One Last Pill

Rachel shuddered as she stared down at the glass of water. It was innocent enough—not particularly tall or especially small—but it was the only way she would be able to swallow the pill in her hand. It was the only way to give herself exactly what it was that she wanted, needed, feared, and craved so much that she wasn’t sure if her face or her thighs were more damp.

It was a simple capsule, white and red with a symbol at the very border between the two. Either it was a symbol made just for the pill, or something in another alphabet that Rachel didn’t know. She didn’t particularly care.

The only thing that really mattered was that it was the right symbol. It was the right pill for exactly what she wanted, and her mouth felt painfully dry. Her throat ached. Her eyes twitched.

This is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life…

One hand held the pill, and the other was making its way up under her skirt. Her thigh was slick, and her fingers shuddered as they neared her stained, white panties. The hand between her legs shook, but the one holding the pill was perfectly steady.

You aren’t feeling any compulsions. No one is making you do this. No one is going to find out if you don’t do this…

But if you do…

Rachel held the pill between her thumb and pointer finger, staring at it with eyes that hooded all on their own. Her tongue wet her lips. Her nails grazed the skin just under the edge of her panties.

Her thighs clenched.

Tears slid down along her cheeks.

Someone will know, and it won’t matter that you know this is a bad idea. Once you do it, you run out of choices… forever this time. There’s no way you come back this time…

Rachel squirmed, moaning softly under her breath as she rolled the pill between her fingers. Like the glass of water sat on her kitchen table, the pill wasn’t very big or very small. It would be easy to swallow. Plenty of people could swallow it without any water at all, but not Rachel.

Not anymore.

Remember what turning to pills does to you…? Do you remember what happened to you before, and how you only barely pulled yourself out of that hole? Her eyes widened, her nostrils flaring as a low whimper rose up from deep in her throat. Oh… Oh fuck you remember, and that’s always been the problem, hasn’t it?

When you can forget… things are… ohh… better…

“Mmm… fuck yessss…” Rachel whimpered, sucking in a sharp breath as her fingers pressed further past the slick cotton, parting the folds of her pussy to delve deeper even as more tears poured down her cheeks. “Swallow the pill, and then I won’t need to think… Won’t need… If I cry… it’ll be because tears turn them on, not because… I won’t need… won’t need to be me, not any more…!”

Her eyes rolled back into her head, her mouth falling open. Drool shimmered on the edge of her lip, and her thighs clenched so hard that the shudders almost made the pill drop from her hand.

The only thing that saved it was her own hand forming a tight fist.

“Just need to remember… how that first one felt, how… easy it was, how… nice it made… everything…”

That’s not how you remember it! Her own thoughts argued with her voice, but that didn’t stop her from placing the pill atop her tongue. Before you lift up that glass… you’re going to fucking remember everything. If you still want it… Fuck, it’s not like anyone can stop you.

You’re talking to yourself as though you’re two people.

You’re clearly far off the deep end already… maybe you should swallow…

Rachel closed her eyes, fingers still moving between her legs as the other set wrapped around the glass of water. Memory enveloped her, the plastic resting on her tongue as both a threat and a promise.

Full of fear and arousal, Rachel did her best to remember every last detail as she swallowed hard without the pill moving from its place on her tongue.

“You don’t look so good, Rach.” Lindsey smiled down at Rachel, her big green eyes looking so warm and soothing from behind the bangs of her dark, raven-black hair. The room was dark, but what light there was flashed over her pale skin and made Lindsey’s eyes look impossibly magnetic, impossibly sexy, impossibly wet in a way that would make anyone weak in the knees.

For Rachel, that feeling was made so much worse by Lindsey being straight, and sounding so genuinely like she cared. The concern was audible in her voice, and in her eyes. Her beauty was as visible in her genuine emotions as it was in the swell of her breasts in the tight, black tank-top that strained to hold back her impressive shape.

Twin points poked out against the fabric, taunting Rachel’s mind with fantasies she knew could never come to pass. Lindsey wasn’t interested. She would never be interested, and she was Rachel’s first kiss, the first woman she’d confessed to, the first woman she’d touched. It wasn’t Lindsey’s fault that it wasn’t for her and she had been such a good friend since, but that didn’t make Rachel want her any less.

I’d look a lot better with my lips latching onto your tits. It wasn’t a unique thought, nor was it subtle. Her own eyes, a dark brown, had tried to stay even with Lindsey’s before they’d fallen to her chest instead. Once there, they’d stayed enraptured by the hard points of her friend’s nipples. Anyone would look good doing that, but I wouldn’t mind that describing me for a few minutes.

