I'm a smooth talker, usually. She told me to keep my mouth shut at the beginning of our scene; it would help set the right mood. If I wanted to surrender to her, I should start simple, by giving her control of the conversation. So I stood there in awkward silence while she poured herself a glass of water. She was right, the silence helped me focus on her, and my feelings of anticipation, instead of on entertaining her with my words.
I smiled uncomfortably at her as she came towards me, and I suddenly realised how much taller I was. Her face was tense as she placed her hands on my shoulders and pushed down. No words, but the hint was clear. I went down on my knees with a sigh.
With two fingers, she pointed at her eyes, and I stared up at her. I had complimented her eyes earlier and the compliment had made her uncomfortable. I felt like she was turning the tables on me, like she was telling me: "You like my eyes? Look at them!" All without speaking.
When we had discussed inductions and what we wanted to do with this scene, I told her I was easy to entrance. I expressed no preferences or difficulties for certain inductions, because generally, everything works and I'll be gone before I know it. I had failed to mention how intensely eye-contact gets to me. As if she was staring straight into my soul, seeing me naked in my desire to be hypnotised by her.
Because I said I was easy, she became interested in resistance. "Let's see how long you can resist going to into trance for me." I blushed when she said that, a familiar feeling of arousal flaring between my legs. Though I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight, the idea turned me on so much that the only possible answer was "Yes."
I stared up at her beautiful eyes, and I could already feel myself slipping. Her face was swimming in and out of focus above me. My body felt heavy and sweaty, especially around my neck and shoulders, where her hands still touched me. The silence was ringing in my ears and I could feel that trancey tingle that always happens in my forehead.
Her mouth curled into a smile, and she said: "Resist it."
Her words slammed into me like waves of exhaustion. My head lolled as my eyes rolled up. I swayed in her arms and hot, wet arousal flowed in my groin. I was floating away into trance, like an untethered balloon.
"It feels so good, doesn't it?" Her voice was soft, and it coaxed me further along. "Trance always turns you on, you said. And just as unstoppable as those feelings of arousal spread through your body, trance overtakes you every time I say those words." My mind latched onto her suggestions, making the words "Resist it" into a powerful trance trigger. A giggle drifted towards me and in my dazed state, I took it as a sign of approval, and I drifted deeper into trance.
A hand lifted from my shoulder and grabbed hold of my throat. A rush of cold adrenaline and fear startled me awake. I had told her about this in our negotiation. Touching my throat like that is an old trigger that dates back to trauma from my teenage years. I want to be touched like that by play partners, to reclaim my body and associate the trigger with fun and excitement. I gasped and blinked my teary eyes.
"You call that resisting?" She shook me awake for good measure. "I'm sure you could have tried harder than that!"
I blushed and bowed my head. "I'm not so sure…" I croaked.
Her hand squeezed my throat, making me jolt and shiver. "You're going to try harder."
Frantically, I nodded, hoping it might loosen her grip one way of the other.
She gave me a push that clearly signalled I should get up from the floor. "Go sit on the bed. We'll try something else this time."
I perched on the edge of the bed with my hands in my lap. "What do you want to do?"
"Something that won't make your eyes roll up that quickly." She held out her hand to me. "Give me your pocket watch."
I had shown it to her and others earlier. It was a pretty, wind up watch with a sheer lid, so you could see all the cogwheels turning. I dug it out of my pocket and laid it in her outstretched hand. She wound it up and checked the time on it. Then she gave it back. "Cradle it in your hands and look at it. And stay awake this time."
I did as I was told. Looking down instead of up was indeed going to prevent my eyes from rolling up. In the back of my mind, I decided that the best thing I could do right now, was obey her. That was the whole point of this, right? Or did obedience mean I would not resist?
"Look at all the shiny gears and cogs in your watch." Her voice was less harsh than a moment ago, more soothing. "Watch how some of them turn faster than others. There's a rhythm to it, follow it with your mind. Stay awake and alert as your breath slows in time with that rhythm. Stay awake as your body relaxes, sitting comfortably on the bed. The watch may be captivating, but you can't let it hypnotise you. The twisting and spinning motions may lure you into trance, but you must resist it."
My eyes fell shut and my head flopped down. Her hand steadied me, but still there was this sinking feeling, like I was being dragged down into trance by gravity itself. Her voice cooed words of approval. "Very good. Trance is something that just happens to you, just like arousal. It's your natural reaction to certain stimuli, there is no sense in fighting it. There is no shame in it. I want you to enjoy it, revel in it. It feels so good, doesn't it?"
As so many times before, the feelings of trance and arousal fused together to become this warm glow, and I was blissfully basking in it. Dimly, my inner voice repeated some of her words. Feels so good… Somewhere, I felt her hands on my face, lifting up my head, touching my cheek.
