Masking
5- Hide
by Motherlygirl
Chris sat with Walter. It was half past eleven. His girlfriend had left for class and soon, or at least in about an hour's time, he would have to do the same.
"I'm thinking about getting my hair dyed white," Walter mused. He had a soft handsome face and the thick fluffy hair to go with it. One tiny braid hung by the right side of his jaw. It called attention to the one earring he wore, which was white and designed to resemble a sickle.
"What are the odds those two fucked yesterday, do you think?" Chris donned a bemused smirk of self-satisfaction.
"It's Tuesday, you dunce. That was two days ago."
"Right, right, oops." Chris had gotten good and proper wasted on Sunday and, subsequently, he'd spent most of the previous day dealing with a ruinous hangover. Time was fake. "That's fuckin wild, I was OUT yesterday."
"I know, wise guy. I was about to call an ambulance." The two shared a snorting laugh.
"Hey, do you think Emily knows that Tammy is...uh, you know-"
"Don't know, don't care. None of our business. Just like how their love life is none of your frickin business." Chris paused. Walter picked up a chicken nugget from his tray and ate it. "Understand?"
"Ah, yeah, I get you," Chris mumbled. He sounded annoyed. "Sorry. Is she a friend of yours-"
"No," Walter grimaced, "Well, sort of, I guess. We went to the same school. Our friend groups had overlap. We were both in the video game club together, I think."
"Hah!" Chris laughed as he downed a fork's worth of some kind of nightmare salad of his own creation, "Nerds!"
"Yes, yes," Walter waved his hand dismissively. He ate another of the tiny fried meat masses he'd gotten for lunch. "I'm a nerd. Did me wanting to dye my hair bright fucking white like some kind of snow wizard not tip you off?"
"You didn't specify bright fucking white, ya nerd." Chris muttered under his breath before he ate more of his salad. "Details, man. They matter."
"God you're a dweeb." Walter rolled his eyes and drank some milk. The two ate in silence. Then they ran out of food and procrastinated returning their trays. In silence. Then they returned their trays, wordlessly. Then they sat back down, in silence. The silence persisted for a while. At last, after all that, a brain cell in Chris' head recalled something.
"Hey wait a second! You went to a Catholic all boys' school! If Tammy went there-" he saw Emily approaching and clamped his mouth shut.
"Hey you got something on your face. Lemme get it for you." Walter's voice smoldered with aggravation bordering on wrath. He leaned in uncomfortably close. Not, like, stranger danger uncomfortably close, but more than Chris ever liked having another person's face to his while he was sober. A napkin brushed at nothing, but then Walter hissed. "If you tell her ANYTHING about Tammy, I'll kill you." Having done his work, Walter sat back down. "Hey Emm," he turned without missing a beat and greeted her with a raised hand in one of those casual not-actually-waving gestures college students did from time to time. She sat next to him and dropped her backpack to the ground. Chris decided to play along.
"If I knew you wanted the invitation so badly I'd have given it to you instead of tearing it up." That got half a wink from Walter, which was reassuring.
"I heard something about Tammy?" Inquired Emily. She clearly did not care about Chris' charade, but that was okay because any pressure she put it under would probably crack him.
"I mentioned we were part of the same drama club," Walter spat his explanation with a perfect, calculated mix of immediacy and naturally lax voice that made it impossible to tell when he was bullshitting you, "And that confused Chris here cause, you know, Tammy is a girl."
"Why would that be weird?"
"I went to an all-boys' school. An all-boys' CATHOLIC school, at that." Walter did a little salute. Emily shot a look of distressed confusion to Chris, hoping for some explanation. She got only signals of bewilderment. Was Walter just...like this? All the time? "Anyway, our sister school let us, in Tammy's words, 'borrow their thespians.'"
"Were they all gay?" Emily asked with the most sincere face either boy had ever seen her make. Both immediately howled with laughter and clutched their guts. Christ pounded the table two, then three, then four times with his fist.
