“Hu-JesusChrist.” I huff as I set the last plastic bin down. My back hurts, a lot. Moving into my apartment was easy. Except the one I stand in right now isn’t mine. It’s identical to mine, save for the much larger bed, the five tumblers on the counter, the fluffy carpets that cover the floors, and the wardrobe that is triple in size to mine. Oh and about thirty other differences that can only be explained by the difference in gender. 

“What are you so tired about?” I hear the annoyingly nice to hear voice say from the couch. The voice, the perfect blend of sex appeal, friendliness, and just like comfortability I guess? Anyways, the voice comes from my step-sister, who happens to be my new neighbor, who moved probably the equivalent of 2 boxes when I moved in quite literally the rest. Yes my mom and her dad helped, but me being a young man without a bad back, as of 3 hours ago, I was tasked with the heavy lifting. And given my step-sister’s possessions, everything was heavy. Everything. 

“What do you think?” I flop onto the couch next to her. My tone isn’t trying to sound nasty, but I’m tired, sweaty. She doesn’t comment on it. My legs naturally spread out, because yes I have a bad habit of man-spreading, and our knees touch. I don’t have a big problem with touching her, we had been living in the same household for five years prior to my freshman year 1000 miles away, so it’s not a big deal. Now we’re neighbors, 1000 miles away from our parents, but across the hall from each other. Why does God hate me? 

“I’m kidding.” Natalie punches my arm playfully, then gives me a sincere look, “Thank you Oli.” I meet her brown eyes. At least she means it, plenty of other times I’ve gone thankless. The door to her small dormlike apartment opens once more and my mom and her dad, Tim step inside. 

“Look at you two, all grown up.” My mom says softly as she and Tim walk over to us. They married three years after my dad left, have been inseparable since. “Don’t party too much the first week okay? Classes will start soon and you want to be ready. Start waking up early now so you’ll adjust.” She spouts off the normal parenting advice, looking at Nat when mentioning parties, and me when mentioning sleep. Our respective problems. 

“Hey bud can I chat for sec before we go?” Tim suddenly says. It catches my mom and Nat off-guard. Tim never asks to talk to me. I only roll my eyes a little bit before I stand. We go out into the hallway. It’s late in the day, so no other college kids are moving in now. 

“What’s up Tim?” I say non-chalantly. He crosses his arms, making me think I’m gettin a lecture. He uncrosses them when he reads my body language.

“Listen, Oliver… can you- ah no. Um- I know that Nat… can youuuuuu…” He never gets going. I give him a reassuring clap on the arm.

“Hey man, I’ll look out for Nat okay? I know she’s your daughter, and this has got to be hard. We’re not the bestest of friends, but I’ll make sure she’s not raising hell okay?” Tim gives me a warm smile, but he still looks like he has more to say.

“Thanks Oliver. But theres more than that. Just- give Natalie some space you know? She missed you when you were away at college. Now you both go to the same school and she’s going to want to- not step out of her comfort zone. I’m just asking you to let her grow and make other friends is all.” I’m confused. My brow reflects that. Nat? The bright cheery socialite? Trouble making friends? Does he know his daughter?

“Uh you’re asking me to what, watch over her but don’t hang out? Like make sure we run in different circles or something?” Tim’s eyes light up.

“Yes! That exactly. Thanks Oliver, you’re a good young man you know.” He holds out his hand to shake. I do, and we give each other a bro hug. It’s more cordial than bro-ey. I’m left puzzled at the interaction as we head back inside to say our goodbyes. My mom is bent over to be at eye level to Natalie. She looks concerned. My step-sister doesn’t exactly look happy either. Both of their expressions are wiped to a blank happiness at the sight of Tim and myself. Something about today feels different than when they moved me in last year. Natalie was there too, being just as ‘helpful,’ but today she is staying here, at college, not hopping in a car for 15 hours. And for some reason, my parents- no, Tim and my mom are not happy about it. 

