjusted his hair. “Seth’s just shy. He’s a late-bloomer, like his father.”

Seth mumbled. “Mom, please.”

Sloane snickered. Seth felt like he was going to die.

“Do you two have anything planned for the holidays?”

Lynn shook her head. “No, not really.”

Sloane spoke to Lynn. “Would you mind if I took Seth to a guitar store?”

Seth perked up as his mother raised a hand and protested. “Oh, you don’t have to do that, really!”

“I insist! Don’t worry, I’m not going to spoil him.”

That Friday, after stumbling through his last midterm, Seth returned to his apartment. He’d been waiting in anticipation the entire week for his meeting with Sloane. A part of him knew that nothing was going to happen, but he was still excited to be around her again.

It was only a few minutes after he’d set down his backpack in his room that he got a phone call. It was Sloane.

“Hey Seth, I’m outside.”

“Ok, I’ll be right down.”

Seth left the apartment and saw Sloane standing outside of a black sedan. He was surprised by how boring the car was. He approached her and she motioned for him to sit in the passenger seat.

Seth spoke. “Is this your car?”

“No, I’m just renting it while I’m in town. I don’t actually live here. You know how to get to the guitar shop, right?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to drive?”

Sloane snickered. “Hell no. Just tell me where to go.”

Seth began to guide Sloane around town to the guitar shop near the freeway. They spoke as they neared the store.

“My mom showed me one of your CDs. I didn’t know who you were.”

“What did you think?”

“It was good. I already knew I Enjoy Rock ‘n’ Roll.”

Sloane sighed. “Yeah, everyone likes that one.”

“i-i preferred the songs you wrote, though.”

Sloane smirked. “Are you just saying that?”

“N-No, really! I did!”

They arrived at the store. It was a guitar shop that was also a pawn shop, which in practice meant it sold guitars and guns. The two entered the store.

Sloane spoke as she looked around. “I noticed you didn’t own an amp. Let’s see what they have here.”

Seth led Sloane to the amp section of the store. She studied some of the small combo amps on the floor.

“Do you have any objections about this one?”

Seth studied the solid state combo. “No.”

Sloane grabbed the amp by its handle. “Great, let’s get you this one. But before we go, we should look at the guitars.”

Seth blushed. “I, uh, thought you weren’t going to spoil me.”

Sloane smirked. She gently stroked Seth’s hair. “Who said I was buying you a guitar?”

“i’m sorry, i, um . . .”

Sloane’s smirk widened into a grin. “It’s ok, I’m just joking around. But you’re right; I am buying you a guitar.”

They walked to the guitar section, and Sloane seated herself on a stool, placing the small amp next to herself. Seth began to look at the used superstrats. After a few moments, he pulled an Ibanez RG off of the wall, and sat down on a different stool.

Sloane sighed wistfully. “When I was your age, all of my crushes were pale guys with long hair that played guitar.”

Seth gulped. Clearly she’s not thinking about guys like me . . . not that she would be thinking about me at all. That just wouldn’t make any sense.

He played a handful of guitars, but he eventually returned to the Ibanez. Sloane played with a Gibson in the corner while Seth made up his mind. Eventually, he nodded his head with certainty.

“Yeah, I think I want this one.”

.  .  .

After Sloane had purchased the amp, guitar, and a hardshell case for the guitar, they began to drive back to Seth’s apartment. Sloane spoke to Seth in a slightly conspiratorial tone.

“I can’t give you the guitar yet. Your mom will get mad if I do that. So, I’ll hold onto it and give it to you some other time.”

Seth looked at Sloane. “you mean . . . i’m going to see you again?”

Sloane smirked. “You’re my new friend; of course I want to see you again.”

“t-thank you.”

Sloane reached over to stroke his hair as she drove. “You’re special. And you’re very talented.”

The next day, Seth sat across from his mother in a booth. They were at their favorite pizzeria. It was a small regional chain, and between their current visit and their last visit about five months ago, the recipe for the pizzas had been given an overhaul. Unfortunately, for the worse.

But pizza was still pizza.

Lynn spoke. “So, how was your trip with Sloane? Do you like your new amplifier?”

“Yeah, it’s great. My guitar sounds a lot better.”

“That’s nice. It was very sweet of her to give you a present like that. You said thanks right?”

Seth rolled his eyes. “Yeah.” He grabbed another slice. “Are you going to get any time off for christmas?”

“Yes, of course. We’ll have a nice holiday, ok?”

