I had a dream the night before the women's only sermon. I saw myself seeking out Pastor Malcolm after the Sunday service had ended. I caught him right as he was about to head to his office. When he asked me what I wanted, I told him that the Lord spoke to me, telling me that my purpose was to serve him. He asked how I was to do so while sliding his hand down the front of my pants. My breath hitched with I told him I would serve however he wished. He told me that he intended to take me as his slave and...I went with him back to his house. Or, at least how imagine his house looked like. I became his live in maid and sex slave, catering to his carnal desires after he came back from church.

As embarrassing as the dream was, it actually made me even more excited for the sermon. I want Pastor Malcolm to lift the wool from my eyes. To make me see truth.

Like always, the church auditorium was packed to the brim. Most of the congregation were young women, but I could see that more than a few of them were probably old enough to be moms themselves. I sat down with some of my friends ten rows away from the main stage. 

The lights slightly dimmed when everyone came in, the tv screens turned on and Pastor Malcolm walked onto the stage. We all began to cheer once we saw him. Somehow, being surrounded by other women made me feel like even more hyped than usual. It was a little weird but I didn't think anything of it.

"Thank you, thank you. It gladdens me to see you all here this morning. We won't be together lord but I assure you that I intend to make every second count. Now, there are sadly many things Christian girls are told that lead to nothing but confusion and heartbreak. One of them I've heard, even from some other pastors, is that a Christian woman should do her best to look like a supermodel whenever she can." He shook his head

"Those who seek to tell you this only do it so that they make make their lust seem godly, their shallowness appear pious. these same people expect you to act modestly only because they themselves do not possess self control. They seek to make you responsible for their urges. It is not healthy for a woman's sense of self to be made to think such a thing and I will tell you why."

I braced myself. 

"The body is not only a gift from the Lord, it provides clues as to what He intends for us! Be they the wide hips of a mother, the muscles of a laborer or the physical traits of an intellectual, to force oneself to live by such a crude standard is to distort a message from the Lord about our greater purpose! Now, it won't only be hypocrites who tell you this. You can see it a lot in the beauty industry's advertising or even on shows you like to watch. I say to you, do not yourselves be plagued by feelings of inadequacy for what you see in the mirror. If you are healthy, that is good enough."

I joined in the chorus of cheers. I knew quite a few girls who could've heard this when I was in middle and high school. 

"And while we're on the topic of hypocrites, I wish to address another thing Christian girls are told in order to mislead them. They are often told that any sexual thought is sinful, that any desire is destructive, that any sufficiently strong sex drive is a curse that she must bear. Again, such a thing is wrong!"

I gasped. He was moving onto a subject this steamy? I needed to hear more.

"A Christian girl shouldn't be ashamed of having a high libido! Nay, she should be proud of it! The Lord has given her the means by which to ensure that her lover is satisfied! She does not wish to take or destroy! She wishes to give! She wishes to bestow joy upon her partner! Her heart is as pure as freshly fallen snow! A high sex drive is a blessing for a Christian girl and her partner! The Lord did not intend for marriage to be a cold, joyless union! He did not intend for his flock to carry out the act of procreation like machines! In His wisdom, he has bestowed many women with a burning fire that drives them to show the depths of their love to their partner! It doesn't even need to be within the bounds of marriage! If you truly want nothing more than to show your boyfriend how much you love them, how much you want to be so intimate with them, then if they want it as well, I say go on ahead! And if you need to take the edge off with some pictures or videos, there is nothing wrong with that!"

The chorus of cheers erupted again. This was profound. I never imagined seeing things that way. But it all made sense. A Christian girl with a high sex drive acted out of a desire to make someone else happy. It was out of charity. I blushed a little when I fully understood the last thing he said. He said it was all right for a Christian girl to watch porn. He was openly endorsing it.

"And that leads me to this next topic. Even when I saw a boy, I saw Godly young women being shamed for their bodies. Not because they were fat, or skinny, or they had acne, no. They were told their bodies were too sensual. You have the body of a whore, they were told! You will be the destruction of marriages, they were told! You will temp good men from their duties and bring ruin to their families! I was disgusted to hear such things, my sisters in Christ. And do you wish to know why?"

I was panting. I needed to know. More than anything, I needed to know the answer. Some of the girls were shouting 'tell us!'

"It is because the Lord intended for her to evangelize! But she will not do so with her words, no! Her body shall be the means by which she preaches! When she spreads her legs, she spreads the good word of Heaven! And she lets her partner know that the plea they feel was bestowed unto them by a Christian woman, a lamb in His flock!"

The cheering reached a crescendo. Yes! He was right! A Christian woman with a body made for sex isn't a slut deserving of scorn, she's a born missionary and worthy of my admiration! Her breasts, her butt, her thighs, her feet, her lips, she uses them all to spread the gospel! Pastor Malcolm smiled and gestured for us to settle down after about a minute.

"Now, I know that what I will ask is no small thing. But I have the feeling that there are those among this mighty congregation who identify as lesbian or bisexual. You are among sisters in Christ here. I ask you, trust in them, and please rise."

They stood shakily to their feet. Dozens of girls in each row, in both tiers of seating. Including my friend Astrid.

"Astrid..."Gretchen said quietly. 

"Yes," she said quietly. "I'm...I'm bi."

Pastor Malcolm nodded his head.

"Thank you. Now, I do not need His wisdom to know that many of you have felt the need to hide such an intimate part of yourself. I know that you all love our Lord and Savior but many of you feel that you cannot trust the people close to you. I know that many of you may even have been told that what you feel is unclean, some defect of the spirit."

I could hear a few sobs. Some of the girls who stood up seemed to tremble, nod, or put their heads down in shame. Tension filled the air.

"Rebuke those who tell you such things! All of what I have said about how one's passions and body are gifts from the Lord apply to you as well! Unclean?! No! What you feel is the result of His design! He intended for you to be who you are and He intends for you to act on what you know to be the truth! To be gospel truth! To love as is natural to you is to further His kingdom!"

A girl in the front row shakily put her hand up.

"Yes, my sister?"

"Ev-even s-s-sex?" Pastor Malcolm smiled and nodded.

"Yes my sister in Christ, even sex." The girl shivered.

"I'd like you all to sit down now." Every woman who stood up returned to their seats. Astrid sat back down. She was a bit red in the face but she was beaming as well. She just came out in front of thousands. What else could I do but applaud her for that?

"I want all of you to look in the mirror when you return home. I want you all to think deeply about what you see. And I want you to ask yourselves what the lord is saying to you with what you see."

We spent the next ten minutes in prayer and singing along to the choir. I couldn't wait to get home. No matter what I saw in the mirror, no matter what I learned about myself, I would embrace it.