“Okay, we better get going.” My mom says, her voice low and quiet. She is sad to leave us, obviously. She’s confided in me that she doesn’t know what she’ll do as an empty-nester. Tim is going to grill more. Good for Tim. 

“It’s going to be okay Mom. I love you.” I say as I give her a big hug goodbye. Tim and Natalie share a similar embrace, but I can see that Tim whispers something into Natalie’s ear that makes her eyes flash and then drop to the floor. What are they saying that would make her feel bad? And why the hell do I care so much about my step-sister’s feelings? I don’t like her. Not really. My mom spouts off reminders and asks us to call her till Tim closes the door in front of her. He gives an aware smile as he waves goodbye. Nat and I flop back onto the couch, same butt prints as before. 

“So what do you do until classes start?” She asks, tucking her feet up onto the couch. Her socks touch my thigh. 

“Explore, make friends, go to parties, etc. It’s ‘welcome week’ after all!” I say with feigned excitement. Nat smiles. 

“Okay, what are you gonna do?” I don’t know why she asks. She knows the answer. 

“I’m going to workout, I’m going to hang with Stavo, we’re going to drink, and then I’m going read. You carried what? Two books out of my entire library in? I’m hoping to whittle that down throughout the year, so better start soon. Now actually, I’m going to start now.” I slap the couch and move to get up. Another hand slaps mine down before I can pick it up. “Ow!” I look at her like she’s crazy. “We can use words now can’t we?” 

“Yeah sorry. I was just- Is your back sore? I can give you a quick massage before you retreat for the night?” Oh boy. That might be weird. And why is she being nice to me? We haven’t been exactly on speaking terms for months, ever since New Year’s really. For years before that we weren’t even friendly. So much has happened. I think about New Year’s all the time though. I may not be excited for her to be touching me again, but my back really is sore. And her hands… don’t get me started. 

“I guess.” I say tiredly, sliding down the front of the couch. She moves over, putting her long beautiful legs on either side of me. Her bare skin touches my arms and I almost reach out and lick it. My head is already spinning, and her perfume isn’t helping. She always wears it, and I think it’s because she knows I love it. It’s some formulation of cream and sweetness that makes you want to devour anything it is on. Lord knows I have. Then her hands are on me. She starts slow at first, right on my traps, which is perfect. I give low hums as approval. Nat moves a little lower, to my middle back, whispering so low that I can’t hear what she is saying. 

“How does this feel?” A question finally slips through coherently enough that my increasingly tired brain can understand. It meets my ears just as Nat applies sweet sweet pressure to the back of my neck. Her palms scrape the back of my hair. 

“Good Nat. Really good.” My hand wraps around her right calf. I do it just because her skin is amazing. Why can’t I rub her as she does me? 

“Just relax into me Oli.” Not hard. I think I already am. My back melts against her legs, as well as her hands. I can’t stop my head tipping back either. It lands against her knees, somehow those bony body parts of hers are soft too. Her fingers than move up to massage my temples. I hum, but I think it comes out more of a moan. Her hands envelope my thoughts. My eyes are slits, because I can barely keep them open. The only image they see is the image in my mind, Natalie. Her greek nose fits her face perfectly, her brown eyes drowning me in a chocolate embrace. Her pupils dilate as she kneads the skin on my head.

“Nat…” I whisper, not asking for her response, but just in a small bit of resistance. Because as her beautiful feet lie on my waist, her calves trapping me in her lap, I know what she is doing. Nat is a born seductress, I her only target. I don’t know why she feels the need to restrain me, she already has me under her spell. Her soft slightly pink lips grow closer and closer as she dips down, hinging her hips. I see the pulse in her neck skip a beat as she nears me, but the overall speed is calm. She isn’t nervous, she knew this was going to happen. I wish I could loathe her, but how can I hate my sister? Especially when she kisses as soft as she does. I relearn just how soft she does kiss as her lips trap my bottom lip. She sucks it into her mouth. I close my eyes, accepting the lust that consumes my mind. I’ll do anything for Nat in this state, thank god she doesn’t realize it. We moan at the same time, on the same wavelength. I feel myself dip into something bigger than just one person. Her lips are rotating, I think she is getting off the couch. I can’t tell, since my eyes are now closed, until I feel her ass in my lap. She straddles me, my back against the couch, our chests together. She places her elbows on my shoulders, bracing my head as she attacks my mouth. I can’t do anything but let her in. I feel that familiar dance of energy in my chest, one I have felt many times. It’s a melding. Of what, I don’t know. But I love it. And I love… 