“You say ‘of course’ like it’s a given.”

The mother put a hand to her face. “Seth, I try to spend as much time with you as I can. When I become a lawyer, I’ll have a lot more free time. We’ll be able to do stuff more often, ok?”

“Right in time for me to leave for college.” Lynn began to cry. “I-I’m sorry mom . . . that was a really mean thing for me to say.”

She pulled herself together quickly. “You’re right Seth. I . . . I don’t know. I tried but I probably made all of the wrong choices. I missed your entire childhood.” She began to cry again.

Seth sighed. We have dinner together for the first time in a week and I ruin it.

The day after christmas Seth found himself already alone again in the apartment. His phone began to ring; it was Sloane.

“Hi Seth. Do you want to hang out today?”

Seth perked up. “s-sure. What do you want to do?”

.  .  .

Seth followed Sloane into her apartment. The apartment clearly was pre-furnished, and there wasn’t much of a personal touch to be seen, aside from some torturous implements hanging from the wall behind the couch.

Seth thought about whether or not he would enjoy being flogged before Sloane interrupted his thoughts.

“What kind of stuff do you like watching?”

“Oh, uh, I dunno. You can choose.”

Sloane picked up one of five rental DVDs she had on a counter. “Ok, let’s watch Bound.”

.  .  .

Seth sat in silence next to Sloane as he watched Gina Gershon start to pleasure Jennifer Tilly. Sloane laughed at him.

“You can enjoy the movie, you know. Why are you so nervous?”

“s-sorry, um, I just need to relax.”

Sloane scooted over to her right a little, and wrapped an arm around Seth. She used her other hand to gently move some hair away from his eyes.

“It’s ok. You don’t have to feel awkward around me. We’re friends, remember?”

Seth began to get an erection, and he really hoped Sloane wasn’t noticing it. He could only imagine how mortified she would be if she saw how turned on he was.

“h-how is the lawsuit going?”

Sloane sighed. “It’s stressful to think about. It’s only going to be another month before the trial starts.”

Seth felt Sloane’s hand rest on his thigh, right next to his erection. He tensed up.

There was no possible way she couldn’t feel it. But she gave no outward sign that she’d noticed anything at all.

Seth turned his head slightly and looked at Sloane’s face. She noticed.

“What?”

“o-oh, nothing.”

.  .  .

Sloane and Seth ate dinner together after finishing the movie.

“So, how is your mom doing? I haven’t been to the office in a few days.”

Seth sighed. “She’s busy as usual. It’s the day after christmas and she’s already back to work.”

Sloane nodded. “That’s rough. A boy needs his mother, and you’re all alone.” She reached her hand across the table and began to hold Seth’s. “It’s ok, I’m here for you. If you ever need a friend.”

Seth usually hated touching other people’s hands, but he really enjoyed touching Sloane’s hand. He didn’t think about germs when touching her hand.

Sloane continued. “I’m sure your mom is trying as hard as she can.”

Seth noticed something on a cork board during his first day back at school; a flier for the senior talent show auditions. He was a senior, and so he could finally audition.

He hadn’t thought about it in a while, but being reminded of the talent show made him remember how much he’d wished he could play guitar during last year’s show.

Of course, he’d grown a lot since then. He’d learned enough to know he wasn’t as good at guitar as he thought he was.

He wrote down the date and room number of the audition in his journal before leaving school.

Seth walked into his apartment, and found that his mother was home and watching TV. She turned to face him.

“Hi Seth. How were your classes today?”

“Fine. How did you get out of work early?”

Lynn paused the show she was watching. “I decided to take the day off. I’m just not feeling great today.”

“Do you feel sick?”

Before Lynn could reply, Seth’s phone began to ring. He answered; it was Sloane.

“Hey Seth, do you want to hang out again today?”

Lynn raised her eyebrows with some interest. “Who’s calling you?”

“It’s Sloane. She’s asking if I want to hang out again.”

Lynn stood up from the couch. “Again? Um, Seth, do you mind if I see your phone?”

Seth immediately felt a discomfort in his chest. With some hesitation, he gave his mom the phone. Lynn walked into her bedroom and closed the door; Seth moved closer to listen in on the conversation.

“You’ve hung out with Seth again after the guitar shop visit? . . . What did you do? Why didn’t you ask me first? . . . No, he’s not an adult, he’s 18 . . . Yes, I know that’s legally an adult, but I’m his mother . . . No, I-I’m not trying to imply that you . . .”

There was a long pause as Lynn listened to Sloane speak for a while.

