Audrey lets herself back into her room and flops down on her bed, her pink hair splaying out on the sheets.

Eva… Eva was good to her. Her vacation is a success.

She gathers in a pillow next to her and hugs it, pressing her face to the soft cotton.

She should be happy. She should be celebrating, eating chocolate cake, toasting herself on a job well done - but she just feels hollow.

The truth is, she misses Eva already. She didn't want to go, and even meeting Eva again tomorrow, even sharing the rest of this vacation with her, still… is less than she wants.

She lets go of the pillow and rolls over onto her back, starting up at the ceiling above.

It's a dangerous thought, considering how much she wants Eva. She's only known her for a few days. But she's so bright, so brilliant, so wonderful. The feeling of Eva's hand in her hair drifts through her mind, followed only a moment later by the memory of her smile as she took her -

Audrey pinches the bridge of her nose and rubs her eyes. Yes, yes she's wonderful. But…

At the same time, it feels so much like everything that's happened so far was in Eva's plan. Everything except, maybe, the last few minutes with her on her knees between Eva's legs. Eva directed her to Clematis and December, puppeting her so easily. She even told her what she was doing, and it still didn't change her decision.

Looking at that choice now, after all that happened… There's a sick feeling in Audrey's stomach. It's not that Eva was less than perfect, but she could easily have just been using her along with her friends, it could have all gone so much worse -

Audrey sits up in bed and hugs her knees. This whole time, has Eva been just… leading her on?

The letter… Said that Eva was working with her fear as well.

She wonders what Eva's thinking right now. Is she thinking of her? Is she celebrating? Is she laughing? Has she forgotten her already?

She doesn't know. She can't know.

Eva lies still in the covers for a long while.

Those last few hours spent with Audrey… She can't remember a time she's been so happy in decades. Sure, yes, the sex was nice, but - this was more than that. She misses Audrey already. She should've said something. She should've done something.

Not only did she take to instruction beautifully, not only did she care and follow and listen, really listen like she cared about Eva, she took it into her own hands to take it that step further and give Eva something she couldn't ask for, couldn't compel if she tried - real, honest, devoted service, that goes a step beyond mere following of commands and asks "what would make her happy?"

And at the same time, she was so brave, so steadfast, working so earnestly through her issues and her shame and her fear. She was trying so hard, and in the end, she got what she came for. Even though Eva didn't see it, didn't realize, didn't understand what she needed -

Eva shrugs off the blanket and sits up on the edge of her bed.

Going further than this… is dangerous. Really, honestly, dangerous. She can't remember the last time she felt this sharply. And if she's going to be the person she should be, for Audrey, and do her best to be - whole, again - then she's going to have to accept back the memories she's lost.

She gets up from the side of the bed, paces across the room to her cabinet, and lays her hands on the Namer's War orb again.

It's terrifying. She flinches from it, still. She could learn again the hard way, couldn't she? She could explore together with Audrey…

She shakes her head. Not in two weeks. And even then, what she's lost would still be - hanging over her, lying in wait to ambush her.

She needs help. She can't do this alone. It would be foolish to accept it all back at once, in a rush, without being able to see any of what she was doing.

She has to talk to Clematis, and come clean. 

After a few long minutes lying in bed, Audrey gets up and goes into her bathroom, where she runs the jacuzzi. Sitting by the tub as the bath fills, she starts peeling herself out of her clothes again. No more stockings, no more little black dress, no more underwear. It's strange being nude again, but all she's doing is taking a bath.

It's… surprisingly normal. Sure, it's a jacuzzi and not a regular bathtub, she's still in the Rose Bowers, but… It's familiar and routine. They even have her strawberry shampoo and conditioner and the soap she likes in the catalog.

Gingerly stepping into the hot water, she sits down in the tub and lies back. It's calm. Peaceful. She turns off the tap and floats freely, letting all her thoughts slip away for a moment.

(… memories of December telling her about the warmth of a bath…)

She sits up in the bath, and picks up her shampoo from the edge of the tub. She pours a little into her hand and starts working it into her pink hair. The familiar motions occupy her pleasantly, warding away difficult thoughts for a little while - but then she has to lean back into the tub again to rinse, and the memories return.

