Evalyn sighed as she adjusted her glasses. She picked up her coffee cup and moved it towards her lips.
However, before she could take a sip, her desk buzzer started to buzz.
Evalyn let out a sigh and put the cup down. She pressed the button on the buzzer. “Yes?” She asked.
“Miss Wright. Your 2 pm is here!” Replied a preppy voice.
“Send her in.” Said Evalyn as she took a long deep breath. “Thank you, Lisa.”
Evalyn took her finger off the buzzer before taking another deep breath. “You can do this Evalyn,” she mumbled as the door swung open.
A woman in a top-hat, tuxedo and sparkly cape jumped into the room. She had a massive, almost unnerving smile on her face and all of her movements were full of hyperactive energy.
“Good afternoon!” Cheered the woman as she dived into the chair opposite Evalyn. She landed in the chair with enough force to make the chair spin around several times, making it look more like a fairground attraction than a piece of office furniture.
“Melody. Hi.” Sighed Evalyn, watching as the chair came to a stop.
“Oh my god!” Shouted Melody. “Your tips were amazing! I’m going to be a social media star! You’re the best!”
“Well.” Coughed Evalyn. “That is what I wanted to talk to you about actually.”
“You have more tips?” Gasped Melody.
“No. I was talking about my last tips.”
“I did all of them!” Squealed Melody. “Every single one of them!”
Evalyn cringed for a moment before refocusing herself. “Okay. Well to make sure we’re on the same page. What were my tips?”
“To make themed hashtags and to ask people to post pictures using them!” Replied Melody in a sing-song tone.
“To make people take and post selfies while they’re doing something silly. It’s viral marketing!” Added Melody. “And to self-promote in a joking way so I seem more relatable!”
“Good, good,” nodded Evalyn.
“I am!” Giggled Melody.
“So what did you actually do?”
“What do you mean?” Gasped Melody. “I did as I was told! Come on! Don’t be a moody Mary!”
“How did you do those in an actionable way?” Rephrased Evalyn.
“I gave people suggestions to snap a selfie while doing the chicken routine and made them add #mesmerizedbymelody onto their social media posts so it would link back to me.”
“Really?” Asked Evalyn. “Are you sure? No lies?”
“Well, I might have tweaked it a little.” Shrugged Melody. “You know how things go on stage.”
“How did you tweak them?” Groaned Evalyn.
“Just made them more interesting! Worked them into my show more! Made them more relatable!” Giggled Melody as she spun around in the chair.
“Yes. Relatable,” replied Evalyn as she picked up a tablet and turned it on. “So, keeping these tips in mind. How do you explain the following social media posts that were sent to me this morning.”
“I bet they’re full of praise. And amazing SEO!” Grinned Melody. “Hit me with them!”
“Well,” replied Evalyn as she cleared her throat. “I’ve just woken up in a dumpster with no idea where I am. All I know is that I was #mesmerizedbymelody”.
“Obviously drank too much,” giggled Melody as she adjusted her hat.
“And the dumpster?”
“Haven’t we all?”
“No. No we all have not.”
“You must have.”
“No. I have never slept in a dumpster.”
“I want a second opinion!” Huffed Melody. Evalyn rolled her eyes and pressed a button on the buzzer.
“Lisa, have you ever slept in a dumpster?” Asked Evalyn before taking her finger off the button.
A few seconds later the buzzer crackled and Lisa’s confused voice echoed out of it. “Umm. No? Should I have done so Miss Wright?”
“No, no.” Chuckled Evalyn as she pressed the button down. “Just settling a small debate in here.”
“That doesn’t count,” insisted Melody as she reached over to press the button. However, before she could, Evalyn swatted her hand away.
“Well, thankfully that isn’t the only post that was sent to me.”
“See?! I’m popular!” Grinned Melody.
“Cluck, cluck cluck. #mesmerizedbymelody,” replied Evalyn firmly, doing her best to sound authoritative despite the weird content of the post.
“Good clean fun!” Nodded Melody.
“Would be. If it wasn’t for the reply,” sighed Evalyn. “Help, my boyfriend won’t stop acting like a chicken. He is running around clucking and screaming #mesmerizedbymelody. Yes, he is screaming “hashtag” every time”.
“It is fun!” Replied Melody. “We’ve all done it!”
“We have not.” Sighed Evalyn.
“Oh come on. Not even in college?”
“Do I need to buzz for Lisa again?” Asked Evalyn firmly.
“No,” sighed Melody. “But that is just one teensy weensy mistake! Everyone makes them!”
Evalyn let out a sigh and lifted the tablet. “For some reason, whenever I hear a bell I keep shouting #mesmerizedbymelody. I’m a bellhop. Send help.”
“That is pure comedy!” Nodded Melody.
“Sounds like torture to me?”
“You don’t understand comedy.” Grinned Melody.
“Neither do you. If you understood comedy I would be able to get you TV bookings,” replied Evalyn sarcastically.
“That is just mean.”
“Hey!” Huffed Melody as she theatrically put her hands on her hips. “I do my best! People love my show! They can’t stop laughing.”
“Because you hypnotize them and make them laugh.”