"N-no, ahaha! Thespians is a fancy word, different from lesbians, it just means actors." Walter flicked a tear from his eye. Emily pouted. It wasn't THAT funny! "But also, like, yeah. They were pretty frickin gay. At least bi. I think. Lot of flirting happened in the back room, I CAN confirm. I was a stagehand, but still."
"I...see." Emily laughed a little. Something seemed off, but it was fine for the moment. She started eating some salmon. The three shifted topics to their more usual fair. Gossip, parties, social drama, the works. How school was going so far. Chris mentioned having gotten a car at last, of a model from a few years ago. It was used pretty well, he said, but it passed inspection and everything. Emily wasn't particularly paying attention but she got the gist of everything. At one point she left to go to the bathroom. The instant she did, Walter's face almost violently morphed into one of barely restrained laughter.
"Hey what's so funny?" Chris' question wasn't answered immediately. Walter snickered-audibly-a few times before he regained enough composure to make words happen.
"You-you know the reference I made earlier that you somehow got and played along with?" Chris gave a shaky nod. "You know that in the fencing match right after they have that conversation, the dude you just quoted breaks both their rapiers on each other and jams the remains of his through the other guy's face mask right!?" Walter veritably doubled over howling uncontrollably. Chris did an indignant pout. He had no idea what Chris was getting at but he was bugged on princible.
"Hey fuck you! You're the one who chose that moment to lead in with!" Oh, what the hell. It was funny. He started laughing too.
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Emily arrived back in her room after class. Her roommate Grendel was at work on their bed. This involved lots of tapping at a laptop but also lots of slowing down (but not QUITE pausing) to search things up using her phone.
"Welcome back. Did class go well?"
"Yeah. It did." Emily dropped her backpack and grabbed a box of granola bars. Lunch had been satisfying but she was already back to being kind of hungry. She unwrapped one and devoured it in a godless act of unchristian violence.
"Chew with your mouth shut please."
"I am!" Grendel turned to face Emily and did so just in time to see another innocent mass of grain ripped to pieces and eaten.
"So you are." She turned back to her laptop and kept typing. The constant and rapid sound of her fingers working her machine's keys had become something of a constant in the room recently. It was soothing, except Emily had discovered that Grendel typed with excessive force when she wasn't in a good mood and it got to be distracting. Today, Emily's ears seemed to tell her, was not her roommate's day.
"Is something...wrong?"
"Has anyone ever told you you're nosey?"
"S...sorry." the clacking grew angrier for a brief time, then fell to its previous levels of needless aggression.
"You never did say where you were Sunday night," they muttered. "I forgot my key and the door was locked."
"Sorry." More clacking. It was rapid and never seemed to pause, even when one hand left the keyboard for Grendel's phone. What the hell kind of number was her words per minute? "I think I might be gay."
"Cool. That doesn't answer the question." More furious clacking. Then it stopped. Grendel turned halfway around and peered down her nose at Emily. One of her hands was still at rest on her laptop. "You what?"
"Yeah, I…" Emily averted her gaze. She blushed heavily. "There's a girl I think I have a crush on."
"What," Grendel sneered playfully, "did you get trashed and make out with one of the other cheerleaders?"
"No!" Emily shouted defensively. "It's...um...Tammy."
"Tammy."
"Yes."
"The autistic girl that you bumped into in the middle of the night, cursed out, then had her drag you halfway across campus to prove a point. THAT Tammy."
"Yes." Was Emily's answer, her voice impatient. Grendel sighed (with an emotion that sounded like disgust) and turned silently back to her work. "Hey! Don't blow me off!"
"It's a bit late for that to sail, Emily. I'm not sure if you noticed, but Tammy has a girlfriend."
"She-" Emily's heart dropped. "She has a girlfriend!?"
"Yes, Emily." Emily could HEAR Grendel roll her eyes. "And if you'd ever, and I mean, LITERALLY EVER, talked to her about anything other than that one trick of hers that you're probably into, you would be well aware of that.
"Well, how do YOU know?"