“Y-You’re right, that was very rude of me. I’m sorry. Of course you wouldn’t do that, you’re a woman . . . What were you thinking of doing this time? . . . Ok, that sounds fine . . . And I do want to say, I’m mortified with myself, really. I guess it’s just unusual for Seth to spend time with anyone; he’s such a shy boy . . . I hope you have a good day.”

Seth moved away from Lynn’s door and acted inconspicuous in the spot he’d formerly been standing. Lynn returned to the living room and gave the cell phone back to her son.

“Sloane’s going to be here in twenty minutes.”

Seth sat on Sloane’s couch. Seth was sitting upright, and his host was laying down, with her feet on his lap.

If she could feel his erection, she didn’t say anything.

“So, has anything interesting been happening in your life?”

“Well, um, not really. There’s an audition for a talent show at my school coming up in about a month. I’m not sure if I want to enter or not, though.”

Sloane’s eyes widened. “Why not?”

“w-well, i guess i just don’t want to embarrass myself.”

Sloane got off the couch, and began to move the small practice amp and the two guitar cases out of her bedroom. “You’re going to play in that show. It’s going to be a lot of fun for you.”

“o-ok.”

Sloane pulled the Ibanez she’d bought for Seth out of its case and handed it to him. She then seated herself next to him with her own guitar, and plugged both instruments into the dual-input amplifier.

“Ok, let’s practice. You’re just going to do a guitar solo, right?” Seth nodded, and Sloane continued after turning on a drum machine. “Ok, play with this rhythm.”

Seth began to improvise. After a few moments, she started to interject.

“Try to play a little behind the beat; don’t rush. Feel the pulse better. Try to internalize it.”

Seth tried to do what she was telling him, but he wasn’t quite understanding. Sloane turned off the drum machine after another minute and motioned for Seth to turn down his volume knob.

“Let me play something, hold on . . .”

Sloane plugged her MP3 player into her amp’s aux input and began to play Star Fucker by The Rolling Stones. She started to play guitar alongside the track.

“Do you hear that? Listen to the rhythm of the track, the groove . . .”

Seth tried to hear what Sloane was talking about, beyond his obvious initial impression of the track. He felt stupid for not hearing what he was supposed to be hearing.

He then noticed the way Sloane’s right hand was slightly bobbing and pulsing even when she wasn’t actually playing anything.

Sloane noticed. “Yeah, try to bob your head or tap your foot or something. You need to physically express the rhythm kind of.”

“Can we start the song over? What are the chords?”

Sloane told Seth the progression, and then they began to play along together. Sloane grinned.

“There you go, you’re getting it.”

.  .  .

After they finished, Seth spoke. “So, how does that relate to playing a guitar solo? That was all chords.”

Sloane chuckled. “Well, you need to be rhythmically conscious, or else you’re just not going to sound any good. It’s all interconnected.”

She began to gently stroke Seth’s hair. “It’s ok. You’ll eventually get there. You can borrow my drum machine to practice with and use at the show, ok?”

Seth nodded. “T-Thanks, by the way. That was a lot of fun.”

There was a brief pause. Sloane leaned closer, and pulled Seth’s head down slightly, before placing a kiss on his forehead.

“You’re a good boy.”

She then let him go, before returning to the other side of the couch. It was just a chaste, innocent gesture, and nothing more.

Seth got a phone call from Sloane as he was leaving the audition.

“Hey, what time is your audition?”

“Um, it just ended.”

“Good! I’m playing a show tonight. Do you want me to pick you up so you can watch?”

“sure!”

“Great, I’ll see you in about 90 minutes. By the way, how did the audition go?”

“i think it went well. thanks for the drum machine.”

“It was no problem. I’ll see you soon.”

.  .  .

Seth looked at Sloane as she was driving. “So, are you going on tour?”

“What? No. This is just a one-off. My bassist and drummer flew in to play with me.”

“What about your lead guitarist?”

“He quit. He’s siding with the label in this lawsuit thing. He’s probably receiving something.”

“What an asshole.”

Sloane stroked Seth’s hair. “Thank you.”

.  .  .

The venue was a small bar on the outskirts of the city. Seth was permitted to stay and watch because of Sloane’s insistence to the owner.

The venue couldn’t hold more than a hundred people. It was tiny. But Seth got the impression Sloane liked it that way.

She rested on her knees at the front of the stage, grinding against her guitar. Members of the audience could reach out and touch her.