“Never been proven!” Smirked Melody, only for Evalyn to look down at the tablet.
“Whenever someone says the word butt I burst out laughing. I can’t stop myself. #mesmerizedbymelody.” Read Evalyn before looking up. “Seems open and shut to me.”
“Butt is a funny word.” Argued Melody.
“But they put your tag at the end.”
“Might be a mistake.”
“I doubt that,” sighed Evalyn as she opened up another post. “Whenever I hear music playing I start dancing! I’ve been #mesmerizedbymelody and I want a refund!”
“Why would they want a refund? Dance lessons are expensive!” Giggled Melody as she made furious jazz hands.
“I don’t think people like surprise dance lessons. They tend to book them in advance.” Replied Evalyn. “Did you give anyone the suggestion to promote you, without making it weird?”
“All of them.”
“What about the posts I read?” Groaned Evalyn.
“They’re not weird.” Giggled Melody.
“We’ll agree to disagree. But Melody. Seriously. This isn’t going to help your profile.”
“You told me to use hashtags and viral marketing! It’s not my fault you didn’t define those terms!.”
“I did define them! Several times! I said to follow my advice to the letter!” Sighed Evalyn. “And there are plenty of other messages. The hashtag is swarming with people complaining about you!”
“I don’t believe you!”
“My wife thinks she is a zombie. She keeps biting me. But I don’t care as I’m a flamingo! #mesmerizedbymelody” read Evalyn.
“In my defense.” Started Melody as Evalyn rolled her eyes. Melody stopped and gazed at Evalyn, her cheeks flushing a little bit.
The pair started at each other in silence for a few seconds. “Go on,” replied Evalyn.
“Honestly. I’ve got nothing to defend that.” Giggled Melody awkwardly. “I said to pick a bird and didn’t think he would pick a flamingo. No one ever picks flamingos!”
“You know. I was presuming you would defend the zombie bit.”
“Seems more pressing?”
“Seems romantic to me!” Grinned Melody.
“You’re single.” Sighed Evalyn.
“For now! Anyhow! Your girlfriend likes me!” Winked Melody as she adjusted her tuxedo.
“Leave Katie out of this.” Said Evalyn as she wagged her finger. “She is friendly to all of my clients. Because unlike some people. She knows when things are best-kept civil.”
“I always keep things civil!”
“Whenever anyone waves at me, I keep screaming about a penguin conspiracy. #mesmerizedbymelody,” sighed Evalyn as she read from the tablet.
“Pretty civil!” Nodded Melody.
“How is it not?”
“Because it’s not.”
“But why!” Whined Melody.
“You know why. I don’t see why I need to explain this. The whole point of marketing is to make yourself more likable.”
“I did make myself more likable!” Huffed Melody.
“To anarchists and surrealists maybe. Alas, neither of those groups buy theatre tickets.”
“Then what do they do for fun?” Asked Melody, a smug smile forming on her face.
“As there are none in my social circle. I can’t say.” Sighed Melody. “But the press won’t like this. We’re going to really struggle to get you bookings if you pull stunts like this.”
“Didn’t you say the next stage was a publicity stunt?” Blinked Melody.
“Well yes. But a publicity stunt is something controlled. Something that gets good attention. Not something that makes everyone hate you!”
“Everyone loves my show!” Shouted Melody as she slapped her hand against the desk.
“These people obviously didn’t enjoy it!” Groaned Evalyn.
“Lisa loved it!” Giggled Melody as Evalyn’s eyes went wide.
“Lisa loved my show!” Smiled Melody smugly.
Evalyn sighed and pressed the button on her buzzer. “Lisa sweetie. Did you go out last night?”
“Yes, Miss Wright!” Replied Lisa.
“Can I ask where you went?”
“I don’t really recall! A friend took me to a theatre but I zoned out. It was pretty boring,” chuckled Lisa.
Suddenly, Melody jumped across the desk and put her lips to the buzzer. “Swan lake!” She shouted.
“What?” Gasped Evalyn.
“I’m mesmerized by Melody!” Shouted Lisa as she started to loudly sing. Melody scrambled off the desk and ran out of the office before sprinting out of the building.
Evalyn tried to follow her, but Melody was much faster than her. As she entered her reception area she saw Lisa dancing around the room like a ballerina.
However, Lisa’s big twirls and spins meant that she was knocking all of the furniture over. “Lisa! Lisa!” Shouted Evalyn as she started to snap her fingers.
“I’m mesmerized by Melody!” Replied Lisa blankly as she continued to spin.
Evalyn pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly dialed Melody, only to be greeted with an answerphone. “Melody! Get back here now! Get back here this instant! Fix my receptionist!” Screeched Evalyn as she watched Lisa crash into a table.
“I’m mesmerized by Melody! I’m a prima ballerina!” shouted Lisa as she continued to spin and prance around the room. Evalyn let out a sigh and sat down in Lisa’s chair.
“Lisa cancel my other appointments,” groaned Evalyn. However, she quickly realizes that Lisa wouldn’t be able to do anything for the next few hours. “Right, I’ll do it myself,” mumbled Evalyn as she opened her diary.