"I had philosophy with her last year, dingus. You wanna be one of her subs? Cool. She likes blondes, and she strikes me as the type to have a thing for cheerleaders. She'd probably take you as one in a heartbeat. But don't get your hopes up." The silence that followed was so crushing even the sound of Grendel's work didn't seem to threaten it.
"W-wait, if she has a girlfriend-that's-she's cheating, isn't she?"
"Maybe. Not necessarily. If she is, then she's awfully candid about it. Though I suppose she IS nothing if not a candid motherfucker."
"So-just, hypothetically-when you say MOTHERFUCKER, that's without a space, right?"
"...what? No. She hasn't fucked anyone's mom, if that's what you're asking." Grendel laughed, but she sounded uncomfortable. "Weird question to even concern yourself with. "
"Alright, that's...good to know."
At this point, Emily gave up on the conversation and set about on schoolwork of her own. She tried not to think about Tammy, or how she really didn't want to ask Tammy out, she never had in the first place really, it had been a bizarre whim that might not even be real after all. She tried not to think about how...good holding Tammy felt…
How fun kissing her was…
The adorable look of bliss Tammy had sported when she collapsed overwhelmed onto her back…
Tammy going "moo-"
Actually no. That one wasn't as endearing, it was just kinda weird. It was still cute, though. Tammy was really, REALLY cute.
God damnit. Emily groaned. She'd realized she WANTED this girl. She could have any (straight) guy (or bisexual one, probably!) and not only did she fall for quite literally the weird girl in the back of her class, said weird girl WAS gay but they were ALSO taken.
"What strange irony is this?" She heard Grendel tease her in song. "Taken already is the one you'd like to kiss?" Emily picked up her pillow and shoved her face in it.
"Oh fuck OFF," she groaned into its fluffy depths.
"Is this better or worse than if she was straight?"
"I DON'T KNOW, UNTIL A WEEK AGO I THOUGHT I WAS!" Grendel laughed a bit, but then returned to her work in earnest. Emily tried to focus so she could do the same but she just couldn't.
"You can use hypnosis to help people focus, right?"
"Don't drag me into this."
Emily frowned. Whatever.
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"Heyyy, so...I wanna talk about Emily." Tammy grimaced a little bit. It was five thirty, early by her-eating-dinner standards, but she'd seen Fara in the cafeteria after her third class of the day and felt compelled to get this out of the way. Fara sat across a small two-person table from her and was squinting slightly.
"Did she hurt you?" Fara almost hissed. Her body visibly tensed up. Her lips, those stunning red lips, curled into a disdainful shape. "Oh my GOD, I-"
"No no no!" Tammy did her best reassuring smile. "She just...she felt really bad after...you know. She talked to me afterwards about...everything, and-"
"You let it slip that I was gay for her specifically, didn't you." Tammy froze solid. Fara slowly took a drought of her coffee and maintained eye contact. Tammy was unable to return it. The air grew heavy and sharp.
"N-not on purpose."
"I didn't ASK if you meant to." Fara took another drink and sighed. Her expression and posture softened a little. "Look, it's okay. I'm sure she could piece it together and you were just trying to help. Right?" Tammy nodded.
"Well, she had me...help her forget. It won't stick forever, but I tried. And, uh, it was her idea, just so-"
"And you know that was her only motive...how?" Tammy blinked. She was taken aback. What?
"What?"
"How. Are you sure. That she just wanted to do right by me?" Fara took another swig. "You always do this. People tell you they have some noble explanation and you just...believe them."
"Well...yeah, I guess. But...she cares. I know she does." Tammy's eyes lit up. It was the same way they did whenever she talked about her loved ones. Fara's eyes fell.
"You're gonna get hurt." The two went quiet for a moment. "People...people are people. They're complicated, they're messy. People don't just become simpler and softer because that's how you see them in your head, no matter how much you love them. If you keep throwing your trust at strangers like this you're going to get burned."
"Maybe," Tammy muttered. Her eyes threatened to go bleary but she maintained a straight face through willpower.