“Oli…” She says against my neck, which she’s moved to kiss and suck on. No doubt it leaves a hickey, given her voracity, and I flex into it. “Let it all come back.” She’s talking about the memories, the emotions that I’ve worked so hard to fight the past year. The selfish, terrible thoughts of beautiful and wonderful things. Fantasies, futures, things I can’t let happen but coax me further into… whatever this is. Is it into her? Natalie? Am I melding into my stepsister? That- that’s not what I want. Right? No, something is wrong. I force my eyes open but her hand caresses my cheek again and I am back into the bliss she gives me. As I look down, I see her other set of lips through her shorts grind into my lap, forcing my erection pleasure, I feel my last bits of resistance falter. Only enough for one last battle, but she has to stop kissing my neck. She needs to speak so I can find whats wrong with this. Because it doesn’t feel wrong, not one bit. My hands trail lower, to her hips. I feel my left hand dip under her, eager to enter her. I dart it away at the last second, back up to her lower abdomen. I would’ve lost it at feeling how wet she was. Her athletic and bouncy ass isn’t helping me either. I rub my palm back and forth against it. Nat moves back to my lips, sucking in air through her nose as she bites me. “Don’t you see baby? Nothing can stop us now. We can be together. I can be yours.” She seals her word with a kiss, her eyes closed. I know this because mine are shot open with a serious rage. She would’ve had me, had she not said so many wrong things in one sentence. 

First, she called me baby. I hate that. You have to be in a relationship to accept names like that, and Nat and I will never be in a relationship. Second, she said nothing can stop us now. Wrong, the public finding out can stop us. Shame us. Stepsiblings cannot date, fall in love. And I will always stop us. That is what I do. Third, she said we can be together. See point two. We can’t be together. Finally, she said she was mine. She’ll never belong to me, she’s too damn strong willed to belong to any person. Nat is the master of her own destiny. I’m closer to belonging to her than her bel- Damnit! Stay on track. I am angry.

“Stop it Nat!” I yell in her face as I push her off. Her legs bind me, but she’s light, so I move her off to the side carefully. I’d never hurt her. 

“Oli!” She calls for me, but I’m already getting up and out the door. “Come back! Please!” I hear the last part through the door, for I slammed it behind me. I really hope no one else is in this hallway, because I have a massive boner. In two steps, I’m back in my much darker apartment. Peace. Salvation. Isolation. She’s not here. Why does that hurt? I go to the small kitchen, running cold water between my hands. Splashing my face, I feel my mind returning to normal. Thank god. I stopped it. I can’t usually stop her when she wants me like that, but sometimes I can fight her pull on me. Though sometimes I don’t fight at all. I sit on my couch, similar to her’s. Covering my face, I think about tomorrow, and how I can avoid Natalie. Like Tim said, we need distance. Space, even though we live so close to each other. Thank god we didn’t end up being roommates. Nat suggested it, because of course she did. The other three members of our family vehemently shot that down. 

Theres a pounding on my door, jolting me awake after 15 minutes. One guess as to who that is. 

“Go away!” I yell. 

“Open the damn door Oliver!” Hell no. Not letting her back in, after I already did. Because then it hurts so much more when I retreat again. 

“Nope!” My voice is tired, but my disdain for her at the moment travels in it. It’s the last disdain I have for her, burned away by some stronger feeling that I can’t place. 