She teased her audience. She screamed about being pissed off and fucking. Her leather-covered body was drenched in sweat within minutes, and it glistened underneath the lights of the stage.

It was the sexiest thing Seth had ever seen. He was sure there was also a bass player and drummer on that stage, but he couldn’t peel his eyes off of Sloane.

Every time she looked at the back of the room, directly into Seth’s eyes, he nearly fainted.

. . .

Sloane spoke as she met Seth outside her car. “How did you like the show?”

He laughed. “That was incredible! WOW!”

Sloane laughed in turn. “Yeah, it’s fun. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Seth already felt lucky, that Sloane had deigned to spend time with him. But he now felt special and cherished in ways he never had before.

Seth got home well past midnight. He wasn’t surprised to see his mom waiting for him on the couch. It was his first time seeing her that day; she wasn’t home when he was waiting for Sloane to pick him up.

“Where were you?”

Seth shook slightly as he was interrogated. “I was at a concert.”

“Did Sloane take you?”

“W-Well, she was the one playing.”

Lynn stood up. “Don’t you think that it’s weird that she spends so much time with you? Doesn’t she have better things to be doing?” The mother realized what she’d just said. Seth looked away from her, feeling worthless. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. What I meant was, she’s 40 something years old! Why is she spending so much time with a teenage boy?”

Seth spoke softly. “I don’t know mom. I think she just likes being around me.”

Lynn sighed. “Seth, it’s not normal. I want you to call her tomorrow and tell her that you can’t see her anymore.”

“We’re not dating, mom!”

“Seth. I’ve made my decision and it’s final.”

“She’s my only friend.”

Lynn walked closer to her son and gave him a hug. “I’m sorry. I really am. Someday you’ll understand.”

The next day, Seth called Sloane from the house phone on speaker. His mother was seated across from him. After an agonizing twelve seconds, Sloane answered her phone.

“Hi Seth. What’s up?”

Seth spoke quickly, even though he’d been given the floor. “Hi Sloane, we’re on speaker right now.”

Lynn and Seth could hear some nervousness in Sloane’s voice. “Oh, um, is your mom there?”

Lynn spoke softly. “You weren’t supposed to mention me at all.”

There was a brief silence. Seth decided to try and move things along. “I, uh, I can’t see you anymore.”

“Is something wrong? Should I talk to your mom?”

Lynn spoke in a frustrated tone. “No. Please don’t speak to my son anymore.”

There was another silence. Seth whispered. “Should I hang up the phone?”

“Yes.”

Seth heard a knocking at the front door. He got out of bed, quickly dressed himself, and answered. It was Sloane.

“What are you doing here?”

“Your mom’s car isn’t in the parking lot. Come with me.”

“i-i can’t go.”

“You can just tell her you decided to go on a walk if she gets back. Come on, hurry up.”

Seth began to walk down the stairwell with Sloane. “she’s going to be gone all day. i don’t think i really need to worry about anything.”

“Good. What was that bullshit that happened yesterday?”

“i-it was my mom.”

“Yeah, obviously. What’s her deal?”

The two began to enter Sloane’s car. “she thinks that our friendship is, uh, inappropriate.”

Sloane snickered as she began to exit the parking lot. “I’m not surprised. She probably has an Oedipal complex.”

Seth thought for a moment. “isn’t that when a guy wants to sleep with his mom?”

“Yeah. She’s mad that you want to sleep with me and not her. I mean, she thinks that you want to, anyways. I know that you’re a good kid.”

Seth blushed and looked outside of the right window.

. . .

Sloane and Seth sat in a secluded booth at a burrito place. Sloane was nursing a veggie burrito. Seth had moved onto eating tortilla chips so oily they were transparent.

Seth sighed. “My mom feels so entitled to say things about how I should be acting, but she never contributes. I’m getting As and Bs. I’ve never given her any trouble. And she still finds reasons to get pissed off.”

Sloane swallowed a mouthful of burrito. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but she requested to be moved off of my case. Don’t think it will hurt my chances, though.”

“I’m sorry, that’s embarrassing for me.”

Sloane laughed and tried not to choke on her food. “It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.”

It had been a long, but exciting, day. Seth had been at school continuously for about ten hours, because of the dry run of the talent show. He’d worked with the AV club and theater tech kids who were putting on the show, and been forced to watch everyone else’s performances. Most of them weren’t very good, and the excruciating thing was that he had to go last.

But one of the theater teachers confided in him that he was going last because he’d had the best audition, which made him feel good.

