“Mandy!” The words are sort of quiet, even though I can tell they’re being shouted right in my face. “Mandy!” A little louder, but not enough to pull me from this thought cascade. I just love thinking about what I am thinking about. It’s nice. An escape from my current reality. A reality I wish to change. I just can’t. “MANDY!” 

“Jesus! What dude?” I’m annoyed by James, the guy sitting across from me. 

“Duh-uuude, what the hell? You were just zoned out for like a minute. I thought we were having a conversation?” Hah. He’s still calling me a dude. Even with my appearance. G-cups and full make up, with blown out blonde hair, a nice low-cut blouse, mom jeans that look fucking bomb on me, and my nicest jewelry. Curse younger me for putting a boyish image of myself in his mind forever. 

“Sorry Jamie, was just thinking about some stuff.” That stuff had a lot to do with him and me. Us. As… something more. Damnit. I hate this. I hate that we’re in the situation we’re in. Ten years of friendship, but all I can think about is being more. 

“Did that stuff have anything to do with my request?” His request. Oh god his request. Yes I’ve thought about it. So many times. I’ve even… touched myself a few times over the thought of it. Guiltily of course. It’s just the utter thought of it is so mind-numbingly hot. I don’t even think I could actually do it. What he asked for specifically. I’d spin it, corrupt it. I’d do something that I’ve always wanted to do, but– it wouldn’t be right. 

“Yes.” As soon as we sat down at this coffee shop and I saw that look in his eye, that one that says he wants something, I knew he would bring it up. Which led me to zoning out for as long as I did. 

“Sooo, would you do it? Or at least try to?” I want to say no. I want to say no because I know I will do something bad. But I have to say yes. This is my only chance. He’s showed me the ring. It’s perfect. It is exactly the ring I would’ve wanted. If I can do anything about it, I have to try now. 

“Yeah, I’ll try. I’ll hypnotize you. Just–” I shushed James with my finger before he could berate me with his thanks, “Just know that it might not work. I’m still new to it. And there’s a lot of things that can determine how it goes. You have to be open and receptive and to actually want to be hypnotized. Is this actually something you want to change?” I reach out my hand to grasp James’ wrist. He instinctually pulls away. This is his insecurity, his reason for wanting to be hypnotized. He just can’t handle physical contact in public. Barely even in private. He’s voiced his concern about it with me before. I’d never tell him this, but it is why I’ve been learning hypnosis. 

“Yes, of course this is something I want to change. You’re the only one who can help me. The only one I trust to help me.” Even though Jamie couldn’t reach out and touch me, he had other ways of making you feel special. His hazel eyes were one of those ways. He could just bare your soul and you couldn’t do a damn thing about it. It’s one of the things I love about him. One of the many things. 

“Okay. Are you free tomorrow? You don’t have church?” 

“No I don’t have church. Are you kidding Mandy?” He flashed his devious grin. Another thing I loved about him. It was perfectly imperfect. 

“Okay, come to my place at two. Get a good nights rest and be hydrated. Drinking during the session can take you out of it.” 

“You’re not going to regret this Mandy. This is literally the best present Grace could hope for. Thank you.” He grinned, but this time it was different. More endearing. It made me feel even more guilty for my thoughts. But I don’t think I care anymore. 

“Yeah well let’s see.” I can’t hide my disdain for whenever he brings up Grace. The future ring recipient. The reason I would ever do something for her benefit is because James is involved. But maybe this doesn’t have to be for her benefit. Maybe it can be for mine. No! Shit, can I even muster the strength to do that? Can I make my best friend fall in love with me?

“Okay, that’s for the coffee.” He slaps down twenty dollars, which was more than I paid for our two cups, but with my tip I added I guess it’s fair. God he’s such a perfect gentleman. “See you tomorrow! Mwah!” He blew a kiss to me as he left. I wave with a weak smile on my face. As soon as he’s out of eyesight, my head falls to the table. I’m in public but I don’t care. My whole heart aches. I stay like that for a bit, but am roused by a hand on my shoulder. 

“Honey, was that nice young man your boyfriend?” A sweet old lady looks at me with care and concern in her eyes. Her hand, which was lighter than the rest of her melanin toned skin, was warm and reassuring. I shake my head and whisper a meager,

“No.” The old woman sighed.

“But you want him to be?” Her voice is so calming. I don’t know why I am compelled to spill my secret to her. 

“Yes.” I am able to spit out, trying to hold the tears back. 

“Sweetie, you got to go get your man.” I don’t know why, but she instills hope in me. Like maybe I can set out and do it. Now, she probably doesn’t know how I would make him mine, but it’s not that weird right? 

“Okay. Okay I’m gonna. Thank you ma’am.” I look up at her with something brighter behind my eyes. It’s a dream. 

“Ah- and good manners. Don’t worry honey, he’s gonna learn you’re a catch soon enough.” She gives me another smile with her charming old person grin, then nods and turns away. If I wasn’t sure before, I’m sure now. I’m going to make James love me, just as much as I love him.