“You forgot something.” Huh? What could I have forgotten? She has ten times more things than me. I get up, annoyed. 

“What?” I ask angrily as I swing open the door. I know my mistake as soon as I lay eyes on her. She’s empty handed, in a white t-shirt that used to be mine. Her face stares at me with only the purest emotion there is. I can’t name it, because then I’ll feel it all the time. 

“You forgot how I feel.” Nat grabs my face and kisses me. I don’t have time to think about the double entendre. She’s stronger than she looks, I can’t pull away. I throw my hands up in surprise, desperate to push away, but… fuck. Her eyes are closed, her face is so close. Her lips are pillowy soft, her tongue is hooking around my teeth. Everything outside of her melts away. My blood rushes south, into my cheeks and far, far lower than that. Moans and groans escape me. I finally give in. Hands find her hips, I think they’re mine, but all I can feel is her lips, tongue, and breath fill my lungs. We step back, enough so that she can close the door behind her with her foot. I was right before, when I mentioned I had used up all my resistance. Nat’s lips are the dam holding my lust for her in. She had cracked the foundation before, now, it just burst. I pull back, placing my forehead on her’s so we can catch our breath. She’s pushing against me, clearly wanting to keep going. 

“Nat- we can’t. We said we were done.” I wonder if she can tell that there is no substance behind my words. I’m already done in, she merely needs to keep going. She does, the tip of her tongue touches both of my lips, lapping at them. 

“It’s been eight months. I miss you.” Her thumbs rub my cheekbones. I shudder. Her face says she needs this. 

“And I obviously mi-” I stop myself, dipping my head away. Natalie has control of my entire being, so she easily brings my gaze back to her. 

“It’s okay.” Her hands finally leave my face, sliding down my shoulders till she strokes each of my arms. 

“Nat this isn’t- it’s different now.” It’s different and right now I don’t care. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel the shame. Hopefully. 

“How?” She asks, looking hurt at the notion.

“We’re far away now. It’s not just experimentation anymore. It’s two people hooking up. That’s serious. Especially in college. People remember. Even more so when it’s taboo.”

“We’re not taboo!” She complains.

“Nat are you crazy? Everything we’ve ever done is taboo! It’s a scandal. Life-ruiner. Label-maker. Whatever the fuck you want to call it! We can’t do this.” My words are the truth, but my body doesn’t listen to anything I have to say. My hand curls around her ass-cheek and tenderly lifts it, her flesh has a soft give to it. 

“No one has to find out. Okay, it’s not just experimenting. Big deal. Two people who know each other can hookup. No harm, no foul. Aren’t you supposed to hookup in college?” Her fingers twirl my hair with indifference. 

“With strangers! Or friends! Or friends of friends! Normal stuff!”

“You both know we’re not normal. Let me in Oli.” She bites my bottom lip and holds it in her mouth. The pain is worth how hot she looks doing it.     

“Don’t do this. Don’t do this.” I say. It won’t stop either of us. 

“You’re not very convincing.” Nat smiles before dropping her expression and licking her lips.

“I was talking to myself.” I kiss her. “And no I’m not.” I grab her face and devour her mouth. Thinking is no longer an option for me. I just do. Do what I want. What I always want to do around her. When someone like her is so spectacular in every way you’d struggle with that urge too. But I control it well, considering her pull on me. I’ve refused her so many times in the last year, but sometimes I just lose my composure. She makes me lose it. My fingertips are in the roots of her hair, my palms kind of squishing her face. My grip is tight, possessive. I can’t let go of her. Backing off I come in slow this time, less forceful. “I can’t quit you.” I whisper before taking her bottom lip between both of mine. Her tongue slowly slides into my mouth, gliding across the top of my bottom teeth. She tastes likes heaven. 