Again.

And not for pity or to be your experiment.

Rachel hadn’t responded, staring ahead with a gaze that did nothing to veil her arousal or her misery. Shoulders slouched, she moved with the music filling the room but only enough to avoid the beat feeling like it would push her over from standing too stiffly.

“Another tough day?”

Rachel nodded.

Fuck you for sounding like you care. She tried not to frown, failed, and then forced herself to turn away. There were other girls in the club, some of them in fishnets, some of them in straps, some of them in chains, but none of them compared to Lindsey. Fuck you for actually caring.

“Things not going well with…”

The taller woman shrugged, her voice trailing off into silence.

“Things are over with Kate.” Rachel’s voice cracked, betraying the tears she’d been holding inside since before she arrived. “She left me, and already she’s telling everyone how happy she is to have a new girlfriend who actually supports her.”

“That’s fucked up.” Lindsey frowned, and Rachel could hear it without daring to cast her the quickest of glances. “You were there when her mom died. You were there when she was—yeah, that’s fucked up.” Arms wrapped around Rachel from behind, and lips pressed to the top of her head. “Anything I can do to help you forget about her? We can go to another club, or we can—”

“—Don’t touch me.” Rachel wrenched herself away. She’d barely spoken above a whisper, but saying that to Lindsey ached. “S-sorry, I… I should go, you… you should stay here. Have fun. I… I need to go.”

Lindsey’s hand squeezed her shoulder, but it was gone the very next moment. “You sure you’re okay…?”

“Not okay.” Rachel shook her head, rubbing under her nose before taking a deep breath. She set her face, taking as cool and dispassionate an expression as she could. “Just don’t need your pity. Don’t need… This.”

Rachel could hear Lindsey saying something to her, but the club was loud enough to block it out. In a few moments she couldn’t hear Lindsey at all, and then she was making her way into the night. Pulling out her phone she looked around online for the kind of club she’d never go, the kind of event that would be dangerous for a girl who wasn’t in a vulnerable place.

Her time between Lindsey and the next club passed by in a fugue state of tears and sharp, panicked breaths.

When Rachel found herself more cognizant of her surroundings, the soft lights of the first club were replaced by the harsh reds of an underground rave. Lindsey would never come looking for me here. No one would ever come looking for me here. Maybe that means no one can find—

“Here you go, babe.” A blonde with blue eyes, a deep tan, and tits that made Lindsey’s look small pushed a red-and-white pill past Rachel’s lips. She whined, but did nothing to impede the invasion. “You look in a bad way. Don’t ask me what it is. It’ll make things better, and that’s all you need to know.”

Dubious, Rachel stared anxiously up at the taller blonde before glancing away and trying to sway with the hard beat of the house music pounding into her body from every direction at once.

Don’t ask what it is? Make things better?

No way is this safe, no way is this… what I would normally do… Rachel frowned, and stopped herself from spitting out the pill with a shake of her head. Where the fuck has being responsible gotten me? Dumped. Again. She growled, looking down at her feet. Dumped and replaced.

Pitied.

Maybe I’ve been making bad choices this whole time…

The blonde moved behind her, large breasts rubbing against the back of Rachel’s head as hands felt along her arms. Lips kissed her ear. Unlike Lindsey, it was clear that this blonde woman was not just wanting to ‘find herself.’ She wanted to fuck Rachel, and fucking sounded like the exact thing she needed.

“Just swallow.”

Nodding, Rachel swallowed.

Nothing happened.

Laughter, low and husky, made Rachel shudder as nails clawed over her hips. “What, were you expecting this shit to work that quick? You know it has to hit something in your gut and dissolve, right? Maybe if it was chewable, or sublingual… but that’s not how this works.” Nails clawed towards her belly, and Rachel groaned as her eyes rolled up into her head and her hips jerked back towards the woman close behind her. “Hits your gut, plastic or whatever turns to goo, and it all hits you at once.

“Nothing else like it in the whole world.”

“You better be right… but I guess the first one is free anyway, huh…?” Rachel stroked along the blonde’s bare arms, squeezing them tight. Feeling skin under her hands, feeling another person not recoiling from her touch, it was more relieving than it should have been. There was no tenderness in the woman’s voice, no caring, but she didn’t want that. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Tabitha.” Teeth tugged Rachel’s ear, and she rubbed back against Tabitha a little harder. “And drugs like this? A girl like you? They’re always going to be free.”