This ought to be simple, ought to be easy - but she can't help her mind darting back to last night, to what happened to her, to the way that Eva squirmed under her touch and her tongue -

She sighs. What a mess. Even this old routine is different, now. Somewhere along the way, she's - lost something, or maybe gained something -

Well, it's pretty obvious what she's lost, honestly, it's her fucking virginity.

Audrey sits up in the bath again, and drains it without even bothering to scrub herself. This wasn't helping the way she wanted it to, anyway.

She could go home now. It'd be a waste of the remaining days of her vacation, but she could. And… in a sense, she's done what she came to do. She's lost her virginity, gained experience, come out of her shell a little. From the perspective of the girl who came here in the first place, there's no reason to stay.

But she's different now. She's changed, and the world's stayed the same, and now -

Now she wants to do more.

She stands and gets out of the tub, and towels off with one of the fluffy rose-pattern towels provided by the Bowers. Leaving her clothes on the bathroom floor, she pads out to the bedroom in bare feet.

Audrey looks around, as if seeing the room for the first time. Her espresso machine, the big bed, her favorite book on the side table. Crossing to the bed, she sits down on its side and rests her chin in her hand.

She could go home. But she won't. She still has the better part of two weeks to spend here, and even if things with Eva fall apart she's proven that she can do it, that she's strong enough to use the Bowers as intended and be brave and put herself out there. 

She smiles to herself. It wasn't easy, but - she did it, and she can do it again. Eva or no Eva.

Eva stands before Clematis' door, staring at the hand-colored mandala on it. She raises her hand as if to knock, but only touches the door with the backs of her knuckles.

She lifts her hand from the door to rub the back of her neck. There's no sense in delaying the inevitable - she's made the decision and now she has to carry it through.

She knocks, three sharp raps.

"Coming!", calls Clematis' voice. Eva lowers her hand and takes a step back, clasping her hands behind her back with the memory stone she's brought nestled between them.

A moment later, Clematis opens the door, wearing a dark green sweater and matching emerald earrings. Her hand goes to her own throat, touching just above her collar. "Eva? Goodness, it's been decades." She crosses her arms over her chest. "What's brought you here? I didn't expect to see you again… well, ever."

Eva digs her nails into her wrist behind her back. "I… had to talk to you about something. It's about us, and about Audrey, and about… my history."

Clematis frowns. "There's definitely a lot of history to go over. Like where you've been for the past three decades. You didn't even come to my certification. You promised. So this had better be important."

Eva winces and looks away. "I… had a reason for that, for all of it. I don't think it was a good reason but I had a reason. Can we… not talk about this in the hallway?"

"You can explain it to me right here," Clematis says. "We're not friends anymore, Eva, and you're not my client. Spit it out."

Eva shifts from foot to foot. "I - well -"

Clematis gives her an unimpressed look. "You know how to communicate. Communicate. You're the one who taught me that."

Eva takes the memory stone out from behind her back. "Clematis, I - there's no easy way to say this. I don't remember you."

Clematis' frown deepens. "… Go on?"

"I cut out decades of my memories around the Namer's War for some reason. That included you, and December, and most of my hypnosis experience. I didn't come because I didn't remember my promise and it was just awkward to be with someone who remembered me when I didn't remember them. I didn't… want to have to explain all this." She can't meet Clematis' gaze.

"… I see." Clematis pinches the bridge of her nose. Taking a controlled breath, she steps back and opens the door. "You'd better come in."

Eva steps into the incongruously cozy room and hovers next to one of the squashy couches, nearby a bank of tomato plants. "… Thank you for letting me talk to you about this."

Clematis sighs. "You taught me that you have to be willing to listen when people apologize. You did come to apologize, right?"

Eva looks away. "… Yeah. I'm sorry, Clematis, I - I broke off our relationship and I don't even know how much we lost anymore, I - it hurts to think about, it hurts to contemplate what I'm missing - that's part of why I avoided you for so long - "

Clematis steps in and rests a hand on Eva's shoulder. "Breathe. Thirty years won't be fixed in five minutes."

Eva nods and takes a long breath. "… I wanted to apologize. For lying to you, for avoiding you, for not trusting you - but, you were a stranger to me, so - I think I was justified, in not being as forthright as I could have been -"

Clematis lets her hand fall from Eva's shoulder. "You know better than that."