“You’ll never have to.” She says into my mouth. I feel like she was unintentionally speaking her mind, which has me worried. She can’t be saying things like that. I do have to quit her. I have to be the big brother and be responsible and stop this madness because I am her fucking brother! No it’s not illegal since we’re not related, but it feels wrong. Except, that’s how I’m just supposed to feel. And it’s not like it feels wrong to me. I know it is, but nothing about the way our lips bash together feels wrong. Nat makes everything feel right. My hands jump to her hips and tug up on them. She takes the hint and jumps. I catch her, pulling our crotches together and our souls even closer. I walk her to the door and press her against it. 

“There he is.” She whispers, smiling. I don’t let her dwindle for long, attacking her lips. Nothing can stop me, except for her. Nat is moaning with every breath, as if I wasn’t already fully hard in my shorts. I gring my hips into her as she rolls them into me. It’s incredible how just this makes me more turned on than I’ve ever felt in my life. I feel like my arms and back should be getting tired from holding her, but adrenaline is coursing through me and I’ll never let her go. I walk her to my bedroom. My twin XL bed is noticeably smaller than the queen she had me and Tim lift into her place, and I kind of like that. It’s more close, you have to cuddle, share. I lay her on my meager bed, both of our hands lifting her shirt off her. I’m still kissing her as we change angles. Then my kisses descend, upon her beautiful neck, then her collarbone, then her still covered breasts. Then her navel, until I reach more fabric. My fingers tease her shorts off slowly. Her lower half is radiating heat, so much so that I can feel it on my hands. With her panties still covering her, I run my nose along the damp fabric. That causes Nat to shudder. I get up from my kneeling position and slowly lift her panties from her, kissing up along her left leg as I do. 

“Spread.” I demand, forcing her legs apart. Nat grips her legs as I tell her. She’s fully exposed, her darkened skin looking so sensitive and delicious. I drop back down to my knees and let my nose fall to her pussy. The smell is even more intoxicating. 

“I like when you take charge.” I shut her up by running my tongue along her entrance. I’m done talking, I need her. All of her. After teasing her slowly with my tongue, running it along her folds and finally her clit, I begin lapping at the latter. She needs to be wet enough that I can do the technique that I found makes her cum the quickest. I need to make her cum. “Fuck, talk to me Oli. Let me hear your voice.” Nat practically begs. 

“You taste so fucking good Nat. Taste perfect. You’re so wet.” I’ve created enough of her arousal and my spit to move on now. I take one of my hands which was gripping her inner thigh gently and rub it in the man-made lubricant. Then my tongue moves down, lower and lower. Past her labia, and right to her beautiful asshole. When we were… doing this consistently, Nat asked me about bleaching it. I vehemently refused, because she is perfect already. I mean not perfect, like the only girl I want perfect, but perfect. I showed her with my tongue just how much I like her asshole that night, and I’m doing so again now. I run along the darkened skin and tease the entrance. She’s throughouly clean, must’ve anticipated me falling to her desire. I wish I wasn’t so predictable, but when I plunge my tongue an inch deep into her rectum, I am very glad that I am. My lubed hand rubs her clit as I tongue-fuck her ass, and Nat is cross-eyed looking down at me.

“Oli… you remembered.” She whispers. I close my eyes and focus on the way she tightens around my tongue, how my nose brushes against her lips. Then my tongue falls free, though it immediately misses her warm insides. I replace it with my middle finger. Coated in her arousal it easily slips into her. It is joined by my index going into her pussy, and I find my rhythym of fingering her by the sound of her moans. “There! Right there Oli.” I kiss her thigh before adding the finishing touch. My lips wrap themselves around her petite clitoris. I suck like there is no tomorrow. Her hands leave her legs, meaning there is plenty of give to her legs. Her thighs squish my head perfectly. I could die here a happy man. Nat’s hands go straight for my hair and hold me against her swollen sex. I couldn’t leave if I wanted to. Not that I do. “Fuck! Right the-” Nat’s leg starts to shake when I’m only one minute into my technique. She must be extra horny to cum that quick. “-re. So good.” She says as she is catching her breath. 