“O-oh… Mmm… Why… Why’s that…?” Rachel gasped, her lips twitching as Tabitha stroked one hand up under her top and the other felt just under the waistband of her panties. “I’m not… not that pretty…”

Tabitha laughed, nibbling a little harder on Rachel’s other ear until her pitiful cries were nearly as loud as the thudding music around them. “No, you’re right. You’re pretty average.”

Rachel snorted. “Thanks.”

“No, I mean it. You’re not half bad. Not half great.” Nails clawed just below Rachel’s bra, and so close to Rachel’s slit she couldn’t stop herself from sucking in a sharp hiss as her whole body trembled. “Fun voice, though. Nice and sensitive, but definitely not enough of a looker to get most drugs for free. These, though…? These aren’t about making you float, or making you sink.”

Nothing about Tabitha’s touches were for Rachel’s benefit, and that was easy to know with absolute confidence. Her nails clawed too hard, and they didn’t linger. They weren’t moving to satisfy Rachel, but they were, eager to touch more.

I can almost feel all of the other girls she’s touched like this right against my skin… She’s a slut, and she wants to fuck me. Rachel groaned, bucking forward in an attempt to rub her slit into Tabitha’s fingers as they moved alongside her slit. I guess that makes me a slut, too, because I want her just as much.

“These drugs are really just good for one thing… So let me know when you feel it.” Tabitha’s fingers spread apart, stroking tauntingly close to either side of Rachel’s dripping slit. “Don’t worry, it isn’t a hard thing to know you’re feeling. When it hits, well…”

“F-fuck… We’re… we’re on the floor, still… there are… we’re… women all around us… mmmphhh…!” Rachel whined, shaking her head. “I… we shouldn’—” Brown eyes opened so much wider. Her mouth fell open, and she jerked back against Tabitha with an intense shake. “Ohhhh…”

Rachel groaned as her whole body felt so much… hazier. Distant. She could still feel Tabitha’s fingers stroking her lower lips, still feel the blonde’s breasts rubbing against the back of her head, still feel the lights flashing over her face, but it also felt like it was happening a million miles away. It felt like it was happening to someone else, like she was watching Rachel’s eyes hood as she wordlessly whined and rubbed back with such glassy eyes.

What’s… what’s going on…

Moving was so much harder, at least it was until Tabitha’s hand found Rachel’s hips and started to push. Following it side to side, moving like a charmed snake, it was immediately simple. It was simple, and it made her clit throb.

What am I… Doing…?

She tried to speak, but all that came out was a moan as fingertips pressed to the tip of her clit and started to grind. Her mouth twisted, her hips jerking, but she was still powerless. There was nothing she could do, nothing she wanted to do, only fingers stroking her pussy as a woman she’d never met before was making her body move the exact way she wanted it to.

What do I…

“Bingo.”

Tabitha laughed in Rachel’s ear, but it didn’t feel hateful or cruel. It only sounded like arousal and hunger.

Each moment that Tabitha continued to stroke her, to sway her, to move her, Rachel’s body felt further and further away. Her mind felt further away. She was aware of the world around her, aware of what she was doing, connected to it, but… it was feeling better and better to let go and forget things had ever been any different.

Her eyelids were hooding, and she was moaning a quiet ‘yes’ to commands that she couldn’t consciously hear. She was moving more now, obeying Tabitha’s desires without a first thought to consider resisting.

Ohhhh I… want… whatever she wants…!

Subdued and smoothed over, Rachel could only blankly stare ahead as she felt herself comply. She moaned Tabitha’s name, she gyrated in a new rhythm, and she nodded when Tabitha said she was going to be taking Rachel home but she wouldn’t be remembering the way there when she woke up the next morning.

Please…

Take me…!

The rest of the night was a blur of flesh.

Lips, teeth, tongues, fingers… Rachel’s moved the way they were told to move, and her body accepted Tabitha’s touches in whatever way they came. She played with herself while Tabitha watched. She sucked and licked where Tabitha told her to.

When Tabitha was done, they were back in the club, and Rachel found herself shoved into a brown-haired woman’s tits.

Before she could object to being so public the woman’s blouse was opened and she was sucking at her breast in the middle of the dance floor. Red lights flashed over Rachel’s face, and hands kneaded her ass.

Didn’t I come to… see… Lindsey… wearing panties…?

It was a brief thought, and it was just as soon forgotten as she groaned and came humping the brown-haired woman’s thigh.