Then, she slapped me across the face. I winced away from the pain and stared at her in shock as I cupped my throbbing cheek in my hand, wide awake again.
"Are you even trying, Nath?" She tilted her head as she looked at me.
I lowered my eyes. "I… eh…" A sigh escaped my lips. "Honestly, I don't know… I'm feeling a little confused right now…"
She leaned towards me, and I was embarrassed to find my eyes trailing off to rest on her cleavage as she asked: "Why is that?"
I bit my lip, nervous about how she might respond. "It seems to me…" I glanced up at her face, but my eyes drifted back to her majestic breasts again. "You're giving me mixed signals."
"Mixed signals?" She snorted, and her breasts jiggled delightfully. "I'm telling you to focus. I want you to relax and concentrate on what we're doing here. It's so easy to sink back into trance, deeper down than you were before. My breasts are so alluring, trance is so alluring to you right now, but you must resist it."
Instantly, my eyes closed down and I slumped forward, face first into something soft and warm. My body felt heavy and limp as she caught me and pushed me back onto the bed. She whispered: "Well done. There really is no way to stop trance from happening to you. And there really is no way to understand or recall the words I've said to you while in trance. It just feels so good to drift and forget and sink. Very good…"
For what seemed like a long time, I drifted in her whispers, in that glow of my arousing trance. I felt happy, because she praised me and told me I was doing a great job. But somewhere distant, something gnawed at me, and it kept getting bigger and bigger until I woke up.
Disoriented, I looked around until I found her sipping her glass of water with her back turned to me. After an embarrassed cough, I readjusted my clothes and the way I was sitting on the bed. "I'm sorry…" I started to apologise.
She raised one finger in the air and my voice died in my throat. I should be silent. I waited as she put down her glass and came back towards me again. "You have nothing to apologise for," she said sternly. "We are just going to try again."
I nodded. Try again. "Yes, of course." I looked up at her and attempted an optimistic smile. "I'm going to resist this time."
She held that finger in front of my eyes. "That's the spirit. I know you can watch my finger and stay awake, can't you?" Her finger moved in a slow arc from side to side and my vision narrowed as my eyes followed it. "I can see that trance is creeping up on you, but I know you can… avoid it. I know you can endure this without going into trance."
I shifted on the bed, proving to myself that I could still move, that I was still awake. For a moment, I saw her smile, but then my attention moved back to her finger. Was it closer now?
"You're doing so well." I could still hear her smile in her voice. "You are so good at this. You're making me very happy with the way you're focusing so intently on my finger. I bet your mind is so quiet now, no thoughts other than doing exactly as I say. And I'm telling you: don't go into trance. Don't allow your mind to find that peace and quiet that you so crave. Don't allow yourself to give in to it. I'm telling you to resist it."
Her finger touched my forehead, between my eyes. My head tipped over and my eyes rolled up as I fell backwards onto the bed. Softness enveloped me and her words reached me and affected me through a haze, without my conscious awareness. I was lost and happy.
"Nath. Are you even awake?"
I breathed in and my eyes fluttered open. The view of the ceiling disoriented me and my mouth was dry. Tentatively, I reached up with my hand to touch my face, but she caught my hand.
"There you are. How is it going?"
"I failed again, didn't I?" I groaned weakly.
"Nonsense! You're doing great." She patted my hand.
I mustered a smile. "You're being too kind."
She beckoned me to get up. I gripped her hand and started to sit up, when she suddenly pulled on my arm and put her other hand over my eyes. "Resist it!"
Dimly, I was grateful for the soft bed. There were murmurs of approbation, but her exact words escaped me. I just floated in that warm glow until I realised that she was telling me to wake up.
"That's right. It's so easy to just open your eyes and return to the real world. There you are." She smiled an enchanting smile at me.
I blushed deeply and scooted away from her, towards the headboard to sit up. "I told you I would be too easy for this."
"You're doing everything right," she assured me and she sat down on the edge of the bed, next to my legs. "It's absolutely beautiful to behold."
Avoiding her eyes, I half smiled. "Well, you got me. Is this enough payback for the way I flirted with you?"
She laughed and it made her even more gorgeous than before. She patted me on the hand again. "I just want to check something with you."
I sighed. "So we're done?"
"You don't have to try to resist me anymore." Another laugh.
I cringed, too embarrassed to look at her.
"I just want to check. Do you remember when you were kneeling, looking up at me?"
Biting my lip as my mind drifted back to that moment, I nodded.
"Do you remember what I said to you?"
As I recalled that moment, I could feel my eyes rolling up again. My body slumped against the headboard of the bed and I was gone in an instant. Hot, wet arousal grew from my crotch and seemed to swallow me whole. I no longer had to resist.