Now I can’t hold in my desire any longer. I must be inside her. I quickly stand, losing my shorts and boxers and place my erection on her pussy. It’s not a monster, but 6.5 inches with a good amount of girth is enough to make me feel like a man. I slide it back and forth across her slit as I lean down. Nat cups the back of my head, which brings me right to her face. Her legs on my shoulders stop me from falling against her. “You taste so good Natalie.” I coo softly, my breath gracing her face. Nat smiles, then bites her lip.

“Let me back up that claim.” She closes her eyes as she kisses me. It’s forceful, needy, and just what I wanted. Nat lets go of my head and grabs my dick. Positioning it at her entrance, she gives me a crazed look. “Fuck me like theres no tomorrow. Fuck me Oli.” Her voice is lined with power and sex appeal. I thrust into her and grip her legs hard. I need to hold on for dear life, simply because the force I’m creating should send Nat through the bed. She feels amazing, but I can tell something isn’t right. She’s moaning, but not like she is really in the moment. Like she is thinking about something else. But I want her to think of me, see me. Look me in the eyes as I- as I-

I stop. “What are you tired? Keep pounding me!” She moans with need. I wish I could, but it’s not right. 

“No.” I say calmly, though I want to explode with emotion. I just can’t though. The melding sensation comes back, and overtakes me. I exit her, then I shove her further onto the bed. I follow, lifting my legs up onto the mattress. Nat keeps her perfect legs spread, eager and needy for me. I’m over top her completely now, holding myself up by one arm. 

“C’mon! You were about to make me- ah!” She moans. I pushed my length fully insider her. Then I slowly exit. “Ooh that’s different.” She breathes out. She closes her eyes as I do it once, then twice. Then she suddenly opens her eyes and meets my gaze. “Wait Oli you don’t know what– ah!” I do it again. A slow tempo, perhaps a stroke every 1.5 seconds. In and out of her perfect womanhood. “Oli you’re going to make it- awww fuck! Yes Oli. Yes.” I see the change in her come in seconds. Worry, turned to desire. Her legs wrap around my back, begging me to keep going. Nat looks at me with a hunger that I’ve never quite seen. I feel that change in my own heart, a pang of something. I lower myself to my elbows, our stomachs touching. Then our lips meet again as we embrace. It’s not perfect, or exotic, or overstimulating. It’s right. So close, making out as I softly bring us pleasure. Her arms around the back of my neck, pinning me to her face. My moans with each breath, her whimpers with each thrust of her tongue in my mouth. It’s right. Nat steal my breath multiple times, as I forget to breath in our kisses, but the slow tempo makes it so I don’t have to stop. Time slows to a halt. Every thrust and pang of endorphins around my cock head feels like an hour. Every sucking sensation on my lips feels like ten minutes of just that. Every moan of her’s I hear in my ears melds into the other, sounding like a continuous hum. My eyes open after being shut and relishing the way she grips my dick, and I find Nat’s windows to her soul staring at me like I’m a god.

“Nat…Nat…Nat you’re… so good.” My fingers sneak through the hair that is pinned by her head to the mattress. I grip it, looking deep in her eyes as I slowly thrust in her over and over. Into her perfect folds that I believe God made for me and my dick only. “So perfect.” I whisper. Our skin softly claps as I pump into my stepsister, which will disgust me in about thirty minutes, but right now I don’t care at all. Everytime we do this I care less and less. 

“Fuck baby keep doing that. Stay right there.” I lock into that position, focusing on keeping the exact same tempo. When Nat wants something, I’ll do it exactly as she desires. Because then I get to hear her say things like, “Fuck I’m- I’m cuuuuuu-” My hand covers her mouth before she can scream.

“Don’t scream.” I demand softly. “Just cum quietly like a good girl.” That put Nat over the edge. Her scream was stifled as she held her breath against my hand. Then she convulsed in silence for a few seconds as I kept pumping into her. So fucking hot. When I finally hear her take breath out of her nose, I remove my hand from her mouth, moving instead to around her throat. 