Not important…

Just wanna… obey…

Wanna… feel good… horny… weak…

Obedient…

Words whispered into Rachel’s ear, and she obeyed. She didn’t know how many women she touched, or how many women touched her. She only remembered how good it felt—how melty and drippy her thoughts were, how her body pulsed with arousal, how all of her problems were gone and she only existed to please—when she came to the next morning.

Cold and quivering with so much of the night a blank, she’d made her way home.

All day long her skin felt like it was the wrong size for her body. Her lips itched. Her stomach ached, feeling empty and hollow. Her eyes were hooded, feeling like they couldn’t quite open enough. Every time she saw a pill bottle, or any vaguely pill-shaped object, her heart soared until she realized they weren’t the right red-and-white.

They weren’t the hit she needed.

Still hung over from the first dose, it wasn’t even lunchtime when she determined she would be going back.

“Ohhhh… Fuuuck…!” Rachel whimpered, rubbing her forehead down against the table. “Tabitha… Tabitha… Tabitha!”

Screaming, Rachel shook as her pussy clenched tight around her fingers and offered the chair under her a puddle of her juices.

You felt so cheap, Rachel. You felt so used. You weren’t just a drugged, vulnerable girl, but you aren’t… Rachel didn’t stop touching herself, even as she continued her abrasive mental dialogue with herself.

In her head, the voice she used to think was different enough from the voice she used to speak. It was still her, but it was a version of her that was almost more memory of how she should have been feeling than how she actually was.

You didn’t used to be the kind of girl who liked to fuck without knowing a name…

You never saw that brown haired woman again. You can never know who you fucked, or who fucked you. It’s just… just a… fucking… gap in your… in your memory and it’s so hot!

Rachel screamed again, still crying as she smacked her head down against the table.

“Ohhh… Fuck… I get so much more every time I take the pills… I end up happier every time… I end up better…”

If better means you want to come back down a little less, that you want someone to keep you high and use you like a fuckpet day and night, sure.

They make you a lot better when you wake up in an alleyway without all of your clothes…

“That wasn’t… wasn’t the first time…!” The voice in her thoughts was becoming Lindsey’s voice. Rachel didn’t like that, but she also didn’t stop plunging her fingers deeper and deeper between her own legs. “That was… the… third…? F-fourth… I don’t… I don’t even remember when I started… When I started taking them so much…”

Maybe you should try.

Maybe you should remember the last time you saw Lindsey.

A cold chill tingled along Rachel’s spine, and she shook her head.

She was so worried about you, and you sure helped her be better, didn’t you? Remember that and see if you still want to swallow.

Rachel’s hand shook as she lifted the glass of water to her lips, slowly tipping it back. Water flooded into her mouth, but try as she might the memories refused to stay away. She remembered everything, regretting she hadn’t swallowed sooner to avoid a moment like this one.

Red lights were flashing over Rachel’s face, and her red panties were already soaked through. She’d been looking forward to hitting the club all day long. It was the only place to get the really good stuff, and nothing else would satisfy her.

There was no way to drink enough to lose all sense of self and identity. There was only those pills, and the way they made everything feel so good.

Ohhhh fuck… Rachel shuddered as she made her way deeper, looking around eagerly for one of the women she knew would have some of what she ached for so desperately. I need at least… two…? Three…? I want to make it so I can’t even remember my name until I wake up… wherever I wake up tomorrow…

I don’t want to think about anything, not even how good it feels to make another woman cum or how good it feels to be bent over something and fucked raw…

“Hey, hot stuff…” A redhead with blonde eyebrows shook a pill bottle in front of Rachel’s eyes. “Looking for me? I just got a whole shipment in… enough to make a girlie like you ride high for a week…”

Rachel whimpered, her eyes following the bottle’s every motion. Her lip trembled. Her thighs tightened.

“P-please…”

“Please what, sweetie…?” The redhead shook the bottle above Rachel’s head. “What would you do for just one, not that a girl like you is ever satisfied with one…”

“A-anything… and when you give me one…” Rachel whimpered. “I’ll… I’ll lose my… my own free will… it won’t matter what I want to do…” She whined, nuzzling into the redhead’s chest as her whole body shook. “I’ll do anything, for you, or anyone else… Just… just give me what I need… two… m-maybe three… four…? And I’ll be your little fuck puppet, or… or anything else you want…

“With that many, you could… just…” Rachel’s cheeks burned. Her thighs ran slick. Her knees nearly gave out. “Take me home… K-keep me…”

Laughter sounded like it was coming from all around Rachel, but she wasn’t sure if it was because of many different women laughing, or the dizziness from her cravings.