It was now nighttime, and a surprisingly large number of people had shown up for the show. Seth looked from behind the edge of one of the curtains to see the crowd. He knew his mom wasn’t going to be there; she’d told him she was going to be busy, but he hoped he would see her anyway.

The show started shortly thereafter. Seth sat in a greenroom behind the stage and waited to be called out. He was glad he didn’t have to watch the people singing out-of-tune to backing tracks again, at least.

Finally, it was his turn. He walked out onto the stage with his Pacifica, turned on his amplifier, and then turned on his drum machine.

The audience waited expectantly as the drums played, unaccompanied. Seth started to play some power chords, to create the impression that he was playing a composition before he moved into loose improvisation.

He started improvising through some scale shapes, started quoting some melodies from unexpected sources. Started to tell musical jokes by dragging out phrases and slurring rhythms.

It wasn’t virtuosic, and there were more than a few amateurish fumbles. But the performance was fun, and it had a shape that made it tolerable.

Seth started to reach the end of his bag of tricks. He upped his distortion and began to do his most phallic guitar moves, his most indulgent exercises. The kinds of things that most impressed people who didn’t play guitar.

After feeding back his guitar for about thirty seconds, Seth turned off his amp. The audience began to applaud. It wasn’t the polite applause they’d given everyone else; it was real, actual applause. The AV club student in the booth at the back of the auditorium thanked the audience for coming, the curtains closed, and Seth unplugged his amp before leaving out the back of the greenroom.

He paused in the hall and looked around for a moment, wondering if anyone would speak to him. A few parents leaving said he put on a good show. Then, Sloane appeared.

“That was an amazing performance. You did a great job, Seth.”

“Thank you!”

Sloane motioned for him to put down his guitar amp, and then she came in to hug him. “You were incredible. I’m so glad I was able to help you and teach you.” Seth happily exhaled in her embrace. Sloane ended the hug, cognizant of the amount of people around. “Where’s your mom?”

Seth picked up his amp again and sighed. “Oh, she was busy. She couldn’t make it.”

Sloane gave Seth a pat on the shoulder. “You poor thing. I can’t imagine anything being more important than seeing that. Not that I’m a mother, but . . . how she could miss that?”

Seth held back tears. “Y-Yeah.”

Sloane smirked. “Do you want to go out and celebrate somewhere? I don’t want to let you return to an empty apartment.”

Seth smiled and blushed. “T-That would be really nice.”

Seth climbed into Sloane’s rental, and she began to leave the parking lot of the highschool. They got caught in traffic as everyone else began to leave as well.

Sloane sighed and slumped back into her seat. “Do you want to just go to my apartment?”

“Sure.”

There was something strange about the ambiance. The performance had gone so well, but the ride to Sloane’s place was leaden. Oppressive. Seth didn’t understand why she seemed . . . nervous?

“I have something in the glovebox. Take a look.”

Seth opened the glovebox. He pulled out a small cylinder filled with pills.

“Estrogen? Isn’t this a female hormone?”

Sloane seemed very focused on her driving. “Female, male. It’s not innately anything; it’s a chemical.”

“Is this yours?”

“I’m giving it to you. It makes your skin softer. Helps you look young. Keeps you from growing unwanted body hair.” She smirked, lightening the mood. “It will make you look more attractive.”

Seth hesitated. He’d never done any kind of drug that hadn’t been prescribed to him by a doctor. But it was a normal, legal drug. Something he’d learned about in biology.

“You can take one with some of my water, since we’re hanging out. But in the future, when you’re by yourself, you can let it dissolve under your tongue.”

After hearing Sloane speak as if he’d already made his choice, Seth lost the rest of his concerns. He swallowed his first pill.

Sloane pulled into her parking lot, and the two got out the car. Seth carried his amp and Sloane carried his guitar. As Seth began to ascent the stairwell, he got a phone call.

It was his mom. With some hesitation, he answered the phone.

“Seth? I just got home. Where are you?”

“I’m out.”

“Where? You were supposed to come back home.”

“I’m out celebrating with a few of the other students who performed.”

There was a long pause. Sloane had stopped walking up the stairs, and was looking down at Seth. She seemed anxious.

“Are you with Sloane right now?”

Seth tensened. He almost crushed his phone in his hand. “Leave me alone.”

He hung up and turned off his phone. He reached Sloane’s door and waited for her to unlock it. He noticed her pause and take a breath before opening the door.