“Fuck Daddy.” Nat smiles devilishly.

“Don’t call me that-” I grunt out, making sure to stay exactly how she wants me. 

“Don’t call me a good girl if you don’t want to be called Daddy.” That time she whispered it so well that I felt my balls constrict. 

“Naaaat…” I say annoyed. Annoyed, but still fucking her. And annoyingly loving it. She’s such a brat. 

“Oliiii.” She mocks back. I silence her with a kiss that elicits a loud moan from her. It continues when one of my hand darts down and begins to rub her clit. “Keep doing that and I’m going to cum again… Daddy.” I still have a hand on her throat and tighten it a little, which gets a squeak out of her. But I don’t like doing it, and Nat doesn’t seem to get any increased pleasure. I move it to her jaw then. 

“Shut that mouth up and cum then Nat.” I press my thumb to her lips to tell her to follow my words. 

“Call me good girl again and I will… Daddy.” I press my thumb into her mouth and she sucks on it quickly. I kiss her cheek as I maintain pace, with my thrusts and my fingers on her clit. My wrist is beginning to cramp, but I can feel Nat constricting around me in preparation for another orgasm. The tightness makes me realize just how close I am too, and I am going to be wrecked by this load. 

“Fuck Nat. You’re so tight. Such a… good girl. Such a good girl. Be a good girl and cum for me. Cum with me Nat.” I don’t even realize what I’m saying, but Nat’s eyes are crossed and she is whimpering loudly. I remove my thumb from her mouth but replace it with my lips, not allowing Nat to breathe. She wraps her arms around my back and claws her nails into it. “Nat.” I cry into her mouth, “Nat! Oh my fuck! Nat.” We both convulse, unraveling into each other. More skin to skin contact than I ever thought possible. More oxytocin than I think is healthy. All I see is her brown eyes dilate and all I feel is unequivocally her. Nat. Everything is alright in the world. Mindblowing sex with your stepsister is alright, at least for a few minutes post-coitus. I’m sure the post-nut clarity will make me regret this. Fuck it. 

—

We rolled over onto our sides a few minutes ago. Nat curled against me and just focused on catching her breath. I’ve stroked her hair the whole time. She nuzzles her cheek against my chest, then mumbles against it. 

“That was the best one ever.” I chuckle in response to her. 

“I think I agree.” I whisper into her ear. Nat shifts up and looks at me with admiration and sincerity. I move my arms with her since they are draped all over her.

“You haven’t… done that with anyone else… have you?”

“No Nat.” I say, seeing the worry in her eyes. I don’t like that she is being possessive, but then again, I’ve felt the same relief that she hasn’t had sex with anyone else.

“Okay. It’s been so long.” She half smiles, but then drops it to form pursed lips instead. 

“It has. For a reason.” I say, knowing there is no point in defending the space I created. Not when I just crumbled tonight. 

“What reason? That you think this is wrong?” 

“It is wrong. This… is the last time. For real.” 

“Tell me this feels wrong… for real.” Nat starts to sound saucy, but then she softly kisses me again. God I love her kisses. We’ve kissed so much tonight it makes me realize just how much I’ve missed them. I groan softly in her mouth as she beckons me to suck on her tongue. I open my eyes slightly as I begin to, seeing Nat open her’s too. I clutch her tight. We make out for a few more minutes, before I feel two conflicting sensations. A dryness in my throat, and a full bladder. Eventually I get up and pee, then grab two glasses of water for us. I hand it to Nat and stroke her head again as we drink. Nat’s eyes begin to droop heavily. 