I’ve been without my “meds” all day… Her tongue wet her lips, and she whined as she rubbed her breasts into the redhead’s body. C-can’t function without them… Don’t know where I spent the night… don’t fucking care…!

“Tell you what… I’ll give you five…” Rachel screamed, her eyes rolling back into her head as she nearly came at the thought. “But you’ll need to do something for me.”

Half a whimper, half a cry, Rachel’s voice could barely rise above a whisper. “Whatever you fucking want! I’d do that anyway… You know… I’m a little… pill slut… that was what you called me last week, right…? Told me I’d fuck anyone for my pills, even if they didn’t make me need to fuck…”

Rachel whined, kissing at the redhead’s clothed chest.

“And you were right…”

The redhead ruffled Rachel’s hair, and whispered into her ear. “That was Toni who told you that, and she said it to you last week. I was there, shoving your face into her cunt.”

Ohhh fuck! Rachel whined, her eyes rolling back even harder as she grasped at the redhead to keep herself from dropping down to her knees. I don’t even remember who Toni is… or when… what… last week was, I…

“But I guess she was. Here, Rachey-baby. Have the first one… you get more after you do what I want.” Grinning, the redhead shook a pill from the bottle, and pushed it past Rachel’s waiting lips. “It hits you so quick huh? I wonder how much of that is psychosomatic, and how much of that is the drugs. Maybe just so much of you is drugs these days you just need a little hint…”

When the pill fell onto her tongue, Rachel swallowed.

The next moment her eyes were glassing over, and she was mewling as her hips rolled endlessly. Getting my meds… getting what I need… Nothing’s rough when I’m like this… nothing’s bad… just gotta…

Obey…

The word was enough to make Rachel’s toes curl, and her eyes cross.

“Eyes forward, slut.” Instantly, Rachel looked forward. “Look over there… no… over there. The black-haired woman there. See her? The one with the tits, wrapped up so tight in black you’d think she was here to be some goth’s birthday present…?”

Rachel nodded mindlessly, or her body did. It was hard to be sure if she had any volition at all when she was taking her pills. The decisions were all made for her. There was no real choice to obey or not. It both happened to her, and to someone else so many miles away. Even if there was no black-haired woman, she would have seen one, but the woman the redhead indicated would be hard to miss.

“Good… She’s been asking around about my favorite little play toy…” Nails teased around Rachel’s nipple, finally pinching as it completed a circle. Still barely able to even whisper, Rachel’s intense cries were reduced to a squeak. “And that’s no good for anybody. Do you recognize her?”

“L-Lindsey…” Rachel nodded. “Loved her…”

“Don’t be stupid.” The redhead rolled her eyes, shaking another pair of pills into her hand before dropping them into Rachel’s. “Love’s not for objects. It’s for women, not things like you. Get these in her mouth, and make it so she swallows. I don’t care how you do it. Just do it. Then you get more.”

A hand shoved Rachel forward, and she stumbled towards Lindsey without a second thought.

Stupid… Love’s not for objects…

Rachel slid the pills into her mouth. There was no small part of her that wanted to swallow them. She was an object, and those didn’t make choices. If she obeyed, she’d get more—but that no longer mattered.

Like a robot with new programming, she had a task and no option to deviate. There was only obedience in her mind, and her thighs glistened with each flash of red.

Women, not… things… like… me…

“R-Rach…! Where the fuck have you been?!” Lindsey was crying, but it wasn’t a sad kind of crying. Her eyes were full of relief. She looked so calm, so happy. The distant Rachel almost tried to struggle, but it was hard to remember for sure how to make that work. “You haven’t been to work for a month, your number disconnected… I’ve been so scared for y—mmmmph!”

Hands grabbed Lindsey’s cheeks and pulled her down to Rachel’s level. Lips mashed into hers, and a pair of pills were pushed into her mouth. Rachel didn’t stop the kiss, couldn’t, her tongue fighting with Lindsey’s until the brunette swallowed.

When she did, Rachel almost came.

Numb and insulated in her distance, she wasn’t even sure if what she was feeling were real feelings or distant echoes. She couldn’t form her own solid thoughts anyway.

All she could do was obey.