Eva sighs. "… Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Why didn't you tell me before you did it? We could have worked things through, there was no need to resort to this -"

Eva shakes her head. "I don't know. I still don't know. It's gone along with the rest of it. I… was hoping you could help me find out."

Clematis tilts her head. "Ah. You need my help."

"Yes."

"Because you're too scared to just accept the memories back yourself. You need someone to filter through them for you."

"Yes." Eva looks away.

"You really have nobody else you could turn to for this?" Clematis frowns.

"Nobody. A few flings, over the last few decades. Nobody I trust. Nobody… real."

"I see." Clematis' tone softens a little. "You've been doing your penance this whole time. You can't even trust yourself anymore."

"Yeah." Eva's voice is soft and a little shaky.

"… You can sit," says Clematis. "And I'll make you some coffee. What brought this on, anyway? It's been three decades."

Eva gingerly settles onto the closest couch, but her posture is still very tense. "I - it was Audrey."

"Ah. Of course." Clematis nods at the coffee machine as if that explains everything. "You're really falling for her, huh?"

"Yeah." Eva rubs her face. "Thank you."

"For listening?" Clematis looks back over her shoulder.

"For not kicking me out."

Clematis grinds the beans, her hands busy as she dips into the fridge to get milk and assemble the coffee. "Nobody in their right mind erases decades of their life deliberately. You must have had a reason. And with the Namer's War happening right around that time… It's safe to say something must have happened to you in it. Something you were desperate to forget."

Eva sighs and nods. "That's my guess as well."

Clematis comes over with a coffee cup, and presents it to Eva. "One sugar, cream. Right?"

Eva blinks, then nods. "I don't know why I'm surprised you know that…"

"You don't remember telling me, so…" Clematis shrugs.

Eva takes a sip of her coffee. "So… Will you help me?"

Clematis busies herself cleaning the coffee machine. "I don't know. Let me think about it for a moment. Why do you want to recover these memories, exactly?"

Eva looks down into her coffee. "Well… Because I want to be able to be honest with Audrey. Because I want to be able to… know myself, and understand what happened, and be free to be honest with myself as well. Because… even things that hurt mean something, and I'm missing a part of myself. That kind of reason."

Clematis looks back over her shoulder again. "… An honest answer, huh." She finishes with the machine, turns around, and comes around the opposing couch to sit across from Eva. "And none of it is about me."

"No. You're… a stranger to me, now."

"I don't know whether to be hurt or relieved." Clematis crosses her arms. "Well."

"Well?", Eva repeats.

"I think I'll help you. For the sake of what we had once, and for Audrey. And because… I still care about you, even after all these years, even if it's grown distant with time. But I have two conditions and I won't hear you refuse them."

"Go on?"

"You go and you tell Audrey and December by the end of today, or I don't help you; and you accept it all back. Every piece of it, even if it's scary, even if it hurts. I want the person I knew once to live again."

"Done." Eva sets her coffee cup down on the coffee table between her and Clematis.

"Shake on it?" Clematis offers her hand.

Eva takes it, and shakes.

Audrey gets up from the table she's ordered in to her hotel room, and clears her lunch dishes. She's had a good long time to think, now. And the more she thinks, the more she's come to the conclusion that there are some things that can't wait.

She shrugs on a soft, shapeless lavender dress, and goes and picks up her phone from where it's lying on the bed. She said tomorrow this morning, but… she's changed her mind.

Audrey swipes through her list of contacts and gets Eva's number, then places the call.

"Audrey?" comes Eva's voice from the other end of the line. "What's this about?"

Audrey bites the inside of her cheek for a moment. "Eva… We need to talk." She shifts the phone in a little closer. "Now, if you can. Meet me in Club Coze?"

"You're right, we…  do need to. There are some things you need to know if we're going to be… longer term. I want to -  explain everything." Eva's normally smooth voice hitches a little.

"I thought there might be something like that." Audrey strokes her free hand's fingers against the arm holding the phone.  "I'll see you there."

"I'll be there." Eva's voice steadies.

"Alright." Audrey swipes her thumb across the end call button.

Well. The die is cast.

Nothing to do now but follow through.