"Someone's going to take advantage of you." Fara stood, taking her coffee and a tray with plates covered in crumbs with her.
"Probably. But that's just a bridge that I'll have to cross when I get there." She forced herself to maintain a mask of normality but she couldn't hide everything. She didn't know if Fara could tell.
Fara regarded her for a moment, turned on her heel, and left. Tammy struggled to shove...whatever Fara had just dug up, down. She still needed to eat. Crying in public wasn't an option. Her body carried her on stiff robotic steps to the cafeteria and she grabbed some chicken fingers. Got back to her seat. She remembered where it was, thank god. Dropped herself into the chair. Got to work on her food. It was good. With some effort, she managed to get herself engrossed in it. Then Emily took a seat where Fara had been.
"Hey, Tammy," they opened with a friendly smile. "You get the homework from psych done?" Tammy shook her head. Whether she seemed visibly distressed escaped her priorities. What mattered was the delicious chicken. Which...was already gone. Her stomach growled. "Are you still hungry?" Emily asked with an edge of concern.
"No." Her voice was curt and frank. Emily made a note to herself to give some space.
"Oh, okay, is something wrong?" A nod. "Do you want me to go? Cause I will go-" Frantic head shake. Tammy squeaked like a frightened kitten. Emily's heart convulsed in pain. "Okay! I'll stay!" Emily smiled as bright as she could. "I need to grab some food but I'll be back okay?"
"Okay…"
Emily got up and did exactly as she said. She made sure to grab dessert too, since sweets always helped her with bad moods: a slice of chocolate cake. Besides, it was covered under her meal plan and if Tammy didn't want it she could eat it. Plus, they didn't always have cake so it was nice to grab when they did. She swiped her card, smiled for the cashier, grabbed plasticware (with an extra fork) and returned to Tammy. As she sat she lifted the plate with the cake on it.
"Do you-" Tammy's head shot up and down almost like a bobblehead in what was practically a violent display of approval. She seemed to be drooling and have a sparkle in her eyes. She likes chocolate cake, Emily noted to herself, excellent. It was all she could do to avoid smirking and showing the self-assured face of victory she was certainly making in her head.
Tammy took the slice of cake and ate it slowly and delicately. As she did, her mood seemed to improve significantly. True to form, by the time Tammy finished eating any sign she had been in a bad mood vanished without a trace. Emily felt immensely satisfied and finished her own food pretty quickly. "You want me to spend the night?" Emily asked with the kind of playful smile you might expect from a vampire teasing its quarry.
"Wh-what?" Tammy turned roughly the color of salmon. Nevertheless she shook it off quickly enough to fire back. "What, do you want me to dunk you back under and melt your brain?" Emily froze for a moment and then curled up submissively a little.
"That-that sounds nice," Emily admitted. Tammy was off her chair in an instant. She had her backpack on already. What the-
"Then put your tray away, silly, let's stop wasting time!"
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Emily deposited her backpack and her laptop case on the floor of Tammy's room. Tammy giggled incessantly and dropped onto her bed, sitting up with her back straight. "Just can't stay away from me can you?"
"Oh quiet!" Emily deflected. Something seemed off. "Hey, you got...really chipper, really fast." Emily pointed out. She kept her tone as neutral as she could. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine!" Nervous laughter. Emily knew that the traditional "tells" for someone being deceitful weren't all that reliable, and proved to be even less effective when they were applied to autistic individuals or those with conditions like anxiety. That said, though, it seemed pretty obvious to her that Tammy was hiding something. She's nothing if not a candid motherfucker, she remembered her roommate saying.
"Are you, Tammy?" Emily asked again. Her voice cracked. It showed that she was worried. Tammy's face twisted with something that looked like pain.
"Of course!" Tammy offered up. Her voice cracked as well. She clearly wasn't. Emily frowned.
"Tammyyyy," she dropped into Tammy's lap and straddled her waist. She waited a moment to let Tammy object if she wanted. She did not object, nor did her body language suggest fear or dislike. "You can tell me what's wrong, okay?" Emily droned in the most caring non-panicked voice she could presently muster. Tammy tensed for a second and then relaxed.