They put down Seth’s gear as they entered the room. Sloane moved into the kitchen portion of the apartment and turned on the light there, before turning off the room’s main light. She eked whatever ambiance she could into the beige room.

“You really did do a good job tonight. I’m so proud of you.”

Seth felt something. He let out a sob before catching himself.

Sloane sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Seth spoke with a wavering tone, trying to keep his composure. “it just . . . means so much to hear that . . . from someone who actually means it . . .”

Sloane hugged Seth. “It’s ok. I’m here for you.”

Seth felt Sloane scratch his nape. After a minute had passed, she let out a sigh.

“I know there’s something you want, Seth.”

She pulled away from him and stared directly into his eyes. Her gaze seemed expectant. She got off of the couch, moved into her bedroom, and closed her door.

Seth gulped. He stood up, went into the kitchen, grabbed a paper towel, and blew his nose.

is . . . is this really . . .

He walked to her door and carefully grabbed the knob. He opened the door with his eyes closed.

He opened his eyes.

Sloane was leaning back against a pile of pillows on her bed, naked. She was leering at him with a grin on her face.

“Surprise.”

Seth hurriedly pulled off his shirt and his sweatpants. He tried to contain himself, but he practically jumped onto the bed. As he crawled towards Sloane, she put her hands onto his back.

“You’re so sweet, so innocent. You deserve to be taken care of.”

Seth didn’t know what he was doing. He grabbed the base of his penis and moved inside of his teacher.

Sloane made a pleasured sound as she felt Seth adjusting his posture. As she spoke, it was clear her anxieties had vanished.

“Let me give you everything.”

Seth thrusted. He felt Sloane using her toned arms to pull his head closer so she could kiss him. She was in control. He was just a muscle. She was small, but he felt even smaller. He could feel her squeezing his ass. Possessing him.

It wasn’t long before he could feel himself reaching orgasm. He began to panic. Sloane spoke through clenched teeth.

“I’ve had my tubes tied, fucking cum.”

Seth let go. How he felt in that moment, was the best he’d ever felt in his life. He thrusted in a more languid fashion for a few moments before pulling out.

“Come here.”

Sloane guided him up, and he began to nuzzle against her. She stroked his hair and placed a kiss on his head.

“Your mom doesn’t understand what we have. But that doesn’t matter; you can make your own choices now.”

Seth glowed in her arms. He closed his eyes and wished the moment could last forever. “i . . . i want to be with you.”

“She probably is going to try and punish you. Try and control you with her money. But her power means nothing. If you want to go to college, I’ll pay for it. If she says she’s going to kick you out, I’ll give you a new place to live. Do you understand?”

Seth nodded. “i love you.”

Sloane knew that he could move past that. After she’d locked Seth into her band, she’d introduce him to other worldly pleasures, and his feelings would cool. But the hard part was over. She’d won.

2007

Seth’s alarm went off. It was 7 AM. Time to start getting ready for the bus.

He nudged the woman sleeping next to him. “You need to get up. We’re checking out of the hotel.”

The groupie struggled to gain her bearings. Seth sighed. He climbed to his feet and made sure his PSP and books were in his backpack. The important things, his guitars, his amps, were accounted for by the road crew.

He reminisced as he watched the woman dress herself. Sloane had told him he’d eventually stop sleeping with a different woman every night. That it eventually became too exhausting. Told him to cherish the energy he had in his twenties, because it was never coming back.

Seth went to use the bathroom. After using the toilet, he began to wash his hands. He studied himself in the mirror.

He looked androgynous. Feminine. He didn’t make it a secret that he took estrogen.

People thought it was weird. People thought he was a freak show.

Fuck ’em.

Sometimes literally. People came around.

Seth grabbed his bag, opened the door, and waited for his guest to leave.

. . .

Seth stared out the window of the tour bus as they moved to their next destination. They’d just left his home town.

The last time he was in town, his mom had tried to reach him. Tried to ambush him after a show. He didn’t enjoy the experience.

He had been worried it would happen again. But it seemed that she’d given up.

He didn’t want her to give up. But it was clear she didn’t care about him . . . she never had.

. . .

Seth’s mind often wandered during sound check. His guitar parts weren’t very demanding. He found himself staring at Sloane, her body covered by a leather catsuit.

She was my entire world, when I was a youth, Seth thought to himself. Now I’m twenty. So much wiser, so much more filled with wisdom. So much more experienced. And yet . . .

Sloane looked back at him and smiled. He bashfully averted his gaze and looked at the fretboard of his guitar.