“What… What was that…?!” Lindsey sputtered, rubbing at her lips as she stumbled back. “Rach, I’ve been hearing some really bad… bad things about the crowd you’ve been seen with, if the people really were seeing you… I’ve been… I’ve been so scared, and now… Fuck, I hope you’re just on some ‘e’…”

Lindsey’s arms wrapped around Rachel, pulling her right into those heavy breasts that smothered the shorter woman’s face. “Mmm... Best meds… really… good… meds…”

“You sound so…” Lindsey twisted her face, lifting Rachel’s chin to look right into her eyes. “Where are you even sleeping anymore…? Your roommate said she hadn’t seen you… Said before you disappeared you were acting really… on edge, really… really…”

Rachel quivered.

She’d heard other girls getting their first doses plenty of times.

The sharp, high pitched, pitiful tone to Lindsey’s voice was so sweetly familiar. Her body was tightening in all of the right ways. Her arousal was so easy to smell, and her warmth felt so good against Rachel’s body.

Not a woman… just an object… just a fucktoy… Rachel mewled, her thighs clenching harder. We’re just objects… toys…

Can’t… love… anyone…

Rachel didn’t know why she was crying. She couldn’t feel the pain. It was happening to someone else as whispers in her ear told her to guide Lindsey to the back room and peel off her clothes. She didn’t know what was being whispered into Lindsey’s ear, just that she was between her legs licking at a familiar clit that only the distant Rachel remembered clearly

Someone told her to suck, so Rachel sucked. Someone was feeling inside of Rachel with fingers or a toy or something. She moaned and writhed, a sweaty, shuddery mess.

Rachel didn’t need to cum. She only needed to obey, sucking at her friend’s pussy as the big headphones dropped down over her ears. Someone was saying something about Lindsey being worth a lot of money to the right people, and how they had plenty of good pharmaceuticals to make sure she behaved, but Rachel wasn’t a person so she couldn’t possibly process anything so complicated.

All she could do was suck, and lick, and writhe.

When Rachel woke up it was on the stoop of an apartment complex. She fluttered her eyes, groaning at how hard it was to do anything at all. Aches… not even sure… how much… how many… how long… She groaned, rubbing her head as she looked around her. Isn’t this… Lindsey’s apartment building, and this… tank top… She stared down at herself, a growing sense of dread rising up deep inside of her.

How… how many days has it been…? That… that was a drug-induced dream, there’s no way I did that… no way she would actually swallow, no way that they would sell my friend…

My… ex… friend…

Rachel cried so loud that it wasn’t long before someone heard her. It wasn’t her choice again when she was forced into rehab, but it didn’t feel nearly as good as the drugs taking away her choices.

The doctors insisted she was a person.

Nothing felt worse than being a person, remembering the things she did, but not able to remember anything that helped them find Lindsey.

How many times have you fallen off the wagon now, Rachel? Two? Three? Four? Her lips quivered, her mouth full of water and a single pill floating in the center of it all. What’s one more, right? That’s what you’re thinking, or what you’re afraid of thinking. You aren’t sure which is better or worse, are you?

Tears were falling endlessly along her cheeks. She didn’t swallow. She breathed through her nose, shallow and shaky, but enough.

When you found out where to get these… when you got caught for possession and they thought you’d be wasting them on other people… Rachel quivered, shaking her head. With her mouth full, Rachel couldn’t use her voice to deny the claims of her own mental voice. Then when you thought you saw Lindsey, tried to chase after her, and when you tried to chase after her…

There are other ways out of this. You don’t need to swallow…

She paused her thoughts, and then shook her head.

I want this to be the cowardly thing to do, to convince myself to do anything else, but… I’m not going to get better. I’ll always need more medication. I’ll always miss being a sex toy.

Rachel swallowed.

“I should have done this instead of gone to another club. That was the cowardly thing to do… should have just… told her to fuck off… should have just… gone home and… tried to… maybe just laid down and… tried to forget…”

She folded her arms into a makeshift pillow and rested her head down with a tired sigh.

“Sorry, Lindsey… I wish… wish I could… help you… Wish they would have sold me, too… wish we could… at least be together… even if I’d do it again for another pill in a heartbeat…”

Rachel’s thighs clenched, her breath turning slower and slower as she sunk lower into the kitchen table. Her breathing hitched and she mewled.

“Maybe… you’re better off as an object too… Hope they… never let you come down … better to never… stop… never remember… never… need to… regret…” Rachel’s voice faded off, growing quieter.

Her thighs clenched one last time, and one last thought passed across her mind.

Feel much… better… now…

Her mind was quiet again for the first time in a long time as Rachel forgot how to worry about Lindsey, or anyone else.