"Okay. Could you...hold me?"
"Of course." Emily obliged. Tammy's body was warm and soft. It felt nice and snug in her arms. Tammy relaxed and Emily could FEEL the tension leaving their body. Tammy snuggled her head into Emily's boobs and it made the cheerleader feel nice and special and warm inside in ways that none of the male interest her tits had ever gotten could do for her. She stroked the back of Tammy's head and ran fingers through her hair. It was soft and voluminous. "Now, can you put your guard down enough to tell me what's wrong?"
"Oh...okay." A long, weak sigh. "Someone...said I'm too trusting. That people are gonna take advantage of me."
That, Emily thought to herself, was a strange thing to be this worked up over. She figured silently that Tammy must have some kind of baggage that it had picked at. Nevertheless, she held Tammy tight.
"Awww, I'm sorry Tammy." Emily whispered into Tammy's soft mass of hair. "I think that quality of yours is wonderful."
"You...do?" Tammy looked up at Emily with eyes that were runny and yet shined like stars. Emily's heart felt like it had hit a trampoline running and taken flight.
"Yes, Tammy. I do." Emily gave her a soft kiss on the lips. Tammy trilled and pressed her palms, gently, against Emily's breasts. Emily inhaled through her teeth. It felt good.
"I love you," Tammy hissed happily. Emily's eyes dilated like she'd just caught a glimpse of heaven. Her lithe body trembled with joy.
"Wh-"
"SLEEP."
Emily's brain dropped. She wasn't quite hypnotized, not all the way at least, but...things were quiet. They were nice. She liked this.
"How do you feel, Emily?" Tammy asked. She kneaded gently at Emily's chest. Emily moaned almost involuntarily.
"Gooood," was Emily's answer. "Not quite hypnotized, but my brain feels nice and quieeet."
"Good girl. Up up up. WAKIE WAKIE."
Emily's brain shot out of her half-entranced stupor but she still felt...dizzy. The good sort of dizzy, like she was light and airy and carefree. She quite liked that feeling.
"Good girl. May I put my hands under your shirt?" Asked Tammy.
"Yesss, please do." Tammy did as she was told. Her hands slipped under Emily's shirt. Pulled at it. Brought Emily's body closer. They found her firm bra, gently caressed it, explored its surface. Emily moaned with each of their movements. Both girls were happy.
"I loooove your boobs," Tammy whispered. There was no sexually aggressive tenor to her voice, nor any overtly manic intention. She was just...admiring them. Like an artist pouring over one of the many classical works of art that happened to feature naked women. Or that was the impression Emily's brain got, at least. On a gut level she was pretty sure Tammy had a sexual interest in her boobs too.
"Thaaaanks," Emily moaned before she could formulate anything else. The hands squeezed. She moaned and her eyes fluttered. Tammy's hands provided pressure, warmth, care. She couldn't remember anyone else treating them like that.
"Leeeet's get you in a better position," Tammy mumbled. She shifted her weight and moved Emily and somehow, a moment later, it was Emily sitting on the bed with Tammy in her lap. One hand trailed gently down Emily's body to her belly. It was flat, toned, lovely to touch. Her hand pressed down on it just a little. It rubbed and explored Tammy's lower body, playfully ran back and forth over the short shorts decorating Emily's bountiful hips, but stayed clear of her nethers. Emily almost wished she wouldn't.
"Aaaah-ah! Aaaah!" Sang Emily. She wriggled with delight. She wasn't used to her body being treated like this. None of the boys she'd hooked up with had been violent, of course, but none had been so keen on delighting themselves by showering her entire body in gentle love either.
"Good girl," Tammy purred in that voice of hers. Emily moaned again, twice as loud. "I love you." That was enough to get Emily's waist twisting and flexing. Her taint grew wet and eager.
"Fuck me!" She cried. "Please, Tammy, I love you, fuck me!"