“Want me to walk you to your room?” It’s not far, but she’d need an arm to balance on considering she is slumping into my side. And now she’s wrapping her arms around me. With her eyes still closed she mumbles,

“If dis is the las time den we’re going to sleep together and cuddle. Hold me.” It comes out an adorable whine and I just… have to. I sink further into the bed, further into her, squeezing her tight to me and letting my cheek fall on her head. That gets a pleased sigh out of her. I kiss her messy hair once, then twice when I feel my eyelids get heavy. I’m glad I get to spend our last hookup like this, in each others arms. I’m so tired, but sleep doesn’t fully come for me. I roll onto my back and just dip into a relaxed mindspace. 

As I hear her whistling breaths on my chest, I think about how we got here. In the same bed. My mom married Tim in January of 2020. They moved in right before Covid hit. Then for seven months, Nat was the only person my age who I could consistently talk to. And she was my best friend. We would race to finish our schoolwork for the day in order to have first access to the remote. Then we would race each other literally in Mario Kart for at least an hour, sometimes two. I would bake for her, because when I want sugary treats I like to make them. She would help me with my wardrobe for when we returned to school, which is how I won best dressed my senior year, and back then we had fashion shows for each other. Then every night we binge watched every Netflix, Hulu, and HBO show that came out in the last five-ish years in our twin love-seats in the basement. I compartmentalized her as a sister, the sibling I never had growing up. I wasn’t attracted to her in the slightest, though looking back at it, that wasn’t the case for her. I thought about it a lot over this summer. The longing looks. The frequent too long hugs. The way she laughed at my jokes. The shadows outside my door at night. We were teens, stuck in a house together, with raging hormones. Thank god I didn’t do something back then. We stopped hanging out when we went back to school in person though. I guess the space was really the thing keeping our friendship going. And in private she wasn’t nice to me anymore. I thought she hated me, a brother who she was stuck with. Then highschool really flew by. I was pretty popular back before Covid, but then I guess I just lost the desire to be liked. I kept two really good friends, lifted weights everyday after school with them, then went home and played Xbox with them. And that was good for me. Junior year I got with Cass, my first ever girlfriend. She was an ultra christian girl who didn’t fit in with the popular crowd either. We talked every night on the phone. But we never got intimate, never fooled around. Which was fine, sex isn’t- wasn’t something I really thought about back then, but Cass barely ever even kissed me. 

Nat was the complete opposite of me. Kept up appearances, got really popular, involved in tons of clubs and stuff. She always seemed to have a boyfriend, though never longer than a month. I wouldn’t learn why until I came back for Christmas break last school year, my freshman year of college. Anyway, people barely realized we lived in the same home. But even though Nat wasn’t nice to me anymore, she stood up for me, never caring how different we were. She never put me down to her friends, or shunned her weird older stepbrother. She always asked me to hang with her friends as long as we didn’t talk to each other, but I always politely declined. I should have realized back then that she wanted to spend time with me. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this current situation, e.g. the same bed, if she knew me better. Or maybe I should’ve pushed her away completely. I have no idea how we got here. Then highschool was over. I went to Stanford. Cass and I both agreed that long distance would never work, and it had kind of fizzled out long before it was over. Nat wanted me to go to school somewhere closer. That should’ve been a sign. When I left in the fall, my mom told me she took it hard. Broke up with her last boyfriend and hasn’t dated since. That should’ve been a sign. All those signs came to fruition nine months ago. Thanksgiving. My mind drifts to that weekend…

“Oli.” I hear, interrupting my thoughts. Nat shifts beside me till she is eye to eye with me. Picking her hand off my chest, it cups my jaw. “Go to sleep baby.” She coos before bringing her lips to mine. I accept her as well as the annoying pet name, only because this should be the last time we ever kiss. It also feels incredible. Nat grabs my shoulder and rolls me to face her. Then, cupping my head, she lowers it to the pillow. She drops her head right next to mine, her hair splaying close to my face, so I can smell it all night. This isn’t a game, this isn’t love. It’s just a stupid hookup. Just like the other fifteen times were a stupid hookup. I see the irony in that as my mind shuts down, but the realization melts away as I just focus on the feeling of her arms around me, her chest brushing against mine with each breath we take. My